[Edward White sat is a corner booth, Nicky Corrozzo next to his side and Jane Katze across from them, nestled into her corner. All three stuck out like a sore thumb, Nicky especially, being near seven feet tall and built like a brick wall.]

 

[Jane stirred her hot tea. She actually ordered hot water, however she had enough forethought to bring her favorite tea with her, as not to let the place ruin her mood. But even the pseudo-rustic decor of Sizzler had gotten to her.]

 

Jane Katze:

I thought you told him to meet you at one.

 

Edward White:

Miss Katze, nothing ever runs on time. Even my Rolex isn’t a good measure of time. Quartz movements are actually much more accurate to time, but they’re mass produced. They’re not unique, they don’t have a personality. Cancer will be here when he gets here.

 

[She looked down at her tea, swirling around in the cup. Nicky shook his head, with every new addition he found himself reminded how he stuck around so long: he didn’t ask questions, he was paid by salary with “commissions” and “bonuses”, any moment where he didn’t have to do anything was fine by him. Although, with his partner Hector Perez rehabilitating his injury, he looked forward to status quo with “$$ COOL”.]

 

[Then, as if it were the only sound that could be heard inside of a bustling Sizzler, the entranceway doors slid electronically open, and in walked the most pompously dressed being to have ever walked into ANY Sizzler EVER.]

 

Edward White:

He’s here.

 

Jane Katze:

How do you know that?

 

Edward White:

Listen.

 

Jane Katze:

What? I don’t hear anything.

 

Edward White:

… Exactly.

 

[The reason not a sound can be heard, not a peep, not a frog-whistle, not a short order cook spitting in the soup... is because Cancer Jiles is a head turner. If Eddy White and the crew stand  out like sore thumbs, KING COOL and his indoor sunglass wearing, gelled up hair having, fancy shirt donning self is a July 4th fireworks display exploding out from the tips of said sore thumbs.]

 

[Thumb Wars, remember those dumb spoof movies?]

 

[It doesn’t matter. The Uncle Sam of Yokey goodness had arrived, he grabbed a plate from the buffet, slopped a heaping scoop of mashed potatoes, mixed vegetables, taco meat and of course, egg salad and went on his way.]

 

Cancer Jiles:

Oh look, you’re all here. I thought I was early. Did you eat already?

 

Edward White: [almost gagging at the thought]

Eat? Here? You’ve been underground for too long my friend.

 

Cancer Jiles:

Maybe I have, no thanks to you.

 

[Taking a seat with the rest of the gang to a chorus of crickets, the Count does his best to create interesting dinner topic.] 

 

Cancer Jiles:

I activated that beacon in my foot, ya know? The one that means come and find me I am in trouble and am about to die and you are the only who can help me.

 

[Nope, not letting it go yet.]

 

[You’ll see.]

 

Cancer Jiles: [continuing]

The one that means come and save me because if you don’t chances are no one will ever see me again. You know, the one you paid to have implanted in my foot so if I ever were to go homeless again you could come find me the moment before I cracked and started sucking dick for drugs.

 

[Ehhhh.]

 

Edward White:

Cancer, I cannot begin to apologize for the events that took place after War Games. Nicky can attest to this fact, I spent days wondering what had happened to you. I took a pair of your favorite shades, a swimsuit that you had borrowed so you could entertain a pair of certain Persian women in my hot tub and some of your paraphernalia you had left behind in the guest house and let dogs out searching for your scent. But they couldn’t find you.

 

Nicky Corrozzo:

He came this close to calling Doozer to see if he had seen you.

 

Edward White:

Shhhhh, don’t bring up the Dooze.

 

[Cancer takes a bite out of a dinner roll that he had stuffed in his pocket, along with half a dozen more.]

 

Cancer Jiles:

Bullshit.

 

Edward White:

Honest to God, I looked. But, I had thought you checked out for good.

 

Cancer Jiles:

Like that time you left me in the gutters with only the shirt on my back?

 

Edward White:

Well...

 

Cancer Jiles:

Or how about that time when I called you collect and you denied the service fee?

 

Edward White:

… You know I don’t answer the phone after dark.

 

Cancer Jiles:

Or what about the time Adrien Cochrane joined me and Super Doozer when we only wanted him to dye eggs for Easter and he thought he was a full time bandit?

 

Edward White:

Well now you’re just looking for a scapegoat.

 

Cancer Jiles:

Fair Enough. Who’s this slut?

 

[Cancer jabs his thumb off to the side pointing at Jane. Immediately, she spits out her tea. Edward wipes the spit shot off of his jacket with a paper napkin from the dispenser at the table.]

 

Edward White: [calming the storm]

She, is our tag team partner this week.

 

[Cancer’s eyes go wide, as if to say he thought that only happened outside of the States.]

 

[That, being three way Money COOL orgy.]

 

Edward White:

No, not that.

 

[The two men share in a distant stare off into an endless horizon. Meanwhile, Jane, has the weirdest out of weirdest out looks upon her face.]

 

Jane Katze: [interrupting a forgotten time]

He means against the Untouchables.

 

[The Count shoots Jane a look. It’s not a good one. It’s more of a puzzled look than anything. See, he can’t figure out why she is even talking.]

 

Cancer Jiles:

OH. I thought you were our valet.

 

Jane Katze:

… Excuse me?

 

Cancer Jiles:

Sooooooooo... you’re not our valet?

 

Edward White:

No. She is a fully capable wrestler, you never had the fortune of watching her wrestle in World Wrestling Alliance. In All-Star Wrestling Association, she was the heavyweight champion, besting most if not all of her competitors. Correct me if I’m wrong Miss Katze, but you were undefeated when the region went bankrupt?

 

Jane Katze:

That’s true. I even made Jeff Andrews tap out during an alliance wide pay-per-view.

 

Cancer Jiles: 

Jean, please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who blab about the past like it’s something I should care about. I’m glad you made Surly Sue tap and all, and am even a bit surprised I haven’t heard about it because Jeff is one of those people who like to talk about Old things all of the time.

 

[Truth. About Cancer being surprised that is. It’s more so because he’s still trying to figure out why Jane is talking, and whether or not she is Money for Nothing and COOL for Free’s valet.]

 

Jane Katze:

It’s Jane.

 

Cancer Jiles: [disinterested.]

Cool.

 

Jane Katze:

Mr. Jiles, I thought it was only appropriate considering you think I’m some hussy that is down with getting DP’d by a billionaire and an Ed Hardy enthusiast. I am a competent wrestler capable of holding my own against world class champions and the most skilled mixed martial artists.

 

Cancer Jiles:

So... you’re a capable valet then?

 

[Jane stares ahead at Edward.]

 

Jane Katze:

Mr. White, I thought you said you catered to a professional environment when you hired me.

 

[Before Edward can say a single word, The Count of Cool speaks again.]

 

Cancer Jiles:

Oh shit. Eddy, you hired a professional? Damn, I’ll make sure to wear a raincoat then.

 

[She turns to Cancer.]

 

Jane Katze:

Get the fuck out of my way.

 

[Knowing he might have overstepped his boundaries, “Cool” Cancer Jiles moves out of his spot at the booth and Jane removed herself from the sizzler.]

 

[Immediately, Nicky Corrozzo lets out a chuckle, a rarity amongst the stoic giant. Cancer cracks a smile himself and even “The Socialite” chuckles to himself.]

 

Edward White:

Well, Mr. Jiles, I think it’s safe to say our match with the Untouchables should go on without a hitch.

 

Cancer Jiles:

I’d say.

 

[He raises his glass of ice water.]

 

Edward White:

To bringing the Trios Championship to Prestonia Jefferson Investments.

 

[Nicky raises his glass.]

 

[And the two look to Cancer Jiles.]

 

Cancer Jiles:

TO PRESTONIA!

 

[Wait. Cancer Jiles doesn’t know what Prestonia Jefferson Investments is.]

 

[Too late.]

 

[End.]