Guerrilla Grindhouse World Tour 11

[DA BOSS BITCH is sitting behind her desk, reading some paperwork. She mumbles to herself as her eyes scan the page. After a moment a knock on the door is heard.]

Kelly Evans:
Come in.

[The door doesn't open. Instead, the knocking continues.]

Kelly Evans:
I said, "Come in." What are you, deaf?

Voice:
No ma'am, sorry, but I could use a little help here. Would you mind?

Kelly Evans: [grumbling]
Does this country make doorknobs differently or something?

[Kelly walks around the desk and moves to open the door. Once she does, she has to jump out of the way as a delivery man with an enormous basket and a clipboard pinned between the basket and his chest walks into the office. He plops his wares down on top of the paperwork Kelly just had in hand.]

Delivery Man:
Whew, that was heavy. You're Kelly, right? Security pointed me this way.

[Kelly looks at the basket. It's bright and cheery with different colored fruit, some in the shape of flowers, some dipped in chocolate, and some in the shape of bunny rabbits because it's spring, bitches. GET PUMPED.]

Kelly Evans:
What the hell is that?!

Delivery Man:
Fruit basket. See?

[He points to his polo shirt. Specifically, to the Edible Arrangements logo. Kelly blinks rapidly, then facepalms.]

Kelly Evans:
Oh you've got to be goddamn kidding me.

Delivery Man:
No ma'am. I don't just wear this shirt for my health, you know.

Kelly Evans:
CLEARLY.

Delivery Man:
Anyhoooo, if you wouldn't mind signing here I'd appreciate it. You're my last delivery of the day. Gotta get home to the wife, you know?

[He holds the clipboard out. Kelly snatches from his hand and uses the attached pen to angrily scribble her signature on the form. She shoves the clipboard back at the guy and glares at the desk.]

Delivery Man:
Well, then, hope you enjoy your Edible Arrangements basket! Looks like there's definitely more than enough to share. Maybe some of your coworkers would like --

[The look Kelly shoots him over her shoulder is enough for the kid to take the hint that getting out now would be in his best interest. He opens the door and scoots out into the hall. Kelly stomps over to the desk and notices a little card stuck in-between two rabbits. She opens the envelope and reads the note out loud.]

Kelly Evans:
Sympathies for all past and future headaches we'll have a hand in creating. XOXO -BDH

[She rips the card in two, throws it on the desk, and plops down in her chair. The camera remains on the basket, so large in size that Kelly disappears behind it.]

[On that note, we go elsewhere.]

[Backstage.]

[Specifically the loading area that is filled with all manner of equipment boxes and random staffers milling about from place to place within the Rexall Place.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[The jeering of the audience announces the arrival of the rolling death machine of trios destruction, Aleczander the Great, Capitol Punishment, Angel Trinidad and the mastermind behind the brawn, Junior Keeling.]

Angel:
HOSSSSSOME!

[Team H.O.S.S.]

[Be afraid. Be VERY Afraid, with a capital A because that makes it seem more important.]

Keeling:
Jesse, my good man!

[Junior, with arms outstretched, approaches a young latino man, who happens to be a janitor, custodian, road crew member, something of that nature. He’s low on the totem pole. “Jesse” looks up at Junior and we see the tag on his shirt says “Jose”.]

Janitor “Jesse”:
It’s Jose, pendejo.

Keeling:
Okay, does anybody know what Joseph just said?

[Jose grumbles, but is sure not to look cross at Junior due to the very large backup forces with him.]

Jose:
What do you want, ese? I got work to do.

Keeling:
I’m sure you do, Josey, I bet working for DEFIANCE is better than hanging outside of a Home Depot, eh, eh?

[Junior holds a hand up for a high five, completely oblivious to the racial insensitivity he’s putting on display. Then again, with Team H.O.S.S. standing behind you, there’s not much a mere mortal such as Jose is going to do about it.]

Keeling:
Speaking of money, I have an employment opportunity for you, Hay-Suess.

Jose:
Oh yeah?

Keeling:
Indeed, I do. See, Joss, we’re waiting for some old friends to arrive and we’d really appreciate it if you could let us know when they arrive, you know, since you’ll be around here anyway doing whatever it is that you do.

Jose:
So you need me to give you a heads up when your amigos arrive huh? I can get down on that. Who am I looking out for? Justin Bieber?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Damn, that’s harsh.]

Keeling:
What? No, no, nothing like that, the Biebs would never be slumming it in a garbage heap like Alberta.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jose:
Aye, puta, I’m from Alberta!

[Jun puts a hand over his heart, feigning sympathy.]

Keeling:
And that makes my offer all the more important, since clearly you need the money.

Jose:
Whatever, mang. Who am I looking out for and for how much?

Keeling:
Okay, straight to business, I knew I liked you. ANYWAY, Justin, we’re expecting Hookers and Blow to come through there [pointing at the main entrance near the garage doors] any minute now. We’re going to go over there behind some crates and surprise them, so don’t tell them and ruin it for everybody! Can you do this for us, Joey?

Jose:
Yeah, but where’s my money?

[Keeling pulls out a wad of cash, maybe 10 bucks, Canadian. Jose looks at the bill in his hand, then at Keeling.]

Keeling:
Okay, okay, you drive a hard bargain.

[He slaps another 10 bucks, Canadian, on top of the other 10 bucks he gave Jose, who rolls his eyes and goes over to the door while Keeling and his boys take their positions. A moment later, Jose gets a call.]

Jose:
Aye, mang… Yeah… Yeah… Right… That puta’ll be right where you want him, ese.

[He opens the door and looks out, then brings his head back and calls out to Keeling and HOSS, letting them know our heroes are on their way. Cap, Angel and Alecz all rush towards the door, taking up positions and when someone walks through the door, the three of them spring into action. Jose barely has a chance to jump out of the way, while Junior comes out of hiding to observe his teams handiwork.]

Keeling:
Yeah! Get him!

[Junior continues to cheer his charges on when something he isn’t expecting happens.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[That would be the arrival of Tyrone Walker, Ryan Matthews, and Sam Horry. The reigning, defending, and still standing DEFIANCE World Trios Tag Team Champions of the World slide up behind the manager of the Hostile Order.]

Keeling:
Yeah, kick ‘em, Cap! Kick…

[Ty gets in close and puts his arm over Keeling’s shoulders as he stands next to him.]

Keeling: [eyes bulging]
...em?

[Gulp!]

Walker: [head nod]
Sup?

[At this point, Sam Horry sneaks up behind a now-petrified Keeling, then grabs his pants at the waist and yanks them down to the floor, revealing Keeling to be wearing a lime green man thong. When Keeling turns to run and hide while covering himself up, he is met by Ryan Matthews, who tosses him a small, round object before Sam, Ty and himself beat feet.]

Matthews:
Fire in the Hole!

[The object that Matthews tossed to Keeling turns out to be a paint grenade which upon contact with Keeling bursts and covers him and everything in a 25 foot radius with bright yellow paint.]

Keeling: [screeching noise]
…!

[Sam, Ry and Ty all laugh obnoxiously as Cap, Angel and Alecz stop to realize that they’ve been stomping some random guy in a Team H.O.S.S. tee shirt and then see the sight of their now canary yellow manager. By this time, Jose has since joined HNB, Ty handing him a ridiculous large wad of cash of various denominations.]

Walker:
Good work, Jose. I knew that yellow bastard would be up to something.

Keeling:
GET THEM!!

[Ruh-roh!]

Matthews & Horry:
CHINESE FIRE DRILL!

[The champs scatter to the wind with Jose following behind them as the HOSS give chase.]

[Back to the booth.]

[Cut to Ringside where Davey LaRue is already in the ring doing some rope stretches.]

Angus:

That was HOSSOME!

DDK:
Sure. Know what else is awesome?
 

Angus:

NO NO NO! It is not awesome Keebs! It is HOSSOME!
 

DDK:
Yeah. I get it. But coming up right now is our next match.
 

Angus:

Ohh yeah. Mushi is gona kill somebody tonight!
 

[From the back walks a asian female with blue and black and red hair wearing a black dress. she heads around the ring and sits down near the time keeps and pulls a tablet out of her purse.  Angus looks her over and looks at DDK.]
 

Angus:

Who is that Keebs?
 

DDK:
I dont know. But she does have an all access badge so Someone higher up okayed her being here.
 

Angus:

Wait! Wait! What do you mean, you do not know? How do you not know Keebs? You're supposed to know theses things!
 

DDK:
Well...
 

[DDK Is cut off as the lights drop low.]
 

[Mushigihara’s rings out as the beginnings of End of the World" by the Yoshida Brothers begins to play. and Mushigihara walks from the back… alone.]
 

Angus:

Wait a minute. Is Mushi out here without that jerkwad manager of his.
 

DDK:
Looks that way, seen Dante’s injuries have added up and he was not able to make it out.
 

Angus:

Well Mushi is better off on his own anyways. He does not need any of those so called kings. Mushi is a f’n Beast!
 

[Mushigihara slowly climbs into the ring after ascending the ring steps.  and walks to the center of the ring where Davy LaRue stands. and the two lock eyes, well could if you could see Mushi’s eyes, so they lock eyes to mask.]
 

DDK:
Not many guys can say they out mass Mushigihara But this LaRue guy is massive!
 

Angus:

Wonder what buffet joint that guy put out of business, and you know what else I wonder Keebs?
 

DDK:
No, but I do have a feeling I’m about to find out.

Angus:

I wonder who was the smart guy who put Carla Ferrari in there to ref this match? Hes gona get smashed and not in a good way.

DDK:
Sigh.. And there is the bell this one is underway!

[The bell rings and LaRue goes for a right cross but Mushi blocks and slams his hand into the throat Larue staggers back coughing and trying to get some wind. Mushi runs at Larue and takes him down with a yakuza kick to the side of the head.]

Angus:

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….
 

DDK:
And Mushigihara takers the advantage early in this one
 

Angus:

… OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!
 

DDK:
You done?

Angus:

Yep. But Mushi is not.
 

Mushi’s gona kill you! Mushi’s gona kill you! Mushi’s gona kill you!

[Mushi drives several knees into the head and neck of LaRue who tries to roll out of the ring but, is unable to get under the ropes. Mushi grabs LaRues leg and drags him back into the center of the ring. Mushi quickly hits the runs and nails a running Senton Splash.]

Angus:
Mushi just squished him!

DDK:
I think he is going for the pin… nope..

[LaRue hold his ribs / stomach as Mushi gets to his feet and delivers another kick to the head of LaRue causeing him to goe still and then heads to the corner.]

Angus:
Ohh my.. he is not going to do what I think, is he Angus?

Angus:
SUPER SUMO SPLASH!!!!

RAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

BOOM!!

[The crowd roars as Mushigihara flies off the second turnbuckles with a  a big splash..]

Angus:
If he did not get squashed before, he is now!

Angus:
Yeah I think this is over.

[Mushi hooks the leg and Carla Ferrari slides down to make the count.]

........1.

................2..

......................3!!!

[Mushi climbs to his feet as the bell rings and Carla Ferrari raises his, arm in victory.]

Angus:
See Keebs. I told you Mushi is a Beast, He does not need Dante holding him back!

DDK:
And you could be right. Did I just say that?

[Mushi looks down on his victim and shakes his head before climbing out of the ring. The Asian woman smiles and types a few more things into her tablet and gets up and walks away as some trainers come down to help Davey to the back. The Defiance logo swoops across the screen and fade to black.]

[The Office of the Head Bitch in Charge, Kelly Evans.]

[Set at her desk, her legs crossed and heels propped up on the desk as she leans back in her proverbial throne with one hand clutching her phone as the other rests on the desk with her finely manicured nails clicking on the hardwood. Behind her is the ridiculously large, obnoxiously colorful, and deliciously edible arrangement, courtesy of the Big Damn Heroes.]

[Standing off to the left is Dusty Griffith, his arms crossed against his barrel-like chest with his back leaned against the wall behind him. The Wild Bronco is calm, amused even and that’s in spite of the fact that standing not five feet away from him is Edward White, his own personal tormentor since DEFIANCE’s campaign through Europe.]

[As for the Socialite. The wealthiest man in professional wrestling is too busy with ranting and raving about the “assault” Dusty Griffith “perpetrated” upon him last week after having stolen a victory at the man’s expense. This is all quite amusing given White’s complete lack of acknowledgement to his own part having played in Griffith’s violent outburst.]

[Kelly sets her phone down and finally acknowledges White’s presence when he stops his rage induced temper tantrum in order to take a breath. Having heard enough, Kelly raises a hand, cutting him off before he can get rolling again.]

Kelly:
And what exactly do you expect of me, Mr. Money?

White: [pointing an accusatory finger in Griffith’s direction]
I expect, NAY, I demand that you fire him!

[Kelly snorts, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as she tries not to laugh in White’s face at such an absurd idea. Looking over to Griffith, he shrugs back at her, still looking amused with White’s ranting and raving.]

Kelly:
Well, what do you have to say for yourself?

Dusty:
Oh, I’m definitely guilty as charged, boss.

White:
See, he admits it! He’s a loose cannon and I demand action!

[Kelly rolls her eyes and resumes clicking her nails on the desk as she ponders something. Impatient, White begins tapping his foot on the floor, the redness in his face fluctuates with every breath that he takes. Dusty however is unmoving, both physically and in his expression, still retaining the calm, amused look on his face.]

Kelly:
Hmmph, what am I going to do about you two?

White:
What do you mean, I…

Kelly: [waving her hand]
I certainly am not going to fire the man, so you can give up that fantasy right now.

[White is more perturbed, throwing his hands up in frustration. Dusty lets out a very audible “heh”, which gets White’s goat a little more. Snorting and thumbing his nose, Dusty steps forth and finally adds his two cents.]

Dusty:
Honestly, as long as I get him [pointing at White] one on one, you can go on ahead and do whatever you want to do about it, boss. Throw it in a cage, put dog collars on us, make it a lumberjack match for all I give good goddam… Just as long as...

[Something Dusty said piques Kelly’s interest and she raises her hand again, causing him to pause mid-thought.]

Kelly:
Interesting. I like it.

[White looks at Kelly, confusion washing over the features of his face. Dusty pauses, an “orly” face coming over him as his brow arches.]

Kelly:
Since it’s inevitable that your crew [looking at Dusty] and your associates [looking at Edward] will end up getting involved anyway, we might as well just go ahead and kill all of the birds with one stone. So Dusty, you got your match with Mr. Money over here and it’ll be a lumberjack match!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Nodding his approval, Dusty grins as he brings his hands together, wringing them with a satisfied look etching itself on to his face.]

White:
You can not be serious, you filthy trollop! I want this man gone, I DEMAND IT! I will be calling Eric Dane and straightening this...

[Kelly glares at White, she is no longer amused.]

Kelly:
The thing is, Eddie, you and your money are not in charge around here… I am. And I say Griffith stays, I also say he’s getting his fight with you on pay per view.

[Griffith’s amusement continues to grow.]

Kelly:
Don’t like it? Don’t care, take your frustrations out on him in your tag match tonight.

[Giving up, White turns to leave and does so in a huff. Griffith watches on with further amusement at White’s plans being foiled as the door shuts behind White with a slam. Griffith turns his head and takes notice of the enormous gift basket of fruit and chocolate.]

Dusty: [pointing at said basket]
What’s with the gift basket, did Angus finally discover his true feelings for you and this is how he chose to express them?

Kelly:
Okay… Now I might fire you, because… Just… No…

[She feigns being sick, because… gross?]

Kelly:
And they’re from a bunch of assholes that you would probably get along with famously.

[Dusty smiles and shakes his head before taking his leave.]

Kelly:
Angus… ugh.

[Back to the booth.]

Angus:
I hate that guy. [shudders] Kelly… eesh, not even with your dick, Keebs. Not even.

DDK:
Good to know, partner.

[DatHeavenlyChoir.jpg]

Quimbey:
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the FIST of DEFIANCE, EUUUUUUUGEEEEEEEEENE DEEEEEEEEWEEEEEEEEEY!

[The Ginger Gaming Guru, sans his FIST title belt, steps out from behind the curtain and stomps his way down the aisle. Several fans reach out looking to slap hands with him, but he ignores all of them and rounds the ring to grab a microphone from the timekeeper.]

Angus:
Nerd Rage at 98%, catastrophic meltdown imminent!

DDK:
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Eugene wear that expression before.

Angus:
I have, but it was after they announced Ben Affleck would be playing Batman in the upcoming movie.

[Eugene rolls into the ring to a cheer from the crowd, but he’s not interested in playing to them right now. He’s only got one thing on his mind, and lots to get off of his chest...]

[...Besides the obvious blood in his lungs that is.]

Eugene Dewey:
Believe it or not I’m used to having things taken from me…

[A few fans around the arena boo, knowing exactly what Eugene is alluding to already.]

Eugene Dewey:
Lunch money, killstreaks… dignity…

[A small smattering of laughter comes from some fans. Others continue to boo the subject matter. Other chant Eugene’s name.]

Eugene Dewey:
But I never thought I’d have a title belt stolen from around my waist.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Now the fans are in unison. Voicing their dislike for the man who left laying in the middle of the ring on the last episode of GRINDHOUSE and walked out with his title belt.]

Eugene Dewey:
There wasn’t a day that went by in Highschool where I made it to lunch with money enough to buy a bag of chips, and if I took lunch with me, Brandon Marsh was right there to take it away.

Angus:
Kid was probably just trying to help him with a much needed diet.

DDK:
Seriously?

Angus:
I’m just saying, he could’ve probably stood to lose a few hundred pounds.

Eugene Dewey:
I’ve come a long way since then, so for that shit to still be happening… It’s ever so slightly pissed me off!

[The fans cheer at Eugene’s uncharacteristic outburst.]

DDK:
Did Eugene just swear?

Angus:
Barely.

[Eugene pushes his glasses back up his nose before continuing.]

Eugene Dewey:
Back in Calgary, Dan Ryan took MY FIST of DEFIANCE belt and I want it back!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Angus:
Yeah, uhhh, I think Eugene’s head might have taken a knock or two in Calgary. He remembers Dan Ryan taking his belt, but seems to have forgotten the part where Ryan kicks his flabby, freckled ass.

Eugene Dewey:
Dan Ryan!

Angus:
Oh Jesus, he’s going to do it.

Eugene Dewey:
Get your ass out here… RIGHT. NOW!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Angus:
Oh lord, he did it. He signed his death warrant.

DDK:
For once I actually agree with you. I don’t think Eugene’s in the right frame of mind, nor physical condition to go about calling out anybody. Let alone The Egobuster.

[Little time is wasted before ‘Zero’ by Smashing Pumpkins plays out over the PA. In the ring Eugene paces like a caged animal, waiting for the man who stole his title belt to appear from behind the curtain.]

Angus:
What’s that old saying? Ask and ye shall receive?

DDK:
That’s the one.

Angus:
And Eugene Dewey is about to receive another beatdown at the hands of our new FIST!

DDK:
That’s not how title belts work, Angus.

[From the back emerges The Egobuster, Dan Ryan, with the FIST of DEFIANCE draped over his shoulder and a smug grin on his face.]

DDK:
It’s been a long time since we last saw Dan Ryan smile.

Angus:
He’s finally got what he wants, of course he’s going to be happy.

[In the ring Eugene continues to pace. He gestures to Dan to come down the ramp before sitting on the ropes to hold them open.]

Dan Ryan:
If it’s all the same, Eugene, I think I’ll stay up here for now… after all, there’ll be plenty of time for uh….. [Ryan waves a hand dismissively] …..pleasantries….. later tonight.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dan Ryan:
If you don’t mind my saying, you look like you’ve lost weight since the last time we saw each other, Eugene… About 11 pounds of it I dare say…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dan Ryan:
I can see you’re unhappy, but now you know exactly how I felt watching you leave Germany with my property. Now you know how I felt watching undeserving people like you, Chance Von Crank and Sam Turner Jr. fight over a title match that should have gone to only one person…

Me.

You shouldn’t have made it out of hospital that night. You shouldn’t have made it to Germany, and you certainly shouldn’t have arrived on these shores holding my property… so I did what needed to be done. I took what was rightfully mine.

Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!
Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!
Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!

DDK:
These fans are letting Dan Ryan know exactly what they think about those remarks.

Angus:
Hey, Dan Ryan gave Eugene, Sam, and everyone else in DEFIANCE fair warning that nobody would be allowed a FIST shot before him.

DDK:
Who gets a title shot isn’t down to Dan Ryan though, Angus.

[Eugene nods along with the crowd, pumping his fist by his side with each syllable.]

Dan Ryan: [Ryan starts mouthing along with them mockingly, “Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!” finally quieting them down]
Go ahead, chant all you want. Nothing you say and nothing you do can change the fact that Dan Ryan is once again your FIST!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Eugene Dewey:
Once again? No, Dan. You aren’t-

[Almost as though he’s ready for Eugene’s retort, Dan Ryan cuts him off before he can make his point.]

Dan Ryan:
Aren’t what? The FIST? I must be. I’m the one holding the belt after all…

[Eugene’s face turns as red as his hair as Dan lifts the left off of his shoulder and high into the air.]

Dan Ryan:
You said it yourself, Eugene. This is what made you the FIST. Surely, as it’s new owner, it must do the same for me?

[Eugene stares out at Dan Ryan, breathing deeply in an attempt to keep himself calm.]

Dan Ryan:
I can tell by that look on your face you understand now. You understand exactly what I’ve been saying. It doesn’t matter who holds the gold, that alone doesn’t make them champion. I am, and I will always be the rightful FIST of DEFIANCE. And unfortunately for you, Eugene, your only option is to accept that.

So if you still want to be done with me, and if you want to be done with the Blood Diamonds, walk away now. But if you want this belt back… you’re going to be in for a long, painful ride.

[‘Zero’ starts up once again as Dan Ryan lowers the FIST back to his shoulder and takes his leave. In the ring Eugene’s nose, ears and eyes all shoot steam as he trembles with pent up rage.]

Angus:
Well… Eugene should consider himself lucky.

DDK:
Lucky?

Angus:
Yeah, he’s not being carted out on a stretcher for the 4th consecutive show after yet another beat down from Dan Ryan… of course with the scheduled tag match coming up that’s not to say that won’t happen.

DDK:
You can bet Dewey’s going to be chomping at the bit to get to Ryan later on tonight.

 

[Cold open to The Conclave.]

[Jacob Cassidy, Felton Bigsby and Jane Lora Katze stand in the ring.  All are in their wrestling gear.  Cassidy has a microphone that he taps three times.]

Cassidy:
Shut up.

BBBBBOOOOOOO!!!

Cassidy:
You people might not have realized this, but there’s a reason Jane Katze is on this trios team instead of Nicky Corozzo or another one of Bronson Box’s students. She reports to Edward White about the team. And apparently, the fact that the Big Damn Heroes interfered in our debut match is somehow my fault.

[Jacob turns to glare at Jane. Jane gives him one of those “you are saying things and they are dumbfuck things” looks.]

Cassidy:
Box taught me that a real fighter never backs away from an opponent or a challenge. But according to White, if they’re not on the Defiance roster they’re not opponents and ergo, not challenges, and according to Jane, standing my ground and fighting, and expecting her to back me up, demonstrated, and I quote, a ‘serious lapse in judgment that brings my leadership credentials into question.’

DDK:
Oh please. Not only were these three thrown together by Bronson Box to see if they’d stick, but now Jane Katze is running off to Edward White and tattling about them?

Angus:
Edward White deserves to know what his investment is getting him, Keebs. Don’t you forget it.

[Jane nods smugly. Bigsby stands off to the side, trying to look intimidating. He does pretty well, but he’d look more intimidating if he weren’t so obviously bewildered by the hostility between his teammates.]

Cassidy:
So I’m hereby reminding Jane that Bronson Box is the leader of the Blood Diamonds, and he said that I’m the leader of this tag team. White played his control card by forcing you into this team. But you’re here, and you will respect my authority while we are in this ring!

[Jane grabs Jacob’s wrist, microphone and all, to bring it to her mouth.]

Jane:
In the ring, kid. Only in the ring.

[Jacob snatches the microphone back.]

Cassidy:
And we’re in the ring right now. Find your place.

[Jane smirks and steps back. You can see the mental notes being scribbled in her head.]

Cassidy:
Which brings me to the next point of business. The so-called Big Damn Heroes.

RRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Cassidy:
Bronson Box doesn’t take kindly to people who meddle in affairs that are none of their business, and by extension, neither do Bigsby and I. And now that you’re officially on the roster, you can be opponents according to the rules-endorsed terminology. So why don’t you come on down?

Angus:
The set Jacob Cassidy’s growing keeps getting bigger and bigger.

DDK:
Amongst other things last week, you have to figure neither Bronson nor Edward were too pleased with their young charges being on the receiving end of a strong debut by the Big Damn Heroes.

Angus:
Probably one of the understatements of the year right there. Anyone who makes their associates look bad makes THEM and the Blood Diamonds as a whole look bad.

[Cassidy stares up the ramp, expecting some song or another to burst out, but the young man is forced to wait. The crowd rumbles in anticipation, and the three members of The Conclave show visible frustration. Cassidy returns the mic to his lips.]

Cassidy:
Just as I expe…

Led Zeppelin.
“Trampled Underfoot.”

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!

[The arena explodes as Cassidy is interrupted by the funky guitar-line of Zeppelin. The entrance is short and sweet. While the crowd gets their proverbial Led out, “The Queen of the Ring” Lindsay Troy struts out onto the entrance ramp wearing a blue and gold halter top emblazoned with a white crown, blue boot-cut pants with gold stripes down the sides, and that ever-present smirk. She takes a couple steps down the ramp before pausing, taking in the positive reaction from the fans amongst a bright light show. One hand holds a mic while the other is placed on a cocked-out hip, and her brown eyes are locked on The Conclave. Her music trails off, but she makes no move to address them. So, Cassidy does.]

Cassidy:
What happened? Your two fellas too busy…

Lynyrd Skynyrd.
“Still Unbroken.”

RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[Quite abruptly, Jacob is again interrupted, this time by the ear-crushing, countrified guitar of Lynyrd Skynyrd. A red, white, and blue light-show pulses along with the rhythm, a confederate flag waving proud on the big screen. Troy looks to her right, where the crowd separates to make way for “The Bad Dog,” Wade Elliott. They cheer loudly as the Blue Collar Brawler strides forward, heavy steel-toed boots, old jeans and a gray t-shirt on his rugged frame, mic clenched in his right hand and steely-blue eyes burning holes in the trio standing in the ring.]

[Again, it’s a short entrance, and Wade stops just before reaching the security wall, Skynyrd fading away and leaving only the crowd. Like Troy, Wade leaves the mic to his side, just a trademark glare to offer. Cassidy “pshaws,” and turns toward the ‘Bama Bruiser.]

Cassidy:
Well, at least the idiot hillbilly decided to…

Quarashi.
“Stick em’ Up.”

RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

[Obvious to everyone but The Conclave, the final piece to the Big Damn Puzzle arrives in spectacular fashion, a golden sea of lights and flash-bulbs drowning the arena. The Queen peers to her left, and much like Wade, the Defiance faithful part to make a path for the Underground Pimp, who struts to the ring leaving a soaking trail of swagger behind him. Heavy boots, ring shorts, and one of his very favorite Punisher t-shirts clad to a battle-worn body. Like the others, the stylings of Quarashi are short-lived, but it’s plenty of time for no less than seven women to wonder why their panties are suddenly on the floor. Like his old pal Wade, Rayne stops short of the security wall, his own microphone twirling in his left hand before crossing his arms across his chest, a knowing sneer forming in front of his ever-lasting five o’clock shadow.]

Cassidy:
Alrightalrightalright, we get the damn point! Now …

Red Light King.
“Born to Rise.”

♫ We were born to riiiiise! ♫
♫ We were born to riiiiiise! ♫
♫ So watcha know about sacrifice, when the lights go out! ♫

[Cassidy shows clear, angered frustration as he’s once again interrupted, this time by the team’s collective intro music. “Big Damn Heroes,” in awesome, super-hero writing slams to the front of the screen. A fantastic light display whirls through the building, a mix of the colors of each of the members of BDH. The Queen strides toward the ring, while Wade and Rayne climb over the security walls and walk toward the bottom of the ramp to meet up with the Lady of the Hour. They convene just in front of the ring, crowd erupting, and simultaneously climb the apron/stairs. Troy gracefully steps through the ropes, while Wade steps over the top. Rayne, in classic Golden Boy style, springs over the top with perfect balance as the chorus hits, the three staring down their counterparts.]

♫ We are the ones who were born to riiiise! ♫
♫ We are the ones with the fire insiiiiide!! ♫
♫ I go to war with the brothers I trust, ♫
♫ and there ain’t no stoppin’ us! ♫
♫ There ain’t no stoppin us! ♫

♫ We are the ones who will bring the raaaain! ♫
♫ We are the ones who will break the chaaaain!! ♫
♫ I go to war with the brothers I trust, ♫
♫ and there ain’t no stoppin’ us! ♫
♫ There ain’t no stoppin us! ♫

[“Born to Rise” cuts off after the second stanza, leaving the arena buzzing from the fans’ excitement. Bigsby remains unmoved, but his eyes lock with Wade’s and the ‘Bama Bruiser returns his glare with one of his own. Jane Katze looks perturbed with the big song and dance put on by the Heroes, and she’s glaring at Lindsay Troy. Troy’s not looking at her, though. She’s set her eyes on Jacob Cassidy, as does Tyler Rayne, because Jacob looks like he’s about ready to go off into orbit with the amount of anger he’s giving off. Clenched fists. Taunt muscles. Deep scowl. Ragged breaths.]

Angus:
Took them damn near long enough.

DDK:
The welcome parade the Big Damn Heroes are leading keeps right on rolling along, Angus. And Jacob Cassidy is fit to be tied because of it.

[It looks like everything’s about to come to blows real quick. Rayne decides to help matters along. Just a little.]

Tyler Rayne:
So, Cartman, you were saying something about authority and the respect of it? Feel free to continue since we’ve got the gang all here.

Cassidy:
Well now that your little parade is over, maybe we can...

Wade Elliott: [interrupting]
See, I told y'all this little shit would just run his fuckin' mouth. I say we cut th'shit an' hand 'em another ass-kickin' or be on our god-damn merry.

RAAAAHHHHH!

[The crowd goes ape-shit for one last interruption via the Bad Dog, leaving The Conclave ready to explode. Bigsby has had enough, stepping forward and shoving a hard palm into Wade's chest. The 'Bama Bruiser generally does not take kindly to such things, and steps real close to bearded big man.]

Wade Elliott:[growling]
I'd watch where ya put that hand, boy. I’m damn sure ya ain’t prepared t' LOSE it.

[The two big men stare each other down, noses nearly touching. Eventually, the more sensible participant in this little dance puts a hand on Wade’s chest, an attempt to diffuse what could easily be a pretty wild slugfest.]

Lindsay Troy:
Easy, Wade. There’s plenty of time for that.

[Wade and Felton give each other one last once over to flex their masculinity before taking a couple steps away from each other, keeping the “peace.” For now.]

Cassidy:
Like I was saying, Bronson Box is of the opinion that people who stick their noses where they don’t belong are people who need to be taught a lesson to. As the leader of this team, I agree with him.

[With a smile, The Queen turns back to Cassidy.]

Lindsay Troy:
I’m surprised Bronson Box found the time to think about anything besides how many raging bitchfits he’s going to pitch in the locker room this week.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

DDK:
I’m not sure Lindsay Troy knows just what she’s saying and who she’s saying it about.

Angus:
Who cares? Anyone who’s willing to talk shit about that little mustachioed hobbit is someone I’m willing to hear out. Even if it means he goes HAM on her later.

Lindsay Troy:
If you want to blow Box’s sunshine out your ass, you go right ahead. Do it until you’re blue in the face. But it seems to us, and trust me when I tell you we didn’t just fall off the pickup truck yesterday, like you spend more time arguing with these two jamokes [points to Jane and Felton] than you do actually doing something resembling wrestling.

Tyler Rayne:
So you beat up a few dudes last week and wanted to make a statement so someone’d hang it on their fridge, clap you on the back and say “Job Well Done?” Shit, kid, we weren’t lookin’ for anyone’s approval to do what we did last week. Don’t need it, as a matter of record. We just went out and did it, ‘cause we can. Best part? We’re not in some dog house waiting for master to hit us with a rolled-up newspaper for fuckin’ anythin’ up. Unlike you.

Wade Elliott:
Hell, ya wanna run with the big dogs then ya better stop pissin’ like a puppy.

[Jane Katze, not pleased with Jacob’s inability to get this situation under control nor Felton’s decision to mainly hang back and observe, steps forward and rips the microphone from Cassidy’s hand.]

Jane Katze:
You three [points to the Heroes] have got a lot to learn about your place in the grand DEFIANCE scheme of things. Mainly, that one sneak attack doesn’t mean shit AND that when it comes right down to it, we are your, and everyone else’s, BETTERS because that’s what being a member of the Blood Diamonds IS. PERIOD. And we’ll be more than happy to show you.

Tyler Rayne:
[Laughing] Well, would you look at that. Someone knows how to use her mouth for something more than sucking.

Wade Elliott:
[Becoming impatient and addressing Jane] Quit singin’ yer song, darlin.’ That or git one’ve these chicken-shits t’ toughen-up an’ take a swing!

Lindsay Troy:
Do ya one better, Wade. Over/Under on how fast I’ll have Jane on her face eating canvas. Three seconds? Four? Doesn’t seem like she’s got the stamina to hang with me for longer than that.

[Cue it up: “The Bad Touch” by the Bloodhound Gang.]

Angus:
It’s about to get SLEEZAY UP IN HURRRR! All it takes is one half of one lesbian innuendo and my three favorite dudes this side of Team Danger are on the scene!

♫ Do it now ♫
♫ You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals ♫
♫ So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel ♫
♫ Do it again now ♫
♫ You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals ♫
♫ So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel ♫
♫ Gettin' horny now ♫

DDK:
I don’t think any music could possibly be more appropriate for these three…

Angus:
I think the word you’re looking is Sexual Deviants Keebs.

DDK:
Yeah, okay, that.

[Leading the trio out is Rich Mahogany, heart-shaped shades hiding his baby-blue eyes, a mauve neckerchief wrapped elegantly around his neck, and a turquoise sequinned banana-hammock covering the business, strides his way about a quarter of the way down the ramp. The Sweet Corporate Dolphin and “Dapper” Don Hollywood follow him out, somewhat reluctantly, but they match his pace none-the-less.]

[Rich produces a microphone from Christ knows where.]

Mahogany:
Weeeeell, weeeeeeeeeeellllllll… Well!

[He gets a decidedly mixed reaction.]

Mahogany:
I see we’ve got a bunch of dudes nobody gives a shit about and my two favorite wrestlers not named Heidi or Claira up there arguin’ about Buddha knows what…

[He gets a mini-pop for that one.]

Mahogany:
And it occurred to Ye Olde Richmeister, that since Lindsay Troy let me get to second base last week and we’re pretty much going steady now, that I should come out here and get her out of everybody’s way and back into the kitchen makin’ me a fish sam’mich!

[It’s here that “Suite” Pete Whealdon pokes his face over Rich’s shoulder and adds his thoughts on the matter.]

Whealdon:
If nobody’s called the ugly one, I hear she has a pretty good Leg-Scissor Hold. I just want to say that if nobody else is willing, yanno, or able to hold the chunks back, I’ll scissor with her!

[Don Hollywood almost gags. Rich cheeses. Pete makes eyes at Jane. Jacob’s glaring at the ACX while Tyler and Lindsay glance at each other - both trying to decide if it serves a better purpose to take out Hollywood, Mahogany, and Whealdon first or the Conclave.]

[Before they can reach a conclusion, a decision is made for them.]

[Felton Bigsby punches Wade Elliott in the face. Hard. What this succeeds in doing is breaking the weird tension from that piece of an Angel City eXXXpress promo. Unfortunately that’s also where things started to break down. What happens next is that Wade no-sells the punch like a champ. He smiles wide like the Cheshire Cat as Tyler Rayne comes flying in with a Leg Lariat that sends Bigsby sprawling.]

DDK:
HERE WE GO!

[Rich drops his microphone and he and his ACX brethren charge the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope and popping up into the fray.]

Angus:
ITS THREE ON THREE ON THREE! IT’S PANDEMONIUM!

[Rayne turns to address the charging Angel City eXXXpress after sending Bigsby back a few paces. Wade spits on the mat in response to the sucker-punch before barreling forward, spearing Bigsby viciously and quickly mounting him, laying down a hurricane of big right hands to the side of his head.  He’s amazed when Bigsby stands, holding him, and spears him into the corner.]

Angus:
Man I love watching big dudes like Bigsby and Elliott wail on each other.  

DDK:
Incidentally, please excuse Jeff if he spells Elliott’s name with one T by mistake, that shit’s driving him nuts already.

Angus:
Man fuck that dude, always making me say embarrassing shit.

[Shit be broken down all over the place.  Troy savate kicks Cassidy in the face, Cassidy falls into the turnbuckle, but as she tries to follow up, Jacob does the old slip between the ropes and do a teeter-totter enzuigiri bit.  Don and Rich both decide it’s easier to tackle Rayne to the mat instead of messing about with the brawl between Bigsby and Elliott.  This leaves Pete Whealdon to take Jane over with a headlock and just let her put him in a headscissor - at which point he realizes that this isn’t as fun as it seemed before he tried it and starts choking and thrashing.  Don comes to his aid, and Rayne starts fighting Rich back with roundhouse kicks.  A standing hook kick to the head has Rich wobbling, but before Rayne can land a knockout strike Rich kicks him in the balls.]

DDK:
And since this hasn’t officially turned into a match there’s nothing stopping Rich Mahogany from getting away with that!  DDT on Rayne no countered with a northern lights, no Rich is struggling!

[Elliott Irish whips Bigsby across the ring, only he instead plows into Rayne and Rich.  As the three of them fall down, Troy springboards and takes Hollywood out with a springboard dropkick.  Jane judo throws Pete to the mat and works some scissorlock or other on him.  Cassidy, though, showing that opportunism that he’s learned under Box’s tutelage, grabs Rayne and hits him with a Facewaster, and then hits Rich with a Facewaster! Before he can enjoy his work and look proud of himself, Elliott knocks him flying with the Southern Hospitality lariat!]

[Elliott turns around, only to catch a running shoulder from Bigsby that knocks him into the ropes and then clear of the ring!  Bigsby follows up, Elliott is ready for him outside and knocks his head into the announce table.]

Angus:
Security!  SECURITY!  I don’t want to have to sit at a crap folding table with an uncomfortable chair all night!  STOP ALL THIS FROM HAPPENING HELLLLPPP!!!!

[Wyatt Bronson and the DEFsec squad are out in seconds.  They start by dogpiling the two big men away from each other.  Cassidy collects himself and pulls Jane out of the ring with him, they collect Bigsby from the security.]

DDK:
It broke down at ringside, but the Conclave is heading for higher ground, the ACX are down, and the Big Damn Heroes are again standing tall in the ring!

[Troy points up the ramp at Cassidy.  Cassidy yells back at her.]

[Fade.]

Angus:
I'm not a fan of the goody two shoes types, not really, but I kinda like these Big Damn Heroes guys when they're not trying to destroy my announce table.  I mean, all that chaos is pure Defiance, kna-mean?

DDK:
The Big Damn Heroes sure haven't taken long to make their presence felt here in Defiance, and it's just as well they showed up when they did, because anything that helps the Blood Diamonds tip the balance of power on the scales like The Conclave did is bad news for Defiance.  But enough of that for now, because we've got another match coming up straightaway!

DDK:
This next match is definitely going to be a fight.  Team HOSS have staked a claim as the #1 Contenders to the World Trios Tag Team Titles currently held by Hookers N Blow, but it seems that since Junior Keeling declared war on the champs, they’ve gone on the offensive.  Ty Walker pulled it out in a squeaker last week over Capital Punishment.  And earlier tonight… well, Junior Keeling found himself with something more yellow than just his spine.

Angus:
As much as I do not approve of Team HOSS messing with MUH BOY-EE TY, they should probably quit while they’re ahead, that’s why he ended up with paint exploding all over himself! And I told you Ty could beat Cappy, didn’t I?

DDK:
Yes, after you switched teams more times than I cared to count on commentary.

Angus:
Stifle your tongue, Keebs!  Speak ill of Ty or the HOSS and you will disappear…

DDK:
*Sigh* Anyway, coming up next, we’ve got Aleczander the Great going one-on-one with the shooter Sam Horry.  This one is a definite clash of styles as The Mancunian Muscle has the power advantage, but Horry has that straight-ahead striking style. Team HOSS almost hit that triple powerbomb combination on Walker post-match had it not been for Horry and Matthews coming to his aid, so let’s see what these two can do.

Darren “DQ” Quimbey:
Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall!  Coming to the ring… Hailing from QUEENS, NEW YORK… Standing at 6 feet 1 inches tall and weighing in at 234 pounds… He is one-third of the DEFIANCE World Trios Tag Team Champions…  He is the AYCH. EN. EYE. SEE… SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMM HOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!

[Rolling out from behind the curtain, Sam Horry steps into the Rexall Place, only briefly stopping at the mouth of the aisle to take in the view of the arena and the crowd through the sleeveless, black, hooded towel that shrouds his head and face.  He raises his portion of the heralded Trios Tag Team Titles for all to see and the cousin to Ty Walker has his game face on.]

[Wearing red Muay Thai shorts that read "Vitamins e Minerals" in red and black, black kneepads, along with red, black and white kickpads; his knuckles were heavily taped. Sam continued towards the ring, completely focused on the battle that lies ahead.]

[Entering the ring, he removes his entrance garb, and tosses the towel to the ring attendant as he moves to his corner and awaits the arrival of his massive opponent.]

[The music faded out and gave way to “Does It Offend You Yeah?” by We Are Rockstars. The crowd’s reaction changed to jeers as the muscleman for Team HOSS made his way out. Junior Keeling was at his side, patting the big man on the back as the British Faux-hawk sporting Aleczander flexed his muscles at the top of the stage. To make matters worse…Keeling brought out the other monsters…the rugged veteran Capital Punishment and the tremendously-sized rookie Angel Trinidad were on either side. Team HOSS at full force.  Junior had himself a shower since then and was not wearing his expensive suit, but rather was wearing a generic DEFIANCE t-shirt and track pants that looked a little big on him.  He limped to the ring holding up the pants while Horry watched on, not surprised that Aleczander brought the whole crew with him.]

Darren “DQ” Quimbey:
And his opponent, from Manchester, England, being accompanied to the ring by Junior Keeling, Capital Punishment and Angel Trinidad… weighing 268 pounds… ALECZANDER THE GREAT!

[The four men stomp towards to the ring as Junior Keeling barks orders at Aleczander to take out The HNIC. The Mancunian Muscle likes what he’s hearing and jumps on the apron Brock Lesnar-style before climbing into the ring. He flexes his muscles one more time before referee Benny Doyle calls for the bell.]  

Angus:
Uh-oh, not good…

DDK:
No, wait!

[Sure enough as it happens, Ty Walker and Ryan Matthews immediately rush down the aisle to the aid of their teammate and fellow champion as they each take the side of The HNIC. Horry looks a little more confident now and shoots an all-knowing smirk to Aleczander the Great, who just scoffs in his direction.  The Big Brit isn’t impressed by the appearance of the full force of HNB and now all sides are even now.]

DDK:
HNB aren’t going to let this slide.  Team HOSS are seething right now, but HNB are looking out for their own.  

[Aleczander mockingly approaches Horry only for the Trios Tag Team Champion to eschew that in favor of a straight-on assault!  He goes right for the muscle-bound pretty boy’s face and tees off on him with a series of big jabs that take him off his game!  Aleczander tries to get his big arms up, but the much
quicker Hory lets the shots fly!]

Angus:
Shit, Horry ain’t here to play tonight!

DDK:
No, he isn’t!  He has to stick and move against Aleczander if he’s going to win!

[The beatings continue as Horry quickly backs him into the corner with a series of lightning-fast punching jabs to the face to back The Big Brit.  Aleczander tries to throw a couple big shots of his own, but Horry ducks a wild left and a wilde right in order to throw a few good kicks into the chest!  The Team HOSS member is hurt now as he backs him into the ropes and elbows him in the face several times.  Aleczander pushes him back a few steps and charges right at Horry, but he quickly recovers…]

DDK:
ROTATING BELLY TO BELLY! HORRY JUST TOOK ALECZANDER TO THE MAT!

[And a quick cover follows!]

[ONE!]

[TWO… NO!]

DDK:
He almost caught him with that right away!

Angus:
Well, Aleczander is going to learn a hard lesson about how tough Horry is!  He’s gonna rough him up some more!

[Indeed Horry does as he continues to bring the pain to Aleczander with another hard barrage of targeted elbows trying to ruin the good looks of the chiseled chin of The Big Brit.  Aleczander The Great manages to roll him over and throw a couple rights of his own, but the more experienced striker takes two good shots to deliver one of his own sending him back a few steps.]

[On the outside, Walker and Matthews are cheering on one-third of the champions as he continues his offensive flurry by clinching Aleczander in a Rear Waistlock and striking him with a series of overhand rights to the head.  Aleczander heads to the safety of the ropes as Cappy and Angel each look on while an irate Junior Keeling holds his pants up.  When The Mancunian Muscle gets to the ropes, Benny Doyles has no choice but to make Horry let go.  He does so willingly, but he doesn’t see the cheap elbow coming until it’s too late!]

DDK:
And that ALeczander is a powerhouse first, but a very skilled cheater second!  He caught Horry with that nasty elbow to the head!

Angus:
HOSS GONNA SMASH NOW!

[A wide smile crosses the face of Team HOSS’s British contingent now as he pushes Horry into the ropes. He launches the fighter off the ropes and waits for him to come back so he can hit a big power move only for Horry to leapfrog over him and keep running. When The Big Brit turns around, he gets BLASTED in the chest with a Front Push Kick that is powerful enough to knock him on his ass!  With the wind knocked out of him, he rolls over and tries a second cover on Aleczander.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THR… NO!]

DDK:
I can’t say that I’m surprised that Horry has come out swinging and he’s just taken the fight to Aleczander The Great from the get-go!

Angus:
Horry is tough, alright. I mean, he ain’t TY, but he can get it done in between the ropes!

[Horry only continues to fight with some more rights until Aleczander once again heads to the sanctity of the ropes for salvation from the oncoming fists and feet of the HNIC. Horry backs off as Aleczander has Benny Doyle in between him to keep the peace.  Aleczander protests with him about closed fists while Junior Keeling adds his two cents.]

Keeling:
CLOSED FIST, YOU DUMB FAGBASKET! COME ON!  PAY ATTENTION, SHITHEAD!

Angus:
Well, I think it’s safe to say that HNB got under his skin, would you agree?

DDK:
I would, yes.  Aleczander did the smart thing and created some distance between HNB’s striker.  They put out the challenge on Twitter, so I don’t see why Aleczander is cowering now!

[The Big Brit stands near the ropes when Horry has had enough of his bullshit. The fighter charges only for Aleczander to try and take him over the ropes with a Back Body Drop!  That doesn’t work out too well, however, because Horry has managed to land on his feet on the ring apron.  He turns and delivers a big right hand to the face of The Big Brit only to back him up a step.  Cappy comes by to take a swipe at Horry only for the fighter to kick back and keep the Elder HOSS at bay.  Walker and Matthews are about to step in between them and a standoff ensues at ringside, but Horry doesn’t see Aleczander BLAST him with a big Clothesline!]

DDK:
OUCH!  Horry got caught up in the action and that was all Aleczander needed in order to get him down.  What’s he setting him up for now?

[Aleczander has Horry up and stands himself on the second rope as he tries to pull Horry up with him. THe other members of HNB can only watch angrily as he POWERS him up into an INCREDIBLE Deadlift Suplex over the top rope and all the way back into the ring!  It was incredibly astounding strength on display from The Big Brit, but he pulled it off!]

Angus:
JAY-ZUS! That’s some goddamn power right there!

DDK:
That is so true!  Sam Horry is no small man, but Aleczander may be pound-for-pound the strongest member of Team HOSS!

[The crowd is completely blown away with the strength of the Mancunian Muscle as he kneels over the fallen body of Horry and lets out a loud roar, proud of his feet of strength! He then rolls over and makes the lateral press on Sam.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THR… KICK OUT!]

DDK:
I’m surprised that didn’t get the win, but the ball is definitely in the court of Team HOSS now.

Angus:
Aleczander is a big guy and I don’t think there’s just about anybody that’s just muscle on top of muscle stacked like he is.  This dude is J-J-J-J-JACKED.

[After Horry’s shoulder leaves the mat, Aleczander gets a bit vicious himself and throws a flurry of his own heavy rights in order to wear down the fallen Trios Tag Team Champion.  A few more good shots continue until Benny Doyle orders him to back off. Aleczander The Great complies with his order only to stand up and blast him in the jaw with a nice European Uppercut.]

[Sam had a lot taken out of him by the Deadlift Superplex, but he continues to fight back anyway by throwing a quick barrage of body shots to the Big Brit.  He runs off the ropes to follow up with his attack, but Aleczander is waiting and grabs him by the body only to THROW him menacingly overhead with a Belly to Belly of his own, possibly as a receipt from earlier on in the match!]

DDK:
DAMN!  That’s gruesome strength on display by Aleczander The Great!  He’s wrestling a good game here tonight and taking down Horry with power move after power move!

Angus:
He sure is!  He’s been trucking Horry down and it doesn’t matter how many times he can hit – he can’t take many more of those moves from Aleczander.

[Another cover from Aleczander.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THR… KICK OUT!]

[Another kickout by Horry and the crowd goes wild while everybody in the Team HOSS camp pensively looks on.  Matthews and Walker are much more verbal now and start cheering on their comrade with Ty slapping the ring apron, trying to get the fans vested in his cousin’s bid to stick it to Team HOSS.  Horry is at the mercy of a particularly merciless Aleczander as he whips him off into the corner.  He runs across the opposite side only to come back with a nasty Body Avalanche in the corner.  He then runs off the corner and pulls Horry with him…]

Angus:
SHOT AT LOVE!  HE PUT SOME STANK ON THAT ONE!

[The crowd is impressed with these displays of power by Aleczander as he nearly takes Horry out of his boots with an Explosive Running Shoulder Tackle!  Horry spins around from the impact and collides with the mat while a game Aleczander laughs in the direction of the other HNB members.  He walks over and daps fists with both Junior and Angel while Capital Punishment silently watches.  After he takes some time to celebrate, the Mancunian Muscle makes the crawl over to the fallen body of Horry before rolling him over and hooking the leg this time.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THRE…. NO!]

Keeling:
OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE! THAT WAS THREE, YOU ASSHAT!

DDK:
Keeling is just all over Benny Doyle, but he needs to stop running his mouth. It’s gotten him into nothing but trouble ever since he got this feud going with the members of Hookers N Blow!

Angus:
Please, my boy Ty knows exactly what he’s doing here! Mama didn’t raise no sucka!

[Sam is just barely able to get the shoulder off the mat after such a big shot, but Aleczander has him right where he wants him.  He starts to pummel Horry with a few good shots followed by a big European Uppercut to knock him back down to the ground.  Aleczander starts to ascend the second rope now and raised a big fists for the crowd. The Big Brit even kisses his bicep before he flies…

MISSES!]

DDK:
OOF! He tried that flying elbow drop off the second rope, but Horry had the wherewithal to move! He needs to get back on the offensive quickly!

Angus:
And Darren needs to stop reading from the big book of Stating the Goddamn Obvious!

[Sam Horry rolled away from the corner and started to use the ropes to pull himself back to his feet.  Aleczander had been in control for a little while, but his body was hurting all over after the series of massive power moves as he starts to get back to a vertical base.  Aleczander is off on the other side of the ring and bided his time until he got back to his feet after the bad landing.]

[Aleczander brings it with a right.  Sam Horry brings it right back with a kick to the leg.  Aleczander with a right.  And Sam with a right kick.  Aleczander with a left.  Sam Horry with a right. Aleczander with a left.  Sam Horry with a right. It’s a fight, it’s a fight, head-bussa, head-bussa.  Eventually, Sam ducks a blind shot from Aleczander and he goes after the big man with a couple more kicks to the leg with an intent to hurt him and get The Mancunian Muscle off his base.]

Angus:
Look at this dude go! Fists of fury and all that shit!

DDK:
He didn’t come to play tonight!

[Horry tries a whip only for Aleczander to try and reverse it.  Horry stops that and catches Aleczander with a big Low Spinning Kick to the gut of the Big Brit.  When he catches him with the move, he comes back and sets him up…]

DDK:
HEAD AND ARM SUPLEX! THAT’S SOME STRENGTH, BUT HE GOT IT!

[Horry with the cover now!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THRE… NO!]

[The entire Team HOSS clan are on the outside right now looking nervous for their ally while Walker and Ryan Matthews each clap on the turnbuckle and root for their friend as the battle continues. Horry leads the bigger man to his feet and nails another shot to the throat that backs Aleczander up.  He’s going for it and when Aleczander tries to swing again, he ducks… REAR NAKED CHOKE!]

DDK:
HE HAS THAT CHOKE CLINCHED IN!  ALECZANDER NEEDS TO GET TO THE ROPES QUICKLY!  

Angus:
Horry just may get Aleczander here, I don’t believe this!

[Indeed he is punishing the Mancunian Muscle as he scrambles around frantically trying to get his way out.  He charges to the ropes and quickly reaches out, making it as the crowd started to boo that he has to release the hold.  Horry reluctantly does so and he changes up his game as Aleczander is now worn out from the effects of the choke.  Aleczander is down and it looks like Horry is signaling for his signature Street Sweeper finisher.  When he’s about to make his move, Angel Trinidad suddenly charges ot the other side of the ring and shoves Ty Walker!]

Angel:
GOT YOU, BOY!  YEAH!

[Ryan Matthews doesn’t take that shit so he goes right for Angel Trinidad and the two begin slugging it out on the outside as Keeling runs over and tries to get in the skirmish!  Horry is focused on Aleczander as he starts to rise… THWACK!]

Angus:
WHOA!  CAPPY JUST WHACKED SAM HORRY WITH THAT BATON!  AWESOME!

DDK:
That’s the very same retractable Baton he used on Diego de Leon to win that feud over TexMex Holiday back in Germany! That fight on the outside with Angel and Ryan is still going on and Benny Doyle was caught in that!

[Horry crumbles to a knee after the cheap shot from behind which allows Aleczander to capitalize. He pulls Horry to his feet and powers him up…]

Angus:
ALECZANDER WINS THE MATCH! AHAHAHAHAAHA!

DDK:
…Can you just pick a damn side?!

[Walker is wide-eyed as he gets to his feet again and tries to help out Matthews while on the inside, Aleczander crawls over and hooks Horry’s leg.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THREE!]

DDK:
He damn sure didn’t do it by himself, but Aleczander gets Team HOSS some payback for last week and for earlier!  That distraction by Angel Trinidad paid off!

DQ:
HERE IS YOUR WINNER OF THE MATCH… ALECZANDER!

[Walker has seen enough and he charges into the ring, jumping on Aleczander with some stiff shots of his own!  On the outside, Ryan Matthews tries to pick off the much bigger Trinidad, but the Rookie Monster powers him up and SLAMS him viciously into the steel steps on the outside!]

Angus:
HOSS SMASH!

DDK:
IT’S CHAOS OUT HERE!  KEELING’S DIRECTING TRAFFIC AND NOW TEAM HOSS ARE IN THE RING!  CAPITAL PUNISHMENT AND ANGEL TRINIDAD NOW GO AFTER TY WALKER AND SAVE THEIR FRIEND!

[Keeling is barking orders like a man possessed!  Walker is still attacking Aleczander, but he gets the leader of the HNB with a big Eye Rake!  He is stunned now and stumbles back into the grip of a big Capital Punishment and an even bigger Angel Trinidad who each take an arm... DOUBLE CRUCIFIX POWERBOMB TO TY WALKER!]

Angus:
…Eep.

DDK:
Team HOSS can’t take any of this any more!  They just took down Sam Horry, Ryan Matthews is hurt on the outside and they just DRILLED Ty Walker with that Double-Team Crucifix Bomb!  Team HOSS are finally standing tall over HNB tonight… OH, LORD!
    
[What Darren is referring to is Junior Keeling collecting each of the Trios Tag Team Titles from ringside while the members of Hookers and Blow are laid out near ringside.  Aleczander is limping to his feet from the match he had with Sam Horry, but he raises the belt over his head.  Cappy and Angel each take one and pose with the belts overhead in unison as the crowd BOOS… they have just laid out Hookers N Blow and sent a powerful message to the Trios Tag Team Champions.]

Keeling:
YOUR NEXT CHAMPIONS!  LOOK AT THAT SHIT! THAT’S THE NEAR FUTURE COMING UP!  THEY ARE YOUR NEXT WORLD TRIOS TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, YOU HEAR ME?!

[Even though the message is being delivered by a man walking around holding up his pants with one hand, the message is still loud and clear as Team HOSS drops the belts on the fallen bodies of Ty Walker and his cousin Sam Horry.  They want the belts and they had the strength and the ruthlessness to make it happen.]

[Cut away.]

[The scene cuts from ringside to the backstage area where Lance Warner is seated across a round table from Mike Bell. Lance in a suit and tie, while The Natural is dressed in slacks and a dress shirt. As Lance reaches across the table to shake hands, he starts the interview with a bit of pleasantries.]

Warner:
Mike, welcome to the show.

[Extending his hand as well, the two shake.]

Bell:
Thanks Lance. It's a pleasure to be here.

[With that out of the way, Lance plays with his tie slightly before diving into the first question.]

Warner:
Mike, I guess the question that is on everyone's mind is. Why Defiance Wrestling? Out of any place you could have gone, you chose Defiance Wrestling. Why?

[The question probably should have caught Bell of guard, but instead, he was prepared. It was as if Mike knew that eventually, Lance would get to it. So it came as a relief knowing that it came sooner, rather than later.]

Bell:
Well Lance, the answer is simple. When Eric Dane calls, you sit up and take notice. When Eric Dane calls, you don't question the madness, you simply look at the opportunity presented and you jump on the first flight to Defianceville.

Warner:
But Eric Dane? Mike there was quite a history between the two of you back in the day. How were you able to just forget about everything and come back as if nothing happened?

[Hmm, a very good question. So much that Bell leans back, searching for the right words to put it all into the proper perspective.]

Bell:
You know Lance, and good question by the way. I guess it's safe to say that you never truly get over some of the things that took place. But, Eric and I were able to sit down and discuss those issues and well, let's just say that it is behind us now.

Warner:
Care to touch on that further?

Bell:
Not really. Just know that we've discussed it and it's behind us.

Warner:
Fair enough. What about Kelly Evans and Tyrone Walker? Were you able to talk to them, and put those issues behind you as well?

[The facial expression changes slightly. Yes, Mike and Tyrone have *bumped* into each other briefly, but the issues were far from resolved. As far as Kelly Evans, Mike has gone out of his way to avoid her.]

Bell:
Let's just say that Ty and I have have spoken briefly since my return. However, there have been no words spoken between Ms. Evans and myself.

Warner:
Mike, do you plan on...

[Sensing the conversation is about to turn towards Kelly Evans, Mike becomes uncomfortable and voices his thoughts on going to another subject.]

Bell:
How about we talk about Dusty Griffith and his situation with Edward White instead?

[Realizing that in so many words, Mike has drawn a line that isn't to be crossed. Lance takes the hint.]

Warner:
Okay, we can discuss....

Bell:
Good, because that's what I really want to talk about.

Warner:
I see. Okay, how has teaming with Dusty been? I mean, is it anything like some of the all time greats that you've teamed with?

Bell:
You know, everybody brings something different to wrestling. But it is the guys who can take bits and pieces from those who influence them the most, that end up making huge splashes in this sport. Take Dusty for instance. He was trained by Jason Ramsey, a good personal friend of mine and look at what that training has done for him.

[As Mike continues to talk about Dusty, you can see a smile forming on his face.]

Bell:
As far as I'm concerned, Dusty has got to be one of the top guys here in Defiance, bar none. He's carved himself out a niche here in the industry and I see nothing but good things for him. Now granted he's run into a stumbling block in the form of Edward White. But Dusty has more than shown himself capable to take it to White and his merry little band up screw ups. Especially with the backup that he's got here.

Warner:
Speaking of backup, you've been there the past couple of shows to catch his back. Drawing the ire of not only Edward White, but Nicky Corrozo as well. Nicky even went as far as to make....

Bell:
Oh yes, the old jokes again. Well as true as that might have been, his opinion changed rather quickly when this old man was laying the boots to him. You see Lance, what Nicky doesn't realize is this. He can call me a has-been all he wants to, but that has no sting coming from a never was like him. When I look at those comments from Nicky, I'm reminded of one constant fact.

Warner:
And that is?

Bell:
While Nicky Corrozo is here only because of Edward White. I'm here because Eric Dane personally picked up the phone and called me. So you see Nicky, in the grand scheme of things. You don't even qualify as a pimple on the ass of this great sport, while me, after all this time out of the ring, can still whip your ass anytime that I want.

Warner:
Kind of staying on the subject, Dusty will be teaming with Eugene Dewey to take on Edward White and Dan Ryan. Knowing what you know about White...

[The smile quickly disappears and is replaced with a look of seriousness. As dangerous as White is, that danger gets amplified with the addition of Dan Ryan.]

Bell:
You know Lance, I will be watching this match with a ton of interest. I know that White is too scared to face Dusty without having an angle, so I will be close by, just in case. That way, if any of White's cronies get happy feet and decide to interfere. I'll be sure to come down with the first equalizer that I can get my hands on.

Warner:
I'm sure you will if the situation calls for it. Thanks again Mike, and hopefully we can do this again sometime.

[Nodding his head and standing from his chair, Mike leaves little doubt as to what his answer will be.]

Bell:
Just let me know when and where Lance, and I'll promise to be there.

Warner:
Mike Bell, ladies and gentlemen.

[Cut.]

Quimbey:
Our next contest is scheduled for one fall…

[DatHeavenlyChoir.jpg (2)]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Quimbey:
Introducing first, from Buffalo, Wyoming, weighing in at 260 pounds… He is the reigning FIST of DEFIANCE!

Angus:
Debateable.

DDK:
Please! Dan Ryan stole that belt from Eugene.

Angus:
Eugene said it himself, holding the belt make you champion. Who’s holding the belt? Dan Ryan.

DDK:
And as I told you earlier, that’s not how title belts work.

Quimbey:
He is… EEEEEEEEEEEEUGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE DEEEEEEEEEEWEEEEEEEEEEYYYY!!!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[In much the same way as he did earlier, Eugene stomps his way through the curtain and down to the ring. He still doesn’t slap hands with any of the fans and doesn’t climbs the turnbuckle to pose for them.]

DDK:
Clearly Eugene has one thing on his mind, and that’s getting his title belt back from Dan Ryan.

[The Halo 2 theme fades to be replaced by that oh so familiar KISS hit.]

Quimbey:
And his partner, hailing from BOISE, IDAHO… weighing in at 290 pounds… This is the WILD BRONCO… DUUUSSSTTTY GRRRRRRRRIFFFFFFFITH!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

♫ Hey, hey, hey, hey, YEAH! ♫
♫ Hey, hey, hey, hey, YEAH! ♫
♫ Hey, hey, hey, hey, YEAH! ♫
♫ Hey, hey, hey, hey, YEAH! ♫

[The voice of Gene Simmons calls forth the Bad Man from Boise as the heavy guitar riffs begin to rip through the airwaves, followed by Dusty Griffith who bursts out from behind the curtains and charges down the aisle at a steady jog.]

♫ Stand up, you don't have to be afraid ♫
♫ Get down, love is like a hurricane ♫
♫ Street boy, no I never could be tamed, better believe it ♫

[Reaching ringside, Dusty dives in under the bottom rope and is quickly up on to his feet where he runs himself off the ropes three, four, five times before coming to a bouncing stop in the center of the ring where he turns in a full circle, taking in the view of the entire arena as the lights come up.]

♫ Guilty till I'm proven innocent ♫
♫ Whiplash, heavy metal accident ♫
♫ Rock on, I wanna be the president ♫

[Completing his turn, Dusty makes for the nearest corner, climbing it and throwing his fists high up into the air as he mugs it up for the cheering crowd. After a moment, he drops down from the ropes and makes his way over to Eugene to await their opponents.]

♫ Cuz I love it ♫
♫ Loud, I wanna hear it loud, right between the eyes ♫
♫ Loud, I wanna hear it loud, I don't want to compromise ♫

DDK:
And how about Kelly Evans’ announcement earlier that Dusty Griffith vs. Edward White at GRINDHOUSE: CANADA will now be a lumberjack match?

Angus:
How about it indeed.

DDK:
Insightful as ever.

Angus:
Kelly's right. It's gonna be on big clusterfuck from the get go, so why not at least try to control it?

[In the ring Dewey and Griffith bump fists and discuss tactics as someone other than Quimbey clears their throat.]

Edward White:
Ahem!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Onto the stage walk Edward White and Dan Ryan, with Nicky Corozzo following closely. White waits a few moments for the jeering on the fans to subside before continuing.]

Edward White:
As you all know, my associates and I are all men of valor and extremely high moral fiber.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Edward White:
And as such, it pains us to have to bring you this news. But, the tag team match pitting the two individuals in the ring against Dan Ryan and Myself will not be going ahead tonight.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Edward White:
Believe us, this isn’t our choice.

DDK:
Why don’t I believe a word Edward White said?

Angus:
Gee, I dunno Keebs, maybe because he’s Edward White.

Edward White:
I know these people came here tonight to see a match though, so we’ve managed to secure a replacement team that you boys will be facing…

♫ How lucky can one guy be?♫
♫ I kissed her and she kissed me ♫
♫ Like a fella once said ♫
♫ Ain’t that a kick in the head ♫

[Out onto the stage walk three men, not one of them smiling as broadly as Edward White or Dan Ryan. Vincent Rinaldi, Tony Di Luca, and Alceo Dentari walk slowly down the aisle as Dusty and Eugene prepare for a fight.]

Edward White:
Enjoy. Nicky, make sure nobody gets past this point.

[White and Ryan make their way back through the curtain and out of sight, leaving Nicky Corozzo to stand guard at the top of the ramp and the LBC to surround the ring. Rinaldi, Di Luca and Dentari hop up onto the apron at the same time. Alceo shouts at Dusty, Tony shouts at Eugene, Vinny stands there scowling at them both.]

DDK:
I’m sure this really does pain the Blood Diamonds.

Angus:
It’s probably paining Edward White’s wallet… Actually, probably not.

[The LBC simultaneously step through the ropes, forcing Griffith to launch himself at Dentari and Dewey to throw himself towards Di Luca. Rinaldi meanwhile steps in unhindered and makes a beeline for Eugene Dewey. He grabs two handfuls of ginger afro and pulls the FIST away from Tony. Dewey’s attention switches immediately to Rinaldi, but he can’t mount much of an offence as Di Luca lands a hard right hand into his ribs that stops the FIST dead in his tracks.]

DDK:
Eugene unable to overpower Rinaldi and Di Luca.

Angus:
You’d be hard pressed to find anyone that can, Keebs.

[As Di Luca and Rinaldi drag Dewey down to the ground and smother him with their weight, Griffith and Alceo trade blows in one of the corners. Dusty rocks Alceo with a right hand and lands a left that almost knocks him through the ropes. Dusty grabs a hold of Dentari’s shirt though and keeps him in the ring so that he can pull him from the corner and set him up for a German suplex.]

DDK:
Alceo set to got for a ride!

[Dusty lifts Alceo, but Tony Di Luca charges in from behind and clips his leg, taking the Bad Man From Boise off of his feet. Dentari twists in mid air and grabs onto Dusty’s neck and he falls, landing in a side headlock where he lands a quick succession of right hands. Di Luca puts in a couple of stomps to the midsection of Griffith before turning his attention back to Eugene, who is being choked on the middle rope by Rinaldi.]

DDK:
Di Luca saves Dentari’s bacon there.

Angus:
Speaking of bacon, it looks like Big Vinny’s trying to slice of several pounds of it from Eugene’s triple chin.

[Vinny drags Eugene into the corner of the ring and throws him down against the bottom turnbuckle. He sticks a foot into Dewey’s throat and pushes him over the ropes until Du Luca taps on his shoulder and pushes him aside. Eugene gets a second or two to catch his breath before Di Luca wraps his hands around Eugene’s neck and chokes him himself in the corner. On the other side of the ring Dentari has dismounted Dusty and beckons Big Vinny over to help him get the Wild Bronco up.]

DDK:
This is nothing more than a mugging.

Angus:
No, that happened last week. HAHAHAHA!

DDK:
...what a knee slapper.

[Dentari and Rinaldi push Dusty back into the corner of the ring and each land a couple of boots to his midsection. Dentari tells Vinny to back up before ordering him into the corner. Vinny starts to run, but Dusty grabs Dentari at the last minute and pulls him in, causing him to get sandwiched between Griffith and Rinaldi. Vinny, doesn’t know what to do other than check on Dentari, who immediately collapses and rolls to the outside. Griffith grabs Rinaldi and spins him around, connecting with a stiff European uppercut that rocks the Big man. Another European Uppercut knocks Rinaldi into the ropes and a running elbow knocks Rinaldi over the top rope and to the outside.]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
Dusty’s rallying!

[Di Luca, having been more concerned with choking the life out of Eugene Dewey, realises he’s on his own in the ring with Dusty Griffith now and bails out to regroup with his fellow LBC members. Dusty hurries over to check on Eugene, making sure to keep an eye on what’s going on behind him.]

DDK:
What’s going on here? Dentari and Rinaldi are climbing the steps and taking up a position on the apron while Di Luca is sliding into the ring…

Angus:
When White said a ‘replacement team’ you don’t suppose he actually meant ‘team’ do you?

[That’s exactly what he meant. Carla Ferrari, who has been conspicuous by her absence over the last few minutes, asks the LBC who’s wrestling, to which Dentari and Di Luca both respond with a bunch of fingers signaling the match is to be 3 on 2.]


DDK:
3 on 2? Are you kidding?

[On the other side of the ring Dusty helps Eugene through the ropes and to the apron. Carla makes her way over to make sure Eugene’s good to go. He assures her that he is and the bell sounds.]

DING DING DING

DDK:
Dusty and Eugene appear to have agreed to the handicap match… I don’t believe that’s such a smart idea.

Angus:
It’s probably the stupidest thing they could agree to. They’ve got to deal with the entire LBC by themselves, and Nicky Corozzo is standing guard at the top of the ramp to make sure Frank Dylan James, Sam Turner Jr. and Mike Bell don’t ruin what’s sure to be a fantastic match.

DDK:
A fantastic match? If the LBC’s initial attack is anything to go by this is going to be an all out assault.

[Dusty heads into the middle of the ring and ties up with Tony Di Luca. Dusty goes behind on Di Luca and lifts him, slamming him down with a belly to back slam. Dusty immediately shoots the half and covers Di Luca]

[ONE!]

[Tony kicks out!]

DDK:
Griffith trying to catch Di Luca off guard and put this away early.

Angus:
Mayberry knows full well the longer this goes on the less chance he and Eugene have of simply walking out, let alone as the winners.

[Tony slowly gets to his feet and checks his lip for blood after it collided with the canvas. He ties up with Dusty again and seems to get the better of him, that is until Dusty takes him down with a drop toe hold. Dusty gets back to his feet and backs away from Tony, who pounds the mat in frustration before pushing himself up and charging at Dusty. Griffith ducks an attempted clothesline and goes behind on Di Luca again, this time throwing him with a release German Suplex that sends Di Luca back into his corner.]

DDK:
And now Dusty’s pointing at Dentari!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Angus:
And we all know the history between these two.

DDK:
Tony’s looking pretty frustrated that Dusty’s gotten the better of him every step of the way so far, so he’s happy to tag out to Dentari.

[Practically begging for the tag, Alceo enters the ring and squares up to Griffith. The two go nose to chest until Dentari takes a step back and slaps Dusty across the face!]

DDK:
A cheap shot from the littlest mobster!

[Dusty responds with a double leg takedown and the two roll around on the mat trading blows until they hit the ropes. Carla Ferrari orders them to break, which they do, but they launch themselves together almost as soon as they’re back to their feet. Dusty and Alceo fight back into the ropes and Carla interjects once again. She sepparates the two, but Alceo lands another cheap shot as they’re broken up.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Alceo whips Griffith across the ring. Dusty bounces back and ducks a clothesline from Dentari before hitting the other side. That’s not the only thing he hits though as Di Luca runs from his corner and lifts a knee into the small of Griffith’s back. Dusty holds his back in pain as he walks from the ropes and takes a few kidney shots from Alceo.]

DDK:
Carla needs to keep her eyes on Tony and Vinny out there on the apron.

Angus:
Why Vinny? He’s done nothing wrong.

DDK:
It’s only a matter of time, Angus.

[Wasting no time Alceo digs a should into Dusty’s midsection and drives him back into the LBC’s corner where he lands another couple of hard rights to Dusty’s kidneys. Carla again separates the two and proceeds to warn Dentari about breaking holds on the ropes. While she’s admonishing the littlest mobster, however, Di Luca and Rinaldi unleash a torrent of strike to any part of Griffith that they can lay their hands and feet on.]

DDK:
See?

Angus:
Nope. I see nothing.

[Dentari brushes Carla aside as the assault sibsides and heads back to Griffith. He grabs an ankle and drags him from the corner before dropping into the cover.]

[ONE!]

[Griffith powers out, pressing Dentari off of him and almost throwing him into Vincent Rinaldi.]

Angus:
Mayberry kicks out with authority!

DDK:
Alceo can barely believe it.

[Dusty starts to get to his feet instantly, but Dentari launches into a barage of strikes in an attempt to stop him. Dusty battles through them and finally manages to block a shot, giving him enough time to counter with a punch of his own that stuns Dentari for a second. Alceo gathers his barings and throws another strike that Griffith again blocks, allowing him to respond with a kick to the midsection. Dusty pushes Dentari back against the ropes and whips him across the ring.]

DDK:
Dentari going for the ride!

[Dusty drops his head for the back body drop, but Big Vinny Rinaldi moves faster than he ever has before and lays Griffith out with an axehandle to the back. After Dewey’s protests Carla signals that there was indeed a blind tag when Alceo was pushed up against the ropes and orders Dentari to exit the ring.]

DDK:
I’m surprised. I didn’t think Rinaldi had the intelligence to ever tag himself into a match…

Angus:
I’m surprised he even realised he was eligible to tag in…

[After Dusty falls to the floor Vinny positions himself to one side and drops an elbow down across the small of his back. Dusty howls out in pain as Vinny heaves himself back to his feet so that he can drop another. Again Vinny gets up, but this time he straddles Dusty, waits for his to push up onto all fours and drops all of his weight down across Griffith’s back with what can best be described as a sit drop. Vinny relaxes for a second with all of his weight across the small of Dusty’s back as Griffith flails his legs beneath the behemoth.]

DDK:
One word, Angus… Ouch!

Angus:
That’s over 360 pounds of humanity crashing down, compacting Mayberry’s spine. The guy will be lucky if he has any feeling in his legs after that.

[Vinny adjusts into a camel clutch, which he’s not exactly well versed in applying, so it’s not long before Griffith is able to work his arms free and start to crawl forwards towards Eugene Dewey’s outstretched hand. Vinny stands up and drops again with a seated attack, again connecting with Dusty’s spine and flattening out the Wild Bronco.]

DDK:
Again with the weight coming down!

Angus:
Vinny might not know quite how to apply something as simple as a camel clutch, but he sure knows how to throw his weight around, and if he can continue to do that he might well be able to put Mayberry away early.

[Dusty finds the strength to push up again, and for a third time Vinny stands up and drops his weight down, this time however Dusty slips backwards, leaving Rinaldi’s ass with nothing to connect with but the canvas!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
That collision echoed around the arena! Dusty’s up… and he’s throwing himself towards Eugene!

Angus:
Mayberry makes the tag! Here comes the nerd.

[Eugene runs in and kicks the seated Rinaldi with a soccer kick that knocks him down to the mat. Dewey follows that up with a right hand to Tony Di Luca on the apron and cuts of Alceo as he tries to enter the ring with a forearm to the back. Eugene turns his attention back to Rinaldi and grabs him by the neck to pull him up to his feet. Dewey pushes Vinny back to the ropes and whips him across the ring. Rinaldi comes back and takes a clothesline that doesn’t knock him down, but does knock him back towards the ropes. Vinny loses his footing and stumbles before tripping up and falling into the ropes, getting his arms wrapped up between the top and middle ropes!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
Carla’s trying to release Rinaldi from the ropes, but she can’t lift his weight in the slightest, and now here comes Eugene!

[Dewey lays into Rinaldi with some right hands to the head that the Big man can’t block or even attempt to cover up. He turns around and revs the crowd up before hitting the ropes on the opposite side of the ring. He doesn’t come back at Rinaldi however as Alceo Dentari grabs Dewey’s ankle, distracting him from the man tied up in the ropes. Dewey reaches out for Alceo, but grabs nothing but air as Tony Di Luca hops up on the apron and, together with Carla Ferrari, frees Rinaldi from the ropes.]

DDK:
Vinny’s free!

Angus:
And he doesn’t look happy!

[Dentari points back across the ring, causing Eugene to turn, but as he does he gets caught by the newly freed Rinaldi with a…]

[Deep Breath.]

Angus:
FAT HOLE SLAAAAAAAM!

DDK:
Every ounce of air being driven out of the injured lungs of Eugene Dewey! And Rinaldi goes for the cover!

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THR-]

DDK:
Dusty with the save!

[Dusty Griffith throws himself into the pin to break it up and saves the match for his team. Carla Ferrari orders him out, which allows Rinaldi to drag Eugene by the hair towards the LBC’s corner. Dentari and Di Luca both make their way back to the corner as well and Rinaldi makes the tag to Di Luca.]

DDK:
Eugene looks to be suffering after that slam from Rinaldi.

Angus:
He’s gonna be suffering even more with Di Luca getting in there!

[Tony rolls Dentari over and places his neck across the bottom rope. He pushes a foot into the back of The FIST’s head and holds it there until Carla finally gets her shit together and starts a count. Di Luca breaks on four and backs off, drawing Carla away and allowing Dentari to continue with the choke from the apron. Alceo releases the choke just in time so that Carla completely misses it.]

DDK:
There’s just always an LBC member right there to pounce on every possible opportunity.

Angus:
They’re working like a well oiled machine tonight. Dewey and Mayberry don’t seem to have gotten out of the blocks.

[Using one of Eugene’s legs, Di Luca drags him away from the rope and turns him around on the mat, so that Eugene is looking directly at Dusty in the corner. Di Luca digs a knee in between Dewey’s shoulder blades and pulls back with a chinlock. Dusty wills Eugene to fight, but that only draws the attention on Di Luca, who spits a huge loogie in Griffith’s direction.]

DDK:
Dusty doesn’t like that one bit, and he’s trying to get in there at Tony! Carla’s right there to cut him off though!

[The LBC use Carla’s distraction to their advantage once again as Dentari enters the ring without making a tag and takes the place of Di Luca, locking in a chin lock on Dewey. Tony slaps his own hands together loudly as he exits the ring, so that when Carla turns around she believes their story that a tag was indeed made.]

Angus:
Yep, they’re about as well oiled as Tony’s hair.

[Eugene seems to find some strength with the smaller Dentari on his back and starts to rise to all fours as Dusty stomps on the apron, drawing on the fans to stomp the floor as well.]

Thump, Thump, Thump
Thump, Thump, Thump
Thump, Thump, Thump

[Alceo transitions into a side headlock as Dentari pushes his way up to a vertical base and then gets taken off of his feet with a belly to back suplex! Alceo bounces around on the canvas like a Magikarp fresh from it’s Pokéball as Eugene asjusts his position and starts crawling towards the outstretched arm of Dusty Griffith!]

DDK:
Come on, Eugene! Reach out!

Angus:
♫ I’ll be there! ♫

DDK:
...what?

Angus:
The Four Tops? No? Come on, Keebs, I’m not that much older than you.

[Eugene inches his way closer and closer to Dusty, and he looks like he’s about to make the tag when Dentari slaps Rinaldi’s hand. Vinny again moves much, much faster than usual and makes a beeline for Dusty, hitting him with a shoulder block that knocks him off of the apron and down to the floor. Vinny then turns his attention back to Eugene, who slumps at Rinaldi’s feet before clawing his way up his shell suit pants.]

DDK:
Eugene looks like he’s still hurting from the Fat Hole Slam earlier…

Angus:
And Vinny looks set to deal out some more hurting right now.

[Vinny pulls Dewey up and scoop slams him with ease in the middle of the ring. Vinny hits the ropes and comes back with a running splash down into the torso of Dewey. He sticks the landing for a cover!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THR-Eugene gets a shoulder up!]

Angus:
I thought it was all over there, Keebs!

DDK:
You and me both, Angus. It’s easy to look past Rinaldi’s power and just see a tub of lard. But that guy has some serious strength hiding beneath that outer layer.

[Vinny pulls Eugene up and lifts him to run him back into the LBC’s corner. He drives Eugene in and follows up with a couple of shoulder barges to the midsection. Vinny takes a couple of steps back as Di Luca and Dentari grab hold of Eugene to allow himself a running start on a corner splash. Eugene stays propped up in the corner, unable to fall down as Rinaldi tags to Di Luca, who hurries to the middle of the ring and waits for Rinaldi to whip Dewey out of the corner. When Eugene gets there Di Luca lifts a knee into Eugene’s mid section, causing him to flip over and hit the mat where Tony can go for the cover!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THR-Dusty in to break the cover again!]

DDK:
Once again Dusty saves the match!

Angus:
Once again Mayberry can’t keep his nose out of things.

DDK:
Can’t keep his nose out of things? He’s in this match!

Angus:
Oh, yeah, I forgot because he’s not been in there for so long.

[Carla tries to force Dusty back to his corner, but The Wild Bronco is having none of it. He continues to land forearm shots to the shoulders of Big Vinny until Carla threatens him with a disqualification, which seemingly gets through to Griffith and draws him back to his corner.]

DDK:
Dusty’s getting frustrated out there on the apron and you can understand why. He’s had to watch as the LBC have cheated and double and triple teamed his partner in a match they weren’t even scheduled for!

Angus:
But a match they accepted none the less.

[With Dusty back in his corner Rinaldi drags Eugene across the ring right back to the LBC’s corner and makes the tag to Alceo. Dentari enters as Rinaldi scoops Eugene up and drops him in a backbreaker. Rinaldi holds Eugene in place while Dentari hops up to the second rope and jumps off, dropping a fist into Eugene’s jaw. Vinny rolls Eugene off and exits the ring while Alceo goes for the cover!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THRE-Dusty again makes the save!]

[Griffith readily makes his way back to his corner, eager to avoid giving the LBC any more opportunities to double team Eugene. Dentari meanwhile pulls the FIST to his feet and pushes him back into the corner. Dentari lands a couple of kidney strikes before leaning in a whispering to Di Luca and Rinaldi, who immediately drop off of the apron and walk their way slowly around the ring in opposite directions.]

DDK:
Where’re they going?

Angus:
Isn’t it obvious? They know if Mayberry’s on the apron he’s just going to keep breaking up surefire pin attempts. Tony and Vinny are on their way round to make sure that doesn’t happen.

[Dusty spots exactly what’s happening and runs along the apron, taking Rinaldi out with a diving clothesline. Di Luca speeds up his progress and rounds the ring post as Dusty gets back to his feet and eats a spinebuster on the outside! Inside the ring Dentari pulls Eugene from the corner and sets him up for his backbreaker to complete shot. The scene on the outside of the ring distracts Dentari though, long enough for Eugene to free himself from Dentari’s grasp, turn himself around and picks Alceo up before dropping him in an inverted atomic drop!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Dewey doesn’t think twice and hits the ropes, coming back with a Biotic Charge that takes Alceo off of his feet and sends him flying towards the corner of the ring!]

DDK:
Eugene throws all caution to the wind and nails-

Angus:
THE POUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCE! Ahem… excuse me.

DDK:
Dusty’s back up on the apron! And he’s reaching in for the tag! Come on Eugene! Make it! Make the tag!

[Rinaldi and Di Luca stir on the outside, both look into the ring to see Eugene crawling towards Dusty and Alceo upside down in their corner of the ring. Rinaldi heads for Alceo while Di Luca once again heads for Dusty!]

DDK:
Damnit! The numbers game once again!

[Di Luca reaches Dusty first and grabs his foot to pull him off of the apron. Dusty lands on his feet on the outside though and swings a wild left that connects with Di Luca’s chin, spinning him around. After Di Luca makes the 360 Griffith catches him and slams him to the floor with a Sambo Suplex! On the other side of the ring Rinaldi reaches in and tags himself using Dentari’s foot. Rinaldi rushes across the ring and tries to grab Eugene again, only time time Eugene throws himself at the corner and manages to tag Dusty’s hand as he hops back up onto the apron!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
This place has erupted!

Angus:
Mayberry’s finally back in the match, and boy does Rinaldi want no part of him!

[Vinny backs away from Dusty as he gets into the ring, but soon gets caught but Griffith, who knife edge chops him back towards the ropes. Dusty hits a European uppercut that rocks Rinaldi and whips him across the ring, catching him with another knife edge chop as he comes back that takes the Big man off of his feet!]

DDK:
Rinaldi’s down! Come on Dusty!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Griffith grabs Rinaldi and starts to pull him up, but Dentari jumps onto his back and locks in a sleeper hold! Dusty stands up straight and charges backwards towards the corner of the ring and squashes Dentari against the turnbuckle! Rinaldi meanwhile gets to his feet and follows the two in, but Dusty moves out of the way again. This time however Rinaldi puts the brakes on and prevents himself from squashing Dentari again.]

DDK:
Rinaldi able to stop himself this time, which is good news for Dentari otherwise he’d be going home in a pizza box.

[Rinaldi turns around right into a series of Clubbin’ Blows from Griffith that rock the Big man.]

DDK:
Dusty whips Rinaldi across the ring… AVALANCHE! Is there gonna be a second?

Angus:
Woah! Look out Alceo!

[Rinaldi gets sent back across the ring and right into Dentari, who this time gets squished in the corner. Dusty follows in with another Avalanche and the hits the ropes. He nails Rinaldi with the Rushing Elbow which spins him around!]

DDK:
Oh my… we’ve seen this before!

Angus:
GERMAN SUPLEX!

[Dusty wraps his hands around as much as he can of Big Vinny’s vast waist, pops his hips and German suplexes Rinaldi out of his sneakers! Dusty gets a dirty bridge and the cover!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THRE-Di Luca dives in with the save!]

DDK:
Holy crap I thought Dusty had it!

Angus:
I thought Tony was dead on the outside!

[Tony and Dusty get to their feet, but it’s Eugene that takes Di Luca out when he comes back in with an axe handle to the back of the head. Di Luca only goes down to one knee, so Eugene grabs him by the collar and sends him over the top rope to the outside. Eugene steps out to the apron and cannonballs off of it into Di Luca as he stands up before popping back up to the apron and tagging himself back in when Rinaldi starts to stir!]

Angus:
What are they planning?

DDK:
Are we ignoring the fact that Eugene Dewey just flipped off of the apron and wiped out Tony Di Luca?

[Together Dusty and Eugene pull Rinaldi up and both hook him up for a suplex, that is until Edward White and Dan Ryan emerge running through the curtain and down to the ring!]

Angus:
Oh yeah, way to do your job, Nicky! I thought they said not to let anyone past!

[Both Eugene and Dusty drop Rinaldi as White hops up on the apron. Dusty runs over and nails Eddy with a right hand that knocks him back down, but Nicky Corozzo, who tagged along with White and Ryan as they ran down to the ring, grabs Griffith by the ankle and pulls him to the outside.]

DDK:
Where’s Carla?

[Carla is off trying to prevent Dan Ryan from entering the ring on the other side. Clearly Dan isn’t trying too hard though, as he could easily overpower the tiny referee if he wanted to. Eugene makes his way over to the tussle and tries to land a shot to Dan Ryan in much the same way that Dusty did to White moments earlier, but Dan Ryan counters it with a shot to the face with the FIST of DEFIANCE title belt!]

DDK:
Carla didn’t see it! Dan Ryan just nailed Eugene within three inches of the ref and she didn’t see it!

Angus:
She can’t have eyes in the back of her head, Keebs!

[Eugene stumbles back and falls to his ass in the middle of the ring. Dan Ryan gets back down from the apron and steps back from the ring, releasing Carla just in time for her to see Rinaldi crawl to his corner and make the tag to Alceo Dentari! Dentari steps in, hits the ropes immediately and nails Eugene in the side of the head with a running boot!]

DDK:
Eugene just got WHACKED! And Dentari’s got the cover!

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THREE!!!]

DING DING DING!

DDK:
Damnit!

Quimbey:
Here are your winners, Alceo Dentari, Tony Di Luca, and Vincent Rinaldi, THE LEGITIMAAATE BUUUSSSINESSSSSSMANS CLUUUUUUUUUB!

[Dentari wastes little time in getting out of dodge and gathering up his troops as White and Corozzo quickly finish their assault on Griffith. Dan Ryan joins then and the six men make their way up the ramp as Dean Martin croons over the PA.]

DDK:
This is a travesty! It took six men to beat Eugene and Dusty tonight, and now they’re high tailing it up the ramp!

Angus:
Dusty and Eugene fought valiantly, but they did agree to a handicap match.

DDK:
Yeah, three on two. Not six on two!

Angus:
Still they knew what they were getting in for.

DDK:
This should have been a two on two tag match, instead, thanks to Edward White’s deep, deep pockets, we had this…

Angus:
Good though, wasn’t it?