“You are the most anal retentive, passive aggressive, immature act this side of Sgt. Safety. Grow up. Gain some resiliency.”

Easy there Spiderman meme, can you provide me with a list where you’ve shown any resiliency whatsoever? Give me Malak Garland’s Top 5 Badass Moments where he stood in the face of danger and I’ll walk away from you forever.

Joke.

“Sob. Look at what everyone else has done to me. Sob. I never deserved any of this,” says Malak as he cuddles his security blanket while Cyrus emasculates Garland further by caressing his back.

Your bullshit narrative is more contrived than the hot mess faction my brother finds himself in.

Oh, tough guy hiding behind his computer screen. I should’ve expected nothing less than straight fire emojis on a keyboard from MagnumG but lace up those puss boots and walk on out to the Big Game and it’s a totally different story, isn’t it?

I don’t plan to just wrestle you. I plan to break your jaw so you can’t talk, crack your orbital bones so you can’t cry and smash your fingers so you can’t type.

I’ll be doing DEFIANCE a favour.

Your booking remains open, huh? That’s great because you’ve played right into my Game.

Thanks to your amazing keyboard skills, the Favored Saints have GREEN lit a Conor Fuse vs. Malak Garland singles match for UNCUT 100. Paper Championship on the line and all.

How could they pass this up? You literally roasted me, dipshit. A wrestling company that prides itself on HEAT and RATINGS is going to listen to your promo and say “that’s created major interest but let’s pivot and go in a different direction anyway. What’s Jack Hunter up to?”

Actually that’s not a bad match, either.

I digress. DEFIANCE is a well oiled machine. Those who can’t Play here don’t last long, their Lives drain quickly. If we’re in the business of creating trash matches people don’t care about, I can point you towards other organizations.

Or your recent Paper Championship title defenses. ;)

Wanna run your mouth? Come get your consequences.

I may enjoy video games, wear a green bandana and get a little over hyped at times but you bring out something special in me, Malak. You were scared of Tyler, weren’t you? Well I’m his little brother so I guess I can get angry at times, too. You can witness it first hand on August 25th.

I’ll break your nose, cave your skull in and send you back to the land of trolls. 

I’ll leave you more broken than Cyberpunk 2077. You’ll be as useless as an LJN video game.

Tiger Electronics are more complex than The Keyboard King.

I might not possess the silver tongue of online trolling. Instead I game, read comics and wrestle. Only one of those things people care about here and it’s the one I know you definitely can’t do. Wanna guess?

But Imma do you a favour, don’t worry. I won’t fly off the top rope much. I’m coming to fight, Malak… take your paper title and throw it in the recycling where it belongs.

Papercuts incoming!

I know that’ll trigger you. And we’re not even talking about when I Weapon Get your finisher.

Get your discord channel ready. Better make a lot more threads on the server so you can be coddled to the highest degree because after we’re done, you won’t wanna show your face on television ever again.

You’ll be unrecognizable from the inside and out.

No DLC upgrade will save you. No cheat codes. No safe space.

But you’ll have lots of extra time to write scalding comments online. Maybe try some coloured text in your shit-talking blog next time. It’ll coincide with your wrestling abilities.

DEFIANCE is done with you, Malak. There’s nothing DEFIANT about you.

Cry, shake and tremble.

Welcome to The Legend of Conor: Malak’s Rude Awakening.

By the way, thanks for hyping our match.

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