The camera shows the exterior of the Paddlewheeler Creole Queen steamboat boat churning on the Mississippi River somewhere outside New Orleans. The sound of a traditional regional jazz band plays, along with laughter, as the camera then shows a few dozen tourist couples (mostly older, wearing golf shirts with workplace logos) dancing the night away.

Madame Melton in her silver glory (complete with a netting over her hair with silver jewels), full martini glass in her hand, stands in the middle of the dance floor, her giant eyes cast upwards with a large smile on her face as she dances with a man… who is not visible to anyone but herself. 

Madame Melton:
Pardon me, my gentleman caller!

Madame then turns from her “gentleman caller” as turns to the camera.

Madame Melton:
Welcome aboard the Paddlewheeler Creole Queen — the classic steamboat that offers the most delightful cruises on the Mighty Mississippi, a vessel that of course, my darlings, is one of my many homes away from my many homes!

Melton sips from her martini as the dancing continues behind her.

Madame Melton:
Why, it is aboard this ship, my darlings, where I hatch my most nefarious plots, my most diabolical schemes, my most wretched forecasts for all those who dare to stand in the path of myself and My Gems — My Most Precious Gems! And when this ship deboards at its port-of-call at Westwego on Thursday, May the 2nd in the year of our lord 2024… the cruelest of my intentions will unfold at The John A. Alario Sr. Event Center, 2000 Segnet Way, Westwego, Louisiana!

She cackles loudly and enjoys her martini. Off from the right walks in “The Fatal Attraction” JJ Dixon — his brown hair unkempt and curly, brown leather mask obscuring most of his face, a black tank top that reads “Learn To Love Me” in blood red, ribs taped… all while he’s holding a large plate of seafood on a plate. Melton continues to stare around the ship as if she is being worshipped by thousands.

JJ Dixon:
I board The Paddlewheeler Creole Queen so I may feast upon the finest Creole Buffet on any tourist steamboat in the New Orleans region! But on Thursday, May 2nd at the John A. Alario Sr. Event Center in Westwego, I will feast upon the carcass of whoever stands in my way! Because it’s on the deck of this historic ship where I breath in the sweet nectar of the bayou air — and when I close my eyes and think of that thick, swampy must, this is when I think about everything I have done to transform myself from being a young, struggling journeyman into the most dangerous, lethal and FATAL ATTRACTION in professional wrestling!

He eats some crawfish poppers before pulling at his hair.

JJ Dixon:
They say I don’t feel physical pain, but I do, it’s just that the emotional scars I have suffered because of how you people treat me will never heal! You turned your back on me and leave me no choice but to embrace that torment, and because of this, I will tear into whichever one of your heroes stands across from me on June 2! If I were you, I would beg, borrow and steal to be there at the John A. Alario Sr. Event Center in Westwego — well before doors open at 7 pm! Because that will be the last time you will be able to see whichever one of those you deem worthy of your love dares to answer my challenge… because that will be the last time your unnamed hero will be able to walk! 

JJ falls to his knees and tosses the plate full of food off to the side.

JJ Dixon:
Because I… I am now a monster I no longer recognize… all so I can become the hero you deserve! Log onto Stubhub… hurry up and get your tickets while they still last…because on May 2 at the John A. Alario Sr. Event Center, 2000 Segnet Way, Westwego, Louisiana… YOU WILL LEARN TO LOVE ME! BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NOBODY ELSE LEFT FOR YOU TO LOVE!

He holds his arms wide open as Madame Melton stands behind him, drink still in hand.

Madame Melton:
Make sure you use the code “PRECIOUSGEMS” as you purchase you ticket to this grand event at our personal Theatre of Despair! Because, those of my darlings in Westwego ath the John A. Alario Sr. Event Center,  2000 Segnet Way on the evening of Thursday, May 2, 2024, with doors opening at 7 pm... will see first hand exactly why Madame Melton… Is Ready… For Her Closeup!

She finished the rest of her martini in one gulp as JJ punches his head hard with his right first, a boat passenger in the buffet line next to them looking on in bafflement.

More Propaganda | View Madame Melton's Biography