[Just before belltime.]

Diane Parker:
He’s here.

Kai Scott:
Very good.

Diane Parker:
How’d you get him back?

Kai Scott:
I’m not sure, really.

David Race:
Hold up.

[Oh, we should probably set the scene here.]

[The Truly Untouchables, who are slated to take on the Blood Diamonds in a seven on seven match whilst only having 6 members, have just arrived en masse at the arena.  Street clothes and gym bags aboud.]

David Race:
Just so I’m clear.  We’re goin’ into this match with three of the biggest guys on the Defiance roster, our biggest guy weighs 270 and we got two girls and a cruiserweight.

Kai Scott:
You should have more faith, David.

Jonny Booya:
It’d be easier to have faith if’n we done knowed who the seventh man is, bo.

[Jonny is almost coherent when he’s talking in conversation tones.]

Kai Scott:
That’s on a need to know basis, Jon.  

Jonny Booya:
Yeah but if’n we knowed we might could make a strateejery.

Kai Scott:
And if you know, then Ed White knows. And if he knows the Blood Diamonds know, and they make their own plans.  

Jonny Booya:
But

Diane Parker:
Boss, if I may?

[Kai nods.]

[Diane points directly at the camera.]

Diane Parker:
Jonny what the fuck is that thing right there?

Jonny Booya:
Uhhh… a caymra.

Diane Parker:
Cam-er-a.  It records it when people say words and do things and then other people can hear those words and watch those things.

[Jonny Booya furrows his brow.  The COOL shades may be cool but they don’t make him look smart.]

Kai Scott:
The point is, we’ll have a full team of seven, and Diane and I brought Number Seven up to speed.  We’re not going in short handed and the Blood Diamonds aren’t going to know what hit them.

[Cut.]

[From the parking garage, we find ourselves here.]

[Fade in on a locker room filled with five men, colloquially referred to as the White Knights. Frank Dylan James, Mike Bell, Sam Turner Jr, the FIST of DEFIANCE Eugene Dewey, and the man who many feel should be World Champion, Dusty Griffith, all sit around the room laughing about something unimportant so it’s not involved in the segment.]

Eugene Dewey:
Seriously though, Sam, I’m sorry I had to clock you so hard last week but It’s all I could do to keep you down!

Sam Turner Jr.:
S’OK, Eugene, but I’s gettin’ ya next time.

Eugene Dewey:
That’s if there is a next time. You heard what Heidi Christenson had to say last week, right? She means business.

[Dewey swallows the lump that formed in his throat at the mere mention of Heidi’s name.]

Eugene Dewey:
I can handle the Dan Ryans and the Bronson Boxs, dealing with power’s not a problem for me. But my ground game’s never been the best… and Heidi’s… well… Heidi’s probably is.

Sam Turner Jr.:
I felt that Shoryuken las’ week, buddy. If’n you can hit her wit’ that then you ain’t got no worries holdin’ on ta that belt. Believe me.

Dusty Griffith:
And what about your power?

[Dusty clears his throat as his head rises to address the topic at hand. Eugene and Sam turn their attention to the formerly quiet Bad Man from Boise.]

Eugene Dewey:
That’ll be null and void if I’m tied up in the Beautiful Dreamer.

Dusty Griffith:
So just like that, she’s going to neutralize you?

[Eugene fixes his stare right into Dusty’s eyes.]

Eugene Dewey:
She ate Eric Dane’s face!

Dusty Griffith:
And she lost. Now, I ain’t sayin’ it’s going to be easy, Euge, but who says she can handle what you can do in the ring?

[He hadn’t thought of it that way before. He’d never thought of anything that way before.]

Eugene Dewey:
Wow, I’ve never thought about it that way before, but you’re right.

[Told you.]

Frank Dylan James:
Yea… Jus’ one a dem Bionic Chargers yew do an’ she’s gun’ be out on her ayss!

Dusty Griffith:
Something like that, yeah.

Eugene Dewey:
Well, I’m gonna go and speak to her later. Getting on her good side isn’t exactly gonna hurt matters, huh?

Mike Bell:
Sounds like Eugene’s got a date!

Frank Dylan James:
Yew besta watch out fer Jeff Andrews, man!

[Much laughter follows The Mastodon's comment. Laughter from everyone except Eugene that is.]

Eugene Dewey:
It’s not gonna be like that, I just wanna talk to her about a couple of things. I know where she stands, I think it’s only right she knows where I’m coming from.

[Griffith shrugs.]

Dusty Griffith:
You oughta focus on number one more than whether Heidi wants to twist you into knots.

Eugene Dewey:
Oh yeah? Just like you did at the end of the last show?

[Dusty’s jaw clenches, grinding his teeth as he glares at Eugene.]

Dusty Griffith:
That lunatic sumbitch... Box got a whole lot less than he should’ve and if it wasn’t for everyone and their brothers jumping in to break it up, he’d have gotten all of what was coming to him… and then some.

Eugene Dewey:
But where’s that lead you this week?

Sam Turner Jr.:
Ain’t yas gotta go see tha BAWS later on?

[Griffith nods his affirmative.]

Dusty Griffith:
Yeah…

[His voice trails off, he knows his temper got the better of him last week, not that he’s going to let on that he knows that. This is DEFIANCE after all.]

Dusty Griffith:
Dane was pissed, probably still is, but I’m not sitting back after getting kicked in the teeth like that. Someone screws us over, bushwacks us from outta nowhere, I’m lookin’ to fight and sometimes that fight just isn’t gonna be happenin’ in the ring.

Frank Dylan James:
Yew dayumn, raht, Dust.

[The Mastadon claps a big mitt down on Dusty’s shoulder to further show his agreement.]

Dusty Griffith:
Anyway, I gotta go do that, so I better get to it.

[His four cohorts all nod as he leaves and then resume discussing whatever random topics of the day as we cut to inside the arena proper, where the show is just about to get under way.]

Darren Quimbey:
The following contest is set for one fall and is a THREE WAY MATCH!

[The lights dim as the acoustic guitar beginning of “La Balada Del Pistolero” begins to ring out through the arena as a slithering serpent crosses the screen of the Defiatron, after 29 seconds the acoustics stop as the Serpent twists is self to form a S, The song changes tempo into a metal version of “La Balada Del Pistolero” by Victor De Andres, which blasts out through the arena.  The name El Serpenti forms on the Defiatron at the same time the superstar himself emerges onto the stage.]

Darren Quimbey:
Introducing first, weighing in at 220 pounds and hailing from Miami, Florida by way of Heroica Veracruz. He is the Mexican Superstar known as El Serpenti!

[Serpenti slaps the hands of some fans before sliding under the bottom ropes. He pulls himself up and stretches in the corner as Quimby brings his mic back up.]

[“His Name is King (instrumental)” by Luis Bacalov plays.]
 
Darren Quimbey:
And now… Coming to the ring, weighing in at 205 pounds, he hails from Truth of Consequences, New Mexico… DIEEEEGO DE ~ LEEOOOOONNN.
 
[Diego walks out from the back. He’s wearing a poncho and extends his hands out slapping high fives as he makes his way to the ring. He enters and begins a quick series of steps throughout the ring hitting the ropes. He removes his poncho and checks his wristbands. He stares down the entrance.]

*cue the sitar*
 
Darren Quimbey:
Introducing first!  Being accompanied by his tag partner in White Hot Anger, Lisa Loeh!  He hails from Nagasaki, Japan, and weighs in at 213 lbs!  YOOOOSHIKAAAZUUU… YAAAAAAAZZZZZ!!!!
 
[The lights go dead, only for red and yellow spotlights to swirl around the arena.  Two focus on the entrance ramp as Lisa and Roger both step through and off to the side. YAZ steps out onto the stage.  He’s wearing a decorative longcoat that fits over his shoulderpads and carrying a banner with the same design that is on his mask on a long stick.  He raises that thing over his head, and slams the stick butt first into the ground.]
 
VOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHH!!!!!
 
[Flames fly up behind YAZ and his cohort.  The masked wrestler spends no time delaying, walking to the ring, handing his banner off to Lisa, and using the stairs to get to the apron. Entering the ring, YAZ takes to his corner and prepares for the fight to come.]

DDK:
Here we go, partner, this should be a very exciting encounter.

Angus:
Hey look, there’s that Singsongmay chick, who’s she scouting this time?

[Catching Angus’ eye is the mysterious Asian woman, we know as Songomi. She takes a seat near ringside and appears to be watching intently to what is about to transpire in this match.]

[Meanwhile, in the ring. All three men stand equal distance away from each other. The men stare at each other. Neither man making a move. El Serpenti says something in spanish, Diego turns and charges at him.]

DDK:
The Mexican prospects going at it already-

Angus:
Call Immigration! Call customs!

[Diego runs and ducks into a tackle, but catches the air as El Serpenti leaps over him. Diego bounces off of the stiff ropes, and eats a kick to the stomach that doubles him over and through the ring ropes.]

DDK:
Serpenti with the early offense!

[El Serpenti looks outside of the ring towards Diego, he looks in one direction and runs without looking into a Snapmare takedown by YAZ. El Serpenti sits up and YAZ kicks him in the chest. YAZ runs into the ropes, but Diego slides under the ropes and knees YAZ into the face.]

Angus:
He ate all of that!

DDK:
Out of nowhere, that’s what makes a triple threat match up so tricky Angus. The fact that you can’t take your eye off of your opponent long enough to let him capitalize.

[El Serpenti is already up, he moves to the outside while Diego’s back is turned and he’s waiting on YAZ to get up. Serpenti springboards off of the ropes and dropkicks Diego from behind. YAZ is on his feet now and he begins trading blows with Serpenti.]

DDK:
And just as quick as that, someone else dictates the pace of the match.

[YAZ lands a quick roundhouse that sends Serpenti to the ground. Diego enters the ring this time and YAZ sends him down with a roundhouse kick Chuck Norris would be proud of. YAZ looks to and fro, almost in anticipation of an attack from either Serpenti or Diego. Seeing none, he drags Serpenti up to his feet. He throws Serpenti into the ropes.]

DDK:
YAZ has had an excellent performance against Kai Scott in Canada.

[Serpenti bounces off the ropes and leaps high into the air but YAZ catches him and drives him into the mat.]

DDK:
Powerbomb by YAZ.

[Serpenti rolls over and Diego steps into the ring now. Diego runs off of the ropes and bumps into YAZ. YAZ gives him a shake of the head and points to the ropes. Diego runs and gets sent down by a stiff shoulder block by YAZ. Diego slowly makes his way to his feet.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[YAZ runs into the ropes and bounces off of them. He grabs Diego’s head while running and slams into the mat.]

DDK:
Bulldog!

[YAZ is up first, he drags Diego up to his feet. He hits him with a combination of slaps and a kick. Diego covers up his stomach, YAZ hits him with a limpwrist backhand to the chest, and brings back his arm for another strike but Diego falls back.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
Telegraphed by Diego!

[Diego kips back onto his feet and hits YAZ with a combination of his own; a couple of slaps, a backhand with a kick to the back of the head. The crowd is eating this up.]

Angus:
We’ve seen this before it’s the -

[Diego spins around, brings his elbow up. Serpenti jumps onto the ropes and springboards into both men sending all three down.]

DDK:
Plancha out of no where!

Angus:
SNAKES ON A PLANE-CHA!

[Serpenti is the first man up. He runs into the ropes, climbs up them, and in an act of extreme balance manages to launch himself off into a moonsault that lands on both men. He slides and hooks YAZ’s leg-]

DDK:
Serpenti with the cover.

ONE!

TWO!

TH-KICKOUT!

[Serpenti is the first man to his feet, Diego charges him full on. Serpenti unceremoniously dumps Diego over the ropes. Diego lands feet first onto the ground. YAZ sits up. El Serpenti runs into YAZ and lands a knee decisively on the head.]

DDK:
El Serpenti dictating the pace of this match now.

[Serpenti spots YAZ as he struggles to get up, quickly ducks out of the ropes, runs up the corner turnbuckle with his back turned to YAZ. YAZ, dazed, confused and unfocused stumbles around. He looks up and sees Serpenti flying towards him and attempts to catch him-]

RAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

[But gets dropped onto the canvas.]

Angus:
Flippy do move...yay.

DDK:
Oh come on Angus, that wasn’t impressive?

Angus:
Meh.

DDK:
But he did a moonsault into a DDT, even you’ve got to find some kind of a corner of your inner wrestling fan to appreciate that athleticism!

Angus:
You know Keebs...You’re right, maybe… Maybe...No, still meh.
 
[El Serpenti is the first on his feet, he drags YAZ up and throws him into the corner. El Serpenti waits a second. He charges YAZ-]

Angus:
Diego just went Samuel L. Jackson on that snake!

[- but is cut off with a brutal knee to the face that sends him immediately down to the ground. Diego immediately charges the corner where YAZ is, climbing up with with a knee to the face, jumping off immediately and sending YAZ across the ring with a monkeyflip.]

DDK:
Diego had a strong victory against Booya in Canada.

[Diego kips up.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Diego immediately runs over to both men, who struggle to their feet. Diego sets himself, and then delivers a stiff kick to the Serpenti.]

OLE~

[YAZ.]

OLE~

[Serpenti.]

OLE~

[YAZ.]

OLE~

[Serpenti.]

OLE~

[YAZ crumbles to the mat with a kick to the head.]

OLLLLEEEEEEE~

[Serpenti falls down first with a kick to the head.]

OLLLLEEEEEEE~

[Diego spots both men down on the ground, he looks to the turnbuckle and climbs. He perches himself on top of the ropes, waiting for the right moment.]

DDK:
Diego going up top here, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Diego go to the top ropes.

[YAZ and Serpenti both get to their feet at the same time, oblivious to Diego. YAZ kicks Serpenti in the stomach, Serpenti falls back and rocks the ropes. Diego teeters over the edge and then awkwardly lands on outside. Diego let’s a primal scream as he struggles to stand up.]

Angus:
What’s he crying for? Cat’s *always* land on their feet!

DDK:
Diego might be hurt here.

[YAZ and Serpenti meanwhile continue to fight it out in the middle of the ring. The two start dueling it out, their weapons are knife edge chops. The crowd reacting louder with each trade off. Diego attempts to get up off of the floor, but putting weight down on his right ankle sends a jarring shiver of pain throughout his body.]

DDK:
Diego must have rolled his ankle on that landing, he can’t even put weight down on it.

Angus:
Some cat he turns out to be, can’t even land on his feet right without getting hurt.

[Meanwhile, in the ring. YAZ and Serpenti continue to light each other up with knife edge chops, each one sounding off with a loud cracking sound as flesh strikes flesh. After a few more rounds, Serpenti switches gears and throws a knee lift into YAZ’s midsection and tries to tie him up with an Octopus Hold, but YAZ counters out with a hip toss, which Serpenti double counters with an arm drag as he gets thrown.]

DDK:
What an exchange there by these two!

Angus:
And they’re not done!

[Serpenti rushes YAZ, gets popped up and takes YAZ over with a Hurricanrana. Yaz scrambles, rushes Serpenti and looks for a float over into a DDT, but Serpenti is quick to react and takes him up and over with a Northern Lights Suplex.]

ONE!

TW-KICKOUT!

[Serpenti is up, but as he tries to pull YAZ up, he gets down with a small package.]

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

[Scrambling, YAZ is up first, putting a boot in Serpenti’s gut before stuffing his head between his legs. Serpenti counters, muscling up with YAZ’s weight on top of him and drops back for the cover, pinning YAZ with his body now over top of his.]

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

[YAZ bridges out of the count, pushing himself and Serpenti back up as they form an arch. Turning over, YAZ adjusts his hold as he ends up back over top of Serpenti and twists him into a backslide pin.]

ONE!

TW-NO!

DDK:
Serpenti and YAZ looking for an opening here, but neither can keep the other down.

Angus:
Yeah, and they’re making Shields get a workout here!

[Scrambling again, YAZ steps in, clutches Serpenti and throws him with a T-Bone Suplex. Serpenti rolls with the impact, but as he turns around, he’s met by YAZ who throws him with a second T-Bone Suplex.]

DDK:
YAZ suddenly takes the momentum with a pair of T-Bones!

Angus:
And he’s not done, Keebs!

[YAZ brings his hand up as he prepares to land one of his dreaded palm strikes, but when he turns, he finds that Serpenti had already slid out of the ring after the second suplex.]

DDK:
Smart move here by El Serpenti.

Angus:
Gotta break that momentum, running for the hills is as good a reason as any.

[On the outside, near where YAZ is standing, the mysterious Asian Lady Songomi is applauding YAZ’s efforts and offering words of encouragement.]

DDK:
Is she trying to poach YAZ from White Hot Anger?

Angus:
Maybe’s she’s just trying to connect with a fellow countrymen?

DDK:
In the middle of a match?

Angus:
It’s DEFIANCE, crazier things happen around here all the time.

Lisa Loeh:
HEY! GET AWAY FROM HIM!

Angus:
Like right now…

[Coming around the ring, Lisa Loeh stomps over to where Songomi is talking to YAZ. Songomi turns around to address Lisa, who is all piss and vinegar and shrieking in Songomi’s face, getting all up into her “personal space” as she does so.]

Angus:
Ooooh shit, yuss! LETS GET NAKED!

DDK:
Control yourself, Angus!

[YAZ is dumbfounded by what’s going on in front of him, which gives Serpenti the opportunity to strike. Rushing up, he grabs on to YAZ and rolls back into a cradle.]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE?

NO!

KICKOUT!

DDK:
El Serpenti taking advantage here, but still coming up short on the pinfall attempt!

Angus:
Aww man, they aren’t getting NEKKID for special sexy time!

DDK:
Well, pay attention to the match, you know, that thing going on in front of us?

Angus:
But, I wanted… Ooooh, fine.

[Serpenti is quick to follow up, catching YAZ as he was getting back to his feet with a running knee strike that collides with his sternum. Grabbing YAZ, Serpenti bends him back for a reverse suplex.]

DDK:
El Serpenti looking for the SERPENTS BITE!

[YAZ however goes with it and manages breaks free before Serpenti could fully execute the move, landing on his feet behind Serpenti and grabbing a rear waistlock.]

Angus:
JAH-MANE SOUPLEX!

[Serpenti answers with his own mid-air escape, rolling back and landing his feet. YAZ scrambles to his feet as Serpenti charges at him.]

DDK:
YAZ ducks the clothesline!

[Serpenti turns around as YAZ comes sprinting off of the ropes, looking for the left arm lariat.]

DDK:
Serpenti now ducks…

Angus:
LEFTU-ARMA-LARRY-AT-NOOOOO!

[YAZ stops himself and turns as Serpenti spins around, looking for his own spinning / discus clothesline.]

Angus:
DISS-COO-LARRY-AT-TOOO-AWW-CMON ON REALLY!

DDK:
YAZ avoids the clothesline again.

[YAZ rushes Serpenti as he continues to his rotation after missing the clothesline. Driving Serpenti into the nearest corner, he looks to shoot him across the ring.]

DDK:
Serpenti with the reversal…

Angus:
The hell, can one of these guys hit something already?!

DDK:
...and now YAZ gets whipped into the turnbuckles!

[Serpenti charges in and leaps into the air.]

DDK:
SERPENTS SPLASH!

[YAZ escapes the corner before Serpenti can crash into him, but Serpenti is quick to react and manages to land his feet on the middle ropes. Hopping up to the top ropes, Serpenti looks back and takes flight, looking for a Moonsault.]

DDK:
YAZ moves out of the way!

Angus:
And Serpenti lands on his feet! He’s awfully nimble for a snakemanguythingy.

[Serpenti turns to locate YAZ and charges, but eats a Jump Spinning Back Kick to the chest that staggers him.]

Angus:
SSSSSCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

DDK:
World Cup references on a wrestling show?

Angus:
No! Somebody finally hit somebody!

[YAZ tries to follow up, looking for the running palm strike, but Serpenti ducks it and YAZ bounces himself off of the ropes.]

DDK:
YAZ still looking for the Shotei!

Angus:
And eats a boot to the mush!

[Serpenti catches him on the rebound with a Savate Kick that nearly topples YAZ, but he falls back against the ropes, bounces off as Serpenti charges at him. YAZ suddenly explodes forward.]

Angus:
EXPLODING JAPANESE FACE BLASTER!

WHHHOOOAAAHHH!

DDK:
YAZ with one hell of a SHOTEI!

[Indeed, YAZ nailed him square in the face with the butt of his palm, putting everything he had into it as he falls to the mat with Serpenti, landing on top of him for the cover.]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

DDK:
And YAZ pulls off a stunning victory here tonight, besting the lucha libre star, El Serpenti and one of DEFIANCE’s favorite young stars, Diego De Leon!

Angus:
Favorite my ass…

DDK:
Well, you may not like him, but our fans have certainly grown fond of the masked lion.

[On the outside, Diego De Leon pounds his fist on the apron, partially in painful agony and utter disappointment, while a couple of DEFIANCE’s trainers gather around to help him to the back.]

DDK:
I really hope Diego is okay, hate to see such promising talent get slowed down by injuries.

Angus:
Eh, he’ll be alright… You know, because he’s a feline and they have nine lives and...

DDK:
Yeah, I got it.

[On the other side of the ring, Lisa breaks away from Songomi, giving her the stink eye as she joins her W.H.A. teammate in celebration of his victory.]

[Elsewhere.]

[A happy-go-lucky Sam Turner Jr. is walking backstage, all smiles as he whistles a tune. He turns the corner and sees another person further down the hall walking towards him. Tall. Dressed to fight. Head of curls and legs for days. She’s carrying two water bottles, a can of soda (Code Red Mountain Dew, if you care to know), and has a pair of earbuds in.]

[Yes, DEFIANTS. The Queen is approaching.]

[It doesn’t take Sam long to realize who it is that’s heading his way and who it is that she’s facing tonight. Sam’s no stranger to Big Vinny, the LBC, and their dirty tactics, having had the Southern Heritage title stolen by him at GRINDHOUSE: Canada thanks to a pair of brass knuckles to the back of his head. He’s a nice guy, though - probably nicer than one ought to be in this business - so he decides to offer Lindsay Troy a bit of advice about what she’s getting herself into.]

Sam Turner Jr.:
S'cuse me, ma'am.

[His voice is muffled thanks to the music. Troy tugs the earphones out of her ears as she stops in front of him.]

Lindsay Troy:
Hm?

[Sam cracks a smile on his face and his cheeks pop out like a squirrel with a mouthful of nuts.]

Sam Turner Jr.:
Howdy ma'am...[He reaches up quickly and grabs his tattered John Deere hat from his head]...I's Sam Turner Jr., I'd like ta welcome ya ta Defi'nce.

Lindsay Troy:
Well, you’re a bit late with the Welcome Wagon there, kiddo. Kinda been here for awhile now. But the gesture’s noted. [She adjusts the drinks in her arms and extends a hand.] Lindsay Troy.

Sam Turner Jr.: [reaching out his hand and they shake]
Howdy Lindsay, I re’kon its nice ta meet’cha. I been hearin’ ‘at you was gonna face ole Big Vinny t’night, is ‘at right?

Lindsay Troy:
That’s the rumor.

Sam Turner Jr.:
Welp Vinny an ‘em LBCer’s is a bunch of Ital’yan cheats. ‘At Dentari dun rubbed me tha wrong way. ‘Ey dun cost me tha Southern Her’tage title. Tony Two Hands dun blasted me in tha back of tha head wiff brass knuckles, an’ ‘ey hurt like a sum-a-gun.

[Sam pauses for a second but Troy jumps in before he can continue.]

Lindsay Troy:
It’s nice that you’re giving me a heads-up but those three aren’t anything Wade or Tyler or I haven’t dealt with before. Their kind are all the same - full of bluster and lacking in aptitude. It’s why they cheat; can’t win otherwise.

[Sam just looks at her, trying to keep his eyes from roaming while she’s standing in front of him.]

Sam Turner Jr.:
Well ma’am, I just wanted ya ta know what’cha was gettin’ into wiff tha LBC.

[Sam reaches out his hand again and the two shake once again.]

Sam Turner Jr.:
Good luck wiff ya match. If ya need a helpin’ hand, just holler at me.

[Troy nods her head.]

Lindsay Troy:
Thanks, Sam.

[Troy pauses.]

Lindsay Troy:
You do the same.

Sam Turner Jr.
Beg’n yer pardon?

Lindsay Troy:
You know, if you find yourself in times of trouble and all.

[Sam smiles and Troy walks past him. He turns and watches her walk a little further down the hall and into a locker room. He puts his hat back on.]

Sam Turner Jr.: [Whispering under his breath]
Wow, what a lady!

DDK:
Folks, thanks for joining us on our second Homecoming show here tonight and you won’t believe what’s to come.  Team HOSS – represented tonight by Aleczander and Capital Punishment – are going to be taking on Angel City eXXXpress members Rich Mahogany and Pete Whealdon in a match that’s – well, let’s call it what it is.  This is a mismatch of the highest level.  The ACX are fine competitors in their own right – sometimes – when they actually focus… which I don’t think has actually happened yet. 

“There’s a degree of separation from the world that people willingly impose upon themselves.”

[The voice of Ned the Crow.]

[Fade up.]

[Monochrome.]

[Freshly plowed field.]

[A pair of bare legs, ankle deep in the loose dirt, visible only from below the knee.]

“They pave, they level, they build up into the air, they build out across the water, they tunnel deep into the stone…”

“And they forget the world underneath their feet.”

[Pan back.]

[The man’s pants end just below his knees.  Above them, he’s shrouded in black. Ragged black T-shirt. Black bandana with a skeleton teeth design worn across his face.  Floppy black hat over his head.  His eyes glitter ominously.]

[Black]

“And the more they forget of the world that lives beneath their feet,,,”

[Flash: Ned the Crow, perched in the lower branches of a live oak tree.]

“The more they forget the old ways, the more they forget how to learn…”

[Flash: Jarvis Remus strains, muscles twitching, to lift a massive rock.]

“And then they don’t know how to listen to Her.”

[Black.]

“But She still speaks to us, through those with the will to listen.”

[Full color.]

[Ned the Crow sits on the edge of the roof of a ramshackle lean-to.]

[Jarvis Remus carries a massive bale of brush on his back away from the plowed field.]

[The shrouded man stands, ankles-deep in the dirt.  His head is cast back.  His arms are at his sides, his elbows and wrists bent so his palms face the sky.]

[Ned jumps down from his roof and walks to the shrouded man.  He drops to one knee, removes a piece of fruit from his pocket.  It looks like a plum, but too big, and with an unnatural reddish purple cast.]

[Jarvis walks over to him.  He drops to both knees, leans forward, presses his forehead down into the dirt.]

[The shrouded man withdraws a knife from his pocket.  He takes the fruit, raises it up to the sky, and slices it.]

[The red juice runs down his arm.]

[Black.]

“Before the seeds can be sown, the brush must be cleared.”

“Before the seeds can be sown, the weeds must be culled.”

“Take the seeds”

“Remove the chaff.”

Sons of the Soil
The Thresher

Angus:
Well that wasn't creepy or anything.

DDK:
All I know is this. Somebody is in for some bad times in the future here in DEFIANCE.

Angus:
You can say that again! So, anyhow, what’s next?

DDK:
Coming up, we have Dusty Griffith set to do battle with…

Angus:
Mexico’s “Greatest Import” since Tequila and Taco Bell!

DDK:
Romero Antiguas… Yes… Also, I think it’s “export”.

Angus:
Import, export, USB port, it’s all the same thing to me, they’re ports.

DDK:
Right…

Angus:
Take it away, DEE QUE!

Darren Quimbey:
The following contest is set for one fall...

[“Tonight” by Enrique Iglesias hits the arena’s speakers, the impossibly and irritatingly catchy pop hit heralding the arrival of the newest DEFIANT to DEFIANCE Wrestling. The man who emerges from the back wears traditional trunks in the Mexican tricolor. He sports abdominal muscles that make women the world over swoon. And, perhaps most forebodingly for the future, he comes bearing a microphone, and he’s not afraid to use it.]
 
Romero Antiguas:
Callate!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[The single Spanish word, meaning roughly “be quiet,” catches the attention of one Darren Quimby, who does as requested. Begrudgingly.]
 
Romero Antiguas:
Thank you. I am fully capable of handling things from here. Let’s take this from the top, shall we? Sound guys, my music, please?
 
[Romero gestures towards the back, and waits a few moments, tapping his toes impatiently. Finally, though, the Enrique Iglesias hit begins playing once more, and a much happier Antiguas begins to slowly saunter down the aisle, throwing glances at nearby female fans.]
 
Romero Antiguas:
I come to you all from San Diego, California, by way of the greatest city on this planet, Monterrey, Mexico! I stand five feet, eleven inches tall, and weigh in at 225 lbs, but let’s face it, ladies, the only measurement that really matters to you is what I’ve got in my trunks, now isn’t it?
 
[A cascade of jeers follows, but sharp-eared listeners can pick out the approving shrieks amongst the boos.]
 
Romero Antiguas:
Soy misterioso, peligroso, y delicioso...hombres y mujeres, I AM ROMERO ANTIGUAS!
 
[With a smirk on his face, the Mexican DEFIANT rolls into the squared circle, and begins preparing himself for the battle ahead. The microphone is placed carefully on the ring apron as Antiguas stretches out.]

DDK:
Last week, Antiguas hightailed it out of the ring when Frank Dylan James proved to be a little too much for him to handle, things certainly aren’t going to get any easier with his opponent tonight.

Angus:
Please, Mayberry totally fears the Martinete, maybe it’ll be he who runs to save himself!

DDK:
Really?

Angus:
No, but I can dream can’t I?

DDK:
It is important to have a dream.

Darren Quimbey:
And his opponent...

[The lights dim and the familiar drum beat of KISS’ “I Love It Loud” begins to bludgeon the airwaves, causing a sizable portion of the audience to stomp their feet along in rhythm with the music.]

Darren Quimbey:
Hailing from Boise, Idaho… He weighs in at Two Hundred and Ninety Pounds… This is the Bad Man from Boise, THE WILD BRONCO... DUSTY GRIFFITH!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[The droning guitar riffs slice into the song and lights begin to flash and swirl as the curtains part and Dusty Griffith charges into the arena to a swirling vortex of cheers and stomping feet. Stopping at the foot of the rampway, he punches his fists into his palms, left then right, rinse and repeat, as he scans the crowd for a moment before locking his sights on the ring.]

Angus:
Why do these people love this guy so much?

DDK:
Why do you hate him so much?

Angus:
Come on, we’ve covered this, I don’t hate the guy, he’s just… Damnit, Keebs, I don’t like him, I just don’t.

DDK:
Unless he’s throwing people around like ragdolls…

Angus:
Uhm, hi, I’m Angus Skaaland, I think we’ve met. I like it when anyone does that.

DDK:
Unless it’s Curtis Penn.

Angus:
Or Jonny Booya.

[The moment passes and Griffith roars before charging down the ramp towards the ring at a steady jog. Approaching the ring, he slows down before grabbing the top rope to stop himself as he bounces his upper torso against it.]

DDK:
Big Dust is certainly ready to go.

Angus:
And now for more from stuff we already know, hosted by Captain Obvious...

[Pulling himself into the ring, he shoots himself across the ring and bounces back and forth against the ropes a few times before bouncing to a stop in the middle of the ring. Turning, Griffith takes to a nearby corner where he mugs it up for the crowd.]

[The lights come up and Griffith dismounts from the turnbuckles and turns to see Romero Antiguas returning to the ring. Griffith pulls off his hoodie and drops it to the mat and begins to stretch and twist his body to prepare for the match as he’s approached by Mark Shields.]

DDK:
Referee Mark Shields giving some final instructions.

Angus:
Hopefully he’s asking Mayberry to not kill Senor Antiguas, that would suck.

DDK:
Antiguas could always run away again.

Angus:
Or he could pull off the win and end his run to the top, that would be awesome.

[Shields turns to Quimbey and calls for the bell.]

DING! DING! DING!

DDK:
And here we go...

[Griffith and Antiguas approach, meeting in the center of the ring where Antiguas runs his mouth, informing Griffith’s about his lack of physique compared to his own finely crafted, latino heartthrob body. He flexes and poses, which gets a few cheers from the females in the audience.]

Angus:
Romero dropping some knowledge.

DDK:
Everyone’s a critic.

[Griffith puts a hand on Romero’s chest and pushes him back and out of his “personal space”.]

Dusty Griffith:
Are you here to talk and pose or do you wanna do some fightin’, you pretty boy sumbitch?

[Romero’s flex falters as he grumbles and jumps into a snug collar and elbow tie up. In spite of Griffith’s size advantage, Romero holds his own and eventually gets a foot behind Griffith and trips him down. Romero smirks with pride as he flexes.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Angus:
No dude, don’t do that.

DDK:
Might not be the wisest move, but you have to admire him having that sort of confidence.

[Down on his ass, Griffith looks up at the preening and posing Romero Antiguas and grunts. Getting up, Griffith growls at Antiguas and gets into a lock up, this time using his size and strength to push and pull Romero around.]

DDK:
Griffith imposing his will.

[Romero tries to trip sweep Dusty again, but this time, Griffith pulls him in and then heaves him away, putting him flat on his ass with a resounding thud. Romero looks up from the mat as Griffith approaches, he attempts to scoot away.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Griffith doesn’t look to attack, merely stopping close to Antiguas and flexes. Romero’s face reddens as the embarrassment of being mocked in front of an arena full of people.]

Angus:
That son of a…

DDK:
Big Dust giving the Master of the Martinete some of his own medicine.

[Romero scrambles up to his feet and shoves Griffith before thrusting his hand up in the air.]

DDK:
Antiguas challenging Griffith to a test of strength!...?

[Griffith gladly complies, interlocking his fingers with Antiguas’ outstretched hand. Getting comfortable, Romero shoots a few verbal jabs at the crowd who root for Dusty, as he raises his other hand, which Griffith locks up with his free hand.]

Angus:
Man, this is not a good idea.

[Indeed.]

[As Griffith settles in, he clenches his hands hard, crunching down quickly on Antiguas’ hands, making him howl with pain as he dances around while trying to free himself from this half baked idea.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Dropping to his knees, Romero desperately looks for an escape. Finding no other alternative, Antiguas pulls back and lunges forward as he drives the top of his head into Griffith’s midsection.]

DDK:
Romero going low on Dusty!

Angus:
Whatever it takes! DO IT AGAIN!

[Romero does it a second time, this time hitting him directly in the gut, which breaks Griffith’s grip. Antiguas pops up to his feet and then shoots himself off of the ropes, but as he approaches, Griffith steps in and catches Antiguas, lifting him up with a military press.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

DDK:
What goes up...

[Griffith holds him up for a moment and then deposits him with a hard slam, dropping Antiguas on to his back.]

THHHHHUUUUUD!

Angus:
Must come down… I mean… Booo BOOO!

[Griffith goes to follow up, but Antiguas is having none of it as he slaps Griffith’s hands away and bails from the ring.]

DDK:
What is he doing…

Angus:
It looks like he’s saying adios to this bullshit…

[Escaping to the floor, Romero takes a powder, leaving Griffith with all of the momentum and nobody to use it against. After a moment to gather his wits he opts to wave off the match and starts to head up the ramp.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Griffith watches for a brief moment, his hands coming up in a “what the hell?” sort of way to match the expression on his face. Before long, Griffith shakes his head and chases after him.]

DDK:
Doesn’t look like there will be a second great escape for Senor Antiguas.

Angus:
DUDE LOOK OUT!

[Clearly not paying any mind to what Angus has to say, Antiguas continues up the ramp, but is caught by Griffith, who grabs him with a fistful of his jet black hair.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Romero’s eyes go wide as he realizes his escape has been halted dead in it’s tracks, he turns and tries to beg off, but Griffith is having none of it. Dragging him back to the ring, he tosses him back in through the top and middle ropes. Following him in, he stalks Antiguas who tries to scoot away until Griffith corners him between himself and the ropes behind Antiguas’ back.]

DDK:
End of the road here for Romero.

[Dusty closes in, but when he tries to grab him, he suddenly buckles.]

Angus:
AAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! He suckered him!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Yes he did, in those close quarters and with referee Mark Shields not having the best vantage point, Antiguas brought his arm up and delivered a classically dastardly low blow to the undercarriage of Dusty Griffith.]

DDK:
And of course, Mark Shields wasn’t in a position to see it happen either.

[Seeing his chance, Romero gets his feet under him and drives his shoulder into Griffith’s gut before lifting and dropping him neck and chest first over the top rope.]

DDK:
STUN-GUN!

Angus:
YUSS! Hah, I knew he wasn’t really running, he just needed to get him right where he wanted him!

DDK:
Yes, I’m sure that’s exactly what he had in mind.

[Griffith staggers back, his hands coming up and clutching at his throat after it was bounced off the top rope. Antiguas however is quick to capitalize, coming up from behind and taking Griffith down to the mat with a perfectly executed Side Russian Legsweep and a nifty float over right into  a cover.]

ONE!

TWO!

NO! KICKOUT!

DDK:
Antiguas nails the Swept Off Your Feet, but it’s not quite enough to get the job done.

[Antiguas is up and takes the chance to pose a little, much to the chagrin of the fans in the front row.]

Angus:
KEEP GOING! YOU HAVE HIM!

[And Angus.]

[Antiguas gets back to it, laying down a few stomps to Griffith, who was already up to his hands and knees. Romero looks down at Griffith and then out at the crowd as he questions how this man could be “so special?” and continues to drop boots down on to Griffith’s back and shoulders.]

DDK:
As we’ve seen in the past, you just can not waste any time with Dusty Griffith.

Angus:
ARRRRGHHH!

[Antiguas pulls Griffith up and hooks him for a text book suplex.]

DDK:
Romero looking for the Heart Stopper here?

Angus:
Yes please, moar damage, cuz moar!

[Antiguas cinches it up and tries to lift, but Griffith fights it. Antiguas tries again, this time getting Griffith’s feet to leave the mat, but not that far. Finally Griffith fires a shot to Romero’s gut and then a second and a third before it’s he who cinches up the hold. Antiguas proves to be a step ahead, twisting out of the suplex in mid-air and then scoring with a pinpoint dropkick to the back of Griffith’s shoulders.]

DDK:
Romero with a beautiful dropkick there!

Angus:
Whooo, keep it going!

[Romero quickly gets to his feet as Dusty staggers forward from the drop kick. Shooting himself off of the ropes, Romero comes flying back and scores with a Bulldog, driving Griffith face first into the mat.]

Angus:
COVER!

ONE!

TWO!

NO! KICKOUT!

[Antiguas gets to his feet and head up to the top, where he waits for Griffith.]

DDK:
Antiguas looking to raise the stakes here.

Angus:
INCOMING!

[As Griffith gets his feet under him, Antiguas jumps off of the ropes and blasts Dusty with a Double Axe Handle to the back, dropping Griffith back to his knees. Antiguas shoots himself off of the ropes and on the return trip, jumps up and drops a leg down across the back of Griffith’s head and neck.]

DDK:
Well, he’s certainly not messing around now.

Angus:
It’s about time somebody listened to my genius!

[Heading to the top again, Antiguas waits and times his shot.]

DDK:
He might not be goofing off with the posing, but this is still giving Dusty an opportunity to recuperate.

Angus:
It’s not his fault that Mayberry’s slower than molasses getting his big ass off of the mat!

[And just as “Mayberry” begins to get up, Antiguas crouches on the rope and just when Griffith is up, he launches himself off the top rope, getting some serious hang time before crashing into his target with a Flying Clothesline. Wasting little time getting back to his feet, Antiguas drags Griffith up and then scoops and slams him back down.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[The crowd reacts negatively as Romero stands over Griffith, putting a foot down on his chest as if he had conquered him. Bringing an arm up, he flexes the bicep before giving it a kiss and then drops the same elbow down across Griffith’s chest and then proceeds to pose while laying on top of him as Shields drops in for the cover.]

ONE!

TW-NO! KICKOUT!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

DDK:
And now he’s arguing the call.

Angus:
Come on, that count was clearly slow!

[Antiguas argues that same point with Mark Shields, who is giving no fucks about Antiguas’ demands for a snappier count. Realizing this conversation isn’t going anywhere, Romero goes and drags Griffith into position on the mat before heading to the top yet again.]

DDK:
He’s wasted an awful lot of time posing and arguing.

Angus:
Nah…

[Setting himself, Antiguas dives off the top, once again getting some impressive air under him as he dives forward with a front flip.]

DDK:
Senton Atomico…

[Suddenly Griffith rolls out of the way.]

Angus:
NO! DON’T DO THAT!

CRRRRAAAASSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!

[Antiguas slams hard against the mat and instantly, his body recoils from the jarring impact.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

DDK:
And the third time is NOT the charm as Antiguas goes to the well one time too many!

Angus:
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Griffith is up first as Antiguas scrambles up and just as he gets to his feet, Griffith comes charging at him.]

THHHHUUUUNNNNNKKKKKK!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

DDK:
RUSHING ELBOW!

Angus:
Dayyumn, he tried to take his head off with that!

DDK:
COVER!

ONE!

TWO!

TH-NO! KICKOUT!

[Griffith is up, feeling a surge of energy run through his entire being, he lets loose with a furious roar as he flexes his arms.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Reaching down, he grabs Romero and drags him up, but before he can follow up with anything, Romero bursts with life as he shoves Griffith back and scores with a dropkick that staggers him back into the nearby corner. Romero charges and dives at Griffith in the corner, but this time it’s Griffith who is a step ahead as he moves forward and catches Antiguas before turning and sending him up and over.]

DDK:
Fallaway Slam!

[Romero scrambles to his feet and ends up getting hit with a clothesline one time, two times, and three times before getting caught in a Bearhug and then sent flying with an overhead Belly to Belly Suplex.]

Angus:
Stewardesses and Frequent Flyer Miles!

DDK:
And we thought he was getting some serious air coming off the top rope!

Angus:
Why does it have to be so much fun to watch him throw dudes around!?

[Dusty is back up and rushes Romero, pushing him back towards the ropes and then shoots him across the ring. Stepping in, Griffith ducks under, looking for a back body drop, but Romero sees it coming and scores with a knee lift that connects with Griffith’s face. Dusty rears back from the blow, giving Antiguas the chance to double him over with a kick to the gut.]

RAAAAAAAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DDK:
MARTINETE! HE’S TRYING FOR THE DREADED PILEDRIVER!

Angus:
YES! DO IT, ROMERO!

[Antiguas reaches down and tries to lift Griffith up for the Piledriver, but the Wild Bronco fights against it and eventually rears up as tosses him up and over with the back body drop. Antiguas scrambles and charges at Griffith, wailing away as he drives him into the nearest corner. Romero grabs a wrist and shoots him across the ring.]

DDK:
Dusty with the reverse!

Angus:
INNNNNNCOOOMMMMMING!

[Dusty follows Romero closely and crashes into him almost at the same time as he hit the turnbuckles. Now it’s Griffith who shoots Antiguas back across the ring and charges in, crushing Romero with a second Avalanche Splash.]

DDK:
STAMPEDE!

Angus:
Oooh gawd, you know what time it is…

[Griffith backs off a step or two, allowing Antiguas to stumble forward and away from the ropes before pulling him in, stuffing his head between his legs.]

DDK:
Nobody has survived this yet, will Romero be the first?

[Wrenching up, in that same one fluid and devastating motion, Griffith whips Antiguas up and then slams him back down with as much force as he can muster.]

Angus:
ATOMIC POWWWAAAARRRRR-BOB-OMB-BAH!

CRRRRRRRUUUUUNNNNNNNCCCCCHHHHH!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[The impact making a very loud and crushing sound as Griffith leans forward, pinning Antiguas legs down by his head for the pin.]

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[Griffith rears back, standing upright as his hands shoot in the air in victory, his music playing once more as the fans cheer and stomp for their victorious hero.]

DDK:
I’ll tell you folks, that was a heck of a match.

Angus:
Romero was so close there, but man, that big bastard is just so tough to figure out.

[In the ring, Griffith continues to mug it up for the crowd. Meanwhile, Antiguas comes to after a few moments and groggily rolls out of the ring and departs back up the ramp.]

DDK:
Yes indeed. Antiguas has so much potential, but this was clearly just the wrong opponent for him to get himself on the winning track here in DEFIANCE.

Angus:
Gee, ya think? But, you’re right, Keebs. I’d wager all of your money that everyone expected this thing to go a lot quicker in Mayberry’s favor.

DDK:
Of course you would.

[Cut, but not very far.]

Quimbey:
The following contest is a trios match scheduled for one fall, with a twenty minute time limit. Introducing first…

[Cut the lights. The opening build-up of “Monolith” by Crossfaith reverberates throughout the arena while smoke begins to stream out of the entranceway, illuminated by multi-colored strobe lights.  As the heavy guitars kick in, three figures appear silhouetted in the color-shifting mist.]

Quimbey:
From Osaka, Japan, weighing in at a combined weight of 631 pounds...KAZ ARAKI…MACH HAWKE…DEMON AZUMA...They are the OSAKAAAAA  STREEEEEEET CUTTERRRRRRRRS!!!

[The three men walk down to the ring, Kaz Araki in the center with a cocky smile, flanked by Hawke and Azuma on either side, whose moods appear to be much more sullen. They are greeted mostly with jeers from the crowd, who seemingly are not happy with what they saw from the Cutters the week before.]

DDK:
We saw Mach Hawke in singles action last week, but tonight's our first look at the Osaka Street Cutters in the trios division.

Angus:
They're out to take care of some unfinished business from last week. Still don't really know what that was all about, but hey, a fight's a fight.

DDK:
Some folks just live to fight, Angus.  We all know FDJ is one of them. It seems that Azuma here is another.

[Kaz is basking in the spotlight as they enter the ring, laughing and smiling even though the crowd is booing them.  Hawke and Azuma take opposite turnbuckles and glare out at the hostile Georgian crowd.]

DDK:
I’m interested as well in what we're going to see out of Kaz Araki tonight. Hawke and Azuma are a proven commodity, having enjoyed a lengthy run of dominance in Japan, but Kaz is a bit of an unknown.

Angus:
He may only weigh a buck fifty, but he's bringing something to the table that his opponents are sorely lacking: brains. Also, a sense of fashion, a college degree. Table manners. A habit of showering regularly. A family tree devoid of any incestuous loops. A...

DDK:
Ok Angus, I think they get the picture.

Quimbey::
And their opponents…

[“A Country Boy Can Survive” by Hank Williams Jr. starts to play throughout the arena, as the crowd lets out a cheer.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Quimbey::
Weighing in at a combined weight of 835 pounds...from Bloody Harlan, Kentucky, SAM TURNER JR…from Dallas, Texas, MIKE BELL...from the mountains of West Virginia, FRANK DYLAN JAMES...They are  THE WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE KNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS!!!

[The three men step out onto the top of the ramp, looks of determination on all of their faces, as the crowd shows them some love. They begin to make their way to the ring, Turner and Bell slapping hands with fans at ringside, while Frank walks down the center of the aisle, never breaking eye contact with the Street Cutters in the ring.]

Angus:
Wonder how Mike Bell feels getting dragged into this one. He wasn't even involved in the scuffle last week.

DDK:
Well he's a man who believes in loyalty and standing by his friends.  

Angus:
If I had to stand by Sam Turner Jr. or anywhere downwind of him, for that matter, I'd reconsider my choice of friends.

DDK:
Also, Jeff Andrews said if he was going to be on the roster he had to do stuff.

[The Street Cutters back up to the far side of the ring as the Knights climb the steps and step through the ropes. Both sides are eyeing each other with clear enmity.]

DDK:
Sam's looking to get a tick back in the win column after a very competitive match with Eugene Dewey last week. And Frank, well, I think he'd settle for seeing all three of the Street Cutters leave the arena in an ambulance tonight.

Angus:
That's the winning personality that's gotten FDJ to where he is today, folks.

[There seems to be a bit of dissension in the corner of the Street Cutters. Azuma is pacing back and forth, eyes narrowed, while Kaz attempts to placate him. Hawke looks on exasperated from the ring apron before urging Azuma to just let Kaz start and get it over with.]

DDK:  
Looks like the Osaka Street Cutters can't decide who's going to start the match.

Angus:
That's understandable. With a team as high caliber as the Cutters, this thing could be over in seconds. Everyone wants another clip to add to their highlight reel.

[Azuma throws up his hands in anger before stepping through the ropes. Kaz beams at having won this small victory, then turns to find himself bumping against the chest...er, navel of the massive Frank Dylan James.]

DDK:
Looks like we're starting off with a David and Goliath type match-up.

Angus:
For Kaz's sake, I hope he's packing more stones than the pair in his jock right now.

[Kaz goes to lock up, but instead finds himself shoved back hard. FDJ throws him back in his corner with enough power to somersault him backward.]

DDK:
Over in seconds you say?

Angus:
Hey, I didn't think they'd actually let the little guy start the match.

[Araki gets to his feet, brushing himself off, and takes one step back in Frank's direction...before thinking better of it and wheeling around to tag in Azuma.]

DDK:
Looks like Azuma gets to start things off after all.

Angus:
Maybe it was part of the Street Cutter's strategy. Get Frank to use up all his gas tank, then bring in their heavy hitter.

DDK:
They expected him to gas after one move?

[Azuma wastes no time getting into FDJ’s face. The two exchange words and though surely neither man can understand the other’s language, the meaning is clear. Azuma strikes first with a hard fast shot that connects with Frank’s temple.  The West Virginian is staggered back a step, then, with a laugh, fires back with a massive overhand right of his own that sends the Street Cutter to the mat.]

Angus:
Let's just say that Frank has been hanging around his fair share of catering tables as of late.

DDK:
Oh, come on. Though he certainly knows how to put his weight into those punches, that's for sure.  

[Azuma is only down for a second, as he immediately springs back to his feet and comes straight at FDJ again. He unleashes a flurry of left and right hands to Frank's upper body. The big mountain man just absorbs the shots with a grimace before loading up on a big haymaker shot that knocks Azuma off his feet.]

Angus:
You have to appreciate the balls on a guy who thinks he can stand toe to toe with Frank. The brains, not so much, though.

DDK:
Azuma’s giving up five inches and roughly 70 pounds here. He's certainly not going to win any fist fights.

[Azuma slaps his hand on the mat, yelling out in frustration before gritting his teeth and diving into FDJ. He tries working a double leg takedown, eats a few clubbing forearms to the back, then transitions to a single leg before finally tripping the big man to the mat. Azuma leaps onto him and starts to uncork another series of short punches to the forehead. ]

DDK:
That's not going to stop him from trying, though! Rapid fire punches!

Angus:
That's not all, Keebs. He's going full-on Mike Tyson cannibal holocaust on Frank.  

[Frank screams out as Azuma buries his teeth into his forehead, drawing blood. As he tries to claw further at the wound, the Street Cutter is pried back by the referee.]

Angus:
You know a man has to be crazy to even think about getting any part of FDJ near his mouth. Or his nose, for that matter.

DDK:
His name is the “Demon” after all. One must imagine he is used to the smell of sulfur and all that.

[The small gap created by the ref is all FDJ needs to shove Azuma back and get to his feet. Azuma tries to go for the takedown again but this time is stuffed with a big uppercut that sends him into the turnbuckles. Frank follows him him with a growl and punishes him with a barrage of punches in the corner, beating on Azuma until he slumps in a heap.]

DDK:
FDJ seeing red, just tearing Azuma apart in the corner!

Angus:
He's like a bull in a China shop. Or a Japan shop, I guess. Either way, hope the owners purchased insurance.

[Wiping the blood from his forehead with a look of disgust, Frank nearly palms Azuma’s head and, taking him into the Knights’ corner, makes a tag to Mike Bell. Bell takes over from FDJ, grabbing Azuma in a headlock and running him out into the center of the ring to drop him with a bulldog.]

DDK:
Mike Bell taking over from FDJ with a nice looking bulldog.

Angus:
If they're not careful, he might actually turn this into a wrestling match.

[Bell stays on Azuma, pulling him to his feet by his arm.  Not letting go, he looks to jerk the Street Cutter toward him with a short-arm clothesline...but Azuma puts on the brakes, and with a burst of energy, pulls Bell into a short-arm clothesline of his own. Without letting go of Bell's arm, Azuma jerks him to his feet and delivers a backdrop driver hard in the center of the ring. Bell lands with a sickening crunch on the top of his head.]

Oooooooooooooooo!

DDK:
Oh my god! Azuma just dropped Mike Bell on his head! What a devastating maneuver!

Angus:
Azuma doesn’t seem to give one damn about going for the cover, though. He’s looking over at the rednecks’ corner.

[Bell isn't moving but Azuma just kicks him unceremoniously toward his corner, jabbing an angry finger at Sam Turner Jr. as he lambasts him in guttural Osaka dialect.]

Angus:
Looks like Azuma wants to finish off what he started backstage last week.

DDK:
You know Sam Turner Jr. doesn’t back down from anyone.

[Sam steps through the ropes to oblige, only to be met with a cheap shot as he's entering the ring. Azuma swarms him immediately with vicious uppercuts, backing him into the corner]

Angus:
And I have the feeling Azuma doesn’t even give anyone a chance to back down from him.

DDK:
He certainly isn’t above using that sucker punch, though.

Angus:
The man is simply impatient, that’s all.

[Azuma continues to punch away, but Sam fires back now with a series of brutal body punches, backing the Street Cutter into the center of the ring.]

Angus:
Well, so much for this turning into a technical showcase.

DDK:
They're picking up right where they left off last week: beating the living hell out of each other!

[Feeling Sam's power, Azuma decides to rake his eyes, then headbutts him twice. Grabbing Turner by the arm, he whips him hard into the turnbuckles, but Sam absorbs the impact and comes exploding back out with a running clothesline that nearly shatters Azuma's jaw.]

Angus:
There's that scary Lennie power.

DDK:
Lennie power?

Angus:
C'mon, Keebs. Read a book for once in your life. He's the big retard who wanted to pet the rabbits.

[Azuma gets to his feet unsteadily, hand cradling his jaw. He staggers into Sam's path, who deposits him to the mat again with a scoop slam.]

DDK:
Rabbits?

Angus:
But since he's a big retard that doesn't know his own strength he's just going to end up crushing them to death in his clumsy retard's grip. He's a man so ignorant of the workings of the world that he's incapable of engaging in foreplay without snapping a woman's neck.

[Azuma immediately gets up again but on wobbly legs. A running big boot from Turner sends him through the ropes to the apron to cheers from the crowd.]

DDK:
So Azuma is the rabbit here...? Or...?

Angus:
I don't know if I'd say that, but Sam is a big fucking Lennie, that's for damn sure.

[Sam plays to the crowd for cheers, smiling, but looks concerned when he looks over to his corner.]

DDK:
Hold on, Angus. Something appears to be wrong with Mike Bell. He’s not properly recovering from that backdrop driver he took earlier in the match.

Angus:
He landed right on his head. Yeah, woe to the American who goes up against the Japanese guy thinking the back drop is a starter level move on par with the scoop slam.

[Sam, a worried expression on his face, goes over to check on his partner in the corner, too.]

DDK:
I believe medical personnel are on their way to ringside. The health and well-being of our Defiants is of paramount concern here.

[The crowd is murmuring, uncomfortable and unsure of what to make of the situation, reminded suddenly of the mortality of the near-superhumans they cheer on every week.  The murmurs turn into a chorus of boos, however, as Mach Hawke takes advantage of the distraction and comes running up with a soccer kick to the face of the bent over Turner.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

DDK:
What the hell is he doing?! We have a serious situation here!

Angus:
While I sincerely hope Bell is ok, we're still in the middle of a match here. Finally, My Cock is in the ring.  And he just exploded into the face of STJ with that kick.

[Azuma climbs back in from the apron and Both he and Hawke flank Sam Turner Jr.  Both of them lift Turner up in a flapjack and grab an arm on the way down, performing a single arm DDT on each of his arms.]

DDK:
How despicable! Cheap shotting a man when he's checking on his injured partner.

Angus:
We all know that Turner has a heart of gold but his brain is definitely iron pyrite. You never take your eye off your opponents when you're in that ring.

[Azuma stomps on the prone Turner’s body before heading back to the Street Cutter’s corner. Hawke begins to work over Sam’s right arm with an arm wrench and cranks on the pressure.  Pulling it down low, he leaps in the air and comes down with a leg drop on Sam’s arm.]

DDK:
Hawke seems to be zeroing in on that arm.

Angus:
Makes sense, Keebs. For a guy who relies so heavily on a power brawling style, his right arm is the key to his offense. Not to mention necessary to deliver that Harlan County Line of his.

DDK:
Meanwhile, Mike Bell’s pushing the medics away, I admire his toughness but I really don’t think it’s a good move - he can barely stand.

[Pulling Sam back up by the arm, Hawke makes the tag, then drops Sam back to the mat near the Cutters’ corner. Hawke holds the arm to the mat as Araki climbs to the second rope and comes off with a flying knee drop across it.]

DDK:
Kaz Araki back in, with some actual offense this time.

Angus:
He's up against someone his own size now. To be fair, Turner is horizontal...

[Hawke and Kaz drag Sam to his feet and toss him into their corner.  Azuma grabs Sam’s right arm from the apron and wrenches it around the top rope while the other two Street Cutters work him over with some stiff chops in the ring.]

DDK:
A vicious corner triple team by the Cutters. Now that they've got the advantage, they're working together as a well oiled machine.

Angus:
Things are looking grim for the Knights. Momentum is against them. Numbers are against them. I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in Turner's boots right now.

[Hawke moves to the apron, leaving Kaz in the ring. Chopping Sam across the chest again, he raises his arms in the air with a smile, playing to the crowd.  He celebrates a bit too much, however, as the clearly hurting Sam Turner Jr. comes out and pie-faces Kaz to the mat to cheers from the crowd.]

DDK:
This one's not over yet, Angus! Not by a long shot!

[Sam slowly staggers across the ring, reaching out for the tag to FDJ. Azuma is in the ring fast, though, chasing him down and whipping him back down to the mat by his arm before their hands can make contact.]

Angus:
Not yet, but definitely soon, at this rate.

[Dragging him on the mat towards the center of the ring, Azuma applies a Fujiwara armbar that he immediately torques back on with everything he’s got.  As the referee drops down to check if Sam wants to give up, the Street Cutter begins to pulls apart Turner’s fingers in unnatural directions, looking to break or mangle them.]  

DDK:
As if the armbar wasn't bad enough!

Angus:
The name of the game is pain and Azuma competes at the grandmaster level.

[He is stills attacking Sam’s fingers as the ref returns his attention back to him, catching him red-handed.  He’s ordered to break the hold, and he does so, but not until the five-count. Wasting no time, Azuma applies another arm wringer, this one yanked down hard twice. Switching to a hammerlock now, Azuma scoops Sam up and slams him down unceremoniously on his still-hammerlocked arm.]

Angus:
Ouch! This is getting difficult to watch, Keebs.

DDK:
That arm has to be completely ruined at this point. How much more can it take?

[Azuma makes the tag to Hawke, who enters the ring with a slingshot senton across Sam’s chest, further damaging the arm still pinned behind his back.]

Angus:
When My Cock is involved, there’s no limit to the amount of damage that can be done.

DDK:
These quick tags aren't even giving Sam Turner a chance to breathe.

[Hawke immediately tags back out to Azuma, who comes back in to grab the fallen Turner around the waist. Standing between his legs, he lifts him back up almost vertically with a wheelbarrow slam. Hawke grabs Sam’s arm in mid-air and two drop him back hard with an assisted single arm DDT.  Azuma hooks both legs for the cover.]

Angus:
That's got to be it.

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THR….no, Sam gets his left shoulder up.]

DDK:
Wow, Sam Turner showing some real guts in kicking out of that one.

Angus:
Might have been better off just giving up the fall.  He's risking long term damage if the Cutters keep working that arm.

[Azuma makes the tag to Kaz Araki, who stomps away at Turner’s arm before standing on top of it with both feet, posing for the crowd.]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

DDK:
He's so proud of himself now, after his teammates have done all the hard work. He wasn't laughing when FDJ was pushing him around earlier.

Angus:
No, but I sure was! It was like that midget dart board scene out of Wolf of Wall Street!

[Stepping off the arm, Araki lets Sam slowly get to his feet, then begins to jab at him, dancing around in and out of his range. Turner misses a punch, Kaz jabs him and then backs off laughing…until Sam rushes forward with a surge and takes his head off with the Harlan County Line lariat. Araki does a full 360 in mid-air before crashing to the mat.]

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

DDK:
Kaz was showboating and he paid for it! Oh wow, did he pay for it!

Angus:
I think I just saw Kaz’s soul leave his body.

[Sam collapses to the mat, though, screaming out in pain. He is cradling his right arm close to his chest, the same arm he used to perform his brutal trademark lariat.]

Angus:
Kaz may be in need of a coroner, but looks like Ol' Lennie's hurt himself too much to make the cover.

DDK:
He doesn't have to make the cover if he can make the tag. Frank can take care of the rest.

[Seeing Azuma hovering menacingly near the unconscious Araki, Sam decides to crawl for the tag. Rolling Kaz out of the ring, Azuma starts to chase after Turner, grabbing him by the leg. He’s felled by a huge right hand, though. Sam has made the tag to FDJ. And boy is he hot.]

DDK:
He got it! FDJ is in and there's hell to pay for the Street Cutters.

[Hawke is in the ring illegally, and is sent to the mat with a headbutt by FDJ. Azuma is back up with a right hand and another, but both are no sold by Frank. He tosses Azuma into a neutral corner with ease and starts firing off a series of eight back elbows to the face.]

DDK:
Azuma's getting all the fight he wanted and then some! Crushing elbows to the face!

Angus:
Here comes My Cock, though. Even with Araki for all intents and purposes out of this, there's still two Street Cutters and only one FDJ.

[Hawke rushes in with an axhandle to the back, trying to help out his partner.  Frank gives literally no fucks about that nonsense, however, and tosses Hawke right into Azuma. With both of the Street Cutters in the corner now, FDJ starts to uncork his series of back elbows into Hawke’s face this time.]

DDK:
Frank doesn't care about the numbers!

Angus:
Not being able to count to two surely helps with that.

[With both Street Cutters dazed, FDJ walks backwards until he’s nearly in the opposite corner and then comes back with a big 320 pound running avalanche splash, sandwiching Hawke and Azuma in the corner.]

DDK:
FDJ has the Cutters on the ropes!

Angus:
And now Lennie's back in. The Osaka Street Cutters are in serious trouble.

[Frank tags Sam back in, who backs up and makes a signal to his partner.  FDJ tosses Hawke to the mat like a sack of peat moss or whatever the fuck it is that farmers have laying around in sacks. Frank then whips Azuma across the ring into a double ax handle from Sam. Turner makes the cover, hooking the leg.]

DDK:
There's no one to make the save. This might be it!

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[TH….No, Azuma shoves Sam off of his chest.]

DDK:
No, not quite!

Angus:
If there's one thing this match has taught me, it's that it's going to take a hell of a lot to keep Azuma down. This guy takes a beating and just keeps coming back for more.

[While the ref has his attention on Turner and Azuma, Hawke is on one knee in the opposite corner. He appears to have some sort of packet in his hand that he is fumbling around with.]

DDK:
Hawke's got something in his hand. What's he planning?

[FDJ, noticing that Hawke is still conscious, walks over in his direction.  Before he can do anything, Hawke throws a big handful of salt into Frank’s face, which is still bleeding from Azuma’s bite earlier.]

Angus:
Oh shiiiit! White projectile from My Cock, spraying FDJ in the face!

DDK:
Hawke just tossed a handful of salt into the open wound of Frank Dylan James!

[Nearly blinded and in pain from the salt in his cut, Frank screams out in rage and lunges in the direction he last saw Hawke. Realizing the severity of his situation, Hawke jumps through the ropes and starts to hightailing it around the side of the ring. FDJ follows him, stumbling out through the ropes due to his reduced vision.]

Angus:
He certainly got Frank's attention. Not sure exactly why anybody would want that...

DDK:
He broke up the double team on the partner, though. With Frank out for Hawke's blood, Azuma and Turner are the only two left in the ring.

[Sam, looking to put an end to things, picks Azuma up off the mat.  This time the Street Cutter explodes again, like he did earlier, transitioning behind Turner before he can do anything and lifting him up in the backdrop driver.]

Angus:
Holy shitballs, that Azuma is freakin' quick when he wants to be.

DDK:
He's going for the backdrop driver again! The same move that put Mike Bell out of this match!

[Before Azuma can drop him on his head, however, Sam twists around in mid-air and lands a big right hand to his face with enough impact to send both men sprawling to the canvas in a heap.]

DDK:
No, reversal! Superman punch to the face!

Angus:
Using Azuma's own lifting momentum to boot.

[Both men get to their feet slowly, as the crowd starts to get into things, stamping and clapping they reach a fever pitch.  Sam and Azuma make eye contact and rush at each other. Azuma with a big clothesline….just ducked under by Turner…]

DDK:
Azuma swinging for the fences, but nobody's home!

Angus:
Turner's coming back and...oh sh…

[Sam comes back and levels Azuma with a hard lariat to the jaw, hitting him with everything he’s got and sending him to the mat.]

DDK:
HARLAN COUNTY LINE!!!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Angus:
It was with the left arm, Keebs. Did you see that? He switched arms to protect his injury. Who would have thought he'd have enough brains to consider that?

[Sam falls on top of Azuma for the cover.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[Thre…..No, Azuma gets a shoulder up just in time!]

DDK:
And Azuma kicked out! Unbelievable!

[The crowd is loud as hell, in disbelief that Azuma kicked out. Sam looks up at the referee, checking that it wasn’t actually a three count.]

Angus:
Sam may still have hit him hard, but it wasn't with 100% power. You're never 100% when you use your off arm.

DDK:
He's in control, though. He nearly has Azuma finished off.

[Summoning up his reserves, Sam gets to his feet.  Grabbing the Street Cutter by the head, he positions him for his powerbomb. He lifts him up into the lights...but as he’s positioned for the drop, Azuma kicks down hard on Turner’s right shoulder, causing him to drop him.]

Angus:
Looks like not nearly finished off enough.

DDK:
Azuma escaping, taking advantage of that injured arm.

Angus:
They weren't working it over all match for nothing.

[Sam crouches over, holding his arm, giving Azuma enough of an opening to hook his arm over the Kentuckian’s neck.  Lifting him up vertically off the mat, he drops him straight down with a brainbuster.]

DDK:
Brainbuster with absolutely no give right in the center of the ring!

Angus:
He's not done yet.

[Azuma rolls backward across Turner’s body, his arm still latched around his neck.  Standing back up, he drags Sam back to his feet still in the tie-up and picks him up off the mat again. BOOM. He hits a second brainbuster]

DDK:
Another brainbuster! Sam Turner is ...no!

Angus:
Haha, yes! He's going for one more!

DDK:
This is overkill! Two is more than enough. Three is...hold on just a second!

[Azuma rolls back over Sam and lifts him up again. There are sounds of a commotion at ringside.  He’s about to drop Turner again when his right leg gets swept out from underneath him by an arm reaching under the bottom rope. Sam falls down on top.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[THREE!]

[The ref signals to the timekeeper, as Azuma looks up confused. He makes eye contact with the man at ringside. It’s the same straw hat wearing masked competitor who ambushed him during Hawke’s match last week. There is obvious hatred burning in the man’s eyes.]

DING! DING! DING!

DDK:
That's the same man who attacked the Cutters last week!

Angus:
He just took out Azuma's knee and this blind as a bat referee didn't see it.

Quimbey:
And your winners…Sam Turner Jr., Frank Dylan James, and Mike Bell; THE WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE KNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTS!!!

Angus:
What a miscarriage of justice.

DDK:
Sam Turner picks up the win due to an assist from an unlikely source!

Angus:
Don't know how much longer you can say things like it's "unlikely". This guy is making a habit of ruining the Cutters' nights.

[Azuma is shaking, frozen with rage as he stares at the man at ringside.  The man turns away to head back through the crowd from which he came...only to be met with a flying forearm from Hawke on the outside.]

Angus:
At least it looks like this shit head is going to get his comeuppance.

DDK:
I don’t know about that...

[Hawke is loading up on a right hand, only for it to be cupped from behind by one that is considerably larger. Spun around, he fights himself face to face with an angry FDJ. Frank wraps both of his big mitts around Hawke’s throat and lifts him up in a double choke, allowing the masked man to leap the guardrail and escape through the crowd.]

Angus:
Frank's got his hands wrapped around My Cock!

DDK:
Hawke's in serious trouble! And there goes that mystery assailant, heading for the hills.

[Frank is choking the life out of Hawke, holding him there for five seconds. Ten seconds. Hawke’s face is turning blue.  With desperation, he rubs his hand into Frank’s forehead wound. The salt residue remaining on the Street Cutter’s hand burns as it comes into contact with the cut, causing Frank to drop Hawke, who high-tails it out of there as fast as his feet can carry him.]

DDK:
Mach Hawke saving his own neck there...literally.

Angus:
You've got to be crafty to survive on the mean streets of Osaka.

DDK:
How would you know?

Angus:
Well, I'm pretty much just picturing Blade Runner.

[Hawke heads all the way up the ramp and into the back, while Azuma rolls under the bottom rope and kicks the ring steps in anger.  Grabbing the still unconscious Kaz Araki on his back in a fireman’s carry, he walks to the back, muttering Japanese profanities all the way up the ramp.  Sam Turner regroups in the ring with an incensed Frank Dylan James. Sam lifts Frank’s arm up in victory as Hank Williams Jr. plays throughout the arena, but FDJ whips his arm back down, clearly not happy with the way things played out. Mike Bell, still nursing the back of his neck, joins them.]

DDK:
Well that was some match. We saw Bell taken out, Hawke likely make an enemy for life in FDJ, and Sam Turner fight through his injured arm to in the end come away with the victory for his team.

Angus:
Thanks to...whoever the hell that guy is.

DDK:
If these two weeks are anything to judge by, I doubt we've seen the last of him. Any thoughts, Angus?

Angus:
I don't know about you, Keebs, but seeing that big hillbilly with his hands around the neck of My Cock certainly was distressing. And a little exciting.

DDK:
A little too much information about your personal struggles there, Angus.  And now, for something completely... different…

Angus:
Keebs, what’re you - OH SHIT SPEAR!

[So unexpected it’s unlikely any fans got a good look at him beforehand, a man wearing mostly black rolled into the ring behind the White Knights.  WIthout even waiting for them to turn around, he bolted forward and speared Mike Bell from behind.]

DDK:
That’s The Thresher! The Sons of the Soil are here!

[Instead of getting to his feet, The Thresher brings his forearm up between STJ’s legs.  FDJ wraps both meathooks around The Thresher’s neck and lifts him up into the air, but Jarvis Remus clubs him from behind! FDJ shakes it off and turns on him.  It seems like FDJ is winning the fistfight, sending Remus back into the corner, but once they’re there Remus just grabs FDJ and hangs on.]

DDK:
Running corner boot from Ned the Crow!

[FDJ slumps.  Ned and The Thresher whip FDJ off the ropes, and he bounces back into the clutches of Remus.]

DDK:
FLAPJACK POWERSLAM ON FDJ!

Angus:
Jesus Christ Keebs, F-deej weighs 320 and Jarvis Remus just tossed him like he weighed nothing!

[STJ is sent off the ropes and receives his own flapjack to powerslam.  This time, Remus drops him perpendicular to the turnbuckle.]

DDK:
Ned off the top with a 630 senton on Sam Turner Jr.!

[The Sons of the Soil all turn in on Mike Bell, who is struggling to get to his feet.]

[The Thresher grabs him by the hair, lifts him up in a crucifix…]

Ned:
Hangman’s High!

[And The Thresher falls forward, dropping Bell on the back of his neck!]

DDK:
Oh God!

Angus:
I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen anyone use the Razor’s Edge, I mean MIKEY NOOOO

[The Thresher pulls Bell up again, but on seeing Dusty Griffith and Eugene Dewey rushing to the ring, drops him and slips under the bottom rope.  Bell lands in a limp heap as Griffith rushes Ned.  His wild swing misses the skinny wrestler.]

DDK:
I have no idea why the Sons of the Soil attacked the White Knights, but we need some medical help out here for Mike Bell and fast!

[FDJ and STJ are up, but Bell isn’t.  The White Knights stand over him as Iris Davine and the medical squad come rushing to the ring.]

[Back in the ring.]

Quimbey:
Our next contest is scheduled for one fall!

[It’s big band time!]

♫ How lucky can one guy be?♫
♫ I kissed her and she kissed me ♫
♫ Like a fella once said ♫
♫ Ain’t that a kick in the head ♫

[Vincent Rinaldi lumbers through the curtain and out onto the stage, closely followed by Alceo Dentari and the Southern Heritage champion, Tony Di Luca, who wears the Confederate flag adorned title around his waist.]

DDK:
Last week Tony Di Luca had some choice words to say about the Big Damn Heroes, and some of those words seemed to rattle the cage of Wade Elliott. You’re from Alabama, Angus. Would you take exception to being told you’d be mown down ‘like the confederates at Gettysburg’?

Angus:
I’d like to think I’m a pretty level headed guy, so no, I don’t think I would take exception to that.

DDK:
You? Level headed? Remember that time in Mexico when yo-

Angus:
Bitch, I’ll cut you if you say another word.

DDK: [Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat]
No, yeah, you’re right. Your bubble’s well between the lines…

[Slowly Vinny makes his way down to the ring with Alceo Dentari whispering in his ear all the way down the ramp. Alceo gives Rinaldi a hard pat on the back and points to the ring, which Rinaldi rolls into. He stands up and unzips his jacket as he waits for his opponent.]

DDK:
Vinny’s not messing around here. The jacket’s coming off before Lindsay’s even come down to the ring.

Angus:
You know who Vinny reminds me of?

DDK:
Who?

Angus:
Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force… He’s got hair on his shoulders just like him…

DDK:
That’s… pretty accurate actually…

Angus:
And disgusting. Maybe he’s just trying to gross Lindsay Troy into not coming out here.

[If that is the case then it’s not working because the lights blink out, which sends the fans into a frenzy.]

RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

[Music up: "Trampled Underfoot" - Led Zeppelin]

[That all-too familiar clavinet intro blasts through the Arena at Gwinnett Center and the crowd roars to its feet. Cell phone screens and camera flashes begin illuminating the blackness, and red, silver, and gold pyro explode like cannon fire.]

♫ Greasy, slicked-down body ♫
♫ Groovy leather trim ♫
♫ I like the way you hold the road ♫
♫ Mama, it ain't no sin ♫

♫ Talkin' 'bout love ♫
♫ Talkin' 'bout love ♫
♫ Talkin' 'bout … ♫

[Lindsay Troy throws the curtain aside and strides out with a smirk on her face. Tyler Rayne and Wade Elliott aren’t too far behind her. The ‘Heroes stop briefly on the stage, Troy in the center, then all three march toward the ring.]

DDK:
Lindsay Troy spoke with Lance Warner a few days ago and had some strong words about this match.

Angus:
She got a little feisty. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

[At the bottom of the ramp Troy jumps flat-footed onto the apron and, while keeping an eye on Vinny, catapults herself over the top rope.]

DDK:
We also saw Sam Turner Jr. give Troy some advice on how to handle Big Vinny and the LBC a little earlier. Given what happened in Toronto and again last week with Lisa Loeh, there’s no telling what Di Luca will do to make sure the SoHer title has one less challenger.

Angus:
Cletus’ puppy-dog swooning over Troy made me want to puke. Plus, anyone with functioning eyesight saw what happened the last two shows. Way to tell her something she already knew.

DDK:
Can’t fault a guy for trying, partner.

Angus:
Sure I can. I do it all the time.

DING DING DING

[Lindsay bounces out of her corner while Vinny lurches out of his. It’s clear from the get go that Troy’s going to use her speed advantage as much as possible as she circles around Rinaldi in the middle of the ring, feigning an attack every now and then. To his credit, Vinny barely flinches as each shot is thrown and then pulled back… Then again, maybe he just isn’t quick enough to react to each one.]

DDK:
Many people consider Lindsay the measuring stick when it comes to female wrestlers.

Angus:
Don’t let Heidi hear you say that… Or Claira… Or any of the other girls in the back…

DDK:
It’s hard to argue with her resume. But it doesn’t matter how good people say you are if you get caught by an opponent that weighs twice as much as you-

Angus:
I know this! You’re gonna have a bad time.

DDK:
Right you are, Thumper.

[Troy picks up the pace a little and ducks and weaves, throwing Rinaldi off just enough to slip behind him. She kicks at his leg, connecting with the knee, but can’t follow up on it as Rinaldi turns and lunges at her.]

DDK:
Lindsay slips out of the way of that grab and kicks at the inside of Rinaldi’s leg. Smart work to attack the vertical base of ‘Big Vinny.’

[Again Vinny spins on the spot, trying to keep Lindsay in his sights. Whenever she can Troy throws a few weaker kicks that all find their mark either on Vinny’s thigh or knee. Finally Lindsay give Rinaldi the slip again and shoots in to grab the leg and look for a take down.]

DDK:
That’s like uprooting a tree trunk!

Angus:
Nah, that’d be way easier…

[Vinny doesn’t budge and Lindsay realises it just a moment too late.]

DDK:
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig headbutt from Rinaldi.

Angus:
That’s probably the only time I’ve ever seen him put that head to good use.

[The headbutt floors Lindsay, but she rolls away quickly as Rinaldi tries to stomp on her like Godzilla would stomp on Tokyo. Troy avoids a second stomp and rolls out to the apron, which she promptly gets to her feet on. Lindsay throws a kick between the ropes that connects with Rinaldi’s leg before lifting a high kick that connects with the his head. The force of the kick stuns him and sends Vinny stumbling back into the ring. Troy waits for Vinny to straighten up before springboarding in after him.]

Angus:
She’s not seriously doing flippy-doo shit, is she?

DDK:
She is, and she’s heading straight for Rinaldi!

THWUMP

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Angus:
Yes! Thank you, Vinny!

[Vinny picks Lindsay out of the air with big paw that stops all of her momentum dead. Lindsay clutches at her chest, where the hand connected, and her back, which landed hard on the canvas.]

Angus:
HA! Hard on.

[At ringside Dentari and Di Luca shout at Vinny and point at Troy, telling him to get the cover. Somehow, two people shouting at once confuses Rinaldi but he eventually drops into the pin.]

[ONE!]

[T-Lindsay twists a shoulder up!]

DDK:
Lindsay might have had a harder time kicking out if Vinny had hooked her leg.

Angus:
Or if he’d just sat on her…

[Vinny grabs two handfuls of Lindsay’s hair and pulls her to her feet. He puts his head under her arm and lifts her up, charging into the corner and driving her back first into the turnbuckles. Vinny turns his back on Lindsay, but keeps her trapped in the corner by holding onto the ropes, before thrusting his ass back into her midsection. Vinny repeats the ass attack once, twice, three times a lady before Troy slumps in the corner.]

DDK:
All the wind must have been driven out of Troy there.

Angus:
If I were her I’d be more concerned about Vinny’s wind. Her face is precariously close to the big man’s lasagna evacuation chute.

DDK:
...Ewww.

[Vinny turns back to Troy and puts a foot in her face, forcing her through the ropes. She tries to push him away, but Vinny’s weight and leverage prove too much to contest. Finally, on Brian Slater’s four count Vinny steps away and allows Troy a chance to breathe. Dentari and Di Luca lurk around the same corner but do nothing aside from verbally berate her.]

DDK:
I wouldn’t trust those two as far as I could throw them.

Angus:
They’re not doing anything, Keebs.

DDK:
Yeah, only because Rayne and Elliott are watching them like hawks.

Angus:
Please, they’re doing nothing because that’s what they need to do. Nothing. Rinaldi’s got this in the bag and Dentari and Di Luca know it. You don’t think he’s out there ‘just because,’ do you? Vinny’s a roadblock, in a metaphorical and physical sense. No way is Troy winning this and no way is Elliott getting a title shot.

[Vinny closes the gap between he and Lindsay. As he bends down to pull her up Troy thrusts a foot into Vinny’s midsection. Lindsay throws another foot up, but Vinny catches this one. Troy kicks out with the other foot, which Vinny also catches. He hooks both of Lindsay’s ankles under his arms and pulls her out of the corner. Troy tries to hold onto the ropes, but that only causes greater lift out of the corner and gives her further to fall.]

DDK:
Imagine the line of wrestlers that have only hoped to get Lindsay in this position. If Vinny were any kind of a mat technician he’d have any number of submission moves at his disposal right now.

Angus:
I wondered where you were going with that for a second.

DDK:
He could lock in a sharpshooter, a Boston crab, a figure four, a texas cloverleaf, a spinning toe hold… Do I need to go on? Instead… He just stomps on her stomach…

Angus:
It’s effective though.

[Angus is right, it is effective. And what’s also effective is putting all of his weight onto that foot as he drops Lindsay’s legs and steps through them. Vinny doesn’t even put his other foot on the mat before hopping off of Troy’s gut and dropping an elbow across her chest! Vinny lays across Troy, forming one of the most lackadaisical covers in the history of ever.]

[ONE!]

[TWO!]

[Troy rolls a shoulder up!]

[While Dentari and Rinaldi shout at Vinny to get a proper cover Rayne and Elliott pound on the ring apron, whipping the fans around them, and then eventually the entire arena into support for Lindsay.]

Thump Thump Thump Thump
Thump Thump Thump Thump
Thump Thump Thump Thump

[Vinny pulls Lindsay up to her feet when she springs to life. She breaks Rinaldi’s grip on her and lands a hard kick to his knee, which buckles it. Troy nails Rinaldi with a spinning back fist and then hits the ropes, coming back with a front dropkick to the knee that takes Rinaldi’s leg out from under him.]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
Stay on him, Lindsay!

Angus:
Listen to the man that’s never wrestled a match in his life!

[Lindsay gets back up and hits the ropes again. She comes back at Rinaldi and leaps at him with a crossbody, but Vinny catches her, stands up, steps forwards and throws her over his head with a fallaway slam!]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Vinny gets up a shakes the feeling back into his leg before heading over to Troy, who was sent clear across the ring by the fallaway slam. Vinny grabs a handful of hair and pulls her up to her feet before scooping her up onto one shoulder. Rinaldi walks Troy into the corner and drops her face first across the turnbuckle!]

Angus:
Troy loses out on that roll of the dice.

DDK:
…

Angus:
Because that’s called snake eyes…

DDK:
…

Angus:
ADMIRE MY GENIUS, DAMNIT!

[Vinny backs up out of the corner slowly.]

DDK:
He could be looking for that avalanche splash here. If he hits that this one’s gonna be over.

Angus:
Fine, ignore me. I don’t care.

[Just as Keebs had prophesied, Vinny charges into the corner looking for a splash. Lindsay however slips out of the way just in time leaving Vinny with nothing to connect with but the turnbuckles!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Vinny stumbles out of the corner and turns into a front elbow strike from Troy. She nails a couple more strikes that knock Rinaldi into the corner and grabs him by the arm. Troy sends Vinny across the ring with an Irish whip and follows him in. Rinaldi turns into the corner and sticks a foot up, but Lindsay baseball slides underneath it and slips under the bottom rope in one fluid movement. She gets to her feet on the apron as Vinny looks around wondering where she went.]

Angus:
I’ve taken quite a shine to the LBC recently, but damn if Vinny isn’t as dumb as sin.

[Before Vinny can deduce where exactly Lindsay went he receives an elbow to the back of the head that knocks him out of the corner. He stumbles forwards, shaking it off as he does. Vinny then turns around to see Lindsay sailing towards him. She flips over his head, grabbing it on her way and takes him down with a neckbreaker!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
She’s got the big man down!

Angus:
That won’t keep him down though.

[Angus is right as both competitors get back to their feet. Vinny swings with a right that Lindsay ducks, allowing her a free shot on Rinaldi’s leg. Again she lands a kick to the side of his knee that causes it to, once again, buckle. Troy takes the opportunity to use Rinaldi’s bent leg to step on, giving her a boost to nail him in the side of the head with an enziguri.]

DDK:
Vinny’s dazed!

[Troy surveys the scene and runs for the ropes. She jumps up onto the middle rope and moonsaults back off of it. She flips over Rinaldi’s head again, grabbing it as she goes and drives him into the mat with a DDT!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Angus:
Damnit!

DDK:
What’s wrong? Are you upset that Lindsay Troy’s now taking it to one of your new boys?

Angus:
No, it’s this flippy shit. I thought Troy was better than that.

DDK:
Whatever it takes to get the job done, partner.

[Lindsay gets back to her feet and hits the ropes again for a full head of steam. She comes back and front flips into a leg drop which connects with the back of Rinaldi’s head! Troy shoots the half, sure it looks like it’s in slow motion, but she gets the pin from it!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[TH-Rinaldi powers out, pressing Lindsay off of him and right onto Brian Slater!]

[As Lindsay rolls off the ref, and Slater tries to straighten himself up, Alceo Dentari hops up onto the apron and starts fiddling with the turnbuckle pad. Wade Elliott and Tyler Rayne aren’t going to stand around and watch though, so they charge around the ring towards the diminutive Italian and the Southern Heritage champion. The LBC members don’t hang around to find out what the Big Damn Heroes were going to do to them though, as they hightail it away.]

DDK:
Rayne and Elliott may have just stopped Dentari from exposing that bolt underneath the padding.

Angus:
Can’t they keep to themselves like the LBC have been doing all match?

DDK:
Keep to themselves…? Are you kidding me? Rayne and Elliott weren’t the ones trying to remove the turnbuckle padding!

Angus:
Neither was Alceo. He was simply making sure it was fixed on properly. You know, I thought it looked a little loose earlier but didn’t want to say anything.

[Rayne continues to give chase, running the LBC further around the ring until they end up in the opposite corner of the ring than they started in. Vinny meanwhile bails to the outside and heads for his corner, which he soon realises only contains Wade Elliott, and not two angry Italians.]

DDK:
I think Vinny thought he’d got the whole ‘ring presence’ thing down.

Angus:
He did, but those Big Damn Heroes pretty much turned the ring around on him in one fell swoop.

[Vinny turns around to see Tyler Rayne standing sentinel in the adjacent corner. He panics and turns towards the ring just in time to see Lindsay Troy baseball slide underneath the bottom rope, wrap her legs around his head and take him down with a head scissor!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Troy bursts back up to her feet and shouts out into the crowd before sharing a smile with ‘The Underground Pimp’ and a nod of confidence with ‘The Bad Dog.’]

Angus:
She’s got to get him back in the ring now though.

DDK:
Since when? This isn’t a title match, Angus. If Troy wins by countout Wade still gets his title match.

Angus:
What!? What kind of a bullshit rule is that?

[Troy rolls back into the ring and heads for the corner. She grabs a hold of the top rope and looks like she’s about to climb the turnbuckle, but then stops dead in her tracks.]

DDK:
Looks like she’s having second thoughts about heading to the top.

Angus:
I’d say I wonder what that’s about, but she’s a woman, and I’ll be damned if I know what goes on in a woman’s head most of the time.

[Troy then seems to change her mind and heads back to the middle of the ropes. She waits for Vinny to get to his feet before hitting the ropes. Di Luca rushes along the outside of the ring and tries to grab her foot, but he’s split second too late. Troy charges back across the ring, launches herself over the top and nails Vinny with a corkscrew plancha that takes him down to the arena floor!]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DDK:
Whatever made Lindsay change her mind certainly didn’t throw her off.

[Troy grabs Vinny in a front face lock and heaves him up slowly. She manages to get him up to his knees before pushing him against the apron to prop him up.]

Angus:
Just moving that 360 plus pound weight around has got to be wearing Troy out.

DDK:
But if she can get him in the ring she could probably pin him right now. Lindsay’s hit a series of high impact moves that Vinny really seems to be feeling.

[More work from Lindsay finally gets Rinaldi rolled into the ring. She follows him in and with one more roll puts him on his back for the cover!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THR-Vinny kicks out!]

DDK:
No pressing out of it for Vinny this time, but Lindsay’s still got some work to do.

[Troy backs up into the corner of the ring and waits for Vinny to slowly get to his feet. She walks out and drives a thrusting kick into Rinaldi’s midsection that doubles him over, then hooks him up for-]

DDK:
Final Judgment! She’s setting him up for what she calls Final Judgment!

Angus:
She’s showing her pedigree here.

DDK:
…

Angus:
Pedigree… Amirite?

[Troy can’t hold onto the double underhook though as Vinny breaks free. He pushes her away into the corner and straightens up. Troy taunts him into charging in and narrowly avoids another avalanche! Lindsay then goes behind Rinaldi and tries to roll him up with a school boy!]

Angus:
She’s not gonna take him down with that, he’s got hold of the pad-

DDK:
Yes he does!

[Troy rolls up Rinaldi, who pulls the pad off of the turnbuckle!]

[ONE!]

[TWO!!]

[THREE!!!]

Ding Ding Ding!

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Angus:
What the shit, Lana!? I mean, Keebs! What the shit, Keebs!?

DDK:
That was the turnbuckle pad that Dentari loosened earlier. And I’m only guessing here, but I think Lindsay saw it was loose when she hesitated to climb the ropes. She lured Rinaldi in and he fell for hook, line, and sinker.

Quimbey:
Here is your winner… LLLLLLINDSAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY TROOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!

[Rinaldi rolls from the ring, still with the turnbuckle pad in his hands, as Wade Elliott and Tyler Rayne roll into the ring to celebrate with Troy. Rinaldi is joined by Dentari and Di Luca, who looks less than impressed by both Rinaldi’s loss and Dentari’s screw up. Di Luca glares at Troy, who grins and holds up three fingers for the “W.”]

DDK:
Once again the LBC go 1-1 on the night.

Angus:
I can’t believe it.

DDK:
Believe it Angus, Lindsay Troy defeats Big Vinny, and in the process earns Wade Elliott a shot at the Southern Heritage Title! And speaking of Wade Elliott, he’s asking for a microphone.

[The time keeper passes a mic to Wade, who snatches it from his hand before lumbering toward the ropes, leaning over them a touch with icy blue eyes locked on Tony Two Hands.]

Wade Elliott:
Take a good god-damn look, son, ‘cause this sonnuva bitch’ll be takin’ that belt off’ve yer waist real soon!

[On the outside Tony’s snarl slowly turns into a smile. The Bad Dog responds with a vicious sneer of his own.]

Wade Elliott:[Growling into the mic]
Yeah, you keep smilin’ you fuckin’ yank. That grin’ll be missin’ more’n a few teeth when I’m done with ya!

[Di Luca asks for a microphone. He teases speaking into it as he rounds the outside of the ring, and then finally makes a sound when he, Rinaldi and Dentari start heading up the ramp.]

Tony Di Luca:
Congratulations, I’m a man of my word. Lindsay pinned Vinny over here, you get a shot at my Southern Heritage title…

DDK:
I feel like there’s a but coming…

Tony Di Luca:
But…

DDK:
There it is.

Tony Di Luca:
Nobody said when that title match would take place…

[Now it’s The Bad Dog’s turn to snarl and spit as Di Luca laughs into the mic.]

Tony Di Luca:
I’ll see you, Wade. But it ain’t gonna be no time soon.

[Di Luca drops the mic as the LBC disappear backstage, leaving the Big Damn Heroes to both celebrate and stew in the ring.]

[Backstage.]

[On the door resides a nameplate. A nameplate that reads ‘Heidi Christenson’.]

Knock Knock Knock Knock

[...]

Knock Knock Knock Knock

[...]

[Pan along the arm attached to the hand knocking on the aforementioned door.]

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Eugene Dewey:
Heidi? Hey, Heidi, you in there?

Knock Knock Knock Knock

[At that moment a member of the DEFIANCE road crew passes by. At least it’s presumed he’s from the road crew. If he’s not then he shouldn’t be wearing a DEF embroidered polo shirt and he certainly shouldn’t be backstage. He nods at Dewey as he passes, but Eugene reaches out and places his non knocking hand on his shoulder.]

Eugene Dewey:
Hey man, have you seen Heidi around anywhere?

[The man shakes his head apologetically and moves on quickly. Obviously he’s got a job to do, and it doesn’t involve talking.]

Knock Knock Knock Knock

Eugene Dewey:
Heidi!? Come on, I need to speak to you!

[Once again someone walks along the hallway, only this time their job is to talk. Their job is also to know about everything happening backstage.]

[Everything.]

Lance Warner:
Eugene, what’s going on?

Eugene Dewey:
What? Oh, nothing. I’m just trying to speak to Heidi.

[Hence the whole knocking on the door thing.]

[And the whole ‘I need to speak to you’ thing.]

[That was a dead give away.]

Lance Warner:
Didn’t you hear? Heidi’s not here.

Eugene Dewey:
What? Seriously?

Lance Warner:
No. I’m surprised you haven’t heard. Heidi never turned up.

[Eugene looks down at the floor, slightly dejected.]

Eugene Dewey:
Ahh man, that sucks.

Lance Warner:
You need her for anything important?

Eugene Dewey:
I just wanted to clear the air, you know? She said some things after her match against Ty Walker last show and I just wanted to let her know if she wants a shot at the FIST then she’s more than welcome to one.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Lance Warner:
Are you sure about that, Eugene? I mean, in the past Heidi’s been-

[Dewey interrupts.]

Eugene Dewey:
I know all about Heidi’s past. Former World Champion, former Tag Team and Trios Champion, Masters of Wrestling finalist… Even with the face eating stuff it’s hard to argue against everything she’s accomplished.

[Lance bounces his head in agreement.]

Eugene Dewey:
It’s no secret we’ve been at different ends of the Paragon/Renegade spectrum in the past, but I have the utmost respect for Heidi. I want to defend the FIST against people who deserve a shot, and Heidi deserves a shot.

Lance Warner:
That’s pretty noble, Eugene, but isn’t there a part of you that’s slightly worried about Heidi? I mean, you’ve never faced her one on one before.

Eugene Dewey:
Lance, I fought and defeated Bronson Box before I even learned to wrestle... Twice! I stood toe to toe with Dan Ryan in a steel cage just a few weeks ago… I’m not gonna let Heidi try and intimidate me.

[Lance nods and looks down at his watch.]

Lance Warner:
Oh jeez! Sorry, Eugene, but I gotta get running.

[The FIST nods in understanding as Lance trots off down the hall, but just before he gets out of earshot Eugene calls after him.]

Eugene Dewey:
Hey Lance, if you see Heidi at all, tell her whenever she wants a shot she’s got it!

Lance Warner:
Sure thing, Eugene!

[Dewey smiles to himself as he leaves the door that should lead to Heidi’s locker room as the scene fades to black.]

“Hate to say it, but I saw that coming.”

[That’s the voice of one “Underground Pimp” Tyler Rayne, as he’s walking down the hallway next to the victorious Lindsay Troy. His military-issue boots scuff the tile while Troy’s coming down from the adrenaline rush after pulling a fast one on Vinny Rinaldi moments ago. Wade Elliott is conspicuously absent from this scene.]

Lindsay Troy:
Well, you know Wade’s never going to win any awards for being Mister Patient at anything, ever. Just let him go stew and smoke a cigarette and he’ll be fine once we’re ready to get out of here.

Tyler Rayne:
Let’s not overestimate Country’s definition of “fine.” It usually results in property damage and maiming.

Lindsay Troy:
Then he’ll be slightly less surly. We’ll buy him some Jack and remind him he’s got a title shot, which is more than I can say for anyone else. Di Luca can’t run away forever.

“Good job out there… ‘Giant Killer.’”

[A familiar, disembodied voice stops the Big Damn Heroes currently present in their tracks, as the OTHER Troy in DEFIANCE Wrestling saunters up behind them.]

Troy Matthews:
I knew you were good, every bit as good as they said when you first set foot in this company.

[The Jersey Devil has returned from his recovery in a hellacious Last Man Standing match at GRINDHOUSE: Canada. It’s been long enough that he doesn’t show any signs of the battle, dressed in blue jeans, a black T-shirt bearing the logo of the New Jersey Devils hockey team, and scuffed-up curb-stompers on his feet. His spiky red hair almost glows in contrast to the rest of the Original Slayer of Giants.]

Troy Matthews:
You might have revealed yourself as a “giant killer” here in the D-E-F, but you know how you said that if people like ME took exception to you calling yourself that, to come on up and see ya?

[Troy walks past them and does an about-face, smirk crossing his lips. Meanwhile, Saori Kazama comes from the opposite direction, flanking her beau.]

Troy Matthews:
Well… hi.

[Tyler Rayne regards Saori and Matthews with a small smirk. Lindsay Troy, however, looks pleased. Eyes all a-twinkle.]

Lindsay Troy:
Well. [She claps her hands twice] Bully for you, Jersey. I’m glad someone in this place is finally taking some initiative instead of being all talk and no action.

Troy Matthews:
Well. You don’t become the Slayer of Giants by just waiting for them to stop on by and challenge you. But I’m not here to discuss semantics on a professional wrestling show. I’m here because, well, as I’m sure you know, I’ve been licking my wounds after almost getting goddamn killed, and I want to prove to the world that I’m ready to take this company by storm. And what better way to make that first step than by challenging the Queen of the Ring?

[Matthews chuckles and tilts his head to the side.]

Troy Matthews:
So next episode, how’s about we have ourselves a little piece of history… Troy versus Troy.  Nice ring to it, huh?

Lindsay Troy:
I like the sound of that.

[She gives Matthews a sly smile.]

Lindsay Troy:
You probably won’t once I’m done, but you’ve got a whole week or so to come to terms with it.

Troy Matthews:
I hope you’ll cleanse your palate in that time, because once you’re done tasting my knees, you’ll be eating your words. You’re a kickboxer, too. You know how much that can hurt.

Lindsay Troy:
I guess we’ll just see how good your form is since, you know, you were almost goddamn killed.

[Troy shrugs and keeps his grin, and looks at the Queen of the Ring, almost as if he were sizing her up.]

Troy Matthews:
Looking forward to the opportunity. ‘Til then…

[Troy Matthews and Saori Kazama walk past Tyler and Lindsay, quietly and… almost solemnly.]

[To ringside we go!]

DING!  DING!  DING!

Darren “DQ” Quimbey:
The following contest is your main event of the evening!  It is set for one fall, and it is a SEVEN ON SEVEN tag team match!

RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

♫ O Fortuna ♫
♫ Velut luna ♫
♫ Statu variabilis ♫

Quimbey:
Introducing first! Hailing from Louisville, Kentucky, and weighing in at 231 lbs!  The Socialite! Edward! White!  From Houston, Texas, and weighing in at 305 lbs! The Egobuster! Dan! Ryan! From Brooklyn, New York, and weighing in at 360 lbs! Nicky! Corozzo! From Orlando, Florida, and weighing in at 146 lbs! Jane! Katze!

[The assorted wrestlers have begun assembling at the top of the ramp.  Edward White wears a sparkling black robe with white folds designed to look like a tuxedo.  Nicky Corozzo and Jane Katze both look as though they stepped out of a mafia movie, what with the suits. Only Dan Ryan is without entrance attire.]

Quimbey:
From Houston, Texas, and weighing in at 320 lbs! Houston Strong! Felton! Bigsby!  From Waterbury, Vermont, and weighing in at 184 lbs!  Jacob! Cassidy! And finally, hailing from the Scottish Highlands and weighing in at 234 lbs! Bronson! BOX!  Together, they are THE BLLLOOOOOODDDD… DDDDIIIIAAAAMMMOONNNDDDSSS!!!!

[Out comes the Conclave.  Box strides past White and Ryan and straight towards the ring without stopping, Cassidy and Bigsby following on his heels.]

DDK:
I’m more sure of it now than ever that there’s some sort of friction between Box and his Conclave, and the rest of the Blood Diamonds.  Notice how Cassidy and Bigsby haven’t any consideration for the rest of the stable, even though in theory White is equal in authority to Box and Dan Ryan is a 14 time World Champ.

Angus:
The Blood Diamonds always had that weird vibe where they seemed like they were just a wrong look from turning on each other, you know?

[The operatic singing and pounding drums of Therion suddenly stop.]

♫ The man takes another bullet ♫
♫ He keeps them all within ♫
♫ He must seek no matter how it hurts ♫
♫ So don’t fool again ♫

Quimbey:
And their opponents! First, hailing from Kingston, Jamaica, and weighing in at 141 lbs! Claira! Saint! Sure! From Charlotte, North Carolina, weighing in at 271 lbs! Jonny! Booya! From Waterbury, Vermont, weighing in at 162 lbs! Diane! Parker!

♫ Uncross your arms ♫
♫ Take and throw them to the cure, say ♫
♫ “I do believe” ♫

Quimbey:
From Duluth, Minnesota, weighing 239 lbs! David! Race! From Pikesville, Maryland, weighing 204 lbs! Leon! Maddox!  And hailing from Annapolis, Maryland, and weighing in at 232 lbs! The Ace of Heel! Kai! Scott!

[The Truly Untouchables assemble at the top of the ramp. The only adornment any of them have is the World Title around Scott’s waist and the COOL shades upon Booya’s face.]

[Metallica stops.]

Quimbey:
And their tag team partner!

[“Ghosts Along the Mississippi.”]

♫ In the morning ♫
♫ It takes me quite a while to clear my head ♫

Angus:
Oh crap.

Quimbey:
Hailing from New Orleans, Louisiana, standing six feet seven inches tall and weighing in at three hundred fourteen pounds!

♫ And as the day moves on ♫
♫ I find it hard to smile at something said ♫

Quimbey:
He is the man known as The Creole Colossus!

[Former World Champion. Old Line Wrestling’s War Games winner.]

Quimbey:
Making his return to Defiance!

[Heidi Christenson’s BIG baby brother.]

Quimbey:
COLE! CHRISTENSON!

♫ But I took control ♫
♫ Priority number one, and that’s me ♫
♫ Then I cut the dragon’s head off ♫
♫ And put away my gun, so let it be ♫

[Cole Christenson walks out onto the ramp. Clad in white trunks with a powder blue stripe down the outside edge and white wrestling boots, his hands wrapped in white tape, the biggest difference between him and Dan Ryan is their 5 year age difference.]

[Jonny Booya literally jumps backwards as Cole larges his way out onto the ramp.]

[A wall of DEFsec appears between the two sides, forming a barricade at the bottom of the ramp.  One row facing the ring and the Blood Diamonds, one row facing the ramp and the Truly Untouchables.]

DDK:
Security is keeping this from breaking down instantly the way tag matches do Angus, and I have to say, on one hand Cole Christenson might have been an obvious choice, but if Scott’s alluded to his own failure to convince Cole to return! So if Scott was lying, why did he wait this long? And if he wasn’t, why would Cole come back now?

Angus:
I couldn’t get a handle on that guy when he was here the first time around, and I still don’t, but he’s bigger than Dan Ryan! And here I thought Scott was at best going to bring out some new superweapon or at worst some kid out of developmental.  Honestly Keebs there was a little part of me who thought the Sons of the Soil were going to answer to him.  But this? This shit changes things.

[The wall of security helps back the Blood Diamonds away from the ropes, allowing the Truly Untouchables to climb up on the apron.]

DDK:
Security’s keeping an extra close watch on Bronson Box, but he’s chomping at the bit to get in the ring and they’re going to let him - and Kai Scott is going to start for the Truly Untouchables!

Angus:
Let’s DO DIS THING!

DING! DING! DING!

[Bronson Box circles, snarling through his mustache.  Scott circles, his arms down, a sneer on his face.]

[And Scott reaches out with an open right hand to paintbrush Box on the side of the face!]

[Box smiles and laughs.]

Angus:
Bronson Box is way, way beyond mad.  He’s in that state where he’s so completely consumed by fury that he seems perfectly calm and rational.

[Scott reaches out with a couple more arrogant right hands. Box leans backwards to avoid the first once.]

[He intercepts the second one.]

DDK:
Short-arm! Ducked! Crescent kick misses, Box sends Scott off the ropes, double-leg takedown! Box throwing punches, Scott blocking them, Box trying for a keylock, and Scott slips out from underneath him!

THWACK!

DDK:
Kick to the chest AND BOX RUNS RIGHT THROUGH IT!

Angus:
DWAAaaammn.  Scott’s no minor league striker there.

[Box, practically foaming at the mouth, throws punch after punch at Scott.  Scott gathers his legs under and then flips Boxer off, but Box scrambles to his feet.  He lowers his shoulder, plows into Scott and carries him straight back into the Blood Diamonds corner!]

DDK:
Box with Scott in the corner, and the Blood Diamonds making sure he can’t slip away!  Left and right bodyshots, European uppercut!  

Angus:
A fuckton of European uppercuts!

[Benny Doyle has to try and push Box back while keeping his eyes on the Blood Diamonds, and this works about as well as you’d expect.]

DDK:
Ryan with the cheap shot! Corozzo trying to hold Scott in the corner!

[Doyle loses his grip on Box, and Box immediately charges back in, grabbing Scott by the neck and hitting another Euro, and that’s when the T-UTs have seen enough.]

[St. Sure is first into the ring and even though White shouts, Box turns around just in time to catch her trademark step-up knee in the corner.]

[Of course, she’s only just delivered it before White knocks her off the ropes and down to the mat.]

[And then, it’s AWN.]

[Leon Maddox shows some heretofore very rarely shown aggression as he runs over and knocks White right off the apron.  Diane and Race follow him. Cole, who knows why he was brought in, goes straight for Dan Ryan, leaving Jonny Booya to run, stop to flex, and then go after Corozzo.]

DDK:
It is breaking down all over ringside! Christenson and Ryan! St. Sure and White! Parker and Cassidy! Race and Bigsby!

PPPPLONK!

Angus:
Cassidy eats the stairs!

[Bigsby tosses Race in some sort of modified flapjack that bounces him off the ringpost while about 10 feet in the air.]

Angus:
And that’s GOTTA hurt.  Shit, why’s Bigsby going after Race?  If I was a big black dude like that, I’d be so all over Diane Parker it wouldn’t be funny or televised.

DDK:
God dammit Angus.

[In the ring, Box tries to do some more damage to Scott.  Stomping the leader of the T-UTs down, he starts ripping at the turnbuckle pad.  Doyle tries to get involved, but he gets Box’s palm across his face and is shoved aside. But before Box can get the pad loose, Scott dropkicks him from behind, sending him out of the ring between the middle and top rope.]

DDK:
Scott to the top rope and I think he’s going to fly!

[On the far side of the ring, Dan Ryan has climbed up to the apron.  He gives the ropes a mighty yank, and Scott falls.  Ryan marches into the ring, grabs Scott by the waist and belly to back suplexes him straight off the turnbuckle and halfway across the ring! Scott lands hard on his frontside, gets to his knees clutching his ribs, and Ryan lifts him into the air with a running kitchen sink!]

Angus:
Correct me if I’m wrong Darren, but is this the first time Ryan’s gotten his hands on Scott?

DDK:
No, there was the previous Scott/St. Sure/Booya vs Ryan/Box/White match, but nothing conclusive happened between them.

[Ryan sends Scott into the turnbuckle and follows up with a running chest press.]

Angus:
Oh yeah, I remember now.

[Ryan milks it for just a second or two before he throws Scott overhead with a belly to belly suplex.]

DDK:
Major air on that one, and the champ’s in trouble!

[CSS rolls into the ring.. but before she can do more than get to her feet, someone outside the ring grabs her ankle and pulls her right back out of it.  Ryan turns back on Scott, brings him back to his feet and hooks him for another suplex - but Scott headbutts him square in the nose!]

[Ryan staggers back, his vision blurring as his eyes tear up, and Scott spins and crescent kicks him across the back of the head!  A guy as big and tough as Ryan doesn’t go down to a single kick this early in the match, so Scott runs the ropes and uses a leg lariat to get him down to the mat!]

Angus:
I’m conflicted on how I feel about Scott vs Ryan and which one of them I should be burying to the other.  

[Scott checks his corner, and slaps the hand of David Race, then wrenches Ryan’s arm.  Instead of a double team, he holds onto it, until in a fit of irritation Ryan slings him, bent arm and all, into one of the neutral corners.  As he starts to run, Race grabs the arm, uses science to bring Ryan back, twist the arm, and flip him up over his back and down to the mat.  A quick tag exchange to Diane Parker, Ryan’s arm is stretched out across the mat, and Diane comes in with a slingshot somersault splash across the arm.  Ryan clutches his arm with a howl of pain, and Diane makes the quick tag to Maddox, who takes the arm and comes off the middle rope with a modified calf branding to the elbow!]

DDK:
The Truly Untouchables have grounded arguably the most formidable member of the Blood Diamonds early! This would be the time to bring in Booya or Christenson, someone with the size to keep him on the mat-

[Maddox wrenches Ryan’s arm, brings it up over his shoulder and down in an armbreaker.  And then like 15 of them in rapid-fire succession. Ryan goes to one knee, Maddox twists him into a hammerlock - and Ryan lifts Maddox onto his shoulder and spears him into the BDs corner!]

DDK:
And that’s an example of why Ryan’s a fourteen time World Champion.  Maddox isn’t the biggest threat on the TUTs roster, but instead of actually overlooking him, Ryan had the Best DDT in the Universe well scouted.

Angus:
Well, hey, it’s a pretty damn good DDT.  Worked great the two entire times Maddox actually hit it during a wrestling match.

[Maddox is scrappy and starts trying to fight out of the corner.  He knocks Jane off the ring apron, and actually doubles Box over with a hard elbow, but then Corozzo gets his hands in, throttles him to the mat, Ryan waves his arms, and it’s a 7 on 1 stomp-in!]

[Benny Doyle first tries to keep the T-UTs from “Illegally” entering the ring, and when he notices he still has trouble regaining order.  Eventually, though, the BDs settle with sending Jane Katze into the ring. She starts lighting his chest up with shoot kicks, and then judo throws him.]

DDK:
Textbook koshi guruma by Jane-

Angus:
You made that up.

DDK:
No it’s a judo technique, Jane’s a practitioner

Angus:
Then why does she wear a miniskirt in the ring instead of a judo robe thing?

[Maddox tries to get to his feet but Jane’s all over him with roundhouse kicks.  They’re not Heidi’s, but they hurt, and they send him into the neutral corner.  A thrust kick makes him slump.  Jane jumps, monkey flips him to mid ring, rolls over on top of him and applies the top mount triangle choke - and before Angus can say words about it, Maddox rolls her over, picks her up, and rushes into the Truly Untouchables corner.  Jonny Booya slaps his shoulder, and the T-UTs execute their own stomp-in!]

DDK:
Oh come on!

Angus:
Hey, nobody ever said the TUTs were good guys.  Hell, I respect them for the audacity, and because Jane’s kind of a cunt.

[Huzzah for six year old grudges against people who don’t care anymore, amirite?]

[Jonny Booya sends Jane off the ropes.  As she rebounds, he holds out both hands so she comes to a stop.]

[Then he drops to one knee and flexes both of his biceps.]

Jonny Booya:
OH YEAH!

[Jane gets a ‘wtf look’ on her face, and then snap kicks him in the mouth.  She tags out to Corozzo.]

[Booya is already up - that jaw of his just absorbs kicks.]

[Corozzo grabs Booya by the neck.  Booya kicks his way loose, hits a trio of jabs and then a right bodyshot that actually knocks Corozzo back a step.  He falls back to the ropes to build up speed - but underestimates Corozzo’s speed.]

THWAAAAACK!

DDK:
Corozzo just about kicked Booya’s head into the front row with that mafia kick!

Angus:
For the next 20 seconds or so Nicky Corozzo is my favorite wrestler on the Defiance roster.

[Even the T-UTs wince as Booya hits the mat, clutching his head.  Corozzo brings him back up, picks him up for a vertical suplex, and drops him.  Tag is exchanged to Felton Bigsby.]

DDK:
Jonny Booya’s got a big height advantage over Bigsby, but Bigsby’s as wide as a tank!

[And Bigsby runs right at Booya and takes him up and over with a cutblock kind of thing.]

Angus:
Big man to be doing that to a guy Booya’s size.  Give Bigsby a few years and he’ll be scary.

[Bigsby puts Booya in the neutral corner and delivers some soupbones to the ribs.  He takes a few steps back, and Booya uses the chance to step out of the ring.]

[And Claira St. Sure comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick!]

[It doesn’t knock a guy like Bigsby all the way down, but he does windmill his arms.  And Claira, who twisted while delivering the dropkick so she could catch herself when she landed, sweep kicks him on the back of the knee and then cartwheel enzuigiri’s him in the back of the head.  As Bigsby teeters, St. Sure jumps to the middle rope and then off with a flying enzuigiri, and Bigsby hits the ground!]

RRRAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

DDK:
And you’ve got to admire St. Sure’s tenacity in getting a guy who’s well over twice her weight down on the mat!

Angus:
I admire lots of things about Claira St. Sure.

[Bigsby gets to his knees, but Claira back kicks him in the face twice, then tags out to Race, who gets the arm octopus applied and starts driving knees in.  Bigsby tries to power back to his own corner, but Race switches his weight around and misdirects Bigsby towards the T-UTs.]

DDK:
We discussed what kind of strategy the Truly Untouchables would have.

Angus:
I’m going to say something serious real quick.  WAAAAAY back on Defiance S01E08, Kai Scott said that these kinds of matches were more about who could hit their best moves first on fresher opponents, but you look at the TUTs and you can see he’s also drilled them on getting those big guys down and keeping them down.

[In fact, Dan Ryan’s still working some cramps out of that arm they went over.]

Angus:
Meanwhile the Blood Diamonds have done their share of the damage, but there’s like, no cohesion.

[Race looks the wrestlers in his corner up and down, and slaps Cole Christenson’s hand.]

RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Angus:
Alrighty then! Let’s see what the big guy can do.

[Christenson picks Bigsby up in a fireman’s carry.  Effortlessly.]

Angus:
Okay wow.

[Christenson delivers a rolling fireman’s carry slam, then stays on one knee looking at the Blood Diamonds.]

DDK:
There’s not much point in going for a pinfall this early, when Ed White and Jacob Cassidy haven’t even been in the match yet. Christenson trying to decide what to do next, I think he’s got an idea though.

[Grabbing a waistlock, Christenson lifts Bigsby up with a release German suplex that over rotates Bigsby all the way over onto his front and shakes the ring.  Bigsby scrambles back into his corner and tags out to… Dan Ryan.]

Angus:
SHIT. JUST. GOT. REAL.

[Ryan steps over the top rope.]

[Christenson stares him down.]

[And Ed White reaches out and grabs Ryan by the shoulder.]

[The two confer, and then Ryan tags out to White and steps out of the ring.]

BBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

DDK:
Not yet says Edward White, I don’t know why, but he’s just stepped into the match for the first time and he’s offering a tie-up- and Christenson’s having none of it! Spinning back kick!

Angus:
Why are all the guys from Old Line so gawddamyum kicky?

DDK:
Because they look impressive and smarks dig it?

Angus:
FUCK YOU AND YOUR RATIONALIZATIONS N SHIT

[White goes to his knees.  Christenson sends him off the ropes, White rebounds, ducks the roundhouse kick, and while Christenson’s back is turned, Jacob Cassidy slaps White on the back.  White lowers his shoulder and rams Christenson in the ribs, knocking him back a few steps.  Christenson falls back to the ropes and explodes forward - and White dives out of the way.  Cassidy vaults the ropes, snags Christenson around the neck and frankensteiners him out of the ring.  Cassidy runs the ropes to build speed - and Diane kicks him in the back as he gets near the T-UTs corner!]

Angus:
And here we go with the ex-drama.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t care about that mess for the most part, but inasmuch as someone might get kicked super extra hard…

[Diane grabs the waistlock, hooks a half nelson and lifts.  But Cassidy knows her move and blocks.  He lowers his balance, then turns around in the nelson and lifts her for the Facewaster - which of course she knows too.  Twisting out at the top of the lift, Diane hits a series of alternating elbows and a discus clothesline.]

Angus:
Jack Cassidy’s pro wrestling career in a nutshell.  He handles the T-UTs secret weapon like an absolute boss and then gets nothing out of it cos he follows it up by getting clotheslined by a chick.

[Diane should probably tag out but she decides to press the advantage.  As Cassidy slowly gets up, Diane runs up from behind, up and around his shoulders, and she hooks on the Christo!]

[Or tries, rather.  She can’t quite get the far arm hooked, and Cassidy spins her back around and takes her over with a back drop.  He pauses and then hits a high jump standing moonsault.  Bringing her up, he whips her into the Blood Diamonds corner and tags out to Dan Ryan.]

[Ryan grabs Diane around the head in a brainclaw.]

DDK:
The Egobuster Dan Ryan has bad intentions for the Baroness.  Ryan is, if you’d believe it, fully supportive of a woman’s right to get in the ring and mix it up with the guys, but he doesn’t take it easy on them.  And when you’ve got a 150 pound weight advantage.

[Ryan, instead of slamming her, sends her flailing head over heels into her own corner like a shot put.]

DDK:
Ryan wants - well, not Diane Parker, but he’s demanding a different opponent.

[Cole Christenson starts to step into the ring, but Jonny Booya jumps over the top rope and stomps as hard as he can when he lands.]

Booya:
BOOYA!

[And Ryan runs forward and clothesline Booya out of the ring.]

Angus:
AHAHAHAA what a homo

[Maddox grabs the ropes and shoulderblocks Ryan through them.  He was just setting up for the World Champ himself to jump the top rope and sunset flip Ryan!]

ONE…!

...TWO…!

…...Broken up by Jane!

DDK:
That was the first pinfall attempt, and as you saw, by the count of one there were 14 wrestlers in the ring, and now Doyle has lost all control over them again.

[And then one of those weird things happens.  Suddenly we’re looking at the _other_ side of the ring.]

DDK:
And I’m being informed that there’s something going on out in the stands that the producers don’t want on camera.  

[Most of the DEFsec guys who were at ringside go running off.]

BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

DDK:
And - and fans, I have no idea why but Team HOSS is headed out to the ring!

[Bronson Box lunges at Kai Scott, but for FINALLY, Jonny Booya decides to stop being useless. Jab!  Jab, jab, gut slug, elbow uppercut and jumping calf kick, and down goes Box!]

[Leaping enzuigiri from Cassidy and down goes Booya!]

[Sit-out spinebuster on Cassidy by Race!]

DDK:
This is that thing that happens in these matches.  It’s actually really tense standing on the apron and watching so many other people wrestle, and sooner or later someone starts swinging for the fences.  Then it breaks down like this.

[Jane gets her knee across the back of Race’s head and spins, dropping him with the Katze Krusher.]

[Diane gets that half nelson suplex she couldn’t get on her ex-bf on Jane.]

[Edward White - ignores Diane to dropkick Christenson on the knee! Christenson falls off the apron, catching his chin on it on the way down!]

[Bigsby builds up a head of steam and squashes Diane in the corner!]

[White picks Diane up on his shoulders, runs with her to the other side of the ring, and delivers a DVD in the corner!]

[Before he can follow up, Scott pulls White out of the ring from behind!]

Angus:
I demand more topes!

DDK:
You hate flips.

Angus:
Yeah that was until they started not doing any!

DDK: [ignoring Angus]
Wrestlers are spread around ringside in various states of consciousness, and Team HOSS is at ringside but they haven’t done anything yet.

[In fact, Angel Trinidad is entertaining himself by pounding on the ring apron.  Aleczander is, perhaps not surprisingly, scoping CSS.  She notices, decides to ignore.  Cappy raises his hands in a gesture of non-violence.]

[Bigsby applies a full nelson to Diane, and that’s enough for CSS.  She enters the ring and hits Bigsby with a running front kick to that beard of his.  Bigsby loses his grip, CSS and Diane turn and double dropkick Corozzo, one on each knee.]

DDK:
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and the Truly Untouchables take Corozzo out the same way the Blood Diamonds took out Christenson!

Angus:
Yeah true but the Diamonds have one big guy still standing - The Egobuster!

[Scott, from where he’d pulled White out earlier, jumps up on the ring apron, then springboard dropkicks Bigsby in the back.  Bigsby stumbles forward, and Maddox catches him-]

WHAAAAM!

DDK:
BEST DDT IN THE UNIVERSE!

Angus:
THIS MATCH CANNOT END WITH LEON MADDOX PINNING FELTON BIGSBY!

ONE…!


...TWO…!


…...THREE-BROKEN UP BY RYAN!

DDK:
I suppose that would have been a bit anti-climactic, but the Egobuster saves the match for the Blood Diamonds, and he’s got Maddox up for the press slam - and down outside!

[Maddox splats in front of Team HOSS.]

DDK:
The participants are thinning out!  Bigsby’s down, Ryan’s staring down Diane Parker, who realistically isn’t in his league, and Claira St. Sure, who despite what Angus thinks, has demonstrated that she is-

Angus:
I don’t care how many good showings St. Sure has against the Ryans and Christian Lights of pro wrestling, I call her in their league when she actually wins one of those matches!

[Ryan aims his superkick at the more dangerous threat - Claira.  She ducks.  And the underestimated Diane catches his arm and trips him to the mat in a keylock driver!]

[St. Sure is right on that arm, twisting it up and -]

DDK:
TRULY UNTOUCHABREAKER!

Angus:
He powered out last time!

DDK:
His arm’s already been worked over!

[Dan Ryan growls, doing his damndest not to let St. Sure know how much this move _hurts_.]

Angus:
...Diane Parker is goddamn smart is all I’m saying.

[Box tries to get into the ring to break it up, but Scott cuts him off.]

[With a growl, Ryan snaps his legs out of the hold.  He stands up, yanks his arm free of the lock - and as Claira loss her grip and the Truly Untouchabreaker, Diane Parker swoops up and hooks the Christo!]

RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Angus:
He ain’t tappin’, there’s no way.

DDK:
Really? After escaping the Truly Untouchabreaker the hard, painful way?

[Dan Ryan drops to one knee.]

[The Truly Untouchables are guarding the ring.  Scott stomps at Box.  Christenson kicks at Corozzo.  Outside the ring, Race holds onto Cassidy and Maddox whips Jane into the ringpost.  White climbs up onto the ring apron, with Jonny Booya keeping a close eye on things.]

Edward White:
Do it now.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!!!!!!

Angus:
WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

DDK:
JONNY BOOYA JUST HIT KAI SCOTT WITH THE AXE BOMBER!

[Benny Doyle is shocked.]

[And with his back turned, Team HOSS pounces.]

DDK:
Triple Team Powerbomb on Maddox!

[Team HOSS stands.  David Race looks at them - then makes a decision.]

[He’s getting paid as a hired gun.  He’s not getting paid to die an honorable death doing his duty.]

DDK:
David Race is leaving the ringside area!

[Throwing up his hands, Race turns his back on the Truly Untouchables and departs.]

[Booya kicks Diane in the head, and Ryan brings her up and DOWN with the Humility Bomb!]

[But before he can go for the cover, she’s dragged out of the ring.]

DDK:
Cole Christenson pulls Diane to safety - and he’s got St. Sure too!

[Claira St. Sure is screaming, trying to get back at the ring, but Christenson wraps one massive arm around her and starts dragging her backwards.  Diane is over his shoulder.  Team HOSS allows the bruiser to carry the one girl away and drag the other.]

DDK:
The Truly Untouchables have disintegrated right in front of our eyes, and now it’s EIGHT on one! ELEVEN with Team HOSS! Maddox is down! Race fled! Christenson dragged the girls away!

[White and Ryan stomp Scott flat into the mat, and then Scott is placed on White’s shoulders.]

Angus:
Stock Market Drop!

[Now Corozzo picks Scott up.]

DDK:
The End of the World as we Know It!

[It’s a straightjacket piledriver.]

DDK:
And Dan Ryan’s going to put the finishing touches on this - HUMILITY BOMB!

[Ryan plants one big boot on Scott’s chest.  Benny Doyle, helpless to do anything else, counts.]

ONE…!


...TWO…!


…...THREE…!!!

DING!  DING!  DING!

Quimbey:
Your winner, as a result of a pinfall, the BLOOD! DIAMONDS!

[Team HOSS joins the rest of the Blood Diamonds in the ring.]

DDK:
Now Edward White’s got Team HOSS working for him, too?

Angus:
THE GREATEST MOVE IN THE HOSSTERY OF OUR SPORT!

[White, Corozzo, Box, Ryan, Booya, Cassidy, Bigsby, Jane, and Team HOSS all join hands in the ring and raise theirs.]

[And then, if you thought things couldn’t go batshit even further…]

DDK:
SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE ON BRONSON BOX!

[Ryan, unexpectedly, just about takes Box’s head off with a short arm clotheslines.]

[Before either one can think of doing anything about it, the stable whirls around to simply beat Cassidy and Bigsby face first into the mat.]

DDK:
The Blood Diamonds now have Jonny Booya and Team HOSS - and they’re cutting loose Box and the Conclave!

Angus:
They’re pulling Box up - handing him to Booya - oh god dammit.

DDK:
BOOYA DRIVER!

[Booya spikes Box down with a package piledriver.]

[Jane kneels down on Cassidy’s back, slips a leg under his neck, and cranks back on the rear mount triangle.]

DDK:
Cassidy’s a captive witness as Bigsby is brought up, and handed over to Team HOSS - he’s three hundred twenty pounds, this could kill him!

Angus:
THE GREATEST MOVE IN THE HOSSTERY OF OUR SPORT!!

WWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM!!!!!!!

[The entire ring shakes as Bigsby is driven down.]

DDK:
The face of Defiance has just changed almost beyond recognition, but fans, we are OUT OF TIME!