Trailer Trash Millionaire

“I…”

“Am…”
Pyro explosions and unused fourth of the July fireworks shoot off in every direction in a open cow field. Chance Von Crank comes into focus holding two lit roman candles as they begin to shoot off he speaks.

cVc: I Am Chance Von Crank.

Chance throws down the spent roman candles and begins to bounce around, jumping up and down in place throwing his arms out as if he is ready for a fight.

cVc: That’s right. I am THE Shock N Rolla! Here to Show Ya! Cocked Back and Fucking Loaded! Crowd goes wild, you know the drill. I have made it from the bottom of the card to the tip top of that motherfucker in under six months. At every turn Mark Twain, I mean… Tom Sawyer tries his best attempt at being clever.  What a waste of tv time I should have, sigh.

Chance throws his robe out of the shot and takes off his belt and cradles it where he can look at it directly. He begins to talk while looking at it with wonder in his eyes.

cVc: All those throats I cut back in the indy circuits and everyone I have ever fucked over led to this. Led to me being the Southern Heritage Champion and I fucking demand goddamn respect! I am the future of DEFIANCE and that doubt you feel creeping deep inside of you Sawyer has a name… Chance Von Crank.

 Chance throws his championship over his shoulder and begins to sway back and forth pumped up.

cVc: I watched that three hour bore fest you faggots called a promo. Don’t worry you came off like a bunch of crybaby bitches who know the fuck storm that’s about to hit them. This time when good meets evil in the middle of that ring… I’ll play god among men.  

Crank lifts his head to the camera looking directly into the lens.

cVc: You know what I am sick of? Dan Ryan. Clearly he is no Chance Von Crank and if you don’t believe me look at who sells more merchandise. While doing that do remember I am the 8^th most hated sports figure in ALL OF America. Facts like that make you look like a bitch, Ryan. I find myself wondering constantly how you keep holding onto that belt.  I am currently trying to figure out a way to really fuck you over and start your swift decline in MY business. I will find a way to keep my belt here, all the while physically fucking taking yours from you. I call you out over and over on being a bitch and how do you respond? I can’t hear you with Jiles and Sawyer running head cocksuckers in that so called 5 man tag team. Ryan is everything I have grown to hate about this business. Don’t get me wrong I know he can go… I just know I am Better. Your days with that bad ass belt are numbered. I need some new waist jewelry.  Light ‘Em Up!

Fireworks begin exploding all around and behind Chance lighting up the sky. Chance takes his belt off and holds it high into the air as he begins talking to the camera again.

cVc: As for my team mates? Look at this belt. I don’t need any of that fucking approval you are attempting to peddle. When that shot gun blast hits that PA and you feel the energy in a cVc match you will finally get it. As will Huckleberry Fin and the rest of that merry band of chocolate starfish enthusiasts will.

Chance asks Penny to hand him the coal man fuel from behind the camera. She does so and sets the camera for a wider view of the field and of Crank. He uses the fuel to make some sort of design with his back to the camera.

cVc: These men who wish ill will upon the Shock N Rolla are all jealous. They are all so drawn out and boring the fuck out of these crowds and then one day…

Chance takes out his officially licensed DEFIANCE “#TeemcVc” zippo lighter and strikes it close to his face. The flame puts just a hint of glow to his face. He drops the lighter and holds his belt high into the air again with his back to the camera. “c”, “V”, “c” burns in the field in front of Crank as he slowly turns back to the camera.

cVc: I have set this place on fire with what I bring to the table. I make people want to hurry home from work so they can see ME! I call these people shitheads and talk shit to them constantly and they can not buy enough of my shit. I am a broken man to hear some tell it because I do this. I am a genius in this business and you all fucking know it. I make shit happen and I have had this belt since nearly the fucking moment I got here. I don’t use any of these so called veterans and original defiants as a template for what Chance Von Crank should be like. There is a reason I don’t follow around Box like Sawyer sucks after Jiles. That reason is because I am changing how this shit is done. I am advancing my game ever single week and becoming a real threat to all who oppose the Trailer Park Prodigy take over.

The field behind him still shows a hint of “cVc” as it begins to smolder. Chance lights the initials up and again.

cVc: I have issues with everyone in this match. This is the match of my life and I refuse to to allow anyone else to get My Pin. I don’t want just our team to win because I am no team player, fuck all four of them. I am out for ME! I can’t stress ME, enough here. This is all about Chance Von Crank and the moment the tides in professional wrestling turned in MY favor.

Chance buckles his SoHer belt around his waist.

cVc: Penny, Sawyer thinks he’s clever for calling me out on hiring you for that earlier this week. He says you are fake, you believe that? Come here.

Penny walks in front of the camera with her bright red hair lit up bright from the fire behind them. Chance turns her toward the camera with him just behind her. He pulls up her skirt and her thong to the side and inserts his middle finger. She moans as he takes his finger out and licks it, he looks back into the camera.

cVc: She Tastes Real.

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