Ascension 2013

Darren "DQ" Quimbly:
The following contest is a Three Way Traditional Tag Team match and will be decided by one fall... And is for the the NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP to the DEFIANCE TRIOS CHAMPIONSHIP!

[We hear the opening tones of guitar, drums, foot stomps and hand claps of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” by Johnny Cash over the speakers in the arena as Virginia Quell and Frank Dylan James enter the arena, confident looks on both of their faces as if the result is a foregone conclusion.]

[Virginia and FDJ seem to dismiss the people on the sides of the aisle with nothing but disappointed shakes of their heads as they make their way to the ring. Virginia chooses to take the stairs while FDJ climbs up on the apron first, then steps in over the top rope while holding it down. The two of them move quickly as directed over to the near corner and wait for their opponents while the referee checks them for any foreign objects.]

[Johnny Cash fades away slowly and The opening horn melody of “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head “ by the legendary Dean Martin begins and Big Vinny and Tony Two Hands enter the arena. Vinny as usual is attired in track pants, a warm up jacket, wifebeater and boots. Tony as usual is dressed in a black jacket, black shirt underneath and black dress pants with his boots on as well.]

[As the two of them walk to the ring, they make a variety of threatening gestures at the crowd on either side of the aisle, only stopping when they get to the ring and Tony enters the ring between the top and middle rope while Vinny enters by stepping over the top. The two men scowl at Quell and FDJ and point fingers and make threats for a moment but they finally settle a bit and move to the far corner as instructed by the referee.]

[As the ref goes to check them, Tony seems to object and shakes a fist at the referee, but relents and slowly takes his jacket off as the ref checks for illegal objects.]

[The lights in the arena dim and the big screen in the arena goes to static for a moment followed by what looks like vintage footage with the letters HNB in the middle of the screen.]

Voiceover:
The following entrance has been paid for by Hookers N Blow...

[With that the opening beats of “Stroke Me” by Mickey Avalon begin playing as a pair of small rumbles are heard. As the curtains part, Ryan Matthews and Sam Horry enter the arena on a pair of ATV’s, both dressed in purple, gold and white LSU style letterman jackets, Matthews with the C on his and Horry with the H on his. Each is accompanied by one of LSU's best and brightest cheerleaders, both of whom are decked out in their uniforms.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Angus:
Way to pander to the crowd, fags.

DDK:
Well, they are called “Cheap Heat” for a reason.

[As they reach the aisle way leading to the ring both of them stop the ATV’s, one on either side of the aisle, then dismount along with the ladies accompanying them and proceed to walk the aisle to the ring arm in arm with the ladies. The two ladies with them step behind each man and slowly remove the letterman jackets from each before proceeding back down the aisle.]

[Before Cheap Heat can even get into the ring, both The Gorillas and Moral Majority rush their corner with the Gorillas pairing off against Matthews, who gamely tries to fight back while moving away from one corner toward the one to it’s left, and Horry scrapping with both members of the Moral Majority in the same fashion to the corner to their right.]

DDK:
The bell hasn’t even rung and this show is already in chaos!

Angus:
It’s Panda-Leery-Uhm!

DDK:
And for good reason. The Gorillas will have an angry boss on their hands if they don't come out of this with that title shot secured... And lets not forget, if the now former Moral Majority lose tonight, Virginia Quell has been told she'll be bannished!

Angus:
Good riddance! Gingers don't have souls anyway, it's not like she'll feel anything.

[After a few moments, Vinny looks back from his corner at exactly the same moment as FDJ does, and the two seem to have the same thought, slinging both the members of Cheap Heat directly into each other. Matthews and Horry recover quickly enough to stop before crashing into each other, both giving each other a dap at center ring.]

DDK:
They had better pay attention…

Angus:
INCOMING!

[Hearing Angus, both point and yell “WATCH OUT!” as Tony Two Hands comes charging across the ring after being whipped across by Vinny, and Virginia Quell comes speeding across the ring in the same fashion from FDJ. Both Matthews and Horry duck and roll out of the way, causing the clotheslines that were meant for each of them to connect in a double fashion, sending Quell and Tony crashing to the mat in a heap.]

DDK:
You know, Angus, it’s like they actually listen to what we’re doing down here.

Angus:
It wouldn’t any make sense if we weren’t doing at least ten percent of the work for them.

[The bell rings and the referee directs Vinny to one corner, FDJ to another, and both members of Cheap Heat to their corner, leaving Tony and Virginia as the legal competitors. Tony gets to his feet first having taken considerably less impact and drags Quell to her feet before scooping her up and slamming her hard to the mat where he proceeds to put the boots to her chest to keep her down. Not satisfied there, Tony rushes towards the ropes, but as he does Ryan Matthews reaches out and tags himself in as Tony bounds off of them.]

DDK:
Matthews with the blind tag.

[Tony comes charging off only to have the referee get in his way, alerting him that he’s been tagged out as Matthews comes flying in and cracks Tony with a dropkick to the back of the shoulders that sends him tumbling from the ring. After getting back to his feet and seeing that Quell has gotten back to hers albeit a little bit wobbly, Matthews shoves her back to his own corner and goes to work with a series of elbows to her head, then shoulders to the midsection.]

DDK:
Matthews absolutely smashing the close confidant of Bronson Box.

Angus:
Smashing? He’s beating a soul into that crazy ginger.

[However, when he rears back with a fist meant to knock her into dreamland, Quell makes a quick move and jams her fingers into his eye sockets, causing him to clutch at his eyes and reel back away from her.]

DDK:
Virginia Quell with a bit of desperation there.

Angus:
Bitches and their claws, ameyeright?

[Using this as an opportunity to go on the offensive, Quell hits Ryan with a quick succession of European Uppercuts before planting a hard kick to the gut followed by coming off the ropes and smashing into Matthews skull with a Trembler Knee that drops Matthews to the mat in a heap. Not wasting any time, Quell jumps up and drops a knee to Matthews’ head before going for a cover, but Matthews kicks out immediately after a one count.]

DDK:
Matthews with a fast kick out.

Angus:
Well, you know, it’s early… He may be Double Crown at best, but he’s not that bad.

[Determined, Quell grabs Matthews by his head and brings him to his feet before pushing him to the neutral corner. She then lights Matthews’ chest up with a hard knife-edge chop, causing a WHOOO from the crowd. She then slams her hand into his chest yet again and another WHOOO erupts. She quickly switches tactics, hitting a snapmare out of the corner before hitting a dropkick to the back of Matthews’ head as he sits up from the snapmare.]

DDK:
Amazingly, Quell has not only turned this around, but she’s getting the better of a former WWA World Champion.

Angus:
Wasn’t there some guy named Chilli who won that?

DDK:
Yes.

Angus:
How impressive can that possibly be?

DDK:
You do remember that the our boss, Eric Dane has won that title four times?

Angus:
Stop punching holes into my arguments with your facts, Keebs!

[Rather than go for the cover this time however, Quell decides to drag Matthews closer to her corner, then reach for the tag to FDJ, who slaps her hand, then climbs in over the top rope. Quell exits the ring as FDJ picks Matthews up off the canvas and lays a couple huge right hands into him before pushing him back to the near ropes and shooting him off before slingshotting himself toward Matthews, who manages to duck the oncoming clothesline and FDJ with it, who proceeds to rebound back until..]

*SMACK*
*SMACK*

[The slap of a hand on the back of both Matthews and FDJ can be heard through the arena, Matthews has been blind tagged by Sam Horry and FDJ by Tony Two-Hands, and the two formerly legal men are ushered out of the ring by the official in charge, albeit with a major degree of protest by FDJ as Tony and Sam circle each other for a moment.]

DDK:
Talk about a contrast in styles, Horry is a very technically skilled fighter…

Angus:
While Tony Two Hands is the best muscle a midget mafioso can buy.

DDK:
Not exactly how I would have put it…

Angus:
That’s what I’m here for.

[Tony is the first to “jump”, rushing in quicker than Horry might have expected, Tony throws wild blows with forearms and knees as Horry tries to cover up. Getting turned around, Horry takes a vicious clothesline to the back of the head that staggers him, allowing Tony to push him down against the ropes where he starts strangling him over the middle rope.]

Angus:
I tell ya, Keebs, them Eye-Tal-Yens and Blacks, they just can’t get along, eh?

DDK:
………

[The referee jumps in, giving Tony a five count to break the hold. A five count that Mr. Two Hands uses to his full advantage, all the while sporting a rather disturbing smirk, only breaking until the ref is on the verge of disqualifying him. Tony however doesn’t let up for long, attacking with kicks and stomps to a groggy, Sam Horry. Pulling him up, Tony doubles Horry over and tries for his Pulling Piledriver, but Horry somehow sensing the danger fights being pulled up and eventually musters up the strength and back body drops his assailant.]

DDK:
Horry somehow having the presence of mind to escape.

Angus:
It’s called, survival instinct, read a book.

[Tony pops back up and goes right for Horry who, in spite of the fact that he’s still trying to shake the cobwebs, bursts forward with a power double that lifts and plants Tony on to his back.]

DDK:
Horry with a nice display of his amateur credentials.

Angus:
Oh no, is this going to end up being some of that boring Jew Jizz Sue?

DDK:
That’s jiujitsu, try and expand your horizons.

Angus:
That’s what I was doing before the show with the Champ.

[The two roll around the mat as they throw elbows, punches and headbutts, all the while Horry seemingly on auto-pilot as he tries to work his more sophisticated ground game on Tony. However, the Italian made-man manages to gain control and top position where he tries to once again choke the life out of Horry. The referee once again interjecting, but Horry manages to use this an opening, trapping one of Tony’s arm and latches on with a triangle choke that Two-Hands tries to escape by flipping over which only surrenders top control to Horry.]

DDK:
Speaking of which, Horry using his array of martial-arts skills to turn the tables here.

Angus:
Yeah, and now he’s looking to bring down the hammers.

[Having released the hold, Horry slides down into full mount and begins raining down furious elbows. Smartly, Tony manages to cover up well enough, but still catches a few of the hard shots until he manages to scoot near enough to clench a fist around one of the bottom ropes.lulz]

Angus: I was hoping he’d bust him open, but hey, do you think Tony bleeds marinara?

DDK:
……

Angus:
You know, Italian?

[After letting up on his assault a bit, Sam drags Tony to his feet and brings him to the ropes close to the corner where FDJ and Quell are impatiently waiting to get back into the match. He points a finger at both of them before going to whip Tony across the ring, only to get reversed and Irish whipped into the corner where Vinny is waiting. Tony, however, expecting Sam to rebound back a bit, moves into the corner where he suddenly is slapped on the back by Frank, at whom he turns and barks a bit before getting tossed out of the ring over the top rope by Frank.]

Angus:
Oh uh, Keebs, the big bastards are learning...

[At the same time, after hitting the corner, Sam gets tagged out by Vinny, who saw what FDJ did and mimicked the action, stepping in over the top rope. Sam is scooped up quickly by Vinny, who presses him overhead and chucks him to the outside.]

DDK:
It was only a matter of time before these behemoths got themselves involved.

[Quell, none too happy with the near miss, enters the ring and gets a huge head of steam behind her as she runs at Vinny. She attempts a high cross body but Vinny catches her with ease. Ryan Matthews, seeing an opportunity at a possible surprise attack, enters and runs the ropes and does the same to FDJ, who also catches him. By the time this has happened, Vinny has deposited Quell over the top rope on the far side onto Sam Horry. FDJ gets a good running start and returns the favor for his teammate by depositing Matthews squarely on the outside onto Tony Two Hands.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

DDK:
Big Vinny and Frank Dylan James are the only ones left in the ring.

Angus:
It’s time for some… MONSTARBRAWL!

[Standing at opposite ends of the ring, Vinny and Frank take notice that the crowd is going bonkers for the inevitable showdown. Scanning the crowd, almost in awe for a moment, it’s not until they lock eyes when they feel that surge of adrenaline kick in. Smiling, they don’t bother to circle or try any sort of feeling out process.]

[They. Just. Attack!]

RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Charging in, the two titans clash meet in the center of the ring and go nose to nose, while engaging in a verbal tirade until unleashing a flurry of bombs at each other.]

Angus:
YES! YES!! YES!!! YESS!11!!

[However!]

[On the outside, the four other participants, who were “peacefully” fighting amongst themselves on the outside stopped what they were doing when the crowd started going bananas. This brief pause, for whatever reason, reminded all four just who unceremoniously deposited them all out onto the floor.]

Angus:
What? NAAAAOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The sudden disappointment from crowd being caused by the sudden interjection of Matthews and Tony slide into the ring and bum rush FDJ, while Virginia takes to the ropes and lands on Vinny’s back while Sam does his best to further separate the two giants.]

Angus:
What the hell, man, they just ruined the best part of the match!

DDK:
Calm down, Angus, it’s not like you’ve never seen big sweaty guys working each other over before.

Angus:
Don’t project your “alternative” lifestyle on to me, fag.

[On one side Matthews and Tony Two Hands work over Frank Dylan James and on the other Horry and Quell do the same with Big Vinny. Matthews and Tony charge at Frank, toppling him over the top rope with a double clothesline. On the other side, Horry and Quell knock Vinny over after several hard kicks that end up sending him over the top as well... Neither side realizes as they step away that both monsters have landed on their feet on the outside...]

DDK:
Some unexpected teamwork from opposing sides.

Angus:
Damnit I wanted to see some big bastards brawling!

[With the giants FDJ and Big Vinny supposedly out of the picture, the momentary cooperation comes to a screeching halt when Cheap Heat starts to go to work on Tony Two Hands and Virginia Quell. Matthews pummels Tony in the corner with several hard elbows, meanwhile Horry is peppering Quell with a series of blows in the opposite corner. Matthews and Horry look back at each other before sending Tony and Quell into each other with stereo irish whips. Quell however has the presence of mind to dodge Tony, but ends up eating a superkick from Matthews as Tony gets tossed with a belly to belly suplex from Horry.]

DDK:
Some excellent teamwork there from Matthews and Horry!

Angus:
Pssh… they ain’t no Team Danger.

[Before Cheap Heat can revel in their success, they spy both Big Vinny and Frank Dylan James climbing up onto the apron from opposite sides of the ring. Horry flies at FDJ, scoring with a nice thrust kick to the chest while Matthews literally throws himself into Vinny to knock the largest man in DEFIANCE back down to the floor. With their backs turned, Quell and Tony both get back into the fight, blindsiding Matthews and Horry. With Quell now laying in some shots on Matthews and Horry getting the boots from Tony. On the outside however, two angry beasts stir once more.]

DDK:
Ooooh boy…

Angus:
They look pissed!

[Swinging a leg over the top ropes, both Vinny and Frank finally get back into the ring and beeline it to opposite sides. Frank going after Horry and Tony, while Vinny goes after Matthews and Quell. Grabbing a handful of Tony’s hair and taking him by the seat of his pants, Frank effortlessly heaves him up and over the top rope and then begins to stomp a mudhole in Horry before booting him from the ring as well. On the other side, Vinny crashes into Quell, crushing her AND Matthews at the same time between himself and the corner before sweeping them both out of the ring with his giant right foot.]

DDK:
Eff Dee Jay and Big Vinny have just cleared the ring in less than 60 seconds and I don’t think they realize they are the last two standing!

[With the fans wild cheering falling to a hush, the tension builds as Vinny and Frank back into each other, startling the other as they both rear back. Frank hollers something incoherent about Meatballs and Faggots before the two monsters rush at each other.]

Angus:
HOSS FYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYTE!!

[As if on cue, Frank cocks back his right hand and throws a fist that connects hard with the side of Vinny’s jaw, which staggers Vinny, who shakes out his head for a moment before repeating the action back in Frank’s direction. Frank staggers back a couple steps before touching the tender spot on his jaw and at that moment the switch seems to flip and the two begin trading thunderous haymakers to the delight of the crowd.]

Angus:
WHOOOO MONNNNNNNSTAAAAAARBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAWWWLLLL!!!!!!

[The action continues outside the ring, where Matthews momentarily shakes off Tony by running the two of them headlong into the ring steps but Matthews going up and over at the last second and landing on his feet after a tuck roll on the other side. He sees what’s going on in the ring and slowly sneaks around to one of the corners and gets up on the apron, keeping a kneeling stance for a moment and grabbing the tag rope so as not to get knocked off the apron.]

DDK:
I’m amazed it took this long for everything to get out of hand.

Angus:
ITS PANDA-LEERY-UHM!!

DDK:
YOU SAID THAT ALREADY!

[Just then, on the far side of the ring, Frank presses Vinny back to the ropes and slings him off to the same side Matthews is on, resulting in a quick hot tag as Vinny bounds off the ropes back into a clothesline from Frank, who, after seeing Vinny crash to the mat, goes for a quick cover.]

1.....2.....SAVED BY Tony!

[Miraculously Tony Two-Hands made it back to his feet and shook off the cobwebs fast enough to get into the ring and drop an elbow on the back of Frank’s head and break up the count.]

DDK:
Tony Two-Hands with a big save there.

Angus:
Yeah, but something tells me that Ol’ Frank ain’t gonna let that slide.

[Frank slowly gets back to his feet and stalks after Tony, grabbing him around the throat and pressing him back up against the ropes. As he does this, Vinny makes his way back to his feet and comes up behind Frank, dumping him over the top rope, saving Tony in the process.]

Angus:
WINNAH! WINNAH! VINNY IS THE LAST MAN STANDING!!

DDK:
You idiot, this isn’t a battle royal!

[Virginia Quell, who somehow found her way back into the ring, sneaks up behind Vinny and splits the uprights with a groan inducing low blow that brings the enormous Italian to his knees as Vinny crumples to the ground.]

Angus:
That frakkin’ ginger!

[Proud of her work, Quell isn’t given much time to celebrate when Tony Two Hands grabs her by the hair and sends her flying over the top rope. However, when Tony turns around he is met by a hard clothesline by Ryan Matthews, who was lying in wait, sending him over the top rope as well. Matthews turns around to see Horry on the far side of the now-recovering Vinny, and the two men nod to each other as if signalling something...]

DDK:
Matthews and Horry are sizing Vinny up for something.

Angus:
A new set of testicles? He might need ‘em after what just happened to him.

[Indeed, as a wobbly and wincing Vinny finally reaches his feet, he’s quickly taken off of them in quick, devastating fashion by Matthews sweeping his feet from under him while Horry connects with a spinning heel kick to the face.]

DDK:
TOTAL!

Angus:
ELIMINATION!

Angus:
TOTAL!

DDK:
ELIMINATION!

[The resulting combo impact dumps Vinny on the back of his head and neck with enough concussive force to render him helpless momentarily. Matthews, whom the ref signals is the legal man due to the earlier tag, goes for the cover and hooks the leg as Horry watches for any possible break up attempts...]

ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!


TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWO!


THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Matthews and Horry bail from the ring as to avoid any further drama from FDJ and Quell who rush into the ring as "Stroke Me" begins to play again. While Matthews and Horry make their way up the aisle they proceed to commence with their celebration. Meanwhile, the angry, dejected, and worried faces of their opponents tells the tale of their dismal futures. Especially in the case of Virginia Quell who realizes that she very likely in a bad way with Bronson Box.]

DDK:
What a way to open the show! Ryan Matthews and Sam Horry have just busted open the trios division for HNB here tonight, winning a shot at whoever wins tonight between Tre Brujas and the Philosopher Kings.

Angus:
Yeah, but do you see the looks on the faces of The Gorillas? They gon’ have some ‘splainin’ to do when they get back to their boss when they get done limping their asses to the back, especially if he doesn't make good in the main event. And what about Quell, Box gave her an ultimatum, win or you're outta here, I say good riddance... 'cause gingers ain't got souls.

DDK:
Yeah, you've mentioned that...

[Standing in the ring is Curtis Penn and he has been waiting, waiting long enough that he is leaning over the ropes chastising the time keeper and ring announcer. Finally, the somehow come up with a microphone and he snatches it roughly out of the ring announcer’s hand.]

[Penn walks over to the center and taps on the microphone.]

TAP… TAP… TAP.

Penn:
Just making sure it’s on; by the way things are moving around here it would be very likely that the audio wouldn’t be set up on time for my interview.

[He casts a glance towards the ring entrance waiting on the host for the show, Jeremiah Rainwood.]

Penn:
So, this guy has the balls to waste my time. The fuck is he anyway? The shit calls me up on my private number, how the hell he got the number I dunno, and begs me to be the first interview on his show. Of course I oblige him, figured a lil’ veteran rub would help out his cause. But if this is how he treats his guests….

[Burnin’ up by Seasick Steve hits the speakers to the sound of a small pop by the gathered fans in the Superdome.]

[After leaving a pregnant pause finally Rainwood walks out down the entrance ramp, slung over one shoulder are two blue deck chairs, each with “THE FRIDGE” haphazardly spray painted in white on the back, over the other a blue cooler bag filled to the brim with an assortment of bottles.]

[In no rush to get to Penn and start the interview, Rainwood took his usual relaxed approach to his ringside walk, even tossing a beer to an over excited fan. After taking a good two minutes to get to ringside he tossed the chairs and cooler into the ring before slowly hoisting himself into the ring and setting them up. Finally with Penn staring in slight disbelief Rainwood grabbed a microphone and rolled into one of the chairs motioning for Penn to do the same]

Penn:
Sit … in this?

[Penn walks around the chair, shakes it a bit, and it nearly falls apart.]

Penn:
Nah, I think I’ll stand.

Rainwood:

Fine by me Curtis, want a beverage. Its mainly what I raided from backstage a couple of minutes ago but there’s a decent selection in there.

[Curtis calmly shakes his head]

Rainwood:
No, O.k. then first question, Curt… can I call you Curt?

[Curtis gives a harmless grin.]

Penn:
No, Jerry you cannot.

[He drops the microphone from his lips.]

Rainwood:
Right, first question; Curtis, now that we got all that out the way, I’d like to thank you for being the first ever guest on The Fridge.

Penn:
You’re welcome.

Rainwood:
Seems that you’ve been doing a lot of interviews recently, how come?

[Penn turns his head towards the crowd, tilts his chin towards his chest, and speaks.]

Penn:
You had me waiting out here for almost fifteen minutes and the first question you ask me is why I’m doing these interviews. Well, Jerry…I’ve been doing interviews since the first day I’ve laced up a pair of boots. The better question would be why has my interviews been taking off over the last few weeks? And that reason would be because, unlike you, I’m entertaining. I say what’s on my mind and I’m no longer held down by a manager whose sole purpose was to put him over.

[Jeremiah nods.]

Rainwood:
I see... What I get from that is your PR is really sucky without your manager so you’re speaking to any Tom, Dick, or Harry in order to get the word out. Or is it that you like the sound of your own voice Penn?

[Penn gives a smirk.]

Penn:
Well it does have this bassy sexy type thing going on… so yeah I like the sound of my own voice. But, the real reason would be that I just can’t handle stupid and well everyone else in the Southern Heritage Title picture walks around with a bucket full of stupid. It really perturbs me that Dane stopped scouting talent and will now offer anyone a contract.

[Penn eyeballs Rainwood trying to make the connection between his comments and the host.]

Rainwood:
Oh those comments remind me, thank you for such a fine introduction to Defiance wrestling at the top of the segment, that really was as sweet as apple pie, see I’ve had a few welcomes when I got here to defiance but the fact you took an entire promo to welcome me that was so kind.

[Pause for effect.]

Penn:
Yeah, I thought I was working with someone who knew how to tell time, but you know as I said… bucket full of stupid.

[Things seem to be getting tense in the ring between the host and Curtis.]

Rainwood:
How does it feel to be a massive coward?

[Curtis is taken back by the accusation.]

Penn:
Coward?

[Penn’s open hand clinches into a fist.]

Rainwood:
Yeah a massive coward, leaving Jamie to have the shit kicked out of him, sound familiar?

Penn:
That’s called strategy and it’s called making a fucking point. The shit didn’t listen to me, he wanted to try and show me up, so I let the tard have it. Tucker and Alston get there last shot at the So Her Title and I get to make everyone’s life in the So Her division hell. It’s a win for me in the end any way it shakes out.

Rainwood:
That’s why you’re teaming with CVC right, oh sorry helping him retain the title as he’s the easiest opposition, cough, cough, sorry something in my throat.

But that’s why you’re going to help him out, because you’re both scared of Tucker and Alston.

[Curtis gnaws on his lower lip trying to make it through the interview without beaning the host.]

Penn:
That’s the second time you’ve insinuated that I was a cowards, most people don’t get a chance for a third. As far as the Chance thing goes, I’ve seen arrogance, cocky, and vulgar. I teamed with Pete Whealdon for shit’s sake. And he disgusts me, he’s done nothing with that title, I could help out Tucker or Turner, but they’ve had chance after chance to beat Chance and they could not pull it off. I’m done helping the weak get over in this business. If you can’t do it on your own from now on fuck off.

Rainwood:

Hmmm, interesting Penny, now see before we continue with the show, I think it’s time we bring out my next guest!

Penn:

You said this would be an exclusive Rainwood, what kind of crap you are trying to pull here?

Rainwood:

Well I thought it wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t invite the other member of our little party tonight, be a partisan host and all that. Jeremiah Rainwood is not a taker of favourites, unlike some in this ring.

[Rainwood shoots a cheeky glance]

Rainwood:

So without further-a-do, the other member of our little triple threat and a far better talker than Mr. Penn here. LASH GRAHAM!!

[The first note of Graham’s entrance music had barely left the speakers before Penn had starting raining blows down on Jeremiah’s skull, the suggestion that Lash was a better public speaker had been the straw that broke the mouthpieces back. The reinforced security for once did their job and separated the pair and dragged them to separate corners as Lash looked on from the top of the ramp. As they cleared the ring for the upcoming match, Jeremiah smirked cockily at the success of his first show.]

Quimbey:
The following contest is a three way dance! It is set for one fall, with no time limit!  Introducing first, already in the ring, from Memphis, Tennessee, and weighing in at 208 lbs! The Laid Back Legend! Jeremiah! RAAIIINNNWOOD!  His opponent! Hailing from Pensacola, Florida, and weighing in at 215 lbs! He is The Mouthpiece! CURTIS! PENNNN!!!!  Hailing from New Bedford, Massachusets, and weighing in at 230 lbs!  LASH!  GRAAAAAHAM!

♫ It's time to put on music ♫
♫ It's time to light the light ♫
♫ It's time to meet the muppets ♫
♫ On the muppet show tonight ♫

Angus:
I'm sorry. I know the kid's special, and that he's pretty good in the ring, but how in fuck's hell did that not get vetoed by anyone?
 

[Lash sprints from the back like a bat out of hell, slapping hands with the fans on his way to the ring. He leaps up on the ring apron and does a forward somersault over the top rope and into the ring. Running to the far corner he leaps onto the top rope and moonsaults off, landing on his feet in the center of the ring and playing to the crowd.]

DDK:
Do you have a favorite, Angus?

Angus:
Cancer Jiles.

DDK:
I meant in this match.

Angus:
Oh, then… no.

Ding Ding Ding

DDK:
The bell sounds and we’re underway!

[Lash Graham sets his armadillo down in his corner and turns to charge at Curtis Penn. Penn doesn’t have much time to react, but manages to elevate Lash over the top rope and Lash lands on the apron. Lash grabs Penn by the arm and spins him around, ducks a right hand from Penn and lands a shoulder tackle to the midsection. Lash flips his way into the ring, rolling over Penn’s back and straightens up right into a European uppercut from Jeremiah that knocks him to the mat.]

[Rainwood doesn’t follow up however, instead he takes step back and leans against the ropes, inviting Curtis Penn to grab a hold of the downed Lash Graham. Penn does so and pulls Lash to his feet before throwing him into the corner of the ring. Penn lands a few knees and a few kicks to the midsection of Graham, constantly looking over his shoulder at Rainwood, who is now sat on the middle rope.]

DDK:
Rainwood just seems to be watching what’s going on in the corner, and it seems to be confusing Penn.

Angus:
Curtis is a fight, Keebs. If Rainwood were backing off or trying to keep some distance he’d understand, but simply sitting back and doing nothing? That’s unorthodox to the max.

[Penn takes a little too long to evaluate what Rainwood is doing and turns into a straight kick to the midsection from Graham. Penn retaliates with a right but Lash lifts another kick, then another. Using the ropes Lash lifts himself up and onto the second rope, where he jumps off, flips over Penn, slides down the back and rolls him up in a sunset flip!]

[ONE!]

[T- Jeremiah Rainwood leaves his place on the ropes and delivers a nonchalant stomp to Graham, breaking up the pin.]

DDK:
Finally Rainwood does something, but he’s going to need to do a lot more if he wants that shot at the Southern Heritage championship.

[Jeremiah reaches down and grabs Lash to pull him to his feet. Curtis Penn meanwhile has rolled over and gotten back to his. Rainwood locks in a three-quarter facelock, but he can’t hold it for long as Penn drives a knee into his wide open side. Penn wraps his arms in a waistlock and takes Rainwood down with a belly to back slam. He floats over and locks in a front face lock, but Rainwood pushes up to his knees in an attempt to relieve as much pressure as he can.]

Angus:
Rainwood’s attitude might mean he’s light on the offence, but it also means he can stay cool, calm and collected when faced with a world class mat grappler like Curtis Penn.

[Penn seems quite happy to just hold Rainwood for the time being and wear him down slightly, but that’s brought to a swift end as Lash Graham hits a springboard moonsault, crashing down across the upper bodies of both men!]

DDK:
Rainwood’s larynx could be crushed!

[Jeremiah does indeed roll from the mass of bodies holding his throat, coughing and spluttering, but he insists to the referee that he’s fine. Graham meanwhile pulls Penn up off the mat and pushes him back into the ropes. Lash hits the other side, comes back, slides between Penn’s legs and grabs his ankles as he goes, tripping him and forcing his face to collide with the mat. Lash hops up onto the apron and climbs to the top rope, but his legs are pushed out from under him but a charging Jeremiah Rainwood.]

DDK:
I’ve got no idea what Graham was going for there, but I’m sure Curtis Penn is grateful that Jeremiah Rainwood is around.

[Still holding his throat Rainwood ignores the crotched Graham on the top rope and heads for Penn, who’s crawled away from the ropes and back into the middle of the ring. Jeremiah lands a headbutt into the small of Penn’s back and follows up with a European uppercut. Rainwood grabs Penn by the neck and shorts and sends him into the corner where Lash Graham is still perched, only Penn goes through the ropes and collides shoulder first with the ring post!]

[Jeremiah climbs over Penn and stands on his back as he’s still draped over the second turnbuckle and lands and right hand to Lash Graham. Still using Penn’s back as a platform Rainwood hooks Lash up for a suplex and takes him over and down to the canvas!]

Angus:
Rainwood might be laid back, but he’s not stupid. That superplex must have put over 400lbs of weight on the spine of Curtis Penn.

[Rainwood rolls over and covers Graham!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THR- Lash gets a shoulder up!]

DDK:
A nearfall off of the superplex and Jeremiah Rainwood looks to be in control now.

[Rainwood slowly peels Lash off of the mat and hooks both arms behind his back. He looks to hit the hook and ladder, but Curtis Penn comes in from behind with a chop block! Lash tumbles away as Penn lands a kick to Rainwood’s midsection, then chest, then shoulders, then finally head. Jeremiah’s almost out, but he doesn’t go down, so Penn locks in a front face lock again and drives him into the mat with a DDT.]

DDK:
Curtis Penn is getting pumped!

[Penn pulls Rainwood up and waistlocks him, he lifts Jeremiah for a German suplex, but Lash Graham runs in and takes both men down with a cross body. Only Rainwood stays down for long as Lash and Penn both get to their feet. Penn throws a right but Lash ducks it and nails a rolling kick that catches Curtis on the chin. Penn stumbles enough for Lash to get back to his feet, hammerlock Penn’s arm and take him over with a northern lights suplex! Lash sticks the landing for the cover!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[TH-Curtis Penn kicks out!]

DDK:
This time Lash Graham almost gets the near fall!

Angus:
I’d say that hammerlock was more of a help to Penn than a hinderance. I don’t think Graham could get the leverage he needed to keep the shoulders down.

[Lash gets back to his feet and stomps on Penn to keep him down before heading for the top rope. Lash steadies himself and launches himself with a flip, but he hits nothing but Canvas as Penn rolls out of the way of the senton. Penn quickly gets to his feet and locks a waistlock around Lash before German suplexing the shit out of him!]

[And again!]

[And a third!]

[Penn pulls Graham up and looks for a fourth suplex, but Jeremiah Rainwood runs in with the interupt. Penn spots him coming though and discards Graham to the side. Penn sticks out a foot and connects with Rainwood’s midsection, giving him enough time to hook Rainwood up and take him over with a snap suplex!]

[And another!]

[And a third!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
These fans are on their feet! Curtis Penn is a suplex machine!

Angus:
It’s been done.

[Rainwood rolls away after the third snap suplex and drops to the outside, leaving Penn in the ring with Lash Graham, who has just started to get to his feet after the Germans. Penn closes in quickly and grabs Lash’s arm, he wrenches it before using it to control Graham down to the mat where he tries to lock in a kimura!]

DDK:
Penn’s looking to finish this in the middle of the ring! Graham’s fighting it, but I don’t see how he can beat it!

[After a few seconds of struggling Graham succumbs and Penn sinks the Kimura in deep. Lash’s hand hovers above the mat, almost lowering on more than one occasion, but he keeps fighting! After a few more agonizing moments Lash is saved as Jeremiah Rainwood throws himself into the pile and lands an axehandle across Penn’s back!]

DDK:
Rainwood with the save! This thing is still going on!

[Jeremiah back off from Penn, who gets to his feet and looks at Rainwood with fire in his eyes. Penn charges in and looks for a double leg take down, but Rainwood steps back, lifts a knee and connects with Penn’s chin. Curtis tries to get to his feet but he’s on spaghetti legs after the knee, and can’t defend himself against a step up enziguri from Rainwood!]

Angus:
Like I said, his laid back nature really helps keep him composed for those counter opportunites. It’s a good attitude to have.

[Rainwood spots Lash Graham getting to his feet out of the corner of his eye and opts not to cover Penn.]

DDK:
What’s he doing?

Angus:
Oh, I wasn’t finished. If he wasn’t so laid back he’d know he needs to get on Graham or Penn or anyone right now! It’s a shitty attitude to have.

[Rainwood simply saunters over to his corner and sits himself on the top rope, waiting for Graham to get to his feet. As soon as he does though Rainwood hops down and charges in, taking Graham down with a clothesline. Lash almost bounces back up to his feet though and gets taken down again as Rainwood comes in with another clothesline!]

Angus:
Everybody hit three moves!

[Rainwood reclines against the top rope and salutes the fans before coming in with another clothesline, but Lash ducks it, hops up behind Rainwood and hooks his legs around the other arm with the crucifix!]

DDK:
Lash Graham looking for the finish!

Angus:
Too laid back, Keebs! Too laid back!

[Rainwood fights being taken by the Crucifix, but he can’t stay on his feet for long as Curtis Penn comes charging in!]

DDK:
YOUR FACE IS FUCKED!

Angus:
Holy shit, where did that come from! Curtis Penn comes in with that knee out of fucking nowhere!

[Penn even caught a little of Lash Graham as he followed through with the Busaiku Knee which breaks up the Crucifix before they all hit the floor in a pile. Penn pulls Lash up and throws him through the ropes before turning back to Rainwood.]

DDK:
Rainwood took the entire force of that knee, he’s out!

[That doesn’t stop Penn though, who grabs a hold of Rainwood and locks in a rear naked choke! The referee drops down in front of Rainwood, waves his hand in front of his face and immediately calls for the bell!]

Ding Ding Ding

Quimbey:
Here is your winner and the NEEWWWWWWWWWW number one contender for the Southern Heritage championship…

CURTIS PEEENNNNNNNNNN!

DDK:
The ref had no choice there.  If he’d let the Rear Naked Choke continue Jeremiah Rainwood could have been in serious trouble.

Angus:
Looks like he’s already in serious trouble, Keebs. We’ve got the medics on their way out.

[Curtis Penn exits the ring as the medics slide in and walks his way up the ramp, celebrating all the way.]

DDK:
It looks like Rainwood is moving, but the medics aren’t letting him go anywhere.

Angus:
If I had to guess at anything I’d say he’s got a concussion after that knee. Did you see the force behind it?

DDK:
Lash Graham only took a glancing blow, but he’s only just headed backstage.

Angus:
He looks ok though… Well, ok for him anyway. I don’t think it’s possible to scramble his brains anymore than they already are.

[Jeremiah Rainwood sits up in the ring to applause from the crowd. He rolls out of the ring and, albeit with help from the medics, walks to the back.]
 

[We cut to the backstage.]

[Kai Scott is ~walking~!]

[It’s almost funny to see Kai Scott standing alone, walking on his own two feet, even if he’s still got that stupid crutch he’s demonstrated over and over and over again he doesn’t actually need tucked under his arm.]

[And just before you get a chance to laugh, Heidi Christenson comes flying in from somewhere offscreen with a thrust kick right into the breadbasket.]

[The crutch goes flying out of his grip and Scott collapses to his hands and knees, and so Heidi kicks him in the ribs as hard as she can, knocking him over on his back.]

Heidi Christenson:
What the fuck made you think I wanted your help?!

[The Sexy Submission Siren grabs Scott by the head and neck, half picking him up then pinning him to the back of a nearby footlocker, back bent at an angle.]

Heidi:
What the fuck business is it of yours if I hurt Sawyer or not?  HE WAS MINE TO TORTURE AS I SAW FIT!  AND YOU FUCKING RUINED EVERYTHING!

[Scott is flung away from the footlocker and lands face down on the floor.  He’s smart.  Instead of trying to fight back or run, he curls up into a ball to protect himself.]

[Heidi drives two more kicks into his prone, turtled form.]

Heidi:
After I get done pulling Eric’s limbs off his body, I’m coming after you, you fucking coward.

[With one last kick at the Ace of Heels, Heidi storms off down the hall, fury and psychoses following her.]

[Scott raises his head to see if the coast is clear, groans, and drags himself over to the footlocker.]

[We cut back to the announce desk with Darren Keebler and Agnus Skaaland.]

DDK:
Kai Scott looking like he's already working with a physical deficit tonight! What, if anything will stop Heidi Christenson?

Angus:
Eric fuckin' Dane, that's what.

DDK:
Up next we've got an intense grudge rematch between two guys who couldn't possibly be more opposite. On one hand, you-

[He's interrupted by a hearty sneeze from Angus.]

DDK:
Bless you.

Angus:
Fuck off.

DDK:
Wow.

[A few acoustic chords begin to play softly over the sound system. They quickly give way to crushing electric power as Dokken's "Breaking the Chains" erupts from the speakers. Seth Stratton bursts onto the stage, a confident smirk on his face. Tens of women swoon. He makes his way down the aisle, taking great care not to let any fans touch him due to his mild OCD. He gingerly climbs into the ring using the steps, unlike the savage majority who choose to slide as if they were uncivilized beasts.]

Quimbey:
Making his way to the ring... from Atherton, California... Seth! Straaattttttttttton!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

DDK:
The crowd isn't too sweet on "The Sultan of Sweet" tonight, eh partner?

Angus:
Sharp as a tack, you are.

Quimbey:
And his opponent...

[The Mjolnir Mix of the Halo 2 Theme Song hits and the fans quickly change their tune. Eugene heads out from the back and waves uncomfortably to the crowd. He walks down to the ring and reluctantly slaps hands with a few fans before getting into the ring. He waves again and takes his place in the corner quietly.]

Quimbey:
Hailing from Buffalo, Wyoming... EUGENE DEEEEEWWWWEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Angus:
That dude is awkward as a cow on a crutch.

DDK:
Maybe so, but Eugene has truly been blossoming into a fantastic competitor since training with Faces of Death. His focus and physical condition have improved 200%.

Angus:
Now if only they could do something about his acne.

[Dewey waits patiently in his corner as Stratton eggs him on from the other side of the ring.]

DDK:
It looks like Stratton is trying to goad Eugene into a preemptive attack here, and the big guy's having none of it.

DING DING DING!

[With the match now officially underway, Eugene suddenly charges out of his corner like a bull, taking Stratton by surprise with a huge clothesline. Eugene wastes no time following up with a flurry of standing stomps, forcing Stratton to retreat under the bottom rope and out of the ring.]

DDK:
Woah! A terrific display of both patience and intensity from Dewey to overwhelm Stratton right out of the gate here, and the crowd is loving it!

[Referee "Buffalo" Brian Slater immediately starts a ten count as Stratton circles around the outside of the ring, jeering at the fans and doing his best to reenter the ring at the greatest possible distance from Dewey. He finally slithers back in under the bottom rope and scrambles to his feet just in time to duck a huge haymaker from Eugene. However, he can't avoid the side kick that comes next. Eugene grabs a staggering Stratton and hoists him up and over for a nicely executed vertical suplex.]

DDK:
Dewey is all business tonight, folks!

Angus:
Yeah, it's like he came into this match on star power.

DDK:
Is that some kind of drug?

Angus:
What? No! It's like a... god damnit, Keebs, play a fucking video game sometime.

[Eugene lands an elbow drop and stays onboard for the cover.]

1...

DDK:
Kick out! It's going to take more than that.

Angus:
Hey, don't underestimate the displeasure of any part of Eugene falling on you. That must've been awful.

[Stratton is slow to get back to his feet and Eugene grabs a fistful of the smaller man's hair to accelerate the process. However, he plays right into Stratton's ploy and falls victim to a nasty eye rake. Eugene steps back, clutching his face in pain as the Brian Slater gets in Seth Stratton's face to issue an angry warning.]

DDK:
Plenty of interesting history between Stratton and "Buffalo" Brian Slater, folks. Slater has every right to hate him after Stratton tricked him and locked him in a closet while Slater was watching Stratton on a security assignment from Dane.

Angus:
Think he'll call the match straight?

DDK:
Absolutely.

[Stratton brushes Slater aside and pursues Eugene with a rapid series of chest slaps before sending him to the ropes with an Irish Whip. As Eugene comes back, Stratton fakes like he's going to strike high with a clothesline, but drops down at the last second to deliver a brutal kick to Eugene's knee cap. Dewey clutches his leg and goes down hard.]

DDK:
Seth Stratton with the upper hand now, slowing things down and slapping on a cross leglock. Smart bit of wrestling following that kick to the knee, it looks like he's trying to take Dewey's right leg out of the equation.

[The fans rally behind Eugene as he tries to fight his way to the ropes, face screwed up in silent pain. Brian Slater glides in to check for a submission and doesn't get one. Stratton hurls a slew of indecipherable insults at his opponent as he continues to power his way to the side of the ring.]

DDK:
And... Eugene's got the bottom rope!

Angus:
But the sonofabitch ain't letting go!

[Slater hollers at Stratton to break the hold as Dewey clutches the bottom rope in agony. He begins a quick count and Stratton finally releases at 4.]

DDK:
Stratton now taking a chance to showboat for the fans instead of following up.

Angus:
Very rarely a good idea.

DDK:
Very rarely.

Angus:
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I not emphasize it enough for you the first time?

[Sure enough, by the time Stratton turns his attention back to Eugene, he's made his way back to his feet. Despite hobbling a bit, Eugene gets the upper hand in a quick exchange of punches and uses his size advantage to throw Stratton into the corner. Stratton bounces off the turnbuckle post and stumbles involuntarily back toward Eugene, who scoops him up and drops him hard with a sidewalk slam.]

DDK:
Dewey showing some power there with a ring-shaking sidewalk slam!

Angus:
Please. Everything that fatty mcfatterson does is ring-shaking.

DDK:
He's really not fat anymore, Eugene's been looking great since-

Angus:
He's Fatman, he drove here from the Fatcave in his Fatmobile with a utility belt full of Fatterangs.   

DDK:
...you done?

Angus:
He is The Mad Fatter. Fatatouille.

DDK:
Ok.

[Eugene has a groggy Seth Stratton back on his feet and reeling from a nasty chop to the throat. He moves to grab Stratton for a DDT, but The Sultan of Sweet stomps on Dewey's foot and lands a quick dropkick to his bad leg. Eugene stays on his feet, clutching his leg in pain as Stratton once again scrambles to put some distance between the two of them.]

DDK:
While it's hard to find any good things to say about Stratton in terms of morals or character, he does have impeccable survival instincts.   

Angus:
He's a chicken shit pain in the ass, is what you're saying.

DDK:
Yes. Albeit an effective one.

[The fans boo as Stratton dances in and out of Eugene's reach, taking advantage of his opponent's limited mobility due to the pain in his leg. Stratton waits for Eugene to swing just a little too far before ducking under the punch, getting behind Eugene, and taking the big guy down with a bulldog. He immediately pounces on Eugene and goes for the pin.]

1...

2...

DDK:
Ha! Stratton was using the ropes for an illegal leverage and Brian Slater caught him mid-count!

[Slater angrily reprimands Stratton, who of course feigns complete innocence and screams back at "Buffalo" Brian for not finishing the count. Disgusted, he finally turns back to Eugene and brings him to his feet to set up a piledriver. However, Dewey uses the position to his advantage, wrapping his arms around one of Stratton's legs and tackling forward, bringing them both crashing to the mat in a heap.]

DDK:
Eugene's raining a hellish flurry of punches down on Stratton's face and chest! Stratton just trying to cover up!

Angus:
Beast mode activated.

 [After pummeling Stratton for another twenty seconds, Eugene hoists him back to his feet and sends him to the ropes. He catches him on the way back with a huge back body drop. Stratton hits the mat so hard that he bounces back to his feet, stumbling and staggering. He regains his balance and turns to face Eugene just in time for...]

Eugene:
SHORYUUUUKEN!!!!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Angus:
Lights out!

[Eugene catches Stratton square in the jaw with his famed twisting uppercut and the crafty former tennis player soars back and hits the mat with a graceless thud. Eugene limps quickly to where his opponent landed and falls on top of him for the pin.]

1...

2...

3!

DING DING DING!

DDK:
And that's all she wrote, folks! Eugene Dewey picks up a big win here at Ascension!

Quimbey:
Your winner by pinfall... EUGENE! DEEEWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

[The Halo 2 theme pumps through the arena once again as Dewey climbs to his feet and has his hand hoisted in victory by a smug looking "Buffalo" Brian Slater.]

Angus:
Welp, Slater is as happy about the results of this one as the fans are.

DDK:
Indeed, partner! Stratton tried every shortcut and trick he could muster, but in the end, it was Eugene Dewey who pulled out a well deserved win. This should give him a lot of momentum leading into the coming weeks here in Defiance!

Angus:
Yeah, if we can find anywhere to do shows after this.

DDK:
Granted.

[Eugene rolls out under the bottom rope and, despite the pain in his leg, makes his way back up the entrance ramp unassisted. The nearby fans reach out and pat him on the back as he goes.]

DDK:
Stay tuned, folks! Plenty more action on the way, including a three way showdown for the Southern Heritage title coming up next!

[A camera catches up with Curtis Penn after his Southern Heritage Number One Contender’s match. Still dripping with sweat from his practice match, Curtis has his shoulder covered with a black towel to help dry him off. ]

Penn:
Gonna keep this short and sweet. You see what I did to those two assholes out there, that’s what happens when you piss me off.  I don’t make it look pretty either; I beat you, submit you, and forget about you.

[With a grin, he looks into the camera.]

Penn:
You see the other three in the So Her Title match have done infinitely more than the other two did to deserve their beating. Imagine…

[He taps his temple.]

Penn:
Use your thick skulls and come up with the ways I’m going to dismember them not only tonight, but until I’m satisfied with their squealing.

[Fade out.]

Angus:
Yeah, well we're...

[Lights all around the arena dim to almost pitch black.]

[Static on the DEFIAtron]

[A wrestling ring. Three silhouettes of various sizes stand in a straight line in the ring and look to the match.  The tallest silhouette comes to light in the ring first, revealing a large man with an olive-skinned complexion with a ripped physique.]

??:
This is my dream. This is my chance.  This is where I need to be.

[His arms are folded in that “casually smiling like I’m in a Fox TV ad” way as he half-smirks at the camera.

Angel:
I’m Angel Trinidad aka The Rookie Monster.  One of wrestling's youngest giants here to leave a mark on this buisness! I’m a man of many sides.  I can be funny.

[The same half-smirk is still on his face.]

Angel:
I can be mysterious.

[What is his attempt at looking intimidating comes off more as a completely blank expression.]

Angel:
I can be entertaining.

[Back to the half-smirk.]

Angel:
And most importantly, I can be dangerous.

[He looks KINDA meanish now.]

Angel:
But I’m here with some friends!  DEFIANCE, thanks for having us!  We’re coming soon and we’re gonna whoop some HOSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

[The second silhouette fades in and in the shadow is a face that some of the DEFIANCE fans may recognize from wrestling a lifetime ago in the Internet Wrestling Organization.  The big, burly man with a brown buzzcut has his arms folded and looks ready to choke a bitch.]

Capital Punishment:
Yeah, I’ve been famous once upon a time and I’ve been out of the spotlight for the better part of a decade, but I’m here because I NEED this.  After my last organization folded, I was gonna head back into retirement quietly, but that itch… it never really goes away, you know?

[A screenshot of some unnamed opponent getting his signature Gargoyle Suplex.  Another of a big dangerous Spinebuster.  Finally one of a big Uranage Suplex… his finisher, the Death Penalty…]

Capital Punishment:
I’m here mentoring one eager powerhouse aching to learn and another that could already be on his way to great things if he just kept his fucking mouth shut.  I’m coming in and I’m fighting for one last shot; just one more.  I KNOW I can do this. The rest of the world needs to see that, too.  

[Cappy looks angry now he clutches his fists, ready for a fight.]

Capital Punishment:
I’ve only got one more thing to say.  It’s a shitty catchphrase from about twelve years ago, but it’s been around longer than most organizations have been alive.  DEFIANCE… prepare to be EXECUTED.  …Yeah, that’s still shitty.

[The last of the three silhouettes in the ring comes to light finally, showing a very confident and muscled man of mixed race.  He runs his hands through his fauxhawk and smiles some unnaturally pearly white teeth. In a light British accent, he speaks up.]

Aleczander:
I’m the last and best of this little group comin’ to DEFIANCE.  Name’s Aleczander, loves, but I go by many names.  I’m the Mancunian Muscle.  I’m the Big Brit.  I’m Aleczander The Great!  But pretty soon, you’ll be calling me a champion, mates!

[Aleczander continues to flex off his muscles.  Not saying anything here, but he COULD have more in common with Barry Bonds than a mutual enjoyment of baseball…]

Aleczander:
I look like a star, I talk like a star… hell, I AM a star!  I’m gonna carry these two other slugs to some more gold and we’re gonna do great things in DEFIANCE!  Then I’m gonna have me way with all your women! Tres Brujas are lookin’ mighty fine, I must say… I’d like to see ‘em wear nothin’ but those Trios belts… Can we make that happen?

[Back to all three men standing in the ring… Four corners… three men… two words… one team…

Angel:
THE HOSTILE ORDER OF STRONG SOLDIERS!  TEAM HOSS… ROLL OUT!

Capital Punishment:
…No.

Aleczander:
So where we at on this naked Tres Brujas thing?

[All three men keep yelling over one another as the words appear on screen…]

[TEAM HOSS!  COMING SOON!  DEFIANCE!]

[We cut back to ringside to Darren and Angus.]

DDK:
The trios division getting deeper and deeper, partner.

Angus:
Hope there's still a DEFIANCE for these greenhorns to come soon TO tomorrow...

[Cut to ringside, Angus Skaaland and "Downtown" Darren Keebler at the Commentation Station.]

DDK:
Well folks, I'm afraid we've got some bad news. As you probably realize, this is the slot in the program where we were going to have Christian Light take on Tyrone Walker for the first time ever, but sadly-

[Angus cuts him off.]

Angus:
Light bailed like a faggot.

DDK:
He did not!

Angus:
Well he ain't here. And he ain't at his hotel room. As far as anybody can tell, he ain't nowhere near New Orleans tonight. Like I said: Bailed. Like. A. Faggot.

DDK:
Well, truth be told nobody has seen hide or hair of the former multi-time World Champion and hall of fame competitor. Needless to say everyone here at DEFIANCE is disappointed at this development.

Angus:
Especially Ty. Black Jesus is PISSED.

DDK:
Check back on DEFIANCE wrestling dot com for more details as we get them, but in the mean time we've still got three Main Event matches to bring you!

Angus:
And I can pretty much guarantee you that somebody is going to the hospital. Well, somebody else...

[Cut away.]

DDK:
Up next we're excited to... wait, I'm getting word in my ear we have an update on Kai Scott after that assault from Heidi Christenson earlier.

[We cut backstage, in Iris Davine’s medic’s office.]

[Kai Scott is standing.  He’s wearing his wrestling trunks, but nothing else - even his boots are unlaced and sitting on a bench.  His arms are out to his sides as Iris prods the right side of his ribcage. Road agent Wyatt Bronson is also there.]

Iris Davine:
Nothing on this side feels broken.  Any unusual soreness?

Kai Scott:
Well, that whole place where she kicked me is pretty sore, but no broken bone type soreness.

Iris:
I see.  

Scott:
So am I cleared to wrestle?

Iris:
I didn’t find anything.  That doesn’t mean you didn’t suffer any damage.  We don’t have an x-ray machine here, you really ought to get a full medical examination at a hospital.  

Scott:
You didn’t find anything broken, did you?

Iris:
All that means is that I didn’t find anything.  What we just did is the most basic of tests.

Scott:
Yeah.  Well, look.  I worked hard to get this title shot.  I’m in my mid thirties, it might be the last one I ever get…

Wyatt Bronson:
Now I could be mistaken, but weren’t you just bragging earlier about how little work you did to get this match?

[Iris glares at Kai.  If Kai were a few decades younger, he’d be heading to his room with his head down.]

Bronson:
Still, if Iris didn’t find an injury and you’re sure you still want to wrestle tonight, I’ve got no reason not to allow it.  You’re sure?

Scott:
Absolutely.

[Bronson shrugs, looks at Iris.]

Bronson:
Well, that’s that then.  Get your boots laced Scott.

[And Kai proceeds to put his foot up on a chair and start working it into his boot.  It’s hard on a back, but when you’re the Ace of Heels you don’t have a buddy to help lace your boots up.]

Iris:
Well, if you go out there you’re going with your ribs wrapped.

[She produces a roll of medical tape from somewhere.]

[Nothing more to see here. Back to ringside.]

DDK:
Kai Scott will be walking out with a big target around his waist tonight in our main event.

Angus:
I'm sure Kai'll find a way, resilient piece of shit.  

DDK:
I... yes, I'm being told by the truck that Christie Zane has caught up with the FORMER Trios champs for a word just backstage.

[Backstage.]

[Christie Zane has a microphone.]

[You'll be forgiven for being disappointed that she didn't wear something extra-skimpy for the PPV, but she didn't.  She's wearing a blouse and miniskirt, and she's honestly not the important part of this scene.]

[Tres Brujas, tired, sweaty, and in the case of Claira St. Sure still breathing heavily, are. Diane looks discouraged.  Lisa looks bitchy.  As for Claira, she looks like she's half a second away from exploding.]

Christie Zane:
I'm backstage with Tres Brujas, and ladies, I'm really sorry to bother you, but I was told to interview you about the match you just lost.

Diane Parker: [sighing]
I know.  Just... ask us whatever and get this over with.

Lisa Loeh:
Ask them about whatever.  I can't believe this...

[And Lisa stalks off down the hallway.]

Christie:
Well, I guess my first question is, what was that all about?

Diane:
I guess Lisa's just a sore loser who was never really part of the team.

[A funny sort of soft growl from Claira.]

Christie:
You already had one win over the Philosopher Kings.  What went wrong this time?

[Diane looks at Claira.  Claira's looking at the ground and doesn't look up.]

Diane:
Troy Matthews has a really fast enzuigiri and I guess we just weren't quick enough.  But you know what? That was just this one time.  We earned our way to those belts, we'll get them back in no time.

Claira St. Sure: [quietly]
Fuck that.

[Record scratch.]

Diane:
What?

[And then, the Lady in Red explodes.]

Claira:
WHAT THE HELL YOU CARE 'BOUT THE TEAM WHEN YOU NEVER DO NOTHIN' BUT INSULT LISA?!

Diane:
But... we can...

Claira:
WE PROBLY ALREADY DONE IT!  OR I DONE! 

[Diane doesn't say anything.  But it's obvious to anyone who isn't blind that she's hurt. Claira whirls around on the interviewer.]

Claira:
Christie, you know I beaten every wrestler in that ladder war here in DEF except Python, an' I beat him back in the WfWA four years ago. But you know what?  Edward White an' Cancer Jiles an' Bronson Box an' Dan Ryan an' all them are always up there 'round the titles.  I lose ONCE, an it's 'get out the way for de guys who been workin for Dane since the old days.'

[Deep breath.]

Claira:
I never got a World Title shot.  I been proving myself an' breaking my back since I got into DEF, and I already being forgotten even though I standing RIGHT FUCKING HERE! I BE HALF FORGOTTEN AN I NO EVEN RETIRE!

[Claira usually tries to hide her Jamaican accent.  The angrier she gets, the more of it slips out.]

Claira:
I not want to earn another Trios shot or another FIST shot.  I play by de rules an I get no thing to show it for!

[The fury slowly burns itself out.]

Claira:
I want to know if I'm just wasting my time here in Defiance.

[Claira looks back at the floor.  Christie Zane stands well back, still hanging onto the microphone but mostly just trying to stay out of reach of angry wrestlers.]

Diane:
Is... that what's wrong?

Claira:
Ya. 

Diane:
I'm sorry.  I was so glad to get to wrestle that I forgot to worry about...

Claira:
No! Don't be sorry, I can't get mad at you for...

Diane:
Yeah you can.  But it's alright.  I'll go get Lisa, and then, we'll make something happen.

[Diane smiles.]

[Claira smiles back.]

[And then they leave in the same direction Lisa went a few minutes ago, leaving a slightly confused looking Christie Zane standing there.]

Christie:
Um... angry words from the former Trios Champions, and obviously I don't have any idea what they're going to make happen because they didn't tell me.

[Cut back to the ringside announce table.]

Angus:
So now we have Tres Brujas on the warpath? Bitches be CRAZY.

DDK:
I fear for the pour soul or souls that experience this happening from Claira and the girls. 

[Dan Ryan is backstage in his dressing room taping up his wrists and preparing for the match. Sensing a presence behind him, he pauses and turns slowly. The camera pans with him and the Superdome crowd pops big time when we find…]

Python:
Hey, bud. Just wanted to check in and make sure everything’s cool, you know?

Dan Ryan:
I’m focused. I’m ready -- all set to take care of business. Why do you ask?

[Still dressed in his street clothes, Python shrugs and leans casually against a wall, carefully fixing his gaze on a poster hanging on the other side of the room.]

Python:
I don’t know, man. I just… you know, I heard some of the stuff you said the other day, and I wanted to make sure you were just blowing off steam or whatever.

Dan Ryan:
What do you think?

[A pause. Python was never one for beating around the bush, but he knows when to tread carefully.]

Python:
I… I think that there’s a place inside every one of us that we should never set foot in, even when it seems like there’s nowhere else to go. And I think you’re standing in it

Dan Ryan:
So -- you’re telling me to go easy on Bronson Box, is that it? Going easy on this guy? You know him better even than I do. Why should I do anything less than what needs to be done?

Python:
You’re a great fighter and a great man, Dan. A better one you think you are, I’ve seen it. You can be whichever one you choose, but it’s up to you. Remember that, my friend.

Dan Ryan:
Look -- [Ryan puts a hand on Python’s shoulder] -- I appreciate what you’re doing, I really do. It might not come to that. I hope it doesn’t. But this is bigger than just another wrestling match. I have to make sure Bronson Box understands that this isn’t a joke. I’m not some scared shitless kid who’s gonna run away when things get messy. I have to do this my way.

[Dan Ryan turns his back on the young high flyer and moves to return to taping up, now turning to his knees as he sits down.]

Python:
Hey!

[The Ego Buster pauses. Looks back over his shoulder at Python, who’s ditched the feigned nonchalance and is now standing straight up and facing him directly. A loaded silence, before…]

Python:
Kick some ass out there, huh?

[Ryan looks up as Python holds out his fist. Ryan raises an eyebrow, hesitating, then smirks and bumps his fist against Python’s. Python returns the smirk, then turns and leaves. Ryan finishes with his knees, then gets up and heads to the door, ready to head down the hall to the gorilla position. As he steps out, just to his left, The Ace of Heels Kai Scott is leaning against the wall.]

Scott:
He's wrong, you know.

[Dan's head snaps to the left, daggers in his eyes.]

Scott:
This is DEFIANCE, Dan. Things don't work just right around here. You gotta do what you got to do. Ask Heidi. Hell, ask your opponent tonight.

[Kai smiles.]

Scott:
Good luck out there champ. Just remember, things HAPPEN around here when you MAKE them happen.

[Before Ryan can reply, Kai stands straight and walks off down the hall, leaving Ryan looking in his direction quizzically.]

[Backstage.]

“Fuck. Off.”

[Trainers are trying to work on DA BAWS, but Eric Dane, with his head wrapped in heavy bandages that are already being soaked through is being uncooperative at best with the people trying to patch him up.]

“You paid these guys, let ‘em do their job.”

[Of course, friend, business partner, and perhaps on this night the mans own personal savior, Tyrone Walker attempts to talk some sense into him. For his own part, Walker’s shirt and hands are also covered in a layer of the Only Star’s blood.]

Dane:
Whatever.

[Dane shoves the people in front of him out of his way, sliding himself off of an equipment crate and stands on momentarily wobbly feet. A staffer moves in to help steady him, but gets the evil eye and thinks twice. For Ty’s part, he merely shrugs at those staff members who look to him to intervene on their behalf.]

Walker:
Right. Who needs common sense?

Dane:
It’s worked for us so far.

Walker:
More or less, yeah.

[At this point the two lifers are pretty much left to their own devices. Ty’s clothes are gross, covered in bits of Dane’s brain and whatnot, and Dane is an absolute mess. He’s still got layers of congealed blood stuck to his face, his hand is  wrapped from where Heidi tried to bite off a finger, his grayish-blond hair is still orange and red with blood… It’s like the end of a Horror movie.]

Dane:
Anything on Light yet?

Walker:
Nah, Kelly’s been on the phone with everybody’s he’s ever met. Nobody knows nuthin’ nowhere. It’s like he just up an’ ghosted on us.

[The Boss pulls a glob of what looks like red lettuce off of his face.]

Dane:
What about you? You good with this?

Walker:
Not really, but what the hell, if the bitch ain’t happened more than 10 years after the shit went down, maybe it just ain’t meant to go down. I just wanted to get it over with, so he’d get over it

Dane:
Well, he’s over it now, whether he likes it or not.

Walker:
Yeah? What’sat mean, anyhow.

[Eric mulls it over.]

Dane:
It means what it means. He’s useless to me until he gets whatever his shit happens to be, together. Like I said earlier, I don’t have the patience to babysit anyone, anymore.

Walker:
Word. So yeah, Jeffro, huh?

[Dane nods. Walker walks. They continue on down the hallway.]

[Back to the booth.]