Guerrilla Grindhouse World Tour 05

[Cut to the ring, with “Symphony of Destruction” by Megadeth resonating. A huge hulk of a cowboy standing 6’8” with a size 8+ black cowboy hat parts the curtains and makes his way to the ring, stern expression on his face.]

Darren “DQ” Quimbey:
The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from SILVERHILL, ALABAMA…weighing in at THREE hundred SEVENTY pounds…LUKE! WINDHAM!

DDK:
I have to tell you, I’m always impressed by the sheer size of the big rookie!

Angus:
What in the hell do they feed people in Alabama?

DDK:
...Food? How does ANYONE get to be this size?

[“Airship Pirate” by Abney Park blares out through the speakers as a brand-new talent steps through the curtains. He stands around 6’3” with a shock of red hair, a mustache,  and a bright pair of red welding goggles strapped down over his eyes. He walks with something between a hunched-over strut and a power-walk to the ring, a wild grin on his face as he points and nods to the occasional bewildered fan. He removes his goggles and hands them to referee Mark Shields and strikes a fisticuffs pose, burning a hole in Windham’s chest with his eyes.]

Quimbey:
And his opponent…from SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA…weighing in at TWO hundred THIRTY seven pounds…HENRY! KEYES!

Angus:
The hell is this guy?

DDK:
I’ve said it before – Defiance has an aptitude for attracting some of the most eccentric and wild personalities in all of professional wrestling!

Angus:
The man looks like he belongs in a different time period…I’ll give it to him that he wants to throw down and make his mark, but against a man Luke Windham’s size?? Does this guy have a death wish?

DDK:
Henry Keyes has been highly touted by Defiance brass, and he’s certainly looking to make his mark here tonight!

[Mark Shields calls for the bell as the two men begin to circle each other. Keyes charges forward looking to lock up, only to be shoved to his ass by Windham. Keyes bolts up and immediately charges again for a lock up, and is shoved down once again.]

DDK:
One thing Keyes sure seems to have is a motor, but it looks like he’s going to need a wildly different strategy if he’s going to have a chance here…

[Keyes bolts up once again and feigns an attempt at a third lock up, only to duck beneath Windham’s massive arms. He whirls around and throws a series of straight elbow strikes into Windham’s head and chest, briefly staggering the big man.]

Angus:
You mean like that?

DDK:
He’s certainly doing his best to pick up some momentum here!

[Keyes locks Windham’s arm up in an Irish Whip attempt, only to be rebuffed by the sheer size of Windham. A second attempt, Windham whiffs wildly on a short arm clothesline attempt. Keyes throws a big European Uppercut that connects, to which Windham responds with a big right hand. Another Uppercut, another big right hand. Right hand. Right hand. Windham has Keyes reeling and picks him up for a thunderous bodyslam.]

DDK:
Windham showing off his power here and here’s the cover! 1…2, and a kickout by Keyes.

Angus:
Is Keyes going to seriously try to go blow-for-blow with this guy? That’s a losing battle if I ever saw one…

DDK:
Windham’s pulling Keyes up by the hair, and THERE’S a quick spinning back elbow by Keyes, RIGHT in the ribs! That’s got Windham stunned here! A step back, another spinning back elbow! Reaching up…what was that??

Angus:
Did Keyes just slap Windham on both sides of his head at the same time?

DDK:
Some kind of bell clap here, but it’s certainly effective! He’s reaching back, another bell clap! Another! Boy, this is some bizarre offense – but it looks like he’s got Windham dazed here!

Angus:
Keyes sure seems to like to repeat his moves a few times in a row, doesn’t he?

DDK:
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! Keyes off the ropes now, misses with the clothesline! Coming back – SPINEBUSTER BY WINDHAM! That came out of NOWHERE! Here’s the cover!

1!

2!

NO! Kick out by Keyes!

Angus:
This is the problem: he’s a 230 pound man who thinks he’s a damn 330 pound man…if you got the juice you got the juice, but if you don’t, you’re gonna look like a damn fool!

DDK:
Windham has Keyes up again, and he’s lifted him up over his shoulder! Looks like he’s going to try for another power slam here – wait! Keyes has that arm wrapped around Windham’s neck!

[Windham continues to attempt to throw Keyes off him, but Keyes has him held in an elevated version of a Front Chancery. The grip gets cinched harder and harder until Keyes is finally lowered to the ground, Windham nearly falling to his knees. Keyes looks out to the crowd and lets out a raucous laugh as he drops Windham for a DDT, covering for a 2 count.]

DDK:
Keyes may be turning a corner here!

Angus:
I’ll believe it when I see it.

[Keyes attempts a Full Nelson but struggles to get it securely locked in due to the sheer mass of Windham. Windham backpedals desperately and rams Keyes into the corner. Grabbing the middle ropes, he lowers down and begins to ram his shoulder repeatedly into Keyes’ midsection. Windham cinches Keyes in and attempts to go for a suplex, only for Keyes to lock his legs into Windham’s to block the attempt. Another suplex attempt, another block. Keyes throws a few quick elbows into Windham’s ribs and attempts a suplex of his own, only for the attempt to fail due once again to Windham’s 370 pound frame. Keyes throws a Bell Clap in and gives himself some breathing room.]

DDK:
We appear to be at some sort of stalemate here.

Angus:
Keyes is too much of a wily freak for Windham, and Windham’s just too big for Keyes! Someone’s gotta show us something here, otherwise we’ve got a case of two losers who don’t know how to finish.

DDK:
Don’t count either man out here yet – they’re throwing themselves at each other and both of them clearly love a good old fashioned fight!

[Keyes gets a glimmer in his eye as he sprints forward and delivers a hard European Uppercut square in Windham’s jaw. He backs up, sprints forward a second time and delivers another Uppercut. This, coupled with the earlier Bell Clap, leads Windham to go on a bit of a dazed autopilot, attempting to get out of harm’s way by slowly making his way up the turnbuckles. Keyes joins him, linking Windham’s arm over his shoulder in a superplex attempt. Blows are traded on the top rope, with Windham throwing the decisive hamhock that sends Keyes off the ropes rolling briefly backwards, clutching his left eye for a moment. Windham appears to take a second to collect himself, breathing heavily. Keyes pops up.]

DDK:
What are we going to get here now?

Angus:
All I know is, Keyes better think again if he’s just going to blindly rush into things again.

DDK:
Well, he isn’t taking your advice, he’s sprinting now – WAIT A MINUTE – CLOCKWORK! CLOCKWORK! Henry Keyes with a BIG TIME belly-to-belly suplex off the top rope and the ring is STILL shaking!!

Angus:
How the hell did he pull that one off?

DDK:
Here’s the cover!

1!

2!

3!

[Mark Shields signals for the bell as “Airship Pirate” resonates once again through the ring. Keyes, though a little groggy and with the hint of a shiner forming over his left eye, raises his arms in triumph.]

DDK:
Bizarre or not, Henry Keyes just came in here and threw a 370 pound man from the top rope of that ring onto his BACK. A strong showing for Defiance’s newest import, and I gotta say – there seems to be no quit in that man.

Angus:
It worked here, but EYE gotta say…that blind charge bullshit he went for over and over? It’s going to get him into trouble some day.
 

[Backstage.]

[The Mastodon stands guard outside the private locker room of the Blood Diamonds with his meaty paws clutched around the giant chain wrapped around his neck, every so often the chains jangle when he tugs at them.]

“Hey, brother.”

[Calls the voice of the Wild Bronco.]

[Dusty Griffith approaches his old friend, Frank Dylan James, who only barely shifts his eyes to take sight of the man as he walks up.]

Dusty:
I’ve been meanin’ to talk to you, Frank, but it looks like you got yourself some trouble with that sawed off, psycho, Bronson Box.

[FDJ bristles at the mention of his taskmaster. Griffith picks up on it.]

Dusty:
C’mon, brother, talk to me. At least tell me how deep you’re in around here?

[Frank hears something behind the door, causing him to eye Dusty, as if trying to tell him to leave before more trouble comes for both of them.]

Frank:
Ah… Ah cain’t.

[He looks to the door as the sound of the knob being gripped from the other side is heard. The monstrous FDJ bristles in dreadful anticipation for what’s coming from behind the door. Griffith on the other hand stares at the door and then to his distressed friend and back to the door, a steeled determination washing over him.]

Dusty:
The hell with that.

“Yes, hell indeed, Mr. Griffith.”

[Enter Edward White, along with the gigantic Nicky Corozzo.]

White:
Frank, you’re dismissed. We’ll discuss your inability to remove undesirable transients from our door later.

[Frank sighs and makes to leave.]

Dusty:
The hell?

White:
Mr. Corozzo, would you be so kind.

[The enormous Nicky Corozzo closes in on Dusty, stopping him from further intervention which causes Frank to pause. Before Dusty knows it, he’s grabbed by one of Corozzo’s enormous mitts and planted against the wall behind him. Smiling, Edward White approaches while Frank watches on.]

White:
You don’t seem to grasp the fine print of this situation, Mr. Griffith. Frank Dylan James is my property, he has no friends or loyalties to anyone or anything outside of the Blood Diamonds.

[White approaches closer as Dusty struggles against the strength of Corozzo’s grip.]

White:
Now, this doesn’t have to get uncivilized, I’m sure you’re quite willing to rush into harms way to be the hero of what, I’m sure, you see as a worthy crusade.

[White sighs with a mock exasperation, holding a hand to his brow.]

White:
However, I see that as a pointless waste of all or our time. So, rather than punishing you for your insolence, I’m sure my associates could come up with some creative discipline for Frank to absorb until you learn...

[Dusty turns to see Frank’s head drop as his fists clench in frustration. Dusty relents.]

Dusty:
Alright… Fine.

[Dusty lowers his head as White smiles, satisfied.]

White:
Mr. Corozzo, I believe a valuable lesson has been taught today. Let him go. Now then, it was most certainly a pleasure, Mr. Griffith, I’m sure.

[Corozzo backs off. Griffith’s head rises as he backs away.]

Dusty:
Yeah, sure… But I’ve got a valuable lesson for you, Frank.

[Dusty looks to his old friend, who looked up to see that the steeled determination in Dusty’s eyes is still blazing.]

Dusty:
You’re not alone around here, brother, not anymore.

[A glimmer appears in Frank’s eyes, the sounds of his chains jangling as his fists clench around them. Dusty backs away as White looks to Frank and then to Dusty, a sinister sneer contorting his face.]

White:
Very well, Mr. Griffith.

[Back to the desk.]

Angus:
Mayberry’s outta his goddamn mind, Kai Scott and his army of douche patrol is one thing, but the Blood Diamonds?

DDK:
Come on Angus, Dusty Griffith and Frank Dylan James are old friends, they traveled the roads together.

Angus:
Yeah, but does he want to do die for his friend?

DDK:
I’unno, Angus… Look what you were willing to do in the name of Cancer Jiles?

Angus:
…..ahem. Uh… Yeah, okay. So what’s next?

DDK: [shuffling through papers]
Well, let me see here...

[“His Name Is King (Instrumental)” by Luis Bacalov hits.]

DDK:
Ah, there it is! Diego de Leon takes on Seth Stratton.

Angus:
I can’t believe they’d even book Seth after what happened at Grindhouse: Japan.

Quimbey:
Introducing first, from Truth or Consequences, New Mexico… Standing six feet tall and weighing in at two hundred and five pounds, he is… DIEGO… DE… LEEEEOOOOOON!

[Diego, wearing a poncho makes his way to the ring while he slaps hands with fans on the way to the ring. He enters and immediately goes to the ropes with one arm raised and a slight cheer from the crowd. He removes his poncho and bounces up and down in the ring.]

[Dokken. “Breaking the Chains”.]

Quimbey:
And his opponent, from Atherton, California… Standing six feet, two inches tall and weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds, he is… “THE SULTAN OF SWEET”… SETH… STRAAATTOOON!

[Seth walks out onto the stage. He saunters down the aisle, with the fans reaching out hoping he’ll slap their hands line Diego did. Well, in the words of Wayne Campbell: Chyeah, right.]

DDK:
Seth Stratton’s lack of class never ceases to amaze me.

Angus:
The man has OCD, give him a break!

[Seth methodically climbs the ring steps and enters the ring.]

DINGDINGDING

[We begin with Seth and Diego locking up mid-ring. Seth attempts to overpower de Leon and toss him into the ropes, but Diego counters by pushing off and landing a chop to Seth’s chest.]

THWACK

Angus:
That was loud.

DDK:
And Seth’s feeling it, what a start!

[Seth moves a hand to his chest and angrily leers in Diego’s direction. He stomps over, but Diego quickly takes him to the mat with a drop toehold.]

DDK:
Textbook start by de Leon here.

Angus:
He might have a future if he’d take advantage of a downed opponent like everyone else.

[But he doesn’t. He stands waiting as Seth scurries to his feet. The two lock up again in the middle of the ring, and this time Diego turns and hooks Stratton, taking him to the mat with a Russian leg sweep. He goes for a quick pin.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[SHOULDERUP!]

DDK:
de Leon looks for a quick win, but Stratton kicks out.

Angus:
Great, now Seth’s offended.

[Diego pulls Seth to his feet, and Seth tries a quick clothesline. Diego ducks underneath and lands a quick knee to the midsection, followed by a quick knee to the face.]

Angus:
No! Not the franchise!

DDK:
Please tell me Seth requested you call his face that, and it wasn’t your idea.

Angus:
Uh, yes?

DDK:
Someone help me.

[Seth stays on the mat, cradling his face. Carla Ferrari walks over to check on him. Diego follows suit. She kneels down to ask Seth if he can continue. As she does this, he kicks Diego de Leon square in the testicles, then mouths “Yep, I’m good.”]

Angus:
That knee shot must’ve temporarily obscured Seth’s vision, as his patented leg kick misfires.

DDK:
I’m not even going to argue anymore.

[Diego falls to the mat grasping at his stomach, as you do. Seth, miraculously healed, leaps to his feet and viciously kicks de Leon in the ribs, multiple times. He then finishes off the sequence by dropping a falling elbow across Diego’s back. He rolls Diego over, ready to go for a pin, but then shakes his head. He instead stands up and flexes, indicating to the crowd that he intends to drop another elbow.]

Angus:
Here it comes…

[But he takes a second too long, as Diego sits up and Seth crashes to the mat.]

DDK:
… And there it goes!

[Diego waits for Seth to climbs to his feet, then gets him in a quick clinch. He begins landing rapid fire knees to Seth’s sides, to the delight of the crowd. After the sequence is complete, he quickly turns and hits a spinning back kick to Seth’s face. Seth drops to the mat and Diego quickly goes for the cover, hooking the leg.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

DDK:
Diego going for the upset!

[THREENO!]

Angus:
Please.

[Diego quickly lifts Seth, trying to keep momentum. He begins peppering Seth with a series of thigh kicks, each causing Stratton to yelp and step back. Seth eventually lands in the corner, and Diego steps back to launch another knee strike. Seth moves his hands to his midsection to block it, but it’s a fake. Diego instead lands a spinning elbow to Seth’s now unprotected head.]

DDK:
Fantastic combination by de Leon! Seth’s rocked!

Angus:
Is that even legal? I thought this guy had scruples!

DDK:
Yes, it’s legal and yes, he does. Stop it.

[The force of the blow sends Seth into the ropes. He bounces off and Diego catches him and hooks his arm, hitting a forceful wrist clutch suplex.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

DDK:
What a move!

[He quickly goes for a cover.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THREEEEEE-]

[…]

[-NO!]

DDK:
Diego de Leon was a millisecond away!

Angus:
Pft, you have a stop watch or something?

[Diego rises, and Carla Ferrari holds up her hands up next to each other to illustrate how close it was. Diego gives her a friendly wave and nod.]

DDK:
If that happened to Seth he’d be clawing at Carla Ferrari’s eyes right now. It’s refreshing to have a talent in defiance who understands the rulebook.

Angus:
Right, but I imagine human eyes fetch a pretty penny on the black market. Another point for Seth.

[Diego takes a moment to catch his breath, and then jogs over to the corner. Seth is still down in the center of the ring, sucking wind. Diego carefully climbs to the top rope as the energy in the arena starts to slowly build. He then quickly leaps and lands a textbook frog splash on Seth.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

DDK:
That should do it!

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THREE!]

[…]

[…]

[…]

[ORWASIT?NO!]

Angus:
Never doubt Seth Stratton’s resiliency, Keebs. Never.

DDK:
The man is a cockroach.

[Diego rolls off, his own tender ribs hurt from the move. He climbs to his feet and so does Seth, albeit at a slower pace. When they’re both up, Diego walks over to Seth, ready to resume. Seth quickly falls to one knee. Diego stops and motions to Carla Ferrari. She swoops in to check on Seth, and he again uses the distraction to his advantage by quickly turning and sending an elbow into Diego’s midsection. Ferrari loudly warns Seth, and he responds with his own friendly wave and nod: a nice middle finger.]

DDK:
Once again, Diego de Leon’s sportsmanship comes back to haunt him because Seth Stratton is a terrible person.

Angus:
Terribly effective.

[Seth goes on the offensive, attempting a running clothesline on de Leon…

… Which he promptly ducks under, landing a picture perfect standing dropkick that Sends Seth toppling out of the ring.]

DDK:
This guy is all heart, and Seth Stratton has no answer! It’s been all Diego de Leon tonight!

Angus:
Jesus, start a fan club already.

DDK:
Oh, you’re one to talk! You have more man crushes than a teenage girl!

[Seth slowly climbs to his feet, and stands outside the ring with his hands on his hips. Instead of climbing back in, he turns and scans the crowd, reaching out and grabbing a beer from a fan. He wipes the rim of the cup with his tights and takes a sip. He grimaces and yells.]

“THIS BEER TASTES LIKE PISS! WARM PISS!”

[He takes a second sip and throws the beer deep into the crowd, splashing it on multiple fans.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DDK:
How endearing.

Angus:
He gets em’ wet, Keebs. That can’t be denied.

[Seth then turns and climbs into the ring. Diego allows it, and the two square off in the center. Diego launches a kick at Seth’s ribs, but Seth catches it and lands a big right hand. With Diego dazed, Seth hit’s a few more big rights, and then strategically whips him harshly into Carla Ferrari. Diego manages to stop his momentum to avoid any real damage, but the two fall to the mat.]

DDK:
He did that on purpose!

Angus:
Objection! Assumes facts not in evidence!

[Diego quickly climbs to his feet and helps Ferrari up, with her back turned. Seth reaches out and grabs Diego by the shoulder, spinning him around…

… and spitting a mist of beer right in his face.]

DDK:
Oh, I should’ve known! Not this way!

Angus:
I didn’t see anything, and neither did Carla Ferrari.

DDK:
Of course she didn’t! Seth Stratton is like an evil, cheating savant!

Angus:
That almost sounds like a complement!

DDK:
IT’S NOT!

[With Diego temporarily blinded, Seth lands a boot to the midsection, hooks both his arms, and lifts…]

[MIND ERASER.]

Angus:
BOOM!

[Cover.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[…]

[…]

[…]

[… THREE!]

DINGDINGDING

Quimbey:
The winner of this match… SETH… STRAAAAAAATTOOOOOOOOON!

DDK:
What an effort by Diego de Leon. Seth didn’t deserve this.

Angus:
Scoreboard.

[Seth climbs out of the ring, slowly backing up the ramp with his arms raised in victory and a confident smile on his face..]

[Cut to elsewhere.]

[Dusty Griffith approaches the locker room door and enters.]

[The door clicks shut behind Dusty as he absentmindedly goes about his business. I guess that explains why he didn’t notice the two men sat either side of his bags, nor the absolute mountain of a man that slid in from the side to block the only exit.]

Alceo Dentari:
Dusty…

[Stopping in his tracks, Dusty looks up from the floor and takes a step back, right into the man mountain, Vincent Rinaldi.]

Tony Di Luca:
Woah, Dusty, sorry! We ain’t meanin’ to scare yous none.

Alceo Dentari:
We just came by for a talk.

Tony Di Luca:
An’ yous weren’t here.

Alceo Dentari:
So we thought we’d make ourselves comfortable an’ wait.

[Not wanting to spend too much time between a rock and two hard places, Dusty circles around the room until he has the three Italians in front of him, making sure to keep his guard up to let his visitors know he’s prepared for whatever they might have come for.]

Alceo Dentari:
Please, Dusty, we ain’t here to fight.

Tony Di Luca:
Didn’t yous hear? We only wanna talk.

Dusty Griffith:
Don’t have the slightest clue what we’d ever have to talk about.

[Leaning back against a wall as his arms cross over his chest, Dusty’s eyes flit between the Legitimate Businessmen before him, his guard never dropping.]

Alceo Dentari:
On the contrary.

Tony Di Luca:
There’s more than enough for us to talk about.

Alceo Dentari:
Like TV...

Tony Di Luca:
Yeah, how ‘bout that Walkin’ Dead midseason finale, huh?

[Griffith looks to Di Luca quizzically, certainly what’s hot on television isn’t the matter these three “made men” have come calling upon Dusty for.]

Tony Di Luca:
You don’t like TV? Then how about music...

Alceo Dentari:
I hear the new Lady Gaga album’s sellin’ well.

[If they could, Dusty’s eyebrows would be lifting off of his forehead.]

Alceo Dentari:
Not a music fan either? Well I know somethin’ you gotta have an opinion on. See there’s this guy that ain’t been relevant for the last half a decade, an’ he walks his way into somewhere he ain’t never been before, whereupon he starts actin’ like the proverbial big cheese.

Tony Di Luca:
That guy sounds like an’ asshole, Alceo.

Alceo Dentari:
He sure sounds like a guy that’s gonna be makin’ more enemies than friends, Tony.

[As Alceo reaches into his pocket Dusty prepares himself for a fight. All three of the Legitimate Businessmen chuckle as Dentari pulls a cigar from his pants and points it towards the Old School Shooter.]

Alceo Dentari:
You oughta’ be careful, Dusty.

Tony Di Luca:
Real careful.

Alceo Dentari:
‘Cause them waves yous makin’, they’re startin’ to rock some boats, capiché?

Tony Di Luca:
Plenty a’ guys ‘round these parts wanna see your head on a spike…

Alceo Dentari:
But see, that’s where we come in.

[With a big smile Alceo take a step forward and opens his arms wide.]

Alceo Dentari:
We can offer yous all the protection yous need.

[From his jacket pocket Tony Di Luca pulls a business card. Yes, that’s bone, and the lettering is something called ‘Silian Rail’. They were probably picked up from the printers yesterday. He places the business card into the opening of Dusty’s case.]

Tony Di Luca:
You give us a call whenever you feel like.

[Dentari and Di Luca head for the door, but not before stopping right in front of Dusty Griffith, who Dentari give a light slap on the cheek.]

Alceo Dentari:
As they say in jolly ol’ England, yous know it makes sense.

[And with that the the double Ds… probably won’t be keeping that nickname… beckon the huge V… definitely not keeping that one… out of the door, leaving Dusty by himself to head over to his luggage and pick up the card.]

Dusty Griffith:
…

[Without a word and with one hand Dusty crunches the card up and throws it to the floor as he cut back to Angus and Darren Keebler.]

Angus:
HE THREW IT ON THE GROUND.

DDK:
Looks like Dusty doesn’t need no handouts.

Angus:
He’s an adult.

[HOOKERS AND BLOOOOOOWWWW!]

[Ah yes, the typical entrance of the trio that are all your mom's bedroom heroes...Sam Horry, Tyrone Walker and the always affable Ryan Matthews. And as usual they are accompanied by their mostly-silent magic boombox carrying cohort, Pinis 2000. All three are brandishing their newly won DEFIANCE Trios title belts and are chatting about something, when Ryan Matthews, in the front, finally brings up the question of the hour...]

Matthews:
Okay seriously, we’re here now, are you guys 100 percent SURE you want me to be the one to give the victory speech?

[Sam Horry, to be honest, looks a tad worried when Tyrone Walker speaks up.]

Walker:
Sure mang, it is what it is. What’s the worst that could happen right?

[Horry looks at his cousin like he has two heads...]

Horry:
What’s the worst that could happen cuz? Remind me to tell you about the time this asshole nearly got me ritually castrated by a group of Brazilian tribesmen.

Matthews:
You’re still bringing that shit up? All I said to them was that Sam would deflower all their daughters...apparently. I was trying out my Portugese...

Walker:
Wait, they don’t speak Spanish down there mang?

Matthews:
No.

Walker:
Son of a...and here I just bought that fucking Rosetta Stone app for my phone to learn Spanish for if we go down to Brazil.

Horry:
Looks like you got played, cuz.

Walker:
Fuck me...

Matthews:
First off, pause, and second, before Ty throws a shitfit about it, let’s go get this trainwreck in motion shall we gentlemen?

[And it’s at that point that, rather than them heading to the arena proper, Christie Zane just happens to magically appear in front of Ryan Matthews as he turns to walk, startling him.]

Matthews:
Dammit Christie, do NOT do that shit again!

Horry: [chuckling]
Ryan got scared by a girl...

[Matthews takes a swift step backward and without looking and quite on purpose, slams the heel of his foot straight into the shin of Sam’s left leg, causing his long time tag team partner to hop on one foot holding his shin.]

Matthews:
And now that we’re done with that, back to what’s important. Christie, you’re obviously here for a reason, and we all know what it is, but kindly inform the camera what’s going on so whoever’s watching this later will know...

Zane: [Looks bewildered at the exchange for a moment, then collects herself]
Alright, I’m here with the DEFIANCE Trios champions, Sam Horry, Tyrone Walker, and Ryan Matthews, collectively known as...

[At this point, the three grab the mic and point it in their direction and yell out.]

HNB:
HOOKERS AND BLOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!

Zane:
And Gentlemen, now that you’re the Trios champions, you have to know everyone who has or is thinking of making a team is going to be gunning for you. How do you want to respond to that?

Matthews: [Looks to Ty and Sam]
You guys sure you want me to take this?

[Ty shrugs, Sam shakes his head definitively no...but Ryan continues anyway.]

Matthews:
Christie, the long and short of it is that before you, and the rest of DEFIANCE, stands the single greatest collection of Trios talent the world has to offer. Sure we come from diverse backgrounds and places in life, but when the challenge was presented to us, we stepped up, looked it square in the eye, and my man Ty here dropped the bomb of two knees to the chest followed by a combination that nobody gets up from, the Total Elimination. Props to our man Angus for giving it a name too, The Rube Goldberg Machine.

[Ryan points to the camera and gives a thumbs up, cheesy grin and single pistol to the camera.]

Matthews:
And by the way to Angus, I know you may not be the biggest fans of Sam and I, but hey, I hope that little peace offering of the 6 pack of Heineken and the meal we sent you on our dime shows that there are no hard feelings. But back to the question at hand, how are we going to respond to the other teams looking to come get us? We welcome it. Right now we’re at the top of the mountain where the trios division is concerned, top of the food chain. You come to us, and there’s nowhere for you to go but down.

Horry:
Heh, HIYO!

Zane:
On another point, aside from against the members of other trios teams, when can we again expect to see any of you in the ring in singles competition?

Matthews:
Hold your horses there Christie, right now, this team, this TRIO of awesome amazingness as my dude Nick Swisher would put it, is focused solely on the main reason we came to DEFIANCE in the first place...Okay well really the SECOND reason we came to DEFIANCE, the first being to WIN the titles. And now we’re going to make THESE titles THE most relevant thing in DEFIANCE. When I first personally appeared on DEFIANCE TV, before we were thrown off the air and all, I told all of you there would be a day when these belts would be the standard bearer in DEFIANCE, that they would be THE top of the mountain. That day is fast approaching, as the best thing ever to happen to Trios wrestling in DEFIANCE already HAS the belt in our possession...now time for us to show the world that this aspect of the business isn’t dead.

Zane:
Well that’s all well and good but there are some who would look to derail you and....AAAAHHHH!!!!

[Zane screams as three figures, Diane Parker, David Race, and Leon Maddox rush in from off screen and immediately a donnybrook begins between the members of the Truly Untouchables and Hookers and Blow commence to scrapping with each other. It doesn’t take long before DEFIANCE Security and other officials are on the scene trying to pull the combatants apart and trying to restore order. After a moment, Matthews gets back to Zane and practically grabs the mic from her. He points off screen, a look of murder in his eyes and yells at the members of the Truly Untouchables who are being pulled away off screen. ]

Matthews:
Now...NOW it’s on, tonight was supposed to be the celebration marking the beginning of a new era. Guess it’s time for us to put that era into full swing already. You lot just put your names squarely on the top of our shit list. It’s already time for the hunted to become the hunters. Get ready for hell, you motherfuckers.

[With that, the three members of Hookers and Blow and Pinis 2000 walk away from the scene, ushered away by some DEFIANCE Security and officials.]

Angus:
So here’s the deal.  The match between the Truly Untouchables and the Philosopher Kings took place.  However, there was some sort of screwup with the television equipment, and so we’ll have to tell you all what happened recap style instead of showing the actual match.

DDK:
Angus, we aren’t actually on tv right now.

Angus:
JESUS CHRIST KEEBS WORK WITH ME HERE.

DDK:
Oh, right.  Anyway, this was booked as Tres Brujas and the Philosopher Kings, but at the top of the card, Lisa Loeh was evicted from the T-UTs and the tag team was redesigned with Diane Parker as the field general and David Race and Leon Maddox as the armbreakers.

[The Truly Untouchables make their entrance to boos and stuff.]

DDK:
The Philosopher Kings, off their title loss, were out next.  You could tell by watching the entrance that there was some sort of… something going on between Troy Matthews and Eddie Dante.

Angus:
This is a picture of me not caring.

DDK:
JESUS CHRIST ANGUS WORK WITH ME HERE.

Angus:
…do I really sound like that?

DDK:
In all seriousness, the match started with Race and Dante in the ring.  Race is one of those new school technicians, he’s got a very wide array of holds and a lot of skill at applying them, but his grappling fundamentals are a tad behind that.  On the other hand, Dante, the self-styled Gentleman Brawler, has that dangerous combination of practical and professional, but sometimes he lacks a little bit of flair.

Angus:
Also he was dragging.  I think he might’ve twisted something in the match on Grindhouse Japan.

DDK:
Tags were exchanged to Mushigihara and Leon Maddox.  Maddox is a talented armbreaker in a more old school style and a heavy hitter for his size, but at a 120 pound weight disadvantage, it didn’t do him much good.  Mushi took control of the match for the Philosopher Kings.  Right up until he missed a splash and Maddox hit him with a calf banding to the elbow joint.

Angus:
Race and Maddox worked over Mushi’s left arm for a while, keeping the big man down on the mat.  This one time, he countered some arm move or other by Race with a short arm same arm clothesline, but before he could make the tag Diane ran around the ring and yanked Dante off the apron, which started a fight, and then Troy went after her and Mushi didn’t have anyone to tag out!

DDK:
Eventually Mushi managed to hit Maddox with a mountain bomb and tag out to Matthews.  Matthews dropkicked Race off the apron and threw Diane into the ring.

Angus:
I’ve gone on record about not really caring what happened in Old Line four years ago and who banged who and who’s biffle turned into a bitch or whatever, but Troy Matthews was real, real goddamn unhappy with Diane, and he expressed that unhappiness via kicks.  He even hit the Trendsetter.

DDK:
But Eddie and Mushi didn’t stop Maddox and Race from breaking up the pin.

Angus:
Maddox and Race did this move, I don’t know what it was.  They both got an overhand wristlock on Matthews while standing back to back with him, and then they dropped.  It was like a neckbreaker, except to the elbow instead of the neck, and both elbows at the same time.

DDK:
Diane recovered and waited on Matthews getting up, and when he did she ran at him, went for a headscissor takedown and from there hooked the Christo!  Matthews was facing his own corner while trapped in the hold, and so he got to see Eddie and Mushi stand there and do nothing!

Angus:
Then he tapped.

DDK:
Diane Parker won it for the Truly Untouchables via submission with the Christo.  I suppose it goes without saying that she didn’t want to let go and Hector Navarro had to pry her loose.  The T-UTs celebrated while Matthews tried to get up.  Eddie motioned for Mushi to follow him, and they walked out, leaving Matthews down in the ring.

Angus:
That was what happened.  And now back to your regularly scheduled show.

[Clips from the final Japan show come into focus. The epic showdown between Kai Scott and Dusty Griffith. Crank rushes the ring suddenly to aid Dusty at first. In slow motion across the screen Crank double crosses Dusty. The battle that ensues including Griffith and Crank going at it on the outside of the ring.]

[Back to the desk.]

DDK:
Alright folks, it’s time for the main event. Dusty Griffith may have to work his way back into contention from the bottom, as Kai Scott declared after defeating the Bad Man from Boise.

Angus:
Yeah, and there’s nothing that says he can start by picking a fight with the guy who jumped ship to the Totally Untouchables and used Mayberry as a springboard to do it.

DDK:
Yes, Chance Von Crank, the Trailer Park Prodigy… Wait a minute… I’m being told something is happening in the back.

[Cut backstage.]

Lance Warner:
I am joined at this time by the Shock N Rolla, Chance Von Crank.

[Crank comes into focus with his robe shining bright and mullet slicked back.]

Lance:
Now Chance… We just showed the clip from the final show in Japan and you double crossed Dusty and now you face him here tonight.

cVc:
That clip will live on forever in wrestling history. I become Truly Untouchable that night and every little kid that bought a ticket to see Dusty win went home crying like a bitch. [Laughs]

Lance:
Chance…

[Crank mocks Lance Warner in his face.]

cVc:
“Chance”…Ask the real question Lance… The question they all want the answer to. I seen all the marks on twitter and they can all get fucked.

Lance:
The real question… Why did you do it? Why did you screw him over the way you did?

cVc:
I find nothing more rewarding in this life than being the thief of ones biggest dream. This man will hate me for the rest of his life and that fuels the Trailer Park Prodigy. The rage this man feels inside grows every day and the bitter taste of what could have been will be on his tongue for years to come.

Lance Warner:
Don’t you think you should issue an apology to Griffith?

[Crank twists around Lance Warner after this question to where the two are facing each other in opposite directions. “Pussy” utters Crank before Godbooking Warner to the concrete floor. He stands up quickly spitting on Lance as he does so and then his eyes lock on the camera lens.]

cVc:
You Just Got GodBooked, Faggot. Now look at me Europe in all my glory. I have my eye on the next prize already.

[Crank balls up his fist holding it up and admiring it obviously alluding to the FIST Championship..]

cVc:
I am coming for it. Oh Yeah. But... Tonight… I finish what I started at the PPV. ceeVeeecee didn’t come here to wrestle tonight. I came to fucking fight. I don’t think that Mayberry shit is cute and I’m Gonna Hurt ‘Cha.

[A sly grin crosses Cranks face as he wanders away from the camera. The cameraman follows after him as he continues his verbal assault.]

cVc:
I waited too long already to fuck this guy up.

[Chance walks up to locker room door and begins to knock.]

*Knock!* *Knock!*

cVc:
I’m not leaving this fucking arena until they pack him off and Dane cries because Chance Von Crank finished off another asshole who doesn’t have it.

[The door swings open and Dusty Griffith comes face to face with Chance Von Crank, instantly, he snarls at the presence of the Harlan County Devil.]

cVc:
The Grim Reaper’s here for you, motherfucker!

[Before anything can happen, cVc is swarmed by security, but Dusty Griffith lunges forward. The immediately fighting each other and the security team members that are attempting to separate them.]

[Cut back to the arena.]

DDK:
Good lord, will they even make it to the ring?

Angus:
Oh, this gon’ be good, Keebs.

[Cut backstage.]

[The body of Dusty Griffith comes tumbling into view from the left, crashing against the wall near the curtains. Chance Von Crank charges into view and is met by Griffith who rebounded off the wall and clashes with Crank as the two continue brawling and tossing the remainder of the security team off of them.]

DDK:
Seriously? Four guys can’t control two?

Angus:
Whatever those guys are getting paid to work security, they’re clearly being overpaid.

[Bursting through the curtain, Dusty Griffith emerges with a fistful of CVC’s mullet as he drags the Harlan County Devil behind him, who is also throwing rabbit punches at Dusty’s back and side. Reaching the aisle, Dusty hurls Crank into the guardrails, where he peppers him with a elbows to the head before pulling down Crank’s robe around his arms and begins lighting up his exposed chest.]

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

Angus:
We can hear those chops all the way over here!

DDK:
And Crank’s chest is already turning red.

[A couple more well placed chops and Crank manages to free himself, getting his robe to fall to the floor and putting himself back into the fight. Throwing a knee into Dusty’s gut halts the Wild Bronco’s attack, a second gets him to back off a bit, Crank plants a boot into Griffith’s midsection and then drives him back into the guardrails on the opposite side.]

DDK:
What a mess this has turned into and they haven’t even gotten to the ring yet.

Angus:
I like it, shows Mayberry’s got the guts to do something other than be Mr. Serious Business Wrestler Guy. Sometimes you just gotta fight dirty.

[Crank fires away at Dusty’s midsection with punches before turning him around and choking him over the top of the guardrail. Before long, referee Brian Slater rushes over, which gets Crank to let up on the choke, but doesn’t bring an end to his assault. Dragging Griffith by his hair over to the ring, he tries to slam Dusty’s head against the ring apron.]

Angus:
Jay-zuss, Mayberry getting his face smashed in.

DDK:
Is Brian Slater even trying to get this thing on track?

Angus:
The match hasn’t even started, Keebs, there isn’t anything to “get on track”.

DDK:
Now the DEFSEC guys, they probably could be doing something about this.

Angus:
If they didn’t decide to suck tonight.

[Crank tries to ram Dusty’s skull against the ring again, but this time Dusty blocks and throws an elbow into Crank’s ribs and then a second and a third before grabbing a fistful of Crank’s glorious mullet and smashing the Trailer Park Prodigies face into the ring. Pulling Crank’s head back, Griffith goes for seconds, but Crank goes to the eyes.]

DDK:
What a cheap shot!

Angus:
Really? Mayberry tugging on that glorious mullet has been nothing but cheap.

[With Dusty’s momentary blindness, Crank assumes control with a couple of well placed kicks to the gut and a barrage of clubbing shots to the back and shoulders before he hurls Griffith into the steel.]

CLLAANNG!

[Brian Slater once again tries to intervene, but Crank laughs him off as he proceeds to put the boots to Griffith, who tries crawling away between every kick and stomp. Having had enough, Slater grabs Crank and pulls him away and the two start to jaw at each other. With Crank finally distracted, Griffith uses the opportunity to gather his senses while pulling himself up to his feet.]

DDK:
Finally some semblance of authority rearing it’s head.

Angus:
Or not…

[Crank pushes past Slater, returning to Griffith. Grabbing him by his hair, Crank points to the ring post, but as he tries to run Dusty face first into it, Griffith gets a foot up, stopping the attack before throwing a vicious elbow into Crank’s chest and neck and then smashing his face into the ring post. Falling to the floor, Crank clutches at his face.]

Angus:
And now Mayberry’s gettin’ a talkin’ to.

[Slater once again gets between the two, but his words fall on deaf ears as Griffith completely ghosts him and gets back to work.]

Angus:
Wow, Mayberry just straight up, no sold Slater’s existence.

DDK:
Seriously?

[Griffith pulls Crank up, the whole time Brian Slater barks orders at both of them, until finally Dusty rolls Crank into the ring. Deciding it was good enough, Slater calls for the bell before getting into the ring himself.]

*DING!* *DING!* *DING!*

DDK:
We might finally get an actual wrestling match out of tonight’s main event.

[Sliding in under the ropes, Griffith gets back to work as he yanks Crank up by the mullet and hurls him into the nearest corner where he starts laying the wood with chops, each one ringing out with a loud cracking sound.]

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

[The stinging blows waking him from the stupor, Crank hurls profanities and then straight punches, backing Dusty up. Charging, Crank collides with a clothesline that doesn’t move Griffith even a little, Crank hits the ropes and crashes into Griffith again with a clothesline, getting nothing out of the Bad Man from Boise. Going to the eyes again, Crank hits the ropes once more and finally levels Griffith with a clothesline.]

DDK:
Took a few tries, but Crank finally topples Griffith with a helluva clothesline.

Angus:
Yeah, but it didn’t keep him down, Keebs…

[Popping back up, Griffith is swarmed by a wildly swinging Crank, hitting and missing as he backs Dusty up into a corner. Lighting him up, Crank returns the favor with a barrage of stinging chops to Griffith’s chest.]

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

KEERRAACCK!

[Crank puts a hand across Dusty’s throat, pushing his head back as he spews profanities while choking him. Slater intervenes with a count, getting to four, Crank looks him dead in the eye as he continues to choke Dusty.]

DDK:
Crank’s teetering on the edge of being disqualified if he doesn’t let go of that choke.

Angus:
Something tells me he doesn’t give many fucks, Keebs.

[Slater gives him one last warning, Crank holds the choke, but breaks just as Slater was about to call for the bell and hurls a few profanity laced insults at Slater, questioning his sexual orientation. Not at all amused, Slater shoves Crank back, barking at the Shock N’ Rolla about following the commands of DEFIANCE officials.]

DDK:
The man’s a lunatic, look at him.

Angus:
Hey, keep it quiet or he might bring his crazy over here, do you want that?

DDK:
Speaking of crazy...

[Having had time to recover, Dusty stares into the center of the ring where Crank and Slater continue their one sided conversation. With every second, Dusty seethes as his eyes glimmer with a fury as he explodes from the corner. Tackling Crank to the mat, Griffith paid absolutely no mind to the fact that referee Brian Slater was there, though as he shoved him to the side before tackling Crank caused the leader of DEFSEC to tumble over on to his backside.]

DDK:
Griffith is just as out of his mind as Crank is it seems.

Angus:
I’ll say it again, it’s nice to see Mayberry is actually human and not just Mr. I-Must-Be-Champion Robo-Wrestler Guy.

[Rolling around on the mat, Crank and Griffith wildly swing punches at each other. Meanwhile, Brian Slater has gotten back to his feet and is absolutely not amused by the conduct of the participants of this “wrestling” match he was supposed to be officiating. He continues to observe as they slowly make their way to their feet, the entire time swinging away. Once up on their feet, they both grab each other by the back of the head and continue blasting away with hockey punches until Brian Slater once again tries to break them apart.]

DDK:
Oh great, this is going to help…

Angus:
What?.. Oh… damn…

BOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Kai Scott and his army of Truly Untouchables begin their march towards the ring amidst the storm of jeers from the audience. Back inside the ring, Slater’s efforts to break Dusty and Crank apart gets him shoved back by both of them, ultimately getting knocked back on to his ass for a second time.]

*DING!* *DING!**DING!*

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DDK:
And that’s it, referee Brian Slater has had enough.

Angus:
Enough? It looks like he’s about to get more than he can handle…

[As soon as the bell rings, Kai Scott calls out commands as he, Jonny Booya and Claira St. Sure make their way into the ring, leaving David Race, Leon Lennox and Diane Parker out on the floor.]

Angus:
Here we go again, Keebs.

DDK:
You said it, partner.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Angus:
OR NOT!!

DDK:
Like you said, here we go again…

[Before the Truly Untouchables could even get started, the new thorns in their side, Tyrone Walker, Ryan Matthews and Sam Horry are rushing to the ring. The DEFIANCE World Trios Champions blow right past Race, Lennox and Parker who were caught off guard. Diving into the ring, Walker, Horry and Matthews take up sides with Dusty, who has since been separated from Crank, who now stands with his Truly Untouchable comrades. This leaving Brian Slater in the middle of an eight man powder keg.]

*BOP!* *BOP!* *BOP!*

[The sound of a hand testing the working end of a microphone turns everyone’s attention towards the curtains at the back of the aisle.]

“Alright. That is enough!”

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Angus:
Uh oh, daddy’s here.

DDK:
Daddy? Eh, nevermind… The Boss is here and he is not happy.

[Eric Dane looks down towards the ring, a cold scowl adorning his face. Waiting for the cheers to subside, he raises the mic.]

Dane:
Now, I don’t know what in blue hell any of you think you’re doing to my show, but since you’re so goddamned determined to ruin the scheduled main event of the evening… Well then, I’ll just give these people a new one, right here, right now!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Dane:
Since you seem so set on fighting each other as soon as possible, then so be it. Tonight’s new main event. Dusty Griffith and Hookers & Blow will team up and fight the Totally Untouchables team of…

[Dane scans the collection of Totally Untouchables in and around the ring.]

Dane:
The hell with it, since you’re already in the ring, it’ll be Kai Scott, Chance Von Crank, Claira St. Sure and Jonny Booya! Now you assholes had better give these people a show, because I’m not in the mood for any more of any your shit. Now ring the fucking bell!

DING!  DING!  DING!

Angus:
OH SHIT they’re going everywhere!

[Dusty roars forward and clotheslines CVC over the top rope and out of the ring.  Walker’s only a step behind him, dropkicking Booya right in between the pecs.  Booya also tumbles out of the ring, lands on his feet, flails, and falls down again.]

Angus:
Fuck yeah!  Kill that no chinned fuck, Ty!

DDK:
And Ryan Matthews is going after the World Champ!

WHAM!

DDK:
HEAVY elbow smash sends the champ ass over teakettle, and Kai Scott is straight up bailing!  Matthews follows up and we’ve got Sam Horry in the ring alone with Claira St. Sure.

[Sam immediately drills Claira with a thrust kick, knocking her back into the ringpost.  He follows up, clotheslines her in the corner and takes her out with a big overhead belly to belly suplex.]

DDK:
Angus, do you suppose Claira’s recovered from the head injury that was bothering her on Grindhouse Japan?

Angus:
Let Sam kick her in the head.  If she goes unconscious, she’s fine.  If she dies, she’s still messed up but it won’t matter.

[Sam hooks a front face lock on the grounded Claira and slams his knee into the top of her head.  Claira reacts.  She grabs Sam’s arm and starts twisting to her side, using leverage to break the lock.  A quick attempt at an omo-plata does nothing, Sam knows the move.  Both wrestlers are back to their feet, Sam jukes out of range of a backfist, Claira ducks a roundhouse kick…]

[But things are breaking down all over the ringside area, and Scott has just managed to reverse an Irish whip and send Matthews shoulder first into the ringpost.  Leaving the former WWA World Champ to collect himself, Scott prowls around ringside and interjects himself into the Ty/Booya fight, elbowing Ty in the back of the head and pushing Booya away, up onto the ring apron.]

DDK:
Scott’s trying to get order here, I’m a little surprised but with the trios unit sent to the back by Dane and Slater, he wants all the pieces where he can see them.

Angus:
Yeah, well, I don’t think he’s getting control of Griffith and Von Crank!  They’re up in the bleachers!

DDK:
...Oh lord, this is going to get worse before it gets better.

[CVC is sprawled on the stairs.  Griffith stands over him, pounding away with his right hand, pulping CVC’s mustache into his teeth - but CVC brings his knee up between Griffith’s legs!  The Bad Man from Boise slumps forward, landing on top of CVC who pushes him off to the side.]

[His upper lip bleeding, CVC shakes his head out and lays the stomps into Griffith, stuffing him down in between two rows on the bleachers.  Tiring of the stomps, he grabs Griffith by the hair, pulling him out and up to his feet, and points down the stairs.  But Griffith, seeing what’s coming, grabs hold of the bleachers to block the throw.]

DDK:
Someone get them off of there before someone gets hurt!  A fall from that height could break a neck!

[CVC clobbers.  Griffith clings… and shoots a back elbow!  CVC stumbles… catches himself at the last minute - only to catch a spinning elbow from Griffith that sends _both_ men tumbling down to floor level!]

[Meanwhile in the ring.]

[Horry Irish whips CSS, she plants her feet and tries to reverse, Horry’s too heavy and brings her back, CSS ducks the clothesline attempt, hits the ropes, spinning heel kick misses, CSS hits the ropes and is bounced right back onto her feet, then knocked flat by a discus palm strike.]

Angus:
It’s physics, Keebs, when two wrestlers work the same damn style in the ring and one’s 80 pounds heavier than the other, yeah.

[Horry tries a cover.  Claira bridges out and hook kicks him in the back of the head, jumps, spins, and enzuigiris him right in the same back of the head!  She stalks to her corner and slaps the hand of Jonny Booya.]

DDK:
In comes the big man for the T-UTs.  

[Booya gets his hands all over Horry’s face and backs him across the ring into a neutral corner.  Slater angrily starts the count on Booya, who backs off and flexes - and reaches over Slater’s shoulders to jab Horry in the face.  Leading him by the chin, Booya pulls Horry out of the corner, sends him flying with an Irish whip, scoops him up for the tilt-a-whril - Horry lands on his feet and knocks Booya down with a wheel kick!  On the apron Walker yells and jumps on the bottom rope, and Horry tags in the Black Jesus.]

DDK:
And now in comes Tyrone Walker, and after that beating Booya put on my broadcast partner here two cards back, Ty’s wanted a piece of flesh.  And now he’s collecting!

[Springboard missile dropkick!]

[Booya reels backwards, tries to catch his balance, doesn’t, and falls.  Walker mounts up, driving punches into Booya’s head with both hands.  Booya bridges him off, but Walker wipes him back out with a leg lariat!  Slashing his finger across his throat Walker gets behind Booya, tries to lift him - Booya grabs a headlock and hits a short punch to the face.  Walker staggers back, Booya hooks the full nelson and lifts Walker. But he gets too much mustard behind the lift, Walker slips out the back and hits a neckbreaker!  Running to the apron, Walker springboards in with a somersault senton, rolls through it and hits a standing moonsault!]

ONE...!


...TWO…!


…..Broken up by Scott himself!

DDK:
First blood in this 8 man goes to Griffith and HnB with that two count, but now the reigning World Champ is in the ring.

[Scott roundhouse kicks Walker in the breadbasket.  He hooks both arms, Walker fights one arm free, Scott pulls him into a short arm lariat, Walker ducks that, but Scott anticipates the spinning heel kick, catches Walker out of the air and hits him with a backbreaker.  With a disdainful look down at his opponent, he slaps CSS on the shoulder and leaves the ring.]

Angus:
Scott’s heading over to the fight between Griffith and CVC I think.

[It’s been solid fisticuffs ever since they came down off the bleachers.  Griffith’s got a purple mark under one eye, CVC has a bloody lip, and Griffith Irish whips CVC face first into a set of bleachers that wasn’t unfolded.  The whole thing shakes as CVC spins away holding his face and then faceplants.  Scott walks up quietly behind them and hits Griffith with a crescent kick to the back of the head.]

DDK:
Scott settling the fight between CVC and Griffith in CVC’s favor, he plays the entire field, but he tagged Claira St. Sure into the match and he’s got her working over Walker’s arm, keeping things moving a little slower while he does business.

[CSS has applied the wakigatame.  Walker grits his teeth against the pain, looking for the soft spot, as CVC braces her legs and wrenches back as hard as she can.]

Angus:
Gonna be worth seeing if she’s lost a step against the top level guys after spending a few months in the tag division.

[Walker manages to get some leverage and roll out, but CSS is just better at this mat thing than he is.  A short enzuigiri puts Walker back on his back, and then CSS gets one leg around behind his neck to trap one arm, then hooks a keylock on the other.]

DDK:
Wait, go back to Griffith and CVC!

[A second after we see Matthews enter the ring, cut away to where CVC and Scott are double teaming Griffith.  A PILE OF CHAIRS has been created, and CVC sets Griffith up in the pumphandle… Scott helps lift him… RAZZLE DAZZLER ON THE CHAIRS!]

DDK:
Oh my God!  

Angus:
MAYBERRY NOOOOOOO

[With this, Scott grabs CVC by the wrist and pulls him in the direction of the ring.]

[In the ring, everyone’s all fighting and shit.  Matthews broke up CSS’s submission on Walker with a running front dropkick. Now with the T-UTs down 3-2, Walker is laying in shots to Booya’s musclebound ribs while Horry holds his arms behind his back in a crank.  Matthews DDTs Claira hard, then hooks the vertical suplex, sets her on the top rope…]

Angus:
One Minute To Midnight coming up!

[Except that Scott slides into the ring directly underneath CSS, and hits Matthews with a double arm chop to the breadbasket.  Matthews doubles over, CSS catches herself on Scott’s shoulders and as he helps her up, CVC enters the ring.]

DDK:
Uranage!  Urange from CVC to Ryan!

[The big head and arm slam connects, and CVC postures.  He throws his arms out to the side, then jumps up and flips off Horry.  So it’s Scott and CSS who end up saving Booya.  CSS with a dropkick to the back of Walker’s knee, and Scott with a crescent kick to Horry’s face.  Scott collects the T-UTs and directs them to the apron, leaving CVC in the ring.]

DDK:
CVC, not quite as big as Booya, but he’s a lead-handed southern style brawler with enough variation in his moveset to be unpredictable in the ring.  He’s taking over on Matthews here.

[Matthews is knocked into the corner with a knife edge chop, and CVC follows up with some soupbone lefts and rights.  He backs up a few steps, Matthews gets his feet up and kicks CVC backwards - but the second time he tries it CVC grabs his ankles and yanks him out of the corner in almost a modified powerbomb!  A knee drop to the face, and then CVC climbs to the middle rope and falls off backwards with an elbow drop.]

DDK:
CVC now taking control of the match for the Truly Untouchables.  Dragging Matthews over to his own corner, and he tags in his boss.

[Scott climbs to the top rope, CVC hooks Matthews in a vertical suplex, and Scott comes off with the cross body as CVC dumps him!]

RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Angus:
Wut.  Why are they cheering… oh it’s Mayberry.

[Dusty Griffith is crawling in the direction of the ring. Eager DefiaFans are pounding him on the back, clapping, doing everything they can to will the big man back in the direction of the ring.]

DDK:
Dusty Griffith may not be out of this one yet!

Angus:
He can’t even stand up, dude.  He’s out of it.

[Scott delivers three jabs to the face of Matthews, then drops him with a kesagiri chop.  Making the universal IMDACHAMP gesture at the HNB corner - which predictably causes Walker and Horry to try and force their way into the ring and Slater to stop them - he turns and tags out to CSS.  A backbreaker is delivered, and CSS comes off the top rope with a guillotine legdrop across Matthews’ neck while he’s still bent back across Scott’s knee!]

[Booya yells ‘HEY REF’ and Slater runs to make the count as Claira covers.]

ONE…!


...TWO…!


…..THREEKICKOUT!

DDK:
Not quite enough, but now CSS is warming up.

[Matthews is moved to a seated position.  CSS delivers three stiff spinal taps, runs the ropes and hits a sliding knee to the forehead.  She tags out to Booya.]

DDK:
Quick tags being exchanged by the Truly Untouchables.  Griffith’s dragging himself towards his corner.

[CSS points this out to Scott.  Scott nods, says something.  Booya slugs Matthews in the gut, hits an elbow uppercut, and then a jumping calf kick to the back of the head.]

DDK:
I must admit it’s impressive to see a guy the size of Jonny Booya with a vertical leap like that.

[Booya isn’t done.  He whips Matthews off the ropes, scoops him up onto his shoulders, spin, spins, spins… and Matthews lands on his feet, alternating elbow shots to the chin, snap kick to the gut and a piledriver!]

Angus:
He isn’t dead!  

[Matthews, shaking his head violently, begins army crawling towards his own corner.  Booya sits up, but with his vision probably double, he blunders in the wrong direction - and Matthews makes the tag to Horry!]

[Horry flies at Booya foot first, knocking him clear of the ring.  CVC is in next, Horry doubles him over with a roundhouse to the ribs and an axe kick across the back of the head.  CSS is in after that, a push kick sends her into the ropes so hard she rebounds like she was Irish whipped, and Horry takes her out with the release northern lights!  Clapping his hands, he points at the World Champ - and then hip tosses Scott over the top rope and into the ring!]

Angus:
Can he do that?  Wait, who cares?!  He just did!

[Scott staggers away from Horry as fast as he can, but Walker’s on to this shit.  As Scott tries to step out of the ring, Walker cuts him off with a dropkick from the apron!  Scott is knocked back into a waistlock by Horry, and Horry takes him over with a bridging German!]

ONE…!


...TWO…!


…...THRKICKOUT!

DDK:
Sam Horry came about half a second away from a big upset, and that was enough for the T-UTs, I can see from up here Diane Parker leading Race and Maddox back out.

[Actually, Race and Maddox are leading the way, elbowing a path through the crowd.  These filthy Englishmen must not lay a finger upon the Baroness of the Truly Untouchables.  Maddox jumps the guardrail, Race jumps the guardrail, and as Horry hits the ropes for momentum, Race grabs the ankle.  Horry trips and face plants.]

[Walker isn’t about to tolerate this.]

Angus:
BLACKAKONDA PLANCHA!

[Ty Walker jumps to the top rope and comes flying off with a cross body that gets most of Race and a bit of Maddox.  A split second later, Horry lands at ringside as Scott clotheslines him out of the ring.  Scott runs the ropes himself, and-]

DDK:
Springboard cross body from the champ!  

[Scott hits Walker perfectly on the chest and sends him crashing to the floor.  Diane, who stepped out of the way of all this, grabs Maddox, slaps his face to wake him up, and throws him into the ring.  Slater is right there, ignoring Maddox but shouting at Diane to keep her people out of the match.  He knows who the right target is, but - Jonny Booya knows his role too, and Slater is clotheslined from behind!  BBS hits the floor hard, knocked out by the unexpected trip and landing.]

Angus:
And here we go.  Scott’s got people all over the place, yet again - how does this even keep happening?

[Maddox, who’s more or less fresh, just unloads on Matthews with punches.  He Irish whips Matthews, brings him back, hooks him for the Best DDT in the Universe, slashes a thumb across his throat - and Matthews, sensing the danger, starts fighting back!  Shots to the ribs knock Maddox’s grip loose, a heavy elbow smash stuns him, and Race clobbers him on the back!  Maddox hits the single arm DDT, they roll Matthews back to his feet, both apply overhead wristlocks and drop to the mat with modified armbreakers!]

DDK:
I don’t know what to call that double team maneuver, but Race and Maddox just took out both of Matthews’ arms with one double team maneuver.  Diane’s heading to the top rope, telling the guys to set him up for the Miranette - AND HERE COMES SAM TURNER JUNIOR!

[STJ comes rumbling out of the back one fist up over his head.  Diane quickly jumps down from the top rope and gets the hell out of the danger zone as Race and Maddox both cut STJ off.  STJ’s a much bigger, stronger hitter than a cruiserweight like Maddox or a light heavyweight technician like Race, but two on one it’s just about even.]

DDK:
STJ trying to even out the numbers game a bit, but here’s Jonny Booya getting involved!  We’ve got Ty and Sam down on the outside, Matthews down in the ring nursing both arms!

[While all this was happening, CVC had grabbed Horry by the ankles and pulled him groin first into the ring post.  Now he pulls Horry the rest of the way out of the ring and throws him into the ringside barricade.  Scott rolls into the ring to get a better view of what’s going on as Race and Booya hold Matthews in position for Diane to climb the turnbuckle and come off with the Miranette.]

DDK:
The numbers game is just too much!  They’re dragging Griffith back into the ring - No, Griffith’s fighting back!

[Griffith is swinging wildly, fighting for his life. He knocks Maddox down, he knocks Booya stumbling back.  He takes a swing at Diane, who ducks and backs off.  CVC leaves off talking shit to Walker on the outside and rolls into the ring.  He grabs CSS and points her towards Walker, then runs over to help beat down on Griffith.]

[Then, suddenly, Frank Dylan James is in the ring!]

Angus:
What’s he doing out here - he’s going after the Truly Untouchables!

[FDJ grabs Race, spins him around and drops him with a headbutt.  He knocks Maddox to the mat with a sloppy clothesline, and he knocks CVC and Booya’s heads together!  He pulls Griffith up to his feet, and the two of them knock Booya clear of the ring with a double clothesline!  Diane yelps and tries to get out of the way, but this time she isn’t quite quick enough - FDJ reaches out with one long arm and grabs her by the head with one big gross hand and reels her in.]

Angus:
Oh HELL yes I’ve been waiting to see this all night!

[Quick cut outside the ring.  CSS did not follow CVC’s instruction to watch Walker, she went after Horry instead.  To her credit, she’s got Horry well neutralized - he’s on his knees and she’s alternating roundhouse kicks and back kicks into his face.  A quarter way around the ring, though, Walker is assisting Brian Slater to his feet, and he quietly rolls into the ring behind Kai Scott.]

DDK:
Wait a sec Angus, Walker in position!

[Scott, distracted by the situation with Griffith and FDJ, isn’t paying attention to his own back for once.

DDK:
Schoolboy!  Schoolboy!  Walker with the schoolboy!

ONE…!


...TWO…!


…...THREE!!!!

DING! DING! DING!

DDK:
Tyrone Walker has…..

[Keebs is cut off as Angus hops up on top of the announce desk, somehow his headset not coming off as he jumps up and down.]

Angus:
HE DID IT!! HE DID IT!! WHOOOO BOOOOYYYYYEEEEE HE DID IT!!

DDK:
Angus what the… calm down!

Angus:
NOO WHURL CHAMPAIGN!!

DDK:
Wait… what?

Angus:
TY’S THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!

DDK:
Angus… Angus… ANGUS!!

Angus:
WHAT!? THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE UNTIL THE NEXT GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!

DDK:
Angus, the champion doesn’t lose the title in an impromptu eight-man tag match, even if he’s pinned. Even if it’s by Tyrone Walker. No matter how much you wish for it before bedtime.

Angus: [crying]
AHFNDHFFOMDGHDDH!!! FHFJNDYHNRFIFNDGSH!!!

[Credits.]

[Black.]