DEFIANCE TV 039

[The road to Ascension is almost at an end.]

[That said.]

[5.]

[4.]

[3.]

[2.]

[ONE.]

BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM..................

BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pyros so hot they almost come with a NSFW warning illuminate the 1st Mariner Arena.]

YEAH~!

[The camera pans around revealing a rabid audience in attendance.]

[Jump to the commentary team.]

“Downtown” Darren Keebler:
Hello everybody! I’m Darren Keebler! The man to my left is none other than the Mr. Journalistic Integrity himself, Angus Skaaland! Welcome to Defiance TeeVee!

Angus:
Why Darren? That was... nice of you to say. Don’t get me wrong, I still dislike you on an unheard of level, but... thanks.

DDK:
No problem, Angus. Folks, we have a jam packed show set to explode for you tonight! From top to bottom, every match jumps out.

Angus:
Yeah... they sure do. ESPECIALLY that ten man tag main event.

[Darren sighs. He knows where Angus is going.]

Angus:
Ya know, because High Chancellor COOL, The Defiance World Heavyweight Champion and owner of like seventeen ferns, Cancer Jiles will be in action.

DDK:
There’s also nine other people in that match. And, not to mention, TEH BAWS is refereeing it!

Angus:
If you’d let me finish talking about Count COOL, and not have rudely interrupted me, Darren, I would have eventually spoke in glorious praise of The Only Star.

[Shit-grin.]

DDK:
Of course you would have. Anything other than Cancer Jiles and Eric Dane that you’d like to see?

Angus:
Does a competent and much younger, blonder, female version of you count?

[Silence.]

DDK:
In other action, a walk down memory lane sees Python squaring off against Heidi in a remember the Old Line Wrestling days match!

Angus:
Heidi is going to choke the shit out of that Python tonight! Ha. I think that might have been the first sex joke said about their... affair this whole menstrual cycle.

DDK:
Only problem with that Angus is there’s going to be no one around to see him tap! We still don’t know who’s refereeing the other matches tonight!

Angus:
Meh, I’m sure Brian Soil will buckle.

DDK:
It’s Benny Doyle, Angus! He’s worked here for as long as you have, and you don’t even know what his name is?

Angus:
No, that’s not it at all. It’s, I don’t care to know what his name is, Darren. Big difference.

DDK:
Unreal. Anyway, also on the docket we have ourselves a Trios Title defense, pitting Alceo Dentari and The Gorillas against Tres Brujas. Who do ya got taking that one home?

Angus:
Tres Brujas FTW. Alceo Dentari can go sit himself atop of an Italian hotdog. No mustard.

DDK:
Vivid.

Angus:
I was being honest. Frankly, that’s all a guy like me has when he’s sitting next to someone like you.

DDK:
Well then. First up tonight on Defiance TeeVee we have....

[An interruption.]

♫ I’m the one your momma warned you about ♫
♫ When you see me I will leave you no doubt ♫

Angus:
This, is surprisingly fucking awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

♫ I’m the coolest man on the face of this earth ♫
♫ I’ve been the coolest since the day of my birth ♫

[The crowd shoots to their feet, giving off somewhat of a mixed reaction. See, last time Defiance and Cancer Jiles were in Baltimore, Count COOL pulled a Riley Cooper in the center of the ring.]

♫ I am the COOL ♫

[Calmly emerging from the back, with a cloud of smoke accompanying his first few steps, is  Lord Jiles of COOLstantinople. Topless and T-shaded, he poses atop the ramp with the Defiance World Title draped over his left shoulder.]

DDK:
Kind of an off reaction for the Champ tonight, hey Angus?

Angus:
For now. I’m sure once he gets going they’ll change their tune. It is Cancer Jiles we are talking about here. Not to mention... just look at that hair. It’s fucking impeccably perfect. Our Champion sure does fit the bill, doesn’t he Keebs?

DDK:
...Yes.

[After allowing all involved to get their fill, Cancer calmly walks down the ramp, floats his way up the ring steps, and slides between the top and second rope. Once home, he reaches into the pocket of his trousers and pulls out a microphone.]

Angus:
Not one word, Elf.

Cancer Jiles:
Helloooooooooooooo, Baltimore! Let me first start off by saying, MAI BADD for the last time I was here. That guy, well, he wasn’t me. Not now anyway. See, back then, I was so mad at Jeff Andrews....

[Crowd pop.]

[It is Jeff’s hometown.]

Cancer Jiles:
Yeah... well, I’m sorry for what I said. I was drunk... with rage. No excuse, but still. I’m sorry for what I said. Never. Never. Should a man of my status use such harmful verbiage. Being  Champion has opened my eyes to that fact, so, you’ll never hear me say it again. And, if I hear anyone else say it... they gonna get yolked!

[The crowd is quick to accept Cancer’s apology. You can tell because his usual reception, the one with all the flashbulbs and cheering and hooting and hollering ensues.]

Cancer Jiles:
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let us get down to the business of wrestling. More so, about a certain ladder match for the biggest prize in all the land.

[Cancer shows off the title belt, which in turn causes an uproar from the crowd.]

Cancer Jiles:
After tonight... after me and my team of one night stand Egg Bandits run Edward Plight, Bronson Cox, Kai Scoff, Chance Not Dank and Beth Stratton out of your great town... next up for Cancer Jiles and the World of Defiance is the long climb up the ladder to Ascension.

[Shuffling about the ring, Cancer takes a few moments to gather his thoughts.]

Cancer Jiles:
Now, I think we all know I’ve seen my fair share of ladder matches during my tenure here with Defiance. Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure Count COOL has been in every ladder match to have ever been contested underneath a Defiance banner.

[The important ones anyway.]

Cancer Jiles:
I can remember soaring through the sky, like an eagle about to attack a mouse, and snatching the Tag Team Championship from out of thin air. I can remember Bronson Box falling his way to victory in the very first ladder war for this Defiance Championship. I can remember The Last Nighthawk stealing TEH PIONTZ right out from underneath my feet -- even when I had all parties bedazzled and looking the other way .

[Fake injuries for life, bitches.]

Cancer Jiles:
And now, we have Ascension. What will Cancer Jiles remember of the night he made his first title defense? Will it be the thrill of victory? Or, will it be the agony of defeat?

[T.H.C. of COOL waits for an answer.]

Angus:
Thrill. One hundred and ten percent -- thrill. I know it. They know it.

[Indeed, they do know it.]

VIC-TO-RY
VIC-TO-RY
VIC-TO-RY

Cancer Jiles:
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. I’d hate to jinx myself, god knows I’m going to do it enough times  once the arepee period starts.

[Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy WHAT?]

DDK:
What’s an arepee period?

Angus:
It’s when Cancer is cutting his jib.

DDK:
Oh, like when he’s doing a promo?

Angus:
Dude. Darren. Quit breaking kayfabe.

DDK:
But...

Angus:
SHHHHHHH! I thought I said no talking when Cancer Jiles is in the ring?

[Back to the four by four unwalled ring.]

Cancer Jiles:
All jinxing aside -- victory -- will not be easy. The four men I face will all have gold fever in their eyes come showtime. I know Ace Dentarted believes Ascension to be place he rides out on a horse ten times his size. Which, now that I’ve said it aloud, would really make it a pony he rides out on... but, anyway... that’s what he’s thinking.

POE-KNEE-BOY
POE-KNEE-BOY
POE-KNEE-BOY

[The rousing chant emanating from the crowd causes Cancer’s grin to go agape.]

Cancer Jiles
Ha, nice one.

YEARSGHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cancer Jiles:
I know Fast Eddy is making sure his crack team of accountants are clearing all the checks.  Matter of fact, I’d even venture to bet a signed photograph of myself that he’s paying a large village of illegals right_now to rummage through all of his many imported-dinosaur-leather couch cushions.

Make no doubts about it -- every dime that billion-dollar-bum has will be invested into winning at Ascension. And to that, I say Eddy better take out a loan. A big one. Not even the richest man in the world -- which, by all accounts he is -- has enough cheddar to buy his way up the ladder.

[Flashcut to Edward White sitting in the Blood Diamonds locker room; enjoying a cigar.]

Edward White:
Then I guess I’ll just have to buy Wisconsin.

[Back to Cancer.]

Cancer Jiles:
And Kai Scott?

[Not buying one ounce, The Lord of COOL shakes his head “no.”]

Cancer Jiles:
That Johnny Mongo is probably sneaking up behind me as I speak, getting ready to cheapshot the gel from my hairdo, that’s how ready he is.

[Awkward pause. Then, Cancer quickly jumps and does a one-eighty spin. To his chagrin, there is no one there to surprise him.]

[A sigh of relief.]

Cancer Jiles:
Phew.

JOHN-KNEE MONG-OH
JOHN-KNEE MONG-OH
JOHN-KNEE MONG-OH

Angus:
JOHN-KNEE MONG-OH

DDK:
You know you’re not covering your mic.

Angus:
Oh...

[With that, Angus checks behind him and no, Kai Scott is not there.]

Angus:
Phew. Maybe he didn’t hear me.

DDK:
You’re still not covering your mic.

Angus:
FUCK.

Cancer Jiles:
And... there’s someone else I’ve failed to mention... who could it be???

[Confounded, The Ruler of the COOL World lightly taps the mic to the side of head. That is, up until the thousands in attendance shine a little light on the subject.]

PY-THON
PY-THON
PY-THON

[The Count looks about the arena, taking full notice of the crowds adoration.]

Cancer Jiles:
You sure it ain't Cobra? He’d be much easier to talk about.

PY-THON
PY-THON
PY-THON

Cancer Jiles: [smiling]
And last but not least... Python.

[Crowd pop.]

Cancer Jiles:
Yes, the other snake sure has been on some sort of intergalactic rise, hasn’t he? With such momentum, he could quite possibly be my biggest threat heading into the ladder duel.

However, he still has to get there first.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Cancer Jiles:
That’s not me threatening him either. It’s more me wondering if he will survive his match later tonight. Now, trust me when I say I hate giving The Scab Princess any shred of credit, which, unashamedly, I will admit is due mostly impart to her affiliation with...

[Not wanting Jeff to get another pop, Cancer skips his name.]

Cancer Jiles:
...that surly guy however, Heidi-Hoe is not the girl next door. Not even the girl from next Venus. She’s of... well, I’ve already said enough.

[A small contingent of the brave begin to softly chant.]

hi-dee-hoe
hi-dee-hoe
hi-dee-hoe

[No amused grin forming this time around. Instead, Cancer places his index finger against his flat lips and attempts to quiet the already totally not deafening chant.]

Angus:
These fans are going to get Lord COOL killed!

[As if Cancer could hear Angus’ words, The Champion of COOL looks over in his friends general direction and mouths “for real.”]

DDK:
That was odd.

Angus:
We, unlike us, are in sync.

DDK:
One day.

Angus:
Likely never. Oh, and Darren? SHUTTHEFUCKUP!

[Someone just got tolded.]

Cancer Jiles:
If Python does come out of his match walking... well, then... I guess that’s all the sign we need to know that he’s ready.

[Trufax.]

Cancer Jiles:
So. yeah. That’s about it. The four men I face, will make my quest to remain champion a dubious endeavour, indeed. They have proven such facts already. However, I am Cancer Jiles. I am the Defiance Heavyweight Champion. I will remain vigilant against all threats to my throne.

and you can take that to the bank!

[Crowd pop.]

[Mic. Drop.]

[Cut to...]

[HOOKERS AND BLOW!]

[SAMuRAI-TAI have entered the building. That would of course be the fearsome three and one fourthsome of Sam Horry, Ryan Matthews, Tyrone Walker and the enigmatic PINIS 2000 with the kung fu grip firmly clutched to his magical boombox.]

Sam:
Ry, you had to be there. It was amazing, yo.

Ry:
It was a mullet... how special can it be?

Ty:
Dude, it was not just any ordinary mullet.

Sam:
I know, right? This thing defied all laws of mullet-ology.

Ty:
Indeed. They say it’s business up front and party in the back, right?

Ry: [nodding]
Yeah?

Sam:
Well this thing was party up front and after party in the back. It was funny, ‘cause we started calling that dude the Hookers An’ Blow Kid.

Ty:
An’ thus the origins of...

All Three in Unison: [Pinis cues the music, Mickey Avalon’s “Stroke Me”]
Hookers An’ Blow!

Ry:
DEFIANCE’s New Heroes.

Sam:
Hookers An’ Blow is here.

[Laughs all around as they continue with the banter while heading for the locker rooms. Just as Walker, Horry and Matthews are about to get to their locker room they hear the familiar voice of everyone’s favorite mobile mic stand Christie Zane.]

Zane:
Tyrone Walker! Can I have a moment of your time?!

Ty: [sighs]
Here we go again...

Ry: [puts a hand on Ty’s shoulder]
Nah man, don’t worry, I got this. You and Sam go on inside.

Sam:
Don’t be too rough with her Ry...

Ty:
HIYO! A’ight dude, good lookin.

Sam:
See, I told you, we got somebody to talk to cops AND reporters for us.

Ry:
Fuck off, Sam. I heard that.

[Sam and Ty, along with Pinis 2000 proceed inside and close the door with Matthews facing it, he then turns to Christie Zane who seems somewhat dejected.]

Ry:
Oh c’mon Christie, don’t seem so down. Just because Ty’s not really in a talkative mood about what happened last week, and we knew coming in that was what YOU wanted to ask him about, doesn’t mean you can’t make some lemonade outta this situation. I mean after all, I’m still here.

Zane:
And who are you exactly?

Ry: [smirks]
My name, is Ryan Matthews, probably the least known among fans of DEFIANCE of the newest trios squad on the block. Aside from our mascot, Pinis.

[Suddenly the door opens up and Pinis sticks his head out the door.]

Pinis:
Eugene Dewey!

[With that, he goes back inside and shuts the door.]

Ry: [shakes his head]
He does that. You’re welcome Pinis! But anyway back to what I was saying. I could go on listing all the stuff I’ve done elsewhere but in this business you’re only as good as what you’ve done where you currently are. None of the past matters, and in short order three members of the DEFIANCE roster won’t matter as much as they think they do.

Zane:
Referring to...?

Ry:
Keep up Christie, I don’t think they pay me enough to take the time to explain it to you, even though everybody gets one, so I will. Tonight, Ty, Sam and myself have a match against Virginia Quell, Jane Katze and Frank Dylan James. Three members of DEFIANCE’s roster and members of the Blood Diamonds. Unfortunately for them, we know what we need to know and they know nothing. That’s how we like it for now. Element of surprise and all that. Tonight folks, you better have your cameras ready, put down the popcorn, and if you’re watching at home set your DVR’s because you’re about to see hands down the greatest collection of trios talent ANYWHERE. EVER. And then you’ll get to see the trios titles defended later on in the night.

Zane:
How did the three of you come together and...?

Ry:
Whoa first off Christie, pause.

Sam: [popping his head out of the door]
Yeah man, pause, but you know... if you wanna, [looking her up and down] you and I could...

Ty: [from inside the room]
Nigga, you tryin’ to get a her-ass-ment suit thrown at you?

Sam: [big grin]
Hiyo!?

[Just then Sam gets yanked back into the room.]

Ty: [from inside the room, but louder]
Sityoassdown, fool!

Ry: [roll of the eyes, for that rude interruption]
AHEM. Second, if you wanna know how Ty, Sam and I joined forces, let’s just say lots of pieces had to fall together like a good game of Tetris. I’m sure eventually when we’re enshrined as the greatest trios team ever in like 6 months, the director’s cut of our whole journey will come out on whatever disc media they have then or it’ll be on Netflix or something like that for all to see. Next Question.

Zane:
How are the three of you going to co-exist as a team?

Ry: [shakes his head with a smirk]
What I think you’re meaning to ask is how is the full extent of Cheap Heat, which is what Sam and I called ourselves in several promotions BEFORE this one, and one half of Team Danger going to make it through even a single match? See I knew this was how this was going to play out, and I have an answer to that question already. We’re going to do what we do best. Kick ass, take titles, get money and fuck bitches. Like I said before, just watch and see. And with that, this interview is over...

Zane:
But wait I...

[With that, Matthews turns and walks to the door of the locker room, kicks it open and yells inside.]

Ry:
HOOKERS AN’ BLOOOOOWWW!!!

Zane:
...didn’t even give the signal for the camera to start filming.

[From offscreen right a hand enters the shot and we see a thumbs up, and Christie’s face lights up just before we cut away...]

[Cut.]

Rainwood:
You really know what’s getting to me right now...

[Camera fades up, Rainwood is crouching in one of the backstage areas with a roll of duct tape in one hand, you can see him from waist up, and he’s clearly looking at something or someone below him.]

Rainwood:
I went on camera and had my very first little chat with the lovely people of Defiance and what did I do? I promised you all the match of a lifetime not just because this handsome devil would be in the ring, but because he would be fighting a highly skilled opponent named Graham Lash. I sung Mr Lash’s praises so much that my vocal chords felt like sandpaper. And what do I get in return? I’m called a victim and told that there’s no chance I’m going to win that first match. I’m told that I’m going to be beaten to a pulp that I’m going to be the “channel for Lash’s anger”.  The dude called me ICE CREAM. ICE CREAM.

Actually I didn’t mind that too much, I’ve always liked to think I’m a pretty...

...chill guy.

[Rainwood chuckled at his own pun. Whilst talking he’d been systematically tearing off strips of duct tape and placing them on something below the camera. He took a second to admire his work, a cheeky smirk on his lips.]

Rainwood:
“Anyway comments about frozen goods aside. I’ve been quite offended and a little bit worried about what was being said about little old me. Yah see, I thought I was going to have a good old fashioned scrap with a like minded individual, but some of the stuff I’ve been hearing from Lash and that Uncle of his is starting to make me think I’m going to be fighting in some down and dirty slugfest with foreign objects and cheating galore. So you know what I thought, I thought it was time me and Lash had a chat. Mano el mano.”

[At this point Rainwood grabbed the camera and suddenly yanked in down to show the product of his past hours labour; something that looked suspiciously like a stuffed aardvark which had been man very sloppily “man-wrapped” in duct tape and newspaper.]

Rainwood:
“Well it’d be rude to go to turn up to a man’s locker room uninvited without a present!”

[Rainwood grabs the tape and present with the camera following and heads down the corridor, gesturing for the camera as he walks, eventually coming to a door with Lashes uncle standing outside.]

Rainwood:
“Hey Uncle man, do I call you uncle, I’m not quite sure of your name, but I think calling you uncle just seems a bit creepy. Anyway I’ve come to...”

Uncle:
“Stop right there Jeremiah, I don’t know what you’re doing and I don’t care. I’ve just got my boy good and ready to absolutely destroy you in the ring, and I am not letting you ruin his concentration right before his fight. So you just turn around and walk away”

Rainwood:
Woah woah woah, slow down. I would absolutely love to leave big guy, absolutely love it, I’ve got a match to prepare for to you know! But ya see, when I signed my name right down on that little dotted line in order to wrestle for this fine e-stab-lish-ment, with Dane standing right next to me kind of like my own slightly creepy uncle figure, I signed a clause that made me official DPS manager

Uncle:
What the hell...

Rainwood:
DPS, the Defiance Postal service, and my first job is to deliver this here package to my opponent and your lovely nephew, one Mr Graham Lash. Now if I was following US postal protocol I’d just have to knock three times like so.... Fill in a slip saying no one’s home and then skedaddle on out of here. But I like to think we here at the Defiance Postal Service have much higher standards than that seeing as we come from some a fine parent organisation, so if you could kindly let me speak to Graham it would be apprecia...

Uncle:
I’m sorry Jeremiah but I’ll have to sign on his behalf. My boy doesn’t need folk like you rattling him before his fight...

Rainwood:
See that’s a real shame big guy, because I really take this role seriously and most certainly do not want to let Unky Dane down so...

[Suddenly the Laid back Legend sprung into action, dropping the gift and smoothly spinning Lashs uncle round then tearing a strip of duct tape off. As the manager turns to face, Rainwood slaps the tape over his mouth before switly wrapping duct tape round the man’s’ wrists. With a neat little shove from Rainwoods left boot, the man was sent scurrying down the corridor on his needs. Right on cue Graham opened the door armadillo in hand, masking his uncle, to see only Rainwood standing in the corridor.

Its almost as if it were choreographed.]

Graham:
Rainforest?

Rainwood:
One and the same my man, one and the same, look, I just thought before we had our match, that I’d drop by and say hi properly. I know you’re preparing and all but I felt we needed to have ourselves a little old fashioned chin wag before we squared up in the ring.

Lash:
What you want, Rainforest?

Rainwood:
A chat compadre, and that is all. I even brought a peace offering see!

[Rainwood picked up the stuffed aardvark and presented it to Lash, much to his pleasure the wrestler took it and began unwrapping it. At the same time uncle, now back on his feet rounded the door. Putting his arm round Graham to direct his gaze away from his charging uncle, rainwood swiftly shoves the boys manager into the room Lash had just exited, closing the door behind him with the other. Arm still round lash he began to walk off.]

Graham:
Aardvark!

[Graham yelped with joy, clearly excited with Jeremiah’s purchase.]

Rainwood:
I thought you would like it, I saw that Aardvark, and I thought to myself, you know that Lash guy, I hear he likes animals. I hear he has a stuffed one too. And you know, I thought, who do i know who has a stuffed animal that could do with a friend. And then it hit me. I should get you the Aardvark, I personally think he’d make a great personal trainer

Graham:
Thankya Rainforest

Rainwood:
No worries friend no worries, now I’ll keep it brief brother, cause we gotta match in about five minutes. I just came here to wish you all the luck tonight, and hope you and me can put together a fab-i-u -lous show. Cause the things I’ve been hearing from that uncle of yours makes me worried that we might not get one

Graham:
No way Rainforest, you get beat though

Rainwood:
I may well do buddy, but if it’s going to happen, do it with some style and class. I’d hate this great opportunity to turn into some down and dirty slugfest. Wouldn’t you?

Graham:
Yeah, no dirty snails.

Rainwood:
That’s some sweet Jazz music right there my man. Good to hear you singing from the same hym sheet. Now just before you head off for final match preps, I got one last thing to say you gonna hear me out.

Lash:
Yep

Rainwood:
Good good, I just want you to think, really think about your managers. Cause as far as I see it you got two of them. Your uncle and your Armadillo, and I’m not one hundred percent sure ones giving you the most tip top advice. I’d have a long hard think about that uncle of yours. Cause I think you’re really going places, and the best manager to take you there, is being held in your arms right now. Surely there’s a reason your uncle keeps trying to take him away from you

[Rainwood paused just long enough to allow the idea to creep into Lash's skull]

Rainwood:
Is that the time kid, I gotta bounce, you have a think about our chat.

[Rainwood jogs off screen and Lash is left thinking as the camera fades to black.]

[We cut to the inside of the rowdy Alewife Baltimore, one of Defiance's official on site viewing stations near 1st Mariner Arena. The place is PACKED. A round of whoops and cheers goes up from the crowd gathered around the big screen HDTV next to the bar as they see Lash Graham's arm raised in victory. However, the majority of the bar's inhabitants are pushing and shoving their way toward the line to get to the autograph tables, where Chance Von Crank and Virginia Quell currently sit. CVC glances toward the big screen as he finishes signing a young woman's... um... chest.]

Chance Von Crank:
Would you look at that shit?

[The next fan to step forward in line is a middle aged hillbilly of a man wearing jean overalls, a huge toothy grin, and nothing else. He presents The Trailer Park Prodigy with a magazine to sign. CVC promptly ignores the man and turns to Virginia Quell next to him.]

Chance Von Crank:
Kinda turns your stomach to see that fat fuck of a fake ref floppin' around the ring, doesn't it?

[Virginia ignores him and poses coldly from her seat for a photo with a young girl.]

Chance Von Crank:
I mean, it's gotta make you appreciate a real man. With a real body. You know what I'm saying?

[He scoots his chair an inch closer to hers. She doesn't even seem to register his existence. CVC leans in close.]

Chance Von Crank:
Maybe I can show you how I count to three and ring the bell sometime.

Virginia Quell:
Shut up.

Chance Von Crank:
Fine, your loss. Hosebeast.

[CVC takes the rejection like the champ he is. Mostly because he just caught sight of an attractive blonde waiting in line a couple rows back. He palms the hillbilly man's face and shoves him aside, happily waving the blonde to the front of the line.]

Chance Von Crank:
Hot bitches to the front of the line! Come on guys, this shit should go without saying.

[Cut.]

[Christian Light, the giant, blonde flat topped, super hero and all around pro wrestling legend is leaned up against the opposite wall of the locker room door of one, err three, Tyrone Walker, Ryan Matthews and Sam Horry. There is something odd about all of this, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.]

[A DEFIANCE staffer scurries by Light to pop his head into the door, something about it being “time”. Before long the HNB Crew emerges from their sanctuary, ready to do battle in this, their official DEFIANCE debut.]

Light:
Ty...

[Stopping before they even started, the three look Light up and down and, AH-HA, that’s what it is! Christian Light is wearing a referee’s shirt. Oh... waitadamnminutenow!]

Ty:
It’s a’ight, guys, I’ll catch up.

[Looking to each other for a moment, Ry and Sam shrug before heading off towards the entrance way of the arena. Ty turns his full attention towards Light whose hands are figuratively hat in hand showing his contrition.]

Ty: [pointing at the zebra shirt]
So, uh... Yeah?

Light: [nodding]
Yeah, I’m... It was Eric’s call, so... yeah. Hey listen, I...

[Light trails off... The door cracks open and we hear “I’m Sorry” playing from behind the door. Ty smirks as he shakes his head before reaching back to pull the door shut.]

Ty: [turning back to Light]
It’s a’ight, dude, but hey, we gotta do this thing first. So hit me up later an’ we can get our Dr. Phil on.

[Light nods his agreement and they part ways with Ty taking off after his partners in crime.]

[Backstage at the 1st Mariner Arena in Baltimore. Dan Ryan comes through a set of doors in street clothes, a bag over his left shoulder and sunglasses on. He rounds a corner and starts to enter his dressing room when he catches a glimpse of Python down near the catering area.

Ryan thinks about it for a moment, then changes course and heads in Python’s direction. Python sees him coming and interrupts his shot at getting to the food before Eugene Dewey long enough to turn toward the FIST.]

Python:
Hey champ. What can I do for ya?

Dan Ryan:
Actually -- I had something I wanted to tell you, and I want you to know how very much against my nature this goes.

Python: [Intrigued, an eyebrow raises] 
Is that right? Well, fire away.

Dan Ryan:
I’ve never been one to ask for help, but I wanted you to know that I appreciate what you’ve been doing. And, I want you to know that if things get ugly with Heidi out there tonight and you need my assistance, I’m only a signal away.

[Python nods and grins, a little surprised.]

Python:
Hey man, don’t mention it. You’re a good dude and a hell of a hard worker and you’ve had to deal with a lot of bullshit lately. I just saw no reason why you should have to deal with it on your own, you know?    

[His smile hardens into a thoughtful grimace.]

Python:
And thanks for letting me know you have my back tonight. Normally I wouldn’t be too worried... there aren’t many folks who are too keen on Heidi these days, so I’m not anticipating any interference on her behalf. But hell, the refs are out, the security is loose... if ever there was a night when anything could happen, this would be it.  

[Ryan nods.]

Ryan:
Alright -- well, I’ll just say good luck with your match, then.

Python:
I appreciate it. You too.

[Python puts his hand out and Ryan smiles and shakes it, and Python turns and walks off. Ryan keeps watching as he goes, the smile leaving his face.]

[The Baws is on the phone. Who to? That's not important.]

Eric Dane:
Yeah? Well this shit needs to get fixed.

...

No, I'm doing it myself.

...

I have someone in mi-


[Record scratch... Well, the door flings open and slams against the wall.]

Alceo Dentari:
Hey, Dane! What’s the bullshit we been hearin’ ‘bout a strike?

[Eric rubs the corner of his eyes and inhales slowly through his teeth as he looks up at Alceo Dentari, Vincent Rinaldi and Tony Di Luca. Each one of them with their respective Trios title belt draped over their shoulders. Alceo doesn’t look happy, but how is that new?]

Eric Dane:
Fucking hell, do you even know how to knock?

[Alceo lets out a forced chuckle as Eric places the phone down on the desk.]

Alceo Dentari:
We are the Trios champions an’ I am the next World champion, we don’t need-

Eric Dane:
And I’m the owner of DEFIANCE. I don’t care if this is your first day or if you’re Angus fucking Skaaland, I tell you what you do and don’t do, and you don’t waltz into my office demanding answers to questions that have nothing to do with you.

[That doesn’t sit well with the stereotype.]

Alceo Dentari:
Nothin’ to do with me? Let me remind you, Dane. We got a title defence comin’ up tonight, an’ last I checked there ain’t no officials ‘round to do no officiatin’, capiché?

Eric Dane:
Oh yeah, I capiché all right, but I think you need to understand you aren’t the only person... or persons... around here affected by this strike.

Alceo Dentari:
But there ain’t nobody else havin’ to defend no titles, is there?

Eric Dane:
But there are plenty of other important mat-

Alceo Dentari:
There ain’t nothin’ more important than these titles, Dane.

[Alceo lifts his belt from his shoulder and pushes it to the face of Eric Dane. Eric’s eye twitches ever so slightly, but he keeps his head about him.]

Eric Dane:
If I could referee your match myself then believe me, I would, but I’ve got enough on my plate with this ten man tag match later tonight, so I’ll tell you what... I’ll do the next best thing and make sure you have a referee that knows just how important title matches are.

I’ll make sure you have a referee that can keep order in the match, and won’t egg anyone on.

[Dentari’s eyes narrow.]

Eric Dane:
I’ll make sure you have a referee that, when the pressure’s on... stays COOL.

[Mouth.]

[Wide.]

[Open.]

Eric Dane:
I’ll make sure the referee for your title match tonight is Cancer. Fucking. Jiles.

[That oh so important belt drops to the floor like a finished cigarette butt.]

Alceo Dentari:
Are you kiddin’ me! Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me with this shit! You can’t do this to me!

[Tony Di Luca and Vincent Rinaldi hold Dentari back as he flails, trying to get any part of his body to make contact with the scowling face of Eric Dane.]

Eric Dane:
Too bad, I just did. Now get the fuck out of my office.

Alceo Dentari:
This ain’t on, Dane! This ain’t fuckin’ on!

[Eric smiles to himself and sits back down at his desk to pick the phone up once again.]

Eric Dane:
Yes. It is.
 

Angus:
No Entrances Stylie, can I get a hell yeah?

[Both teams are in the ring. Christian Light’s there too in his referee’s shirt.]

DDK:
Blood Diamonds being represented by Virginia Quell, Frank Dylan James and Jane Katze, with Nicky Corozzo on the outside.

Angus:
See, the Blackaconda’s going to love this match, because he can ask where the white womens at, and there’s two of ‘em on the other side of the ring!

DDK:
That may be, but Virginia Quell is Bronson Box’s woman.  As for Jane

Angus:
Any potential benefits are outweighed by the risk of getting Venus Thigh Trapped?

[Witty commentator banter aside, the match is starting.]

[Quell’s got some British grappling going on.  She quickly arm wringers Ty, rolls him to the mat and hooks a wristlock to keep him there.  Walker rocks to build up some momentum, kips to his feet, dropkicks Quell flying!  She’s up, ducks a palm strike and drives her shoulder into Walker’s knee before he can recover.  An ankle lock attempt is blocked as Walker bridges up to his feet, tries an enzuigiri, Quell ducks but drops the foot, Walker throws a spinning heel kick that she also ducks, but she doesn’t duck the spinning backhand that he follows up with!]

DDK:
I’m not sure that watching Tyrone Walker knock a woman flying with a backhand slap and get cheered for it is going to make Defiance’s sponsors happy.

Angus:
Fuck that noise, TEEM DANJAR!

[Quell rolls out of the ring, and Jane steps in over the middle rope.]

Angus:
This chick gets me wrongfooted.  At first I watch her practically dryhump the ropes and think yeah, that’s worth a boner.  But she’s so, I don’t know, weirdly unemotional, and actually kinda creepy.

[Walker looks around, tags out to Horry.]

DDK:
A decision to fight the MMA-inspired mat technician with a heavier stronger mat technician by HNB.  Jane’s got her shoot kicks, some judo throws and locks and her thousand and one scissor holds.  Horry doesn’t use that style

Angus:
Thank fucking GOD.  Some dude did that, I’d go on strike.

DDK:
But he’s a black belt in jujitsu and I believe accomplished at judo and amateur wrestling as well.

[Horry looks Jane up and down, and then poses suavely.  It doesn’t impress her, and she roundhouse kicks him, hard, in the breadbasket.  His wind knocked out, Horry is kicked backwards into the turnbuckle.]

Angus:
Basically Sam Horry is Justin Brooks, he was real close to the top for a couple years he never quite made it.  

[Jane frankensteiners Horry out of the corner, remains seated on his neck, and hooks him in a top mounted triangle choke.  Horry coughs, kicks and unseats her, Jane keeps the choke hooked but Horry gets his foot on the ropes.  Light calls for a break, Jane holds on just long enough to ‘prove’ that she isn’t intimidated by his referee shirt and the authoritah that goes with it.]

[Horry gets up mad.  He double-legs Jane, lifts her up over his shoulder, then spikes her to the mat and applies a heel hook.  Jane tries to kick her way out of it and can’t, so she twists her body and reaches the bottom rope.  Horry releases the hold when Light tells him to, Jane pulls herself out of the ring.]

DDK:
HNB has the size advantage when you consider that Jane and Gin are both under 150 lbs, but the Blood Diamonds have the Mastodon of the Mountains in their corner, and Nicky Corozzo, who’s even bigger, at ringside.]

[Quick shot of Corozzo in his suit looking all hoss-like and badass.]

[FDJ steps in over the top rope.  Horry asks Matthews if he’s sure he wants in, Matthews says yes, and the tag is exchanged.]

DDK:
Former WfWA World Champion Ryan Matthews facing off against a man who outweighs him by close to 100 lbs.

[FDJ lunges.  Matthews easily ducks the lunge and catches the big man with an elbow to the mush.  A three elbow combo has FDJ off balance, flailing and staggering, and Matthews grabs the arm, twists it in an arm wringer, then jumps and drops, bringing the arm down across his knees!  FDJ howls in pain and clutches his elbow.  Matthews goes right back after the arm, wringing it again, delivering a driving elbow, another one... but failing to realize how damn strong FDJ is.  FDJ yanks that wrung-out arm back towards him and knocks Matthews down with a headbutt!]

DDK:
FDJ looking a bit frustrated there, he’s got no patience for anything besides brawling.

[Matthews is brought to his feet, FDJ throws him into the Blood Diamond’s corner and goes batshit, smashing forearm after forearm after forearm into Matthews’ chest!  Light starts the count to five, FDJ ignores him, and so Light gets in between them, forcing FDJ back!  It looks like FDJ might turn on Light when Quell screams at him.]

DDK:
Something seems different with the Blood Diamonds dynamic here.

Angus:
Yeah, well, Jane and Gin just barely get along and that’s after Box threatened to dump Gin back on the streets of Glasgow, and now FDJ... y’know Blood Diamonds aren’t even close to being a big happy family.

[Quell however has taken control of Matthews in the ring. Despite being a chick, she gets his arm in an overhead wristlock, bends him around, and waffles him to the mat with a trip shortarm clothesline!  Grabbing the head she delivers a series of knee drops to the crown of his head, then hooks in a tight front chancery.]

DDK:
Quell has the forearm pressed up against the aorta with that one, and she gator rolls him away from the ropes!

[Virginia leans as much bodyweight as she can into the hold.  Matthews tries crawling backwards, Quell suddenly stands up and immediately drops down with a DDT, interrupting his struggle.  A fairly rough tag is exchanged with Jane.]

DDK:
Matthews needs to get out of the ring and soon.

[As Matthews crawls towards his corner, Jane raises him to his knees and shuffle side kicks him under the jaw.  A cover.]

ONE...!


...TWO...!


…...Kickout!

[Jane gives Matthews another thrust kick and he falls into the corner.  She bounces to the middle rope, brings her feet up in the air banzai style - and swings downwards driving them both into Matthews’ jaw!]

DDK:
Caviar Dreams from Jane, and that might just have put Matthews on dream street!  She’s pulling him to mid ring - no, not following up, tagging out to FDJ!

[FDJ walks in and drops a huge knee drop on Matthews.  He picks him up, throws him into the corner, follows up with a jump - and Matthews gets his feet up!  FDJ goes stumbling backwards, and Matthews runs to follow up!]

[And lands on his face as Corozzo pulls his ankle out!]

[But Christian Light is refereeing this, and the last time he and Corozzo ended up opposed to each other, Corozzo got spinebustered straight through the ramp.]

DDK:
Light dives out of the ring and wipes Corozzo out with a high running knee!  And Walker with a sprinboard dropkick, caddy-corner and takes Quell off the apron!

[Virginia Quell crashes into the guardrail on the far, unsupervised side of the ring.]

DDK:
Horry into the ring, ducks a wild swing from FDJ, and OH!  DOWN WITH ONE HIGH ROUNDHOUSE KICK!

Angus:
Is they legal? Hey, Light’s not in the ring, he had to kick Corozzo’s ass!

[Horry makes the cover.  He yells for Light, Light sees the cover, slides into the ring, makes the count.]

ONE...!


...TWO...!


…...THREEKICKOUT!

Angus:
If Light had been in position, that totally would’ve been it!

[Virginia Quell slowly makes her way back into the ring, one hand tucked out of sight.  She spins Horry around and lands a European uppercut with that hidden hand - Horry wobbles on his feet and then slumps!]

DDK:
Virginia Quell’s got her fist loaded with that set of knucks, and Light didn’t catch the shot on Horry!

[Quell yells for Jane to hold Ryan Matthews for her. Jane does.  Virginia brings her fist back, swings - and Matthews ducks!  The loaded punch hits Jane in the forehead, and Edward White’s business assistant hits the mat flat on her back!]

Angus:
BOOM HEADSHOT!  TIMES TWO!

[The first headshot was the misfired loaded punch.  The second was Walker flying in out of nowhere with a busaiku knee to Virginia, knocking her clear of the ring.]

DDK:
Matthews picking up Jane, vertical suplex, drapes her across the top rope - and off with a neckbreaker!  One Minute To Midnight he calls that, and that’s gonna be it!

[Matthews doesn’t even bother to hook a leg.]

ONE!


...TWO...!


…...THREE!!!

Quimbey:
Here are your winners - the team of H! N! B!

[Walker, Matthews and Horry all raise their arms.  FDJ, who wasn’t able to break up the pin, walks backstage alone.  Quell shrugs and follows him, leaving Jane to slowly roll out of the ring and land on the mats nursing her head.  Corozzo ends up picking her up and carrying her backstage.]

DDK:
Miscommunication from the Blood Diamonds leads to HNB winning their debut match!

Python and Fans:
YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

[A small ocean of mugs and bottles are thrust into the air and begin clinking together as the fans gathered in the All Star Sports Bar wildly celebrate the victory of Walker, Matthews, and Horry over The Blood Diamonds. Right in the middle of the madness stands Python hollering along with all the rest and drinking a bottle of Pepsi. He is totally unprotected by boundaries or security, and he is loving it.]

Python:
Atta boy, Tyrone!

Fan 1:
You're friends with Tyrone Walker!?

[Python gives the fan a look of genuine surprise.]

Python:
Well, yeah! Isn't everyone?

[Python laughs as the crowd of people around him all begin talking to him simultaneously and shouting over each other about the match and Gemma Lockhart and Heidi and the Blood Diamonds. The young grappler gladly fields all the questions he can and throws down some money on the bar, hollering through the noise.]

Python:
Barkeep! Another round for these good folks, on me!

Fans:
YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Fan 2:
GET DRUNK WITH US!

[The bar erupts with laughter.]

Python:
Haha dude, you try going up against Heidi sober sometime! I don't need anything to further increase the odds of one of my limbs being taken away from the rest of my body tonight. But, ah... find me when the show's over and we'll fuck some shit up, arright?

Fans:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

[Throughout all of this, Eugene Dewey sits chuckling at the autograph table as he scribbles his name across dozens of printed copies of the meme that went viral of him Shoryuken-ing Jeremy Knyte in June.]

[CVC walks down a backstage hallway. He’s dressed and ready for his main event match later. As he walks down the hallway, he says hello to staffers the only way he knows how. First he passes a petite girl working on someone’s wrestling tights.]

CVC:
Sup Cumrag.

[He then passes a skinny man by a table of food.]

CVC:
How’s it goin’ Faggot?

[Lastly he passes a very large woman.]

CVC:
Shamu…. FREE WILLY!!!

[CVC laughs to himself and looks for his next victim. Ahead he finds two men that have recently been a thorn in his side, Sam Turner Jr. and Tucker G. Alston. CVC sees them and instantly his face changes from a smile to a snarl.]

CVC:
Well well well. Look what dropped out of their mothers’ cunts.

[The two men, who assumingly were going over their final game plan for their upcoming tag match, look up and share CVC’s disgust.]

CVC:
Oh, umm Sam, how's my wife and fetus?

[Sam stares bonedaggers through CVC and snarls up his upper lip. He has to grit his teeth and bare it or else he could face actions from the Defiance higher ups.]

STJ:
Ya knows how 'ey is. Ya best be watchin ya mouff bout 'em, ya und'rstan. I ain't in na mood ta mess wiff ya low down rotten gutless summa beetch.

[CVC can't keep a straight face as he begins to giggle like a little school girl, which only draws Sam's anger higher.]

CVC:
Oh Sam, don't go ruining your "good name" on me. Your feeble attempt at swearing is all so humorous, you should take that act on the road. You'd make more money at that than you do wrestling.

[Sam's face begins to turn a bright shade of red, his hands clinched tightly and still snarling.]

STJ:
Ya bout ta mess up 'ere Chance. Ya bout ta write a ceck 'at ya Hep C infested body can't cash.

CVC:
Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before from you, your threats don't scare me and they never will. Your just an oversized infant still sucking on its mommas tit. I'm done with you, you can now leave my presence, you local jokal.

[CVC turns his attention to Tucker.]

CVC:
Ugh. And you. How many chances are you going to get before the people that understand how much of a shitstain you really are?

Tucker G. Alston:
You know I’m sick of your....

CVC:
You know what I’m sick of? The fact that you think you’ve done something in this sport. All I’ve ever seen is you on your back after I’ve just kicked your ass and beaten you yet again. The only thing you’ve actually done here, outside of boring every since fan, is beat Sam over there. But who hasn’t piseed on his mother for giving birth to that abortion?

Tucker G. Alston:
I’ve had enough of this. One day Chance. You’re going to get your ass handed to you, and I’m going to relish in being the one that does it.

[Tucker moves closer to CVC, the tension builds. The fury is seen in Tucker’s eyes.]

CVC:
Ok tough guy. You think you’re so smart? Answer me this. What do you call an athlete who’s paid for a living and is also the leader of the three stooges?

Tucker G. Alston:
Pro…Moe?

[CVC reaches behind his waist and takes off his title belt and hands it to the camera with a lock of mock surprise.]

CVC:
Ooooooooh!!!

[He then winks and turns around quickly and slams the title into Tucker’s head sending him to the ground. Turner quickly goes to his tag partner’s help.]

CVC:
That’s a bad word! You can’t say that! Can someone bleep that out in post?

[CVC laughs and struts around a bit as Turner looks up at him with rage.]

STJ:
Get'cha laughin in now, cause come Ascens'n I'll be tha one laughin all tha way back ta Bloody Harlan.

[CVC makes a fart sound with his mouth, turns and walks away down the hall laughing.]

 [The camera opens up backstage, the focus is Curtis Penn. Dripping in sweat, a black towel covering his shoulders, and already in his wrestling gear he eyes the camera.]

Penn:
Alston you’re an idiot, a complete fucking nimrod. Five years ago you had just taken your first fist to the face. Five years ago I was sitting pretty on a beach, one hand wrapped around a drink with a pretty pink umbrella and with the other keeping a closed fist around the couple million I had in the bank.

  Five years ago you were dying slowly of from the stresses of the Stock Exchange and the hustle of Wall Street.  Five years ago I was playing a round of golf with a few of my not-so-famous friends, relaxing.

[He grins.]

Penn:
Five years ago I was 23 and already a former World Champion. Five years ago you were watching me on television wishing that you had the life that I had.

Five years ago no one knew who the hell Tucker G. Alston was, not much has changed for you. People …the fans still don’t know about Tucker G. Alston. 

Today, I’m still one of the youngest World Tag Team Champions that the WfWA has ever had, you not so much at a Southern Heritage Title to claim. I’m not going to go into a list of accolades with you, I’d win. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you have a snowball’s chance in Hell in beating me. Because that would give you hope and what I do is break people with hope. 

 [He grabs the corner of his towel from his shoulder and wipes down his face.]

Penn:
Failure, Tucker, is your only option; you failed when you were on Wall Street. You failed, twice, in taking the Southern Heritage Title from Chance. Tucker, it looks as if failure is the only thing that you’ve known. 

You are right one thing though…

[Holy shit, he’s agreeing with someone.]

Penn:
One thing I learned back in my early 20’s, back in 2005, Tucker is stick with what you know. I know strikes and submissions and I know how to win on the big stages. I know how to make pussies like you scream.  When you step into that ring with me at Def 39 I’m going make you tap out. I’m going to make you scream for you fucking soul. When the ref steps in and tries to make me break the hold, I’m just going to cinch it in tighter… until all of that hope, courage, and heart drains from your body and you’re carted off a broken human.

Tucker…I’m not CVC or Sam. I’m going to hurt you…

[His smile fades.]

Penn:
I’m going to hurt you in ways that you never thought were possible.

[/ Promo.]

[It’s backstage, and it’s long after Ty Walker has completed his match and showered off.  He’s ditched the in ring gear for his usual, a white baseball jersey representing the Baltimore Orioles which garners a cheap pop.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[See?]

[He also sports a pair of well worn blue jeans and classic black and white Adidas sneakers, while Christian, now the one set for battle, has his blue and white wrestling trunks on as well as a fresh Team Danger shirt. Matthews and Horry are in the vicinity as well, conversing about something to do with Dat Ass and a chick named Miranda.]

Light:
Listen, man, I...

Ty:
Yo, lemme lead this off if ya don’t mind, I wanna get somethin’ off my chest.

[Light nods.]

Light:
Yeah, man, that’s fine.  Go for it.

Ty:
A’ight, look.

[Ty snorts as he scrunches his face up a bit, almost like he was loosening up his face for the torrent of words that will be spilling out of it.]

Ty:
First off, we cool, a’ight?

[Again, Light nods.]

Ty:
I jus’ wanna get all’a that outta the way. Anyway. I got heated an’ was ready to get all personal an’ bloody about how the shit went down at 38.  After havin’ some time to think it through, I had a change o’ heart.  I ain’t sayin’ I’m necessarily cool with how it all transpired, but we cool, homie...

[A pause from Ty, a nod from Christian.]

Light:
I can respect that, no doubt.

[Hand slaps and bro hugs all around.]

Light:
So what does that mean for Ascension?  Are we off now?

Ty: [shaking his head, “no”.]
What? Nah man, nah, we still gonna go out there an’ do our thing. I mean, we cool, but we still got all’a this history chasin’ us an’ I dunno ‘bout you, Chris, but I think it’s ‘bout damn time that we done did made it history once an’ for all. Y’feelin’ me?

[Christian seems to take a moment before a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.]

Light:
Completely agree.  It’ll be phenomenal to work a match where I actually respect the opponent...first time since the GCL finals probably.

Ty: [nodding.]
Right, right, ‘sides... They got Tommy Boy doin’ his thing on the Crag with Heidi, Cancer an’ friends doin’ their thing in the Ladder Wars, the only thing that’s missin’ is us. Ascension is as good’a place as any to finally get this done an’ while we’re at it, we’ll show ‘em what all’a the fuss has been about.

Light:
Often imitated, never duplicated...The Last Nighthawk and The Extreme Franchise, one-on-one for the first time ever.  We still got a lot to show these kids, don’t we?

Ty:
HALE yeah, homie, an’ when we’re done gettin’ our violence on, we can move on an’ finally, leave this old stuff in the past where it belongs.

[Light offers his hand, which Ty accepts.]

[MANLY HANDSHAKE ENSUES!]

Ty:
A’ight dude, I’mma bail, I got business to attend an’ money to collect. Fools, I keep tellin’ ‘em, like Wesley Snipes said, always bet on black.

Light [nodding]:
Understood, man.  Take care, watch your back.  See you at Ascension

[Ty motions to his cohorts and the three head off to parts and trouble unknown.]

Light:
Looks like I’m finally out of the woods.  Things are gonna go right back up from here..

[Back to ringside.]

[The Pratt Street Alehouse rings loudly with boo's in the wake of Penn's attack on Alston and Sam Turner Jr.]

Fan 1:
Totally uncalled for, man!

Fan 2:
I kinda liked him until this. Fuck him.

Fan 3:
Heidi shoulda broke his leg when she had the chance!

Cancer Jiles:
Yeah, what a dick!

...

Fans:
OMG.

[In the heat of the crowd's reaction, COOL Cancer Jiles had totally sauntered in without anyone realizing it. Upon hearing his voice, the room immediately forgets about the events on the big screen and surges toward the world champion as he makes his way toward the autograph table.]

Fans:
SDKLFSDKLFNSDFJNSKJSNFKJSDNFKLSNMXCKLMVLKSNLNJSFDFKLNSNDSLKNSDIJ!!!!

Cancer Jiles:
Couldn't have said it better, myself.

[He settles in and greets the first fan in line with the coolest smile ever to grace the Pratt Street Alehouse.]  

DA-NA-NA, DA-NA-NA, DA-NA-NA NA
    
[Dean Martin begins to croon and the fans boo in Pavlovian response.]

♫ How lucky can one guy be? ♫
♫ I kissed her and she kissed me ♫
♫ Like a fellow once said ♫
♫ “Ain’t that a kick in the head” ♫

[Alceo Dentari has scowled before, but never as much as he is right now. Behind him come Tony ‘Two Hands’ Di Luca and Vincent Rinaldi, each holding one end of a ladder. Dentari stomps his way down the ramp ignoring the jeers and the insults from the crowd and climbs the steps. He steps into the ring as his boys slide the ladder under the bottom rope, which they then follow in.]

♫ My head keeps... spinning ♫
♫ I go to sleep and keep... grinning ♫
♫ If this is just the be...ginning ♫
♫ My life’s gonna be ♫
♫ Beeeee-youtiful ♫

[Dentari heads across the ring and leans through the ropes, demanding a microphone from the time keeper as his boys set up the ladder in the middle of the ring.]

Alceo Dentari:
Is that any way to greet your next champion?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alceo Dentari:
The truth really must hurt, huh?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alceo Dentari:
Whassamatta witchu? You don’t want a champion yous can be proud of? You don’t want a champion yous can look up to?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You suck!

DDK:
‘Look up to’ might not be the right choice of words there.

Alceo Dentari:
Do none a’ yous want a champion yous can respect?

Angus:
Oh I know he didn’t just say that. Hold my beer.

DDK:
Would you sit down? ...And put your jacket back on!

Alceo Dentari:
Yous should... You should all want a champion that yous can respect, ‘cause yous sure ain’t got that in Cancer Jiles... See, that man is exactly what his name suggests... he’s a cancer... a growth... a tumor that’s eatin’ away at the very core a’ DEFIANCE. An’ that core ain’t gonna last much longer if this self proclaimed ‘Lord a’ COOL’ keeps struttin’ out here with that World Title strapped ‘round his waist.

[The fans aren’t happy, not one bit, and they’re more than willing to voice their opinions. Alceo drops the mic to his side as waits for the screams and the jeers to die down before bringing it back up again.]

Alceo Dentari:
…

[But he can’t continue as the fans pipe up once more, drowning out anything he might want to say. Vincent Rinaldi unfolds his arms and move away from his position at the foot of the ladder as though he’s threatening the fans to be quiet, but not one of them pays any attention.]

Alceo Dentari:
It’s OK, Vinny... I hear these people. I hear ‘em cryin’ out... I hear ‘em screamin’... beggin’ for a person truly deservin’ a’ the moniker ‘champion’ to step forward an’ finally grasp that title with both hands.

THATSNOTWHATWEWERESHOUTINGABOUTBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alceo Dentari:
People like Cancer Jiles...

RAHHHHHHHH

Alceo Dentari:
Heidi Christenson...

Not sure if RAHHHHHHH or BOOOOOOOOO

Alceo Dentari:
...Jeff Andrews...

Pretty sure that's RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

DDK:
Alceo had better be careful what he says next. We’re in the heartland of Jeff Andrews Country.

Angus:
I’d be surprised if that greaseball either knew or cared.

Alceo Dentari:
A man with a penchant for eggs, a woman with a penchant for bitchfits, an’ a man whose daily planner contains nothin’ but drinkin’, an’ servin’ his own overinflated ego, have no business holdin’ the richest prize in this game.

[If he could lean over the top rope to address the fans in the front row he would, but being as... vertically challenged as he is Alceo opted to place one leg through the ropes and lean out on the apron to point to the baying crowd.]

Alceo Dentari:
Your hometown boy claimed to be a fightin’ champion, but he was more interested in pickin’ out the weaklings. The Christian Lights an’ the Eugene Deweys. He never even glanced at the man that gave his girl the beatin’ a’ her life.

[Alceo reenters the ring as he pushes a finger into his chest while the fans voice their disgust at the beratement of their hometown hero.]

Alceo Dentari:
An’ Heidis ‘reign’? That was even more laughable. She wins the title an’ this place gets shut down. DEFIANCE reopens, she comes up against yours truly... an’ she’s gone... just like that.

[And with a snap of his fingers the fans come alive again.]

Alceo Dentari:
But that’s OK, ain’t it? ‘Cause Cancer Jiles has come to break that string a’ embarrassments.

[Alceo drops his chin and shakes his head slowly from side to side.]

Alceo Dentari:
But yous get more a’ the same. A guy universally mocked behind that curtain. A guy laughed at for havin’ a memory like a sieve...

Alceo Dentari:
I get it, you want a new champion, you crave a new champion...

[With a wave of his hand Alceo dismisses Tony Di Luca to one side. Tony sighs audibly, which draws  and placed one foot on the bottom rung of the ladder his boys had been standing guard beside.]

Alceo Dentari:
You need a new champion.

[Alceo steps up another couple of rungs.]

Alceo Dentari:
Someone that ain’t gonna embarrass you every step a’ the way. Someone that ain’t gonna run this place further into the ground than it already is.

[Anyone else might be above of the ladder by now, but Dentari had to take a couple more rungs before he could lift his leg over and sit himself atop the steel.]

Alceo Dentari:
Well all a’ your prayers will be answered at Ascension, ‘cause when all the smoke clears an’ all the dust settles, Alceo Dentari will be standin’ above everyone holdin’ that world title.

OHMYMOTHERFUCKINGGODBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Alceo Dentari:
‘Cause I’m the only one walkin’ into the Ladder War RUTHLESS enough to take what I want! I’m the only one in this match who ain’t flubbed a million shots at the stars! EVERY TIME SOMEONE SHOWED ME A GUN, I SNATCHED IT AWAY AN’ SHOT ‘EM IN THE FUCKIN’ HEART! Heidi Christenson, I nearly ended her damn career! Tom Sawyer, I kicked him so hard I was limpin’ for days!

[Alceo unstraps the Trios title belt from around his waist and holds it high to a chorus of boos.]

Alceo Dentari:
An’ then yous got this title right here. The ones me an’ my boys are wearin’... the ones me an’ my boys are about to successfully defend... we beat The God-Damned Untouchables for these an’ ain’t had no competition since.

[Alceo looks down at his boys and asked for confirmation. Vinny can’t count, but Di Luca seems to put some thought into his answer, even though he really doesn’t care. Back at the top of the ladder Alceo counted to one on his fingers while mouthing ‘MSX’ and then shakes his head, returning to zero.]

Alceo Dentari:
All a’ these tired old guard wrestlers? Their day is done. Cancer Jiles shoulda stayed in whatever slimy hole he crawled out from. Ed White’s gonna go BANKRUPT when I’m done wit’ him! Python an’ Kai Scott shoulda retired when their beloved OLW folded LIKE THE SHITHOLE IT WAS!

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Alceo Dentari:
YOU KNOW IT AS WELL AS I DO, OLW WAS THE DEFINITION OF 'SHITHOLE'! AN’ IT WEREN’T WORTHY A’ MY RESPECT! IF THEY HAD ANY TALENT BEHIND THEIR CURTAIN IT WOULDN'T A' DIED! FUCK ALL A’ YOUS FOR WORSHIPPIN’ IT TEN YEARS AFTER IT SHOULDA BEEN TAKEN OUT BACK AND SHOT, LIKE TH-

FUCK YOU ALCEO
FUCK YOU ALCEO
FUCK YOU ALCEO
FUCK YOU ALCEO!

Alceo Dentari:
FUCK JEFF ANDREWS! FUCK KAI SCOTT! FUCK CLAIRA ST. SURE! FUCK PYTHON AN’ HEIDI CHRISTENSON AN’ EVERYBODY WHO EVER SET FOOT IN THAT FUCKIN’ PLACE!

SHUT THE FUCK UP!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

[Dentari, going(? Nope. Gone.) red in the face, pauses, and lets the fans throw their hatred and malice at him. It was impossible to talk over them. He let them say their piece once again. Eventually, they had to quiet down.]

Alceo Dentari:
I-

FUCK YOU ALCEO!
FUCK YOU ALCEO!
FUCK YOU ALCEO!

Alceo Dentari:
I AIN’T FINISHED! I AM YOUR NEXT CHAMPION, AN' I DEMAND THE RESPECT I DESERVE. I COME FROM A STATE THAT AIN’T A WASTELAND, SO DON’T TREAT ME LIKE SOME INBRED SHIT FROM MARYLAND!

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
GO BACK HOME!
GO BACK HOME!
GO BACK HOME!


DDK:
If Alceo wants respect then he's going the entirely wrong way about it.

Angus:
To get respect you have to give respect, but that shit goes both ways, Keebs.

[There’s a momentary pause in the vitriol, after a good while of waiting.]

Alceo Dentari:
Know what? I-

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Alceo Dentari:
YOU KNOW WHAT?! FUCK ALL YOUS. I’M GONNA DEFEND MY TRIOS TITLES WHETHER CANCER JILES IS THE GUEST REFEREE OR NOT, THEN I'M GONNA GO BACK SOMEWHERES THEY’LL ACTUALLY APPRECIATE ME! AN’ FUCK ALL A' YOU FOR LIVIN’ IN A STATE THAT MIGHT AS WELL BE TURNED INTO A PARKING LOT!

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[With that Alceo drops the microphone to the mat and opens his arms out wide to soak in the reaction from the fans before climbing back down the ladder and ordering it out of the ring.]

Angus:
Darren, if someone jumps the guardrail, I want you to know that I’m not gonna stop him from knifing you.

DDK:
With how vocal these fans are being, that’s a distinct possibility! We’ve got Tres Brujas coming out, hopefully they’ll be able to make these people keep from murdering us all and burning this building down!
 

[Suddenly and without warning, the lights cut out and "Broadcast Quality" by The Receiving End of Sirens hits.]

[And the fucking world explodes.]

Angus:
HOLY SHIT.

[A sound that has not been heard in Baltimore since OLW closed its doors five years ago rocks the pitch black arena to its very foundations. It's the sound of 13,000+ people welcoming back their former champion.]

RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[The noise doubles in volume as the outline of a figure steps out and becomes visible at the top of the entrance ramp. A luminous green and black snake tattoo coils wickedly down and around the entirety of his right arm, glowing fiercely in the aisle's blacklight strobes.]  

DDK:
Well, it's time to do what we came to Baltimore to do, watch Python and Heidi try to take one more claim as the best of the best in the Old Line territory. 1st Mariner Arena was the home of OLW, and there was arguably no greater champion or hero to the people of OLW than Python!

Angus:
WHAT!? I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR ANYTHING.

DDK:
I SAID... ah, I'll tell you later.

Angus:
WHAT!?

PYYYYYYYTHHHHHHHHOOOOONNNNN
PYYYYYYYTHHHHHHHHOOOOONNNNN
PYYYYYYYTHHHHHHHHOOOOONNNNN
PYYYYYYYTHHHHHHHHOOOOONNNNN

[The rock music continues as Python strides out to the center of the entrance ramp and hurls a fist in the air, practically raising the roof off the top of the arena. He catches a mic tossed to him by a crew member, turns, and begins to scale the DEFIAtron at the top of the aisle. In the dim lights and strobes, his snake tattoo appears to be slithering up the side of the enormous thirty foot steel structure.]

Angus:
Where the hell is he going, Keebs!?

DDK:
It looks like he's going to address the crowd from the top of the DEFIAtron! He used to do this sometimes back in OLW.

[The music fades and the lights begin to rise on Python perched comfortably in a seated position on the horizontal metal support beams installed at the top of the DEFIAtron. A prince addressing his former kingdom from atop his large metal throne. He grins and sits in silence for nearly a minute, waiting for the chanting to settle down. When it doesn't, he lifts the mic and speaks anyway.]

Python:
What's up, Baltimore!?

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Python:
Ah, excuse me, I said...

Python and Fans:
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP, BALTIMOOOOOOOOOOOORE!?

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[The young highflyer grins and sweeps a hand back through his hair, coolly taking in the nostalgic pandemonium.]

Python:
You know, there aren't many things in life I can thank Jeff Andrews for. But the next time I see him, I'll be sure to thank him for bringing me back to the greatest crowd on the god damn planet.

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!
WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!

Python:
You guys have been nothing short of incredible to me through every up, down, twist, and turn of my career. I walked back up this very aisle and out of this arena more times than I can count. Sometimes limping, sometimes crawling. Sometimes as a winner, sometimes not. Regardless, there was never a night when you guys let me feel like I did this for nothing. Everything I did, I did for you. And tonight will be no different. You're going to see a lot of great shit tonight. But when Heidi and I set foot in that ring, you're going to see the match of your lives. And it's all... for... you.

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Python:
Now, Heidi and I...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

DDK:
There was a time when the thought of booing Heidi's name in 1st Mariner Arena was considered reprehensible. These fans must really feel betrayed by her actions in Defiance as of late.

Python:
Heidi and I have a lot of history in that ring.

[He reaches out and points to the ring.]

Python:
We spilled our blood and sweat on the same canvas while battling the same injustices. We teamed up a few times. We had each other's backs. As much time as we spent together in that ring, tonight marks the first time we'll ever meet from opposite corners. And I just want to say... I'm fucking stoked. Are you guys stoked?

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Python:
Yeah you are. Of course you are. It's going to be nuts! Heidi and I know each other so well, and yet I have literally no idea what's going to happen when we throw down. But I can tell you one thing for damn sure. Tonight ends with my fucking fist in the air and her fucking face tattooed to the canvas!

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

WHERE IS GEMMA *clap clap clapclapclap*
WHERE IS GEMMA *clap clap clapclapclap*

[Python cocks his head to the side, grins, and sighs.]

Python:
Yeah, yeah. I know it's no secret. I'm still dating Gemma.

[This elicits another huge pop from the crowd as they begin to cheer for the appearance of Heidi's most infamous rival.]

BRING HER OUT! BRING HER OUT!
BRING HER OUT! BRING HER OUT!

Python:
She unfortunately couldn't be here tonight. But believeeeee me. She tried.

[Python laughs as a collective groan of disappointment fills the arena.]

Python:
Hey, hey, it's probably for the best. There's been enough evening-destroying brawls around here lately as it is. You guys really wanted to put Heidi and Gemma back in the same building tonight of all nights? You're going to scare off our poor volunteer refs before they even get through their first show, let alone what's left of our security team!

[This sends ripples of laughter and cheers through the crowd, who clearly does not have the best interests of the Defiance staff at heart.]

Python:
So, that's enough out of me, as far as I'm concerned, it's go time!

[And with that, Python begins his descent back to ground level. All the while this is happening "My Wings" by Lacuna Coil plays. The Baltimore fans know exactly what this is about.]

Angus:
What the huh?

DDK:
HAHA! It's our good friend and former broadcast partner!

[Cito Conarri walks out from the back wearing a referee's shirt.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Angus:
Aw, COME ON MAN! THAT OLD BASTARD?

[Python touches ground just in time to shake Cito's hand. Cito allows Python to take center stage as both men walk toward the ring.]

DDK:
Well, it's an OLW Fan's dream come true!

[Glassjaw plays. "Star Under My Bed" is the track.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Angus:
Well, here comes the Sexy Submission Siren!

[But she doesn't.]

DDK:
Um...

[Still nothing.]

Angus:
So...

[The music plays. The song finishes. Python shrugs to Cito, who shrugs and looks down to Angus and Darren at the Commentation Station for any kind of information.]

DDK:
I don't know what to tell him Angus.

Angus:
Hang on, I'm getting word, we're cutting to the back!

[!FLASHCUT!]

[The Boss is beside himself, screaming at every DEFsec member he could muster.]

Eric Dane:
FIND HER FIND HER FIND HER FUCKING FIND HER! Turn this place upside down until you fucking FIND HEIDI CHRISTENSON!

[Cut back to ringside.]

Angus:
...

DDK:
...

Angus:
So...

DDK:
Moving right along... I guess?