Trailer Park Legend

A smoky dark room comes into focus. A black table with a hint of white powder on it can be seen just briefly. A bright light flickers against the table exposing the powder. A index finger makes a straight line through the powder, and the index comes up to Chance Von Crank’s mouth. He licks the cocaine off the index finger of Penny. The redhead he met at the Anti-Gay camp and has decided to hang on to. She is topless sitting on the couch beside Chance. She has only a pair of lace panties on and her arm around him. He sits slouched on the couch playing a game which is the only light in the dark room. He has his SoHer Championship draped over his shoulder covering half his, “eGG Bandits” t-shirt. Chance’s lawyer, Bishop has really taken to filming promo’s and expects Chance to cut one on the spot.

cVc: Here he is in my face with that camera again. The Trailer Park Prodigy only asked for 3 days alone with this new whore, but no here you are.  I love a big set of tits and a brain easily manipulated. Every time I am about to get my pecker sticky you pop out of a closet with a fucking camera.

Chance takes a card and lines up two more lines on the table. He rolls up a hundred dollar bill and snorts both the lines bringing his head back to the couch quickly. Chance sticks the money down in the front of Penny’s panties.

cVc: You can keep that, go make daddy somethin’ to eat.

Penny stands up immediately and walks into the kitchen. Bishop follows her bouncing breasts and ass with the camera. Chance extends his hand out and pulls the camera back to him.

cVc: That’s just something I pump dick into. Right here is why everyone is watching this video. Me.  From Asia to Australia they hang on my every word. What will Crank do next? I am capable of anything and I prove this week after week.

Chance stands up notices something on his couch.

 cVc: Goddamnit! That ho sure doesn’t like keeping shit clean. Look at that big cum stain on my new couch from when I hammered her juice box. I need something to wipe this shit up with.

Chance looks around the room for something he can use to wipe it up. Frantically he searches for something he can use then throw away. He looks down at his eGG Bandit shirt and laughs. He drapes his belt on the back of the couch and takes off the shirt. Chance wipes up the sticky mess with his old DREAM shirt. He laughs the entire time then tosses the shirt in a garbage can beside the couch.

cVc:  Hope that was COOL enough for ya, queer. Does that make your blood boil? Does it make you miss Doozer? Someone said he died on twitter, made my day even though it sounded too good to be true. Cancer I just wiped cum up with your shirt because anything can be replaced. Including, you.

Chance reaches underneath his couch and retrieves the DEF TV 38 Event poster. He takes a sharpie from Bishop who is still filming. Chance signs the poster and then holds it up to the camera.

cVc: You see this poster? I have fought and clawed my way to the main event. I have charged through the ranks of this shit hole. Now I find myself in the match of my fucking life. All my opponents and team mates alike are taking this match lightly or too stoned to give a fuck. I will set this show on fire and people in Baltimore will have a new moment they all can remember. The moment when Chance Von Crank made anyone any good his bitch in the main event! All this time I have sit in the Southern Heritage Division rotting away with all this talent. I have to defend my title every week against no talent hacks. Not this week...

Chance holds the poster up to the camera close as he rips it into. As he rips away the poster his face comes into focus between the now torn poster.

cVc: Ace of Heels? More like Heidi was busy and we are stuck with you on our team. That’s right Kai, I’d rather have that bitch on our team than you. She comes off more believable at being tough than you do. You are just going to be in my way, and that is just my opinion of you. Everyone walks around spreading that same lie about how good you are. I'm yet to buy into it because I find you weak and unreliable what so ever. That top five list in the locker room that you are on I think is more to keep you around than accurate.

Chance grabs his belt and throws it over his shoulder standing up to face the camera.

cVc: Dan Ryan has the right idea about the spotlight though. I will say that his selfish attitude I hear about is admirable. I say that knowing fully what this man is capable of in that ring. Yes he can go but he is weak in many aspects of this business where I thrive.  You know what I am talking about Dan? Why don’t you have another dream promo? Dickhead. You’re gonna keep doing that until one day you wake up and realize I have taken everything from you. So keep day dreaming about that day that will never come, Dan. That day you long for… That day you will escape the mid card and actually draw money. You are just filler until they get around to me! Chance Von Crank taking that belt of yours. Your shit is nearly unwatchable anymore and I am the only one with the balls to tell you the truth.

Penny walks in wearing a shirt now. She hands Chance a plate of food he quickly takes a bite. He slowly chews the food appearing to disapprove at first. Chance still standing throws the plate of food at the wall, shattering the plate instantly. He turns back toward Penny and hits her with a right hook right to the left eye. She hits the floor. She raises her head up showing her eye already looking swelled and soon will black.

cVc:  You see that, Sawyer? That is how you handle a bitch. Penny didn’t make my food taste the way I wanted. So… I laid that bitch down.  Sawyer is such a pussy…

Penny wimpers holding her face still on the floor. Chance kicks her hard in the ribs to stop her wimpering.

cVc: Dane pulled the pin then threw a grenade in the Main Event. ME... Go Boom!  I can’t hear you Sawyer? Take your tongue out of Jiles’s ass so we can make out the shit you are talking. Every time you talk till you’re winded all I can make out is “Please Pay Attention to me, Pinky Promise my Shits good!” No one believes you and I’ve waited long enough for Heidi to kill everyone’s beloved hero. Since you are Cancer’s pivot man in the circle jerk.. Long strokes or short ones? I’m doing a little research to apply when I am hammering his fucking skull with my triumph. Let’s face it. I’m in it to win it.

Chance picks up a PS3 controller and continues doing what he was before this shoot. Bishop still filming steps over Penny and films the game Chance is playing.

Bishop:  Do you always have to kill the hookers after you fuck them?

cVc: Yeah, I’m THE bad guy.

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