Title: The Five Star Child
Featuring: The French Connection
Date: 1/2/2024
Location: Berlin

It’s a cold night in Berlin. The camera shows the chic exterior of Weinbar Turz, located in Berlin’s central borough of Mitte. Various Germans walk through the city center. Walking from the left is JP Reeves of Madame Melton’s Most Precious Gems -- his hair long and parted down the middle, a hipster mustache, wearing a blue sportscoat over his shirtless athletic body and stylish black jeans. He holds his omnipresent yellow rose and smells it.

JP Reeves:
My humility has been perhaps my greatest flaw -- my only flaw. For you see, I’m an athlete of the highest caliber and the young master of 1,000 suplexes, the Yellow Rose of The Gems, with unmatched in-ring cunning! But there’s more to me than that. Much more!

Reeves once again smells the rose.

JP Reeves:
Those of you who know my history understand that I am the son of WildStar, a multi-time champion in the CSWA, NFW and dozens of other promotions around This Planet Earth! My initial name, The StarChild, is in honor of the gifts my father bestowed upon me! In addition, those who know my autobiography also know that I was much more than a wrestling savant! I also was employed as a cook and worked my way up to becoming a chef at many of the best restaurants in the country and was indeed a star pupil at the Culinary Institute of America before I decided to dedicate my life to the pursuit of professional wrestling! 

Reeves adjusts his sports coat, in a way that also shows off his athletic, shirtless body.

JP Reeves:
I bring this up because, after discussions with the Grande Dame of The Squared Circle Madame Melton, it became clear to me that I need to shed myself of my faux-humility and evolve -- something that, hopefully, will inspire you all to do the same. And show shall I evolve? It’s by embracing my truest form... moving on from being The StarChild to... THE FIVE STARCHILD!

The Five Star Child opens his right hand wide, exposing his five fingers, flashing them to the camera.

JP Reeves:
This restaurant behind me? Weinbar Rutz? It is regarded as Berlin’s finest restaurant, a recipient of three Michelin Stars. I know that matters not to The Faithful, the uninformed who believe a Happy Meal is the greatest of feasts. But three Michelin Stars means that this restaurant is among the most revered in the world -- a restaurant that for most people has a reservation wait of well over a year, but one that offers me the best seat in the house with one simple phone call in appreciation of a man of my taste and acclaim! 

JP blows a chef’s kiss to the restaurant.

JP Reeves:
My exquisite Five Star taste extends far beyond just the world of haute cuisine! The hotel rooms that I and my fellow Precious Gems stay at are not ones that list “Continental Breakfast” or “ice machines” or “fresh towels” as their prized amenities! No, we stay at accommodations with unparalleled luxury --  butlers, infinity pools, on demand spa services! My taste in cinema? I don’t waste my time with the drivel of the masses who watch the latest in the Go Bots multiverse!  Why, my learned voice is so acclaimed that I am a guest judge at Cannes! My music collection? Why, Rolling Stone and Pitchfork alike ask me for my input on all things that come across their editorial desks! Filled with the greatest selections through the years -- ranging from Bach and Beethoven to more modern tastes like Kraftwerk and Arcade Fire -- all on original pressed vinyl, of course! I’m also a contributing editor to Wine Spectator as I can discern all of the flavors from any vintage at any vineyard without the bottle even being opened! Art collectors around the world ask me appraise their collections due to my learned eye!

He once again smells his rose.

JP Reeves:
I am not just a fierce critic of food, art, music, cinema, literature and EVERYTHING! I’m also CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED myself -- a performer who drips with charisma and bristles with talent even if you fail to appreciate me! But why would you? After all, you’re all mediocre swine why I enjoy the splendors of meals you’ll never taste elegantly paired with wines you’ll never sip! Because that’s the life you lead when you’re.. THE FIVE STAR CHILD!

He flashes his “five star hand gesture” one more time before entering the restaurant.

More Propaganda | View The French Connection's Biography



"MY ACT of DEFIANCE … I’ll take the head of the SNAKE!"

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