FADE IN.

[Under the bright lights in Main Street Square, Houston, TX -- Dan Ryan sits at a street cafe on a lovely Friday evening. People walk by, some on their way to watch the Rockets game down the street (probably a loss, let's face it), some on their way to the theatre, others sinply out for a nice night in town.

Dan Ryan's office is about a block away, and tonight, a nice steak and some ambience will do just fine for dinner.

But we digress.]

DAN RYAN:  Big green tubes.

That's what you should have called it, Kort. Big Green Tubes. Really, Big Green Tubes is a very adaptable phrase. I works as the theme for a promotional segment, as a comic book plot device or as the name for a late 80s neo-punk rock band.

There are all kinds of people in this world, Zombie Kort. Everyone is unique. Everyone has their own view of things. Everyone has a different idea about who they are and how they can become the people that they want to be.

There are various ways to accomplish this. Some go back for more education. Others put in a little hard work to toughen up the ol' character, some hit the weights, go for a run and get their physical fitness in order. Others get kidnapped by 'The Shape' and get stored in a large green tank until needed for experimentation.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, Jimmy, because there's not.

You come out the other side a mindless automoton, but hey, what's a side effect or two among friends, am I right? You get to hang the lights, only, someone else gets to switch them off and on for you now. I say, that's efficiency in action, Jimmy Kort. Kudos, really for breaking down this industrial complex and simplifying the personal improvement industry.

Like I said..... Big Green Tubes.

Trust me, it's gonna be all over t-shirts one day.

Here's the deal, though, and I really want to be as clear as I can about this without being overly insulting:

I don't care.

My star is bright, yes. I must be your lucky star, says Madonna, because I shine on you wherever you are. And you want me to pack up my things and move my star somewhere else. GET OFF MY LAWN!!! -- the old cranky Jimmy Kort says.

And why? WHY?

Well because of "She". Apparently, She screams in silence, because no one knows who "She" is. More to the point, I am quite certain that no one cares.

So I'll be clear.

I don't care about you or your Master's plan. I don't care what you want, and quite frankly, I don't think there's anything you can do about it, Jimmy Kort. I think the most likely outcome is that you'll come shambling out to the ring and receive a big helping of my boot down your throat, pushing straight past your teeth like a twelve year old black belt breaking a board. I liked transformers a lot when I was a kid, but your transformation doesn't interest me, and I'm not here to play around.

So please, DON'T spare me.

Do something to make this interesting. Do something to make it more than me breaking you into three pieces so that your Master needs three tubes to store you in until next week.

Don't spare me, Kort, unless you intend to spare me this Marvel Comics bullshit and get real.

Either way, I'm not here to play sci-fi convention with you and your... MASTER.

I'm here to wrestle. I'm here to fight. And right now, I'm here to rip your fucking head off.

Guess we'll see who's the lucky one, eh?

FADE OUT.

More Propaganda | View Dan Ryan's Biography