The Friendship Members League registration table.
Outside Gorilla.
Time unknown.

Conor Fuse paces back and forth of the display unit which is at least ten feet high, made up out of different colours of green construction paper. The lettering, “FML” looms high above the main display in neon green lettering. The ceiling lights are situated in such a way it accidents the entire design. On the display unit are many pictures showing off the “fun times” Conor and his former companions, Patrick Cassidy and Trashcan Tim had during their time together. There are WrestlePlex tours, random pictures standing in the backstage halls and a few karaoke shots. There’s also pictures of Conor and The Game Boy travelling the world together. Paris, Berlin, Iowa… all of the fun places the world has to offer. In-between many of these still shots are “mission statements”, outlining the reasons to join FML, what the group stands for and what their core values are. Of course, one would have to be interested in the display in order to read what’s been posted.

Fuse marches back and forth, back and forth, head down in deep thought.

Conor Fuse:
Alex, I need you to make note of this.

Suddenly, a man in a navy blue suit walks into the scene. He holds a notepad, pen in hand, looking up at Conor and waiting with anticipation. This is Alex Pietrangelo (not the hockey player Alex Pietrangelo), who is Conor’s new right hand man. Conor is left handed after all and he figured he needed to use his right hand in some way.

Conor Fuse:
So earlier this week, we had some success. I feel like Oscar Burns was definitely thinking about it…

The sabermetrics, analytica guru, Alex Pietrangelo scribbles down Conor’s thoughts.

Conor Fuse:
Perfection was interested, too. He just didn’t want to let his guard down. Teehee. Cool guy, I like him a lot. Fun individual. Very fresh, very fresh indeed… with his popping quirks and subtle jabs…

Alex looks up from his notepad.

Alex Pietrangelo:
I’m not so sure that was my impression of the situation after watching it on television, Conor.

Alex tries to let Fuse down nicely. Conor simply smiles and shakes his head no.

Conor Fuse:
Silly Alex, tricks are for kids. I’m a professional at reading people. Perfection got all embarrassed because he’s the final fiddle in 24K. He knows he can’t make it big over there. I mean look look look at how amazing those Bosses are in 24K. Kendrix… not only is JFK a former United States President, he’s the model on the efedtees.com store! Guy is a former FIST, super mega Boss of the year! Don’t get me started how he faked his own murder to become a DEFIANT. Dude has skills, mad skills. Then there’s Pale Murray. Sure, guy could use a little sun but that’s what you get when you live in Scotland, LOLZ! Pale and JFK finished higher than me on TEFP top 100. Me, being the #9 of ALL TIME, Alex! They were even better! Oh hopscotch and tiddlywinks, that’s some legit talent.

Alex Pietrangelo:
I suppose you’re right.

Conor Fuse:
But then there’s Micheal Unlikely. He’s the Boss of Bosses! He’s THE King Koopa! Like, seriously Alex, stand there and tell me Perfection measures up to those guys? He didn’t score in the top 10 of TEFP. He could really need a group which is FOUNDED in friendships and members and friendship members, no?

Pietrangelo is still spinning his wheels, although he’s trying to come around to what Conor is saying. For the sake of it, Alex shakes his head yes.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Sure thing, Conor.

Fuse snaps his fingers at the FML statistician.

Conor Fuse:
Great. So here’s where I really need you, my bestest new bud not named The Game Boy. I need you to list off the DEFIANCE NPC roster. I will speak on their potential and you write that down to. Then we revisit. Refresh. Revisit. And so forth. Okay?

Alex is kinda lost in Conor’s comments but tries to go along with it anyway. No matter what, the pay Conor is giving him is good. Much better than his position on the New York Jets sabermetrics team…

Conor Fuse:
Okay, GO.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Aaron King.

Conor Fuse:
Surfboard specialist. Likes to party and have a good time. Comes with two others. There’s potential there, sure. I’m willing to put my past with him behind us.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Dandelion.

Conor Fuse:
Teehee, the facial paint always cracks me up. Comes with a clown, though. I dunno how I feel about clowns after that dream I had once…

Alex Pietrangelo:
The D.

Conor Fuse:
Yes… yes. Good work, Alex my main marketing man. The D is someone who would THRIVE in FML. He’s being overshadowed by Elise Ares, AGAIN. He’s in need of new friends. Make a note.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Scott Stevens.

Fuse’s eyes go WIDE.

Conor Fuse:
Stoovins?

Alex Pietrangelo:
Yes. That’s him.

Conor Fuse:
Stoovins you say?

Alex Pietrangelo:
Correct.

Conor Fuse:
Scott… Stoovins?

Alex Pietrangelo:
You got it.

Conor Fuse:
Stooooooovins. Stoooooooooovins. Stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooovins. Oh my goodness, that’s fun to say.

Alex doesn’t really get the joke (if there even is one). However, he makes a note.

Coonr Fuse:
I’m not sure about Stoovins. I don’t care for people whose names are a blatant rip off of professional hockey players.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Okay. Jack Harmen.

Conor Fuse:
Ohhhh goodness me. Jack was the Boss of Bosses before Michael was. He’s in need of a reboot, that’s for sure. FML could definitely be the place for him. Circle that one, Alex. We will be working with him in the future.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Lindsay Troy.

Conor pauses.

Alex is standing there.

…

Alex Pietrangelo:
Sir?

The younger Fuse rolls his eyes.

Conor Fuse:
Alex, you’re a few years older than I am. What did I say? No need to call me sir. Please give me another name.

Realizing Conor never provided an answer about the “Queen of the Ring”, it takes the guru a moment before finding a new name on the list.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Scrow.

Conor likes this one.

Conor Fuse:
Emo kid. OMG I like. I really like. That’s a super solid prospect. He needs friends, oh boy does he ever need friends. Remind me in a few weeks to download the EMO pack. Wear all black, put makeup over my eyelids and come in listening to PANIC! At the Disco, talking about how Stephanie ended up saying we were just friends and it shattered my entire world to pieces because I loved her so much and she was my everything but yet I’m only 19 with my whole life ahead of me although everything is RUINED. HURT SO MUCH. WHY DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME!?!? [Pause to collect self] Yep, good call with that one, Alex. We can reel this guy in easily.

Alex takes note. There’s a few more on the list, at least for today.

Alex Pietrangelo:
GVP.

Fuse looks up, concerned.

Conor Fuse:
Who?

Alex Pietrangelo:
GVP.

The Best Pout Machine scratches his head.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Gunnar Van Patton, GVP. He’s new to DEFIANCE but was in jOlt and ACW previously. Pretty serious badass. I’d be careful crossing GVP.

Fuse shakes his head no.

Conor Fuse:
No, no I’m sorry, Alex. I’m afraid I don’t use GPS anymore.

Alex nods and has one final name to spew off tonight.

Alex Pietrangelo:
Dex Joy.

Conor’s eyes light up. He channels his inner voice…

Conor Fuse:
The Big Guy?

Alex Pietrangelo:
I believe they call him The Biggest Boy.

Conor Fuse:
Right. The Big Guy. It’s THE BIG GUY! That sounds so pop and fresh! Haha, I love it!

Alex is really struggling with Conor’s responses and wonders if this means a yes or a no. He lays it out there.

Alex Pietrangelo:
So am I circling him or…???

Fuse puts on a more serious face. For the first time in this segment, he doesn’t seem to be all fun and games.

Conor Fuse:
I saw he’s a finalists for BREAKOUT DEFIANT of the YEAR?

Alex Pietrangelo:
Yes, that’s correct.

Conor Fuse:
But so am I?

Alex Pietrangelo:
That is also correct.

Conor Fuse:
And so is my brother?

Alex nods.

Conor Fuse:
And my brother killed him this week with The SOHER Achievement?

Alex is quiet now, not sure where this is going.

Conor Fuse:
I don’t want to get involved in Tyler’s business ATM. He and I are gonna take over and system crash DEFIANCE at the end of our games. That being said…

Conor grows a mischievous look. His eyes dart from side to side… and then side to side again. Many times this happens before he speaks.

Conor Fuse:
I have a present for Dex next week. I think he can really dig it. Circle his name, Alex. Circle it TWICE.

Pietrangelo does as he’s told and the scene fades.

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