Title: Legit
Featuring: Chance Von Crank
Date: 2/1/2013
Location: Harlan, KY

Legit

 

Chance Von Crank drives through downtown Harlan. He slept a only a few hours on the flight into Knoxville. Driving across the bridge toward the holler he grew up in, he passes a small run down RV. He slows as he approaches to speak to an old friend of his, “Peaches”.

cVc: Well look at that pretty bitch. Mmm who knew you would still be so fucking fine after having five kids, whore. How much, Whoooooo-ORE?!?

Peaches: Oh Chance… How longs it been?

Chance opens the rented car door of the caddy and reaches to embrace Peaches. He squeezes her ass as they embrace. He sticks his tounge in her ear as she shudders and says, “That Tickles”.

Peaches:  So Chance how have you been? We have been watching all your recent interviews when channel 4 comes in. Tune up match for a real match against Adam Faulkner?

cVc: Yeah whore that’s about right. Only thing is they fucked up because I think the guy in my tune up match is better than Faulkner. What a pussy faggot motherfucker he is.

Peaches: For real?

cVc: Yeah they haven’t seen anything yet. Defiance is on the brink of changing wrestling and when they realize the greatest ever is among them now, even that punk ass World Champion will take notice. Anyway that’s not why I am here… Has anyone been up in the holler fucking around at the double wide?

Peaches: No just that little crippled feller you pay to check up on it ever so often.

cVc: He’s not crippled bitch, he’s fucking retarded and just drags his leg because of retarded gene or some shit alright?

Peaches: Yeah.

cVc: Good. I have to get back to Tampa for to beat one asshole and then Sunrise, Fl to beat another.  You want to ride up to the double wide with me. I have to get my lucky gold chain and you can suck my dick on the way. I’ll give you two oxy’s if you let me cum in your mouth?

Peaches: Deal.

Chance gets back in the car and undoes his zipper. Peaches climbs in on the passenger and the two take off towards the trailer as he pushes her head to his lap. He finishes up in her mouth as they pull up to the run down double wide trailer. They get out of the car and head toward the door, Chance retrieves the key from his pocket and opens the door. Opening the door he flips the light switch as they both walk in.

cVc: Don’t Move Bitch!

Peaches: What is it Chance?

cVc: Shh…

Chance points to a rattlesnake coiled up in his living room floor. He looks around the living room in awe because of the sheer number of snakes slithering around. Peaches shut the door for the moment at least they are stuck.

cVc: Now I know what that fucking retarded bastard was talking about when he said he had the security system took care of. What a son of a bitchin’ cocksucking queer he has turned out to be.

Peaches: That is why we have seen Martin around all those church going people as of late. We all thought they were buying weed off of him but nope, he was buying poisonous snakes to protect your house with. Ha, wait till I tell the girls.

cVc: I think your missing what the fuck is happening here, Cunt. I have to be back in Tampa by tomorrow evening and this shit is ridiculous. There has to be 25 snakes just in here and I have to get over there to that gun cabinet to get my lucky chain.

Peaches: I’m not moving motherfucker, I know that. I have done nothing but turn tricks all day even on the ride up here, I know the Lord’s not in me to pick one up. Your daddy is the snake handling preacher didn’t you ever watch him pick them up?

cVc: Yeah I did. Fuck You.

Chance stomps the rattlesnake in the head, and picks up a copperhead that strikes at him. He slings the copperhead toward the back bedroom as he creeps closer to the cabinet, he stomps another rattlesnake as he reaches the cabinet. He retrieves the key but realizes the lock has been broke. He looks and can clearly see his lucky gold chain is gone. A rattlesnake sitting on top of the cabinet catches him off guard as it strikes. Missed! Chance falls on his back and realizes quickly its time to move. He opens the door quickly shutting it behind him as Peaches cusses while also in chase. Chance stops at the bottom of the stack of concrete blocks in front of the door he uses as steps. He sits down and looks back at Peaches.

cVc: Well that is some horse shit right there. I was nearly killed in my own fucking double wide by a bunch of wild dangerous snakes.

Peaches: Worried eh? About this Faulkner guy?

cVc: No fucking way. He won his first match but against someone just like him.

Chance walks over to his building sitting next to the trailer. He walks in and rolls out his dirt bike. He get’s on, and rolls up next to Peaches.

cVc: Look… See this bike? It’s the best on the market. This bike and I have a lot in common and Faulkner and the small fish in Tampa all will learn in the coming days just that. This bike will be whipping your ass at first and have you all to hell. Your nerves are rattled by the sheer speed and just when you think its over, power bands kick in, boom you’re in another gear. Out of your league and out matched and lucky to now be famous for wrestling the Trailer Park Prodigy. Let’s go bitch I am going to see what that fucking retard did with my gold chain.

Chance kick starts the bike.

 

To Be Continued



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