[The DEFIANCE interview booth.]

[Frank Holiday is sitting here for the very first time, hunched forward in the chair with elbows on knees. He's dressed in summer cazh: white V-neck T-shirt, sharktooth necklace, olive board shorts, leather sandals. A growth of stubble on his jaw is threatening to annex his goatee, and his tousled dark brown hair is hanging sloppily over his forehead and curling up in tufts elsewhere like he's just rolled out of bed.]

[It takes other dudes half an hour and designer product to look like this. But not Frank. He actually did roll out of bed this way and didn't bother grooming himself.]

[Half-lidded eyes glance around, taking stock. He looks up toward something behind the camera.]

Frank:

So they've been banned from TV and the big boss went AWOL. What kind of promotion did you sign me up for, Billy?

[Billy Pepper, Frank's manager, is off-screen but his voice is heard, only slightly muffled by distance from the microphone.]

Billy:

Ups and downs, goes with the territory. You know that, Frank. Word from the head office is this is just a temporary setback. But hey, there's a pay-per-view coming up, and there's still a booth here, so it's not like the place is ready to fold.

Frank:

You think?

Billy:

Yeah, I think.

[Frank shrugs and sits back in his chair, apparently satisfied.]

Frank:

Okay, if you say so.

Billy:

Camera's rolling, so go ahead -- what do you want to tell the men and women of DEFIANCE in your first-ever televised appearance?

Frank:

[Hesitates] But they don't have TV anymore.

Billy:

[Exasperated] You know what I mean! Okay, so it won't be on TV, but the others'll see it.

Frank:

Oh, right. Okay, well... [Pauses to think, then breaks out a huge grin] ...I do wanna say I'm super stoked about my Twitter feed right now. I've got Cancer Jiles, Dan Ryan, and Tucker Alston following me now!

[He leans back and thrusts a hand into his pocket to fish out his smartphone. There's an audible snort from his unseen-but-clearly-heard manager.]

Billy:

That's what you want to say? Seriously, Frank. Everybody follows everybody on Twitter, so what? You're coming off like a mark here.

[Frank succeeds in freeing his Samsung and taps the unlock code as he glances up and gives an incredulous look.]

Frank:

A mark? Listen, dude, if we got a gig at DreamWorks and fuckin' Steven Spielberg added me on Twitter, and my head asploded, would that make me a mark? Nah, that fuckin' rules, and so does this. Cancer Jiles is the World Champion. Dan Ryan's the FIST. Tucker Alston's a stock market big shot so he's got it going on. You know?

Billy:

Okay, you got a point.

Frank:

Jiles tweeted me directly, man. Look. [Holds the phone's screen up to the camera] The Champ knows who I am. That's half the battle right there. One day I'm gonna be across the ring from this guy and I'll think back to where it all started. Right here -- on Twitter.

Billy:

Got it, Twitter's awesomesauce. Is there anything else you want to put out there? What do you want DEFIANCE to know about you?

[Frank folds his arms and drops his chin, blowing a long, pensive breath. Finally he leans forward again and fixes the camera with a steady, serious gaze.]

Frank:

People of DEFIANCE, hear me. I have two dreams in my life. The first dream-- No. I have three dreams in my life. The first is to make it in Hollywood. It's a long shot, but it's something I've wanted ever since I was just a little bitty Frankie watching HBO when I was way too young to be seeing that shit. My second dream is to go for a deep-dish pizza right after we're done here. You know that wicked Chicago style joint over on--

Billy:

Frank, that's not a dream, you're just hungry.

Frank:

[Shouts] Do I have the pizza in front of me yet, Billy? No? Then right now it's a dream! Okay? [Settles down] My third dream-- No, hold on, I have four dreams. You can't have 'za without brew. So my third dream is a pitcher of ice cold Sam Adams to wash that delectable pie down.

[Billy sighs.]

Frank:

Don't give me that look, man! I know what you're gonna say, so don't even start with your damn microbrews. That shit's nasty.

Billy:

That's not what I was going to say!

Frank:

Well, you looked like that's what you were going to say.

Billy:

[Impatient] Well, it wasn't. What's your fourth dream?

Frank:

[Blinks] Huh?

Billy:

You have four dreams in your life: Hollywood, pizza, beer, and what?

Frank:

Right. My fourth dream-- [Intently to the camera] --is to become the DEFIANCE World Heavyweight Champion. I'm not gonna bore anyone with my past experiences. They don't matter. What matters is what I accomplish here. Am I saying it's gonna be easy? Am I saying I deserve that shot today? Nah. But as the immortal George Washington once said to General Lee: "There's no tree I can't chop down; now give me the goddamn axe." Words I think we all can live by.

Billy:

I don't think any part of that was right.

Frank:

[Annoyed] Are you gonna shit on every point I make, Billy?

Billy:

Sorry.

Frank:

Whatevs. [Eager smile] So how about that 'za?

Billy:

Alright, wrap it up then, Frank.

[Obligingly, Frank gets to his feet and throws the devil horns at the camera.]

Frank:

Holiday... OUT!

[Fin.]

More Propaganda | View Frank Holiday's Biography