DEFIANCE Uncut 56

Cold open. 

Angus Skaaland in the DEFIANCE Control Center for a special occasion tonight. 

Angus:
S’up, bitches? Angus Skaaland, THE Motormouth of Malcontent. Your HEAD BOOKAH of all things BRAZEN and for tonight, your special host. During our Ascension Broadcast, we unfortunately had issues with the stream. Apparently, it was technical issues with our provider, but their stream is aptly named… cause it was pretty piss poor. Get it? Stream? Piss?

Angus shakes his head. 

Angus:
With that said, tonight, on this episode of UNCUT we’re going to bring to you highlights from the Southern Heritage Title match. Fifteen Minutes of Fame between Elise Ares and Andy Sharp to determine the true and rightful Southern Heritage Champion. With that said, let’s go to the opening and then we’ll take a look at some highlights!

ASCENSION - September 1st, 2019

DDK:
Coming up next folks, in the first of two big title matches featuring the members of The Family Keeling gunning for gold, it will be the Southern Heritage Champion Elise Ares defending her championship against the relentless pursuer of her title, “Lord of the Skies” Andy Sharp. 

Angus:
Let’s not pretend this is anything other than the RIGHTFUL SoHer Champion Andy Sharp giving HER a SoHer Title rematch! That belt was as good as Andy’s. He had the pin back at Acts of DEFIANCE, but Carla Ferrari is legally blind. 

DDK:
No, she isn’t. Some may have called it a double pinfall, but she only saw Elise’s shoulders. Now I grant you that Andy Sharp does deserve this rematch, but the way he’s gone about it is anything BUT professional. For weeks, he and Elise have been involved in a game of oneupmanship, stealing the title back and forth. Right now, Andy is still in possession of the belt, but if he wants to be the champion, he has to defeat Elise tonight in this Fifteen Minutes of fame match. 

Angus:
Ugh, so many rules for this thing!

DDK:
Complex, sure, but let’s not forget that Andy Sharp’s partner in crime, Uriel Cortez, was the won that defeated Elise Ares’ friend Klein to pick the stipulation, which is this… 

The camera focuses on the DEFtron as the rules for the Fifteen Minutes of Fame match appear. 

DDK: (V/O)
The match will have fifteen minutes on the clock. This operates under Championship Scramble rules, meaning whoever scores a pinfall or submission is declared the interim champion at that time. Falls and submissions can be counted ANYWHERE until the fifteen minutes are up. Whoever is in possession of the title at the end of fifteen minutes will be declared Southern Heritage Champion. It should be noted no official title changes are recognized during this match until the time limit has elapsed. 

Angus:
...I’m glad you do that shit and not me. 

DDK:
With that said, we take it down to ringside with Darren Quimbey for the first of our two big singles title matches tonight! 

The camera pans over to Darren Quimbey. 

Darren Quimbey:
The following contest is a Fifteen Minutes of Fame match! This match will be contested for the DEFIANCE Southern Heritage Championship… 

He waits in the ring. Knowing the interruption is going to come. 

DDK:
It looks like Quimbey’s waiting for Junior Keeling to interrupt him tonight. 

Angus:
What makes you think that?

DDK:
Because it ALWAYS happens. 

He waits for a moment… nothing happens so Darren Quimbey continues. 

Darren Quimbey:
Introducing fir…

Junior Keeling:
GOTCHA, ASSHOLE! HAHAHAHAHA!

The crowd JEERS as “Superagent” Junior Keeling arrives, fancy gray sportcoat over a Rise Against t-shirt and snazzy gray dress jeans. 

Junior Keeling:
Normally, it’s customary in professional wrestling for the champion to come out second, but that’s a position reserved for Elise Ares. My client is FINALLY going to put this SoHer title issue to bed once and for all and PROVE there can only be one champion. MY champion and YOURS…

DDK:
Lord, the champion IS coming up second!

Angus:
No, Andy’s coming out right now! RIGHTFUL champion!

Junior Keeling:
Introducing the man who PICKED and will WIN this first-ever Fifteen Minutes of Fame match to retain the Southern Heritage Title for good… from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 230 pounds… he is the undisputed Lord of the Skies! He is ANDY SHARP!

♫ “Rabbit’s Revenge” by Tom Morello, feat. Bassnectar, Big Boi & Killer Mike ♫

 

The lights in the arena flash rapidly between hues of gold and red as the music blasts loudly and outcomes none other than the “Southern Heritage Champion” Andy Sharp, strutting like an asshat to his music with the stolen SoHer Championship around his waist. 

DDK:
Elise Ares is still the recognized champion. 

Angus:
Then WHY does he have the title, Keebs?

Keebler can be heard groaning as Junior leads Andy to the ring. He removes his red tinted sunglasses and he does a front flip off the buckle before landing on his feet, taking a knee and flexing for the crowd. He undoes the title and hands it off to Junior Keeling for safe keeping, smirking as he waits for Elise to arrive. 

The lights dim, causing the crowd to cheer as Junior Keeling rolls his eyes. Suddenly a pillar of light appears from floor to ceiling, and a shadow is cast across the floor. Everyone’s eyes shoot up to the ceiling to find out what could possibly be going on up there, when unexpectedly…

♫ “The Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco ♫

Waves of humanity flood the entrance from the backstage area, each ripple equipped with a camera and a sling. They all push and shove as the music plays, staring up into the light for the perfect shot when a set of wings open high above them. A spotlight strikes Elise Ares, now gracefully lowering from the rafters of the WrestlePlex with giant, angel-feathered white wings attached to her. The usual royal purple of her wrestling attire is replaced with pure white, still trimmed with gold.

DDK:
And there she is, like it or not, she is the DEFIANCE Southern Heritage Champion, Elise Ares!

Angus:
I don’t see a championship, Keebs!

DDK:
You don’t have to see oxygen to know it’s there, Angus, and it’s the same for the champion. It’s a championship she earned and never lost. Belt or no belt, Elise Ares is walking into Ascension your Southern Heritage Champion, whether you, Andy Sharp, or any Keelings believe it or not.

Angus:
Keep the oxygen for the space between your ears, let the experienced evaluate championships and talent.

As she lands, Elise raises her arms into the air towards the light with her eyes closed. Surrounded by paparazzi, the wings are shed from her back in a series of flashbulb explosions before she sticks her arms out to the side, making herself personal space to swagger her way down towards the ring. The paparazzi sea parts for the Leading Lady of DEFIANCE, sporting a fierce glare with a half smirk as she stares down Andy Sharp in the middle of the ring, surrounded by flashbulbs like fireflies.

Darren Quimbey:
And his opponent… from Beverly Hills, California. Weighing in at 122 pounds… she is the DEFIANCE Southern Heritage Champion, she is the QUEEEEN of Sports Entertinament Style, she is ELIIIISE ARESSSSSSSSSSSS!

At the bottom of the aisle, Elise pulls out a flash and takes a swig before tossing it onto the floor. The paparazzi then lift her onto the ring apron where grabs the top rope and poses, turning her back to Andy Sharp in the ring and looking out towards the crowd. She seductively begins to bend over when she’s suddenly speared through the ropes by a diving #1 contender!

DDK:
That’s one way to get things started!

Angus:
Get those amateurs out of there!

Angus exclaims as they duo crash into a crowd of paparazzi trying to get the best shot of the SoHer. Everyone goes crashing to the floor in a heap as Junior Keeling runs over and begins to shout motivation at the dazed Andy Sharp, who begins to rip cameras off of the straps of paparazzi and throw them down on top of Ares, who tries to use her adoring fans as human shields, crawling across the ground.

DING DING!

Angus:
Don’t let her use weaklings to escape!

Camera parts go whizzing past Elise on both sides as she tries her best to escape Andy Sharp, who is stepping over downed camera people before he trips and stumbles. This gives Elise the opportunity she needs to scramble up to her feet and start picking up cameras and chucking them back at the Lord of the Skies. Sharp defends himself by knocking them away with the camera in his hand like a dodgeball before one gets through and spikes off of his forehead going whizzing into the air. It was a flask! The impact causes him to drop the camera, and Elise jumps up on the apron running at the dazed flyer. 

DDK:
The clock is ticking and Elise looks to be clicking… ON ALL CYLINDERS!

Angus:
Woof.

The knees of the champion land on the shoulders of Andy Sharp. Spinning around on his shoulders, Elise attempts a reverse hurricanrana, but the freakish athleticism of Andy Sharp has him back flip through, landing on his feet to the astonishment of the crowd. Sharp tries to pull up Ares but she monkey flips him, where he once again lands on his feet with a cocky smirk before Elise clocks him in the back of the head with an elbow before throwing him into the barricade and dusting off her hands.

Angus:
Such grace. Didn’t expect to see that in the flippy-do circus.

DDK:
I think both of these competitors are going to do absolutely anything it takes to get a victory here. Sometimes you just have to throw them into a wall.

Angus:
Well we certainly brought out the clown tonight.

As Andy Sharp gets back up to his feet Elise grabs him by the tights and tosses him over the rail like a sack of trash. Looking back at the Keelings, Elise orders them to stay away as she backs up, getting room to sprint and go for a leaping Amethystation superman punch! However, Andy Sharp counters with a pele kick, leaving a hard impacted Ares hanging over the rail on her stomach. The Lord of the Skies shakes the cobwebs loose before jumping up on the barricade, showing an incredible balancing act as he lifts Elise Ares up and hurls her over his head into the seventh row of seats! Once again crashing into a pile of steel and humanity!

HO-LY SHIT!
HO-LY SHIT!
HO-LY SHIT!

Angus:
GORRAM. He did it. He killed her. I was afraid this would happen but she just wouldn’t quit calling herself the champion, Keebs. She did this to herself.

DDK:
Andy Sharp is putting all of our paying fans in danger out there! I understand trying to win a match, but this is just being reckless.

Angus:
At the end of the day you either just win or lose.

DDK:
But at what cost, Angus? There might really be some people badly hurt down there! Does he really care that little for anyone besides himself?! There could be some serious fines because of all this!

Angus:
Seems to me like it’s all within the rules! And fines? Are you kidding me? The Family Keeling could pay them off in the endorsement deals they’re going to get for having both singles championships alone! Keep your heads out of your phones and watch these incredible athletes folks, and you won’t get hurt. Simple as that.

Mr. All-Star can be seen shoving away fans and throwing chairs around through the crowd, trying to get everyone away from Elise so he can make a pinfall as Brian Slater watches on in horror. He goes for a pin, but there’s a chair under her, keeping the pinfall from being legal. Turning around, Sharp begins to get into the face of Slater arguing the call before pulling out the chair and trying again.

ONE.

TWO.

THRE… NO!

The circular crowd around the pinfall leads the way in a roar of approval as Elise manages to power out of the pinfall attempt, still in the infancy of this match. Only a couple of minutes off the clock and Sharp already can’t believe he hasn’t won this thing. Beside himself, Sharp grabs Elise by the hair and begins to pull her through the crowd, parting the seas on his way to a large brown plastic trash can full of garbage, which he promptly lifts and places on top of the champion before landing a series of strikes. 

Angus:
Sharp is really taking out the trash here. He’s looked… sharp, tonight.

DDK:
Elise does look in a bad way early here but, did you really try to go there?

Angus:
I didn’t try, Keebs, I succeeded.

Spinning kick. Jumping Kick. Spinning punches and elbows all land before Elise simply falls backwards. 

THE FIRST OF THE HIGHLIGHTS

Andy Sharp now standing over Elise, DRILLING her with a vicious Superkick before the pinfall. 

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DDK:
And Andy Sharp has just scored the first fall of this match, meaning he is the interim Southern Heritage Champion!

The scene moves forward with Andy being recognized as champion… 

Then running away?

DDK:
He’s got Elise and… he’s running?

Angus:
DUH, KEEBS! ANDY’S RUNNING OUT THE CLOCK! THAT’S AWESOME!

With a little under ten minutes left, Andy Sharp runs through the crowd and heads towards the backstage area, clearing Guerilla where Junior Keeling joins him with the Southern Heritage Title in his grasp. 

Andy Sharp:
Got the keys?

Junior Keeling:
Yup. We drive out of here and take the title!

 

NINE MINUTES TO GO

Elise Ares comes around and watched Junior and Andy trying to speed towards the parking lot. Without warning, Elise gets back up and with a nearby chair in hand, grabs the weapon and heads toward the back. 

DDK:
And Elise heading after Andy, but she’s gotta stop him! If he and Junior leave the arena while that clock is ticking, this match is going to be over and Andy will be the Southern Heritage Champion. 

Angus:
Smart thinking!

SPEED FORWARD BACKSTAGE

Andy Sharp and Junior Keeling now in the parking lot, Junior leaping into the front seat of his brand new 2019 Lexus LX. 

Junior Keeling:
Time to go!

Andy Sharp:
Fuck yeah! SoHer Title, you’re all mine!

Andy starts to get in when…

KLEIN!!!

DDK:
IT’S KLEIN! KLEIN IS BACK! AND HE’S GOT JUNIOR’S KEYS!

Elise Ares’ BFF and hetero lifemate grabs the keys and CHUCKS them as far as he can across the parking lot! 

Andy Sharp:
NO! NO! NO! YOU FUCKER!

Andy starts to turn tail…

THWACK!

THWACK!

THWACK!

THWACK!

THWACK!

Elise has finally caught up with Andy and DRILLS him with chair shot after chair shot! After a few shots, Klein shoves him backwards into Elise who tables Andy so he falls backwards onto the sidewalk, then rolls him up! Klein keeps Junior Keeling from interfering!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DDK:
Elise scores the fall and now she’s the interim champion! We’re down to about half our time left!

Angus:
No! That’s WRONG! Klien HANDED her that goddamn pinfall!

DDK:
All he did was even it up for Elise after Junior helped him try and get out of the arena!

Elise takes possession of the actual championship. Junior Keeling tries to stop her but the massive Klein carrys Junior over his shoulder, waves at her politely and then drags him off to God Knows Where. 

Elise Ares:
You want this belt, Andy? Come beat me for it in the ring?!

Elise dashes off as the scene heads back about two more minutes to action in the ring. 

FIVE MINUTES LEFT - BOTH COMPETITORS FIGHTING AT RINGSIDE

WHAM!

And with that, a violent Irish Whip sent the South Beach Starlet crashing into the barricade!

DDK:
Sharp now working her over! He’s focused on winning the title back!

The Lord of the Skies picks up Elise and then throws underneath the ropes, sending her back into the ring. Sharp looks out to the crowd again and then slingshots over the ropes into a Slingshot Somersault Legdrop across the chest of Elise! He stays on top and tries to win back the title. 

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Angus:
That was three! 

DDK:
Doyle saying two!

Andy picks up The Queen of Sports Entertainment Style off the canvas and then drives her down with a Body Slam mid-ring. From there, he struts around the ring like a dickhead before rushing forward…

DDK:
Shooting Sharp Press connects!

Angus:
He’s got this, he’s got this!

After the Running Shooting Star Press connects, Andy Sharp covers the shoulders!

ONE!

TWO!

DDK:
Only two! Elise used her legs to kick out of that one, but if Sharp stays on the attack like this then that title may very well be his.

The Lord of the Skies perks his head up at the clock, watching the seconds fall. He picks Elise back up to her feet and then kicks her in the gut before snapping her over into a Northern Lights Suplex out of the corner…

DDK:
Pin? No! What’s Sharp doing?

The athletic marvel doesn’t go for a cover, instead rolling backwards out of the hold, switching up to a standard suplex and then holding Elise up in the air…

Five seconds…

Ten seconds…

TWENTY SECONDS!

Angus:
Three minutes, Andy, wasting time!

DDK:
Yeah, maybe not wise, but if he pins her close to running out the clock, Elise will have a hard time bouncing back!

The Lord of the Skies finally FALLS, dropping Elise on the mat! The crowd jeers as he rolls over to go for a pin on Elise.

ONE!

TWO!

THR… NO!

Again, Elise uses her legs to power out of the cover, but it was noticeably weaker than the last attempt to kick out. Andy tries again. 

ONE!

TWO!

TH… KICKOUT!

DDK:
Sharp has all these flashy moves in his arsenal but he hasn’t put down Elise just yet since beating her backstage!

Angus:

Oh, he’s gonna try, watch!

He picks up Elise again and basks in the jeers of the crowd. He whips her into the corner, then started basking in the jeers of the crowd as he held his arms out, practically calling his shot on the South Beach Starlet. He starts to slam a hand on the top turnbuckle, trying to get the audience to cheer and clap for Elise, but all he gets is booing from The Faithful.

Andy Sharp:
Fuckers! That title is mine!

He launches himself full-speed at Elise, looking for the Corner Knee Strike in the corner…

DDK:
NO! Nothing but buckle and he hit that knee! Elise just moved!

Elise moves out of his way while Andy now limps around the ring, clutching his knee in pain! The left knee was throbbing after hitting the corner and now thanks to Elise, it was going to get a hell of a lot worse with a Dropkick aimed at the knee!

 

DDK:
There goes Elise! She’s trying to chop Andy down to size! Don’t forget, she’s still intertim champion with two and a half minutes to go!

Sharp is still on his feet, but kneels over and that gives Elise the chance to land another Running Dropkick to the temple while he’s kneeling, bringing him down to a knee! Elise gutted out the pain she was in from Sharp’s earlier salvo and then looks out to the crowd…

Elise Ares:
"Que Tal Eso?"

She tries to make a run for the ropes when Andy grabbed onto her tights and rolls her backwards…

ONE!

TWO!

DDK:
FOOT ON THE ROPES, TOO!

THREE!

Sharp rolls over and laughs his ass off! He’s now the interim SoHer Champion once again, rolling over and throwing his arms in the air. 

Angus:
THERE WE GO! ANDY IS YOUR CHAMPION AGAIN!

DDK:
Elise better think of something FAST! She needs to pin or submit Andy in the next two minutes or this is over!

The interim SoHer Champion starts to roll out of the ring, but before he can do something, Elise She hit the ropes off one side and came out…

DDK:
Plan…. NO! PLANCHA INTO A TORNADO DDT ON THE FLOOR!

Angus:
Andy should have run! Now that DDT on the floor, he may not even be able to count to three! 

The Aresites - as she affectionately called her fans - are out in full force now and cheer on the on the defending Southern Heritage Champion as she slowly starts to get back up. She looks out to the fans with a minute and thirty left as she climbs to the ring apron…

DDK:
450 OFF THE APRON TO THE FLOOR! THAT JUST KNOCKED THE WIND OUT OF BOTH ELISE AND ANDY! 

Elise limps off of Andy for a moment and a few precious seconds pass by as we get to sixty seconds left in the Fifteen Minutes of Fame. She crawls over to Andy on the floor…

DDK:
HERE WE GO! ONE MINUTE LEFT!

ONE!

TWO!

THRE… KICKOUT!

Angus:
The fuck outta here?! How’d he kick out of THAT?!

Andy Sharp rolls over after he just barely gets the shoulder up with Elise not sure what the hell else to do. She looks at Doyle and holds three fingers up, but he returns only two. 

DDK:
Not much time left! She’s got less than a minute to beat Andy Sharp!

As The Lord of the Skies starts to limp his way upwards, Elise catches him and helps him back into the ring where she tries to climb the ropes. 

Angus:
She’s gonna try another flippy-doo?

DDK:
She might be going for broke!

The Queen of Sports Entertainment Style tries to jump off with Your Feature Presentation, but Andy moves! Elise lands on her feet and rolls her way through, but lands on her feet. She rushes back at Andy, but the big Canadian THROWS her viciously into the turnbuckle. He then heads up top with less than thirty seconds left. 

DDK:
What’s he doing? Is he…

Angus:
Super Flippy-Don’t! I wanna see it! 

He has Elsie up in the air on his shoulders…

 

He smirks out to the crowd…

DDK:
NO! NO! NO! SUPER HURRICANRANA! SHARP IS DOWN! SHARP IS DOWN!

The crowd goes BONKERS as Elise turns the big move off the top rope into a Super Hurricanrana! 

DDK:
FIFTEEN SECONDS LEFT, GO, ELISE, GO!

Elise limps back to her feet and immediately heads up top. She slightly loses her footing, but heads up…

DDK:
GO, ELISE, THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!

Angus:
That clock is slow! 

ELISE DIVES…

YOUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

DDK:
THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT! PIN HIM, PIN HIM!

The clock’s at five seconds, but Elise has him in a cover!

FOUR!

ONE!

THREE!

TWO!

TWO!

THREE!

ONE!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Elise falls over and collects the Southern Heritage Championship!

DDK:
ELISE ARES DOES IT! JUST UNDER THE BUZZER, ELISE ARES RETAINS THE SOUTHERN HERITAGE CHAMPIONSHIP! 

Darren Quimbey:
Here is your winner of the Fifteen Minutes of Fame match… and STILL Southern Heritage Champion… ELISE ARES!

A still frame of Elise Ares celebrating with Klein fills the screen before going back to the studio with Angus. 

Angus:
And there you have it! Elise Ares still your Southern Heritage Champion, pulling victory out of her ass along with the lucky horseshoe she’s had her entire reign. And on that note, I’m done and need a drink. 

He reaches under his desk and pulls out a flask and some good whiskey. 

Angus:
Cheers, bitches, and see you soon for DEFtv.