FOR C&P purposes:

Question:

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

 

 

Tonight, Tom Sawyer logs into the DEFIACHAT to answer some Q&A! 

 

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

 

DEFIANCE FAN SESSION Q&A – TOM SAWYER

 

Host: Lance Warner:

Alright, guys! You know the drill! Like last time, there's two boxes below, one for general chat, one for asking Tom questions. I, as moderator, will filter out anything unnecessarily graphic, or questions two through thirty-seven about Heidi Christenson. Tom will be in the room shortly, so start submitting questions!

 

*why won't tom tell us how heidi's hair smells

*USER REMOVED FROM CHAT*

 

[The video screen comes alive, with the Canadian Sensation, Tommy Sawyer, sitting in a quite-open room. In fact, it looked like your standard corporate meeting room. Or your standard college meeting room. A potted ficus was behind him to one side, and a window to the other, showing the sparkly, upstate-New York stars.]

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

OOOOHHH YEAH IT'S THE SAWYER MADNESS, THE DEFIER OF GRAVITY, THE MAN WHO CAN'T BE STOPPED, RIGHT HERE, IN... Uh. A chatroom.

 

*kinda whiffed the ending there

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Ask away. I am an open book.

 

*i want lucas harper

 

User Terrordome

Hi Tom, being a fellow Canuck, Do you speak French-Canadian? Or rather, parlez vous Francais?

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

I'm from Alberta. I only knew one guy who spoke French, and I'm pretty sure he only pretended to speak it. Sorry.

 

*WAY TO LET CANADA DOWN

 

User Nerdlinger1187:

“Star Trek or Star Wars?”

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Firefly. And maybe Futurama.

 

*HIPSTER FAGGOT

 

User Deweyfan24

“Is Eugene Dewey really as good at Halo as I think he is?”

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Unquestionably. He's beaten every comer with a literal blindfold on. He had more deaths than he wanted, but he still won.

 

*haloz for gheys

 

User Megaheel McBain:

“Ever thought about trying to pick up a wrestling style that isn't high flying? Pure high flyers usually either burn out young (Jack Cassidy) or change their style (Troy Matthews, Jeff Andrews)”

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

I'm not all that great at grappling, but I've been trying to learn. Also, I've been working under Sergei and Kengoro to become a better striker. Problem is, my bread and butter's the flippy-doos. Just turning into another kicky guy in DEFIANCE would be like turning into another stereotypical thing in a stereotypical place. So, I gotta figure out something that'll set me apart, while still being something that feels natural for me.

 

*i bet sucking dicks feels natural to you

 

User DaWrestlingClown:

“Why was it Macho Man that you idolized instead of Ultimate Warrior, Sergeant Slaughter, Magnum TA, or someone else?”

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

When I was a kid, I got picked on, a lot. From the age of 4 to 6, I was constantly getting bullied. We didn't have a whole lot of money, so I spent a lot of time watching basic cable. The local public access station had a show where the guy loved to play matches from the 80s, and he especially loved Savage matches. Randy inspired me to fight back against my bully. Uh. Don't do wrestling moves at home, kids.

 

*I'M GONNA POWERBOMB MY SISTER NOW

 

User KayfabeIsReal:

“Now that you're a successful wrestler yourself, do you still watch matches or are you one of those guys who can't sit still through a whole one?”

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

I'm active on every tape-trading website still out there, and use and abuse the DEFIANCE tape archives more than anyone else on the roster. I've seen every single match that DEFIANCE has ever put on, or can get access to. And let me tell you, DON'T GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO REWATCH DIAMOND SHAZAM OR DREW SILER MATCHES.

 

*DREW SILER SUCKS

 

USER HAS BEEN BANNED FROM CHAT

 

*i met diamond shazam in a bus stop, he offered to suck my dick for crack rock

 

User GodsFieryRightHand:

“If you could change one thing about Defiance, what would it be?”

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

There was another wrestling company who had a concept I really liked called the Open Fight Night. The whole show was challenge matches. Maybe after Ascension, Dane'll let us try to do that. I think the whole show'd be people wanting to kick Chance Von Crank's teeth in, though.

 

*FUCK CVC

 

User MisterSister:

Do one, Kill one, Marry one: Tres Brujas? 

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

(Tom visibly winces.)

I like all three of 'em, so the kill one will be tough. Uh... I'm assuming that the whole “marry” aspect would involve some romance, and... er... That stuff, whereas the “do” aspect would be a one-night stand. So... I think I'd end up marrying Diane, getting lucky with Lisa Loeh, and Claira... Well, sorry, Claira. Nothing personal, but I'm pretty sure you'd end up putting a collar on my neck and a leash on the collar if we tried to date. 

 

*claira st sure scares me

 

User EverythingSucksNow

Where the fuck is Lucas Harper. I want the Foreshadowing back.

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

(Tom looks down for a moment, a touch sad.)

If I could beat Jaymz Watkins to death with a clawhammer for wrecking a good thing, I would. Lucas was the best friend a guy could ask for, and I've never felt the same without him watching my back. The Foreshadowing made me what I am today, and if I could have it back, I would. In a heartbeat. 

 

*what a touching moment

 

User TheRealHeidi

WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIE

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

If you're actually Heidi, then the answer is “Because we have an Aggro Crag to fight.” If you're not Heidi, the answer is “Because nobody's been hard enough to do it.”

 

*haha tom is gonna die in the crag

 

User GodsGonnaCutYouDown

Bronson Box is gonna rip your skull out through your bellybutton.

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Better men than him have tried, and I welcome the opportunity to let him try again. The best chance for him is gonna be at DefTV 39. And keep in mind, whenever he's in the ring with me, getting his chance to tear my spine out through my uvula, I'm gonna get the opportunity to rip his moustache off.

 

*TOM VS BOX, BOOK IT DANE

 

User CaptainShitstain

When the fuck are you going to stop sucking and win a title?

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

About the same time you pass high school. I've had a lot on my plate ever since I came back to DEFIANCE, and when it's finally all done, then I'm either going for the FIST or... Dare I say it?

 

*antici...

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

The World title?

 

*SAWYER/DEWEY 2016

 

User OLWSux

Are you pissed that Python is getting all up in your shit? You were DEFIANCE's resident flipadoo, and now he's trying to out-flippy you, like with that guardrail landing last show. Also, his finisher has WAY more flips than yours does.

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

If he were a dick, maybe. But Python's a really great guy, and I bear him no ill will. Besides, you guys say that my knees are gonna be shot by 30? Python's gonna be in a wheelchair by then, most likely. He's exciting, and he's got a really great rapport with the audience.

 

*nice deflection, faggot

 

User YoMommaAteNewYork

Is the Aggro Crag gonna live up to expectations? It's been hyped a whole hell of a lot, and I'm starting to think that this gimmick match is gonna be too gimmicky.

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

No.

 

*i like his honesty

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Just kiddin'. Yes. I'm gonna do my very best to make it the match to remember of 2013. If that means that I get hurt doing so? Well... It's an injury I'll take with pride.

 

*that's stupid

 

User ArthurRead

Dream Match. Go.

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Tom Sawyer, Lucas Harper, peak-condition Eric Dane, peak-condition Ty Walker, peak-condition Stephen Greer vs peak-condition Jeff Andrews, peak Heidi, peak Kai Scott, Bronson Box and peak Victor Mandrake. In a TLC match, and none of the teams devolve into bickering. No time limit, no runins, no DQ.

 

*i just came

 

User BiggusDickus

“When will you get over this charade and just admit your undying love for Heidi?”

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Gladly. See, Heidi was, is, and will continue to be one of my favorite wrestlers. I have always enjoyed watching her wrestle, and think she is one of the true greats of this business who has never gotten the credit she truly deserves. However, I don't think she needed to screw so many people, betray so many people, and generally act like she has. She could have been the biggest name in this business without ever having to do anything like that, and I think it's a disservice to her legacy to have done the kind of thing she's done.

 

*fag

 

 

User FlattusMaximus

What's with all the gimmicks? The Rider, the Macho Ranger... Why can't we see Tom Sawyer without some kind of wacky thing?

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Welcome to pro wrestling, the sideshow that has been operating on gimmicks and inflated personalities since 1901. Look, I got into this business because I wanted to be larger than life. I got into this business because I love the pageantry and the pomp and circumstance. If I could come to the ring in a sequinned, feather-boa-lined robe and all that, I would. Just be glad I didn't go overboard so far with it.

 

*i want to see Tom in a Flair robe

 

User NeedsMoreTombstones

You've had some trouble establishing a finisher that's your own personal thing. Sure, the Foreshadowing's “National Razor” was pretty sweet, but as a solo act, you've had the Ode to Madness, Lucas Harper's old finisher the Billy Dee Williams, and this Permanent Wave thing. Why don't you just do the Canadian Destroyer or something?

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Permanent Wave is pretty good. I haven't found another move that A, isn't being done better somewhere else in DEFIANCE, and B, is something I can do to anyone. I doubt I could pull off a Canadian Destroyer on Bronson Box or Ed White, and my finisher needs to be capable of being used on them.

 

(Pause.)

 

BECAUSE I'M GONNA KICK THEY ASS.

 

*HELL YEAH TOM/WHITE

 

User BlackJesusIsMyIdol

Does Ty Walker smell good? I mean, good good?

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

http://i.imgur.com/6mi4g3I.gif

 

(Long pause.)

 

Ty Walker smells like Afro Sheen and Swagger.

 

*unnnngh hot

 

User DudeWub

Call out one wrestler. Make it good, and don't go for Heidi. We all know you want to shove yourself into her quive-QUESTION TRUNCATED

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

Seriously, guys, stop with the sex jokes. Me wanting to fight Heidi has nothing to do with her being an attractive woman. I'm too scared that she's going to kick one of my retina out to get any “ideas” when fighting her.

 

(Tom pauses, and clears his throat.)

 

Cancer Jiles, you have been left unchallenged for a long time. Sure, you've had people try to beat you up... But nobody's challenged you. So, to put it quite simply, if you've still got the title after Ascension, and I've still got my ability to walk, then I want to go ONE... ON ONE... WITH THE COOLEST CAT THERE IS! NO RUN-INS! NO INTERRUPTIONS! NO COUNTOUT AND NO EXCUSES! THE BEST, PUT TO THE TEST!

 

*and here I thought he was gonna say bronson box

 

User CatfishJake

CHANCE VON CRANK IS GONNA MAKE YOU HIS WOMAN

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

That's a statement, not a question, and no, he's not. Because I'm gonna pull his mullet off. I know how to do that. I've done it.

 

*why do canadians always have mullets

 

User RocketfistSexcopter

What's the plan after the Aggro Crag?

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

After I take Heidi to the limit, we climb to the highest peak of that Radical Rock, and we do the greatest battle that we're both capable of...

 

I'm taking a looooong, hot bath, and I'm gonna sleep for about a week.

 

Host: Lance Warner:

And that's all we've got time for. Everyone say Goodnight, Tom, and thanks for spending the time to connect with some of the fans! We're gonna have another Q&A session again real soon!

 

GUEST: TOM SAWYER:

It was great, guys. Thanks for having me. Let's try to get a Eugene Q&A to happen soon, I'm sure he'd love to connect with the internet-folks.