Title: Who is the Rider?
Featuring: Lance Warner
Date: 7/29/2012
Location: San Diego, California
A final paper-wrapped tape arrived at the offices, and appeared on DEFIANCEWrestling.com today.
"Who is the Rider?", asked the old man, parroting the question levied at him. He gave a toothless cackle before leaning forward, his one good eye wide, and wild with the years of wear and tear on his mind.
"I hear tell he's an ANGEL... Sent bearing a burnin' sword, here to smite aaaaaaaall the sinners! He'll begin Judgement Day once he puts his first victim in the ground."
The old man nodded as he straightened up, the Handicam catching a bit of the cameraman's reflection in the window behind the old man.
"He's the Archangel Michael, and when he takes off that helmet? Whoo... He'll burn your eyes from your skull!"
The old man nodded firmly, crossing wizened arms over his chest. The camera's view faded to black, as the soft, acoustic strains of "Sin's a Good Man's Brother" began to play.
The video cut to old footage of Jeff Andrews, stormin' out from the OLW backstage, fists clenched, a surly look on his face. He whipped his John Deere hat into the crowd as he stomped his way down the ring-ramp.
"I know who the Rider is.", said a different man's voice.
"He's one of Jeff Andrews' old friends, come back under a mask because he didn't want to piss off the Surly. He knows that Jeff wouldn't ask for help in a match like this, and he's gonna give it anyway."
Cut to a different set of footage, audio still replaced with Grand Funk. Jeff Andrews, pulling out the tire iron on the DEF-TV set, Cancer Jiles the victim of the attack.
"Yeah, he knew Jeff would need help, since there's at least four dudes backing Jiles up now."
"-...What? Who is it? Hell if I know. Andrews has a track record a mile long. It probably won't be someone who is kickin' around there now. This has got to be a debut. Did you see how much got spent on his debut segments? CGI and shit, dude."
The Andrews footage faded out, replaced with the view of a blown-out, abandoned gas station, way out in the desert. A creaky old man, more skeleton than human, stood in the parking lot, cane in hand.
"The Lone Rider came from this part of the country. Y'see, out here... We got darkness and evil, every five feet."
The old man pointed with a cane, and the camera turned, pointing to a place where two roads intersected.
"A grieving widow came out here a year ago, buried a picture of her husband. Man was shot down by gang members."
The old man turned his head, spat juicily.
"The Rider is the rebirth of that fella, come back t' fight crime. I guess he chose t' go to wrestling first."
The camera faded, a low note being played from a theremin.
It faded back in on a chunky woman in a shockingly pink shirt, wearing a fancy metal medallion around her neck.
"Ooh, I know exactly who the Rider is. He's an intergalactic traveller, weary from years of brushing off stardust."
Her hands spread wide, as she looked toward the heavens. Her eyes widened, a pretty smile on her face.
"He's come to deliver a sermon, one that'll let everyone know the truth about galactic purity and the universoul."
Jumpcut to the streets of a big city. A girl in huge sunglasses and poofed-up, Snooki hair.
"The Rider? Isn't he that Robocop?"
Jumpcut to a cowboy-hat wearing guy sitting in a pickup truck.
"He's a Texas State Trooper, and he's gonna lay the boots to that White faygit, chunky-style!"
Jumpcut to a man in a black shirt, white collar, glasses, balding, beatific smile.
"He's the Second Coming."
Jumpcut to an angry-looking young man in a goatee, wearing a "FUCK ERIC DANE" tee-shirt.
"He's just a new gimmick for that Xavier Langston asshole! Dude was the worst heel I ever saw!"
Jumpcut to a News Reporter, microphone in her hand, view slightly off to the right. The DEF Cameraman was standing beside her cameraman.
"This is Rebecca Steel, for Channel 10 News, San Diego. We are outside one of the mansions of billionare Professional Wrestler Edward White, where the mysterious "Rider" has made an enigmatic appearance."
The reporter turned, looking at the mansion's open front door, and... absolutely barren front hall. The camera followed her gaze, zooming in. "It seems that the Rider has robbed the mansion of every piece of furniture, jewelry, silverware and indeed anything not bolted to the floor!"
The camera focused once again on the reporter. "And not only that, but the Rider appears to have defaced the building..."
She waved a hand to her right, where burning letters spelled out "BEWARE THE RIDER!", etched deep into the expensive marble and brick of the building.
"The identity of the Rider still remains a mystery, but Edward White has reportedly placed a fifty thousand dollar bounty in his head! We'll follow this story as it develo-"
Hard-cut to a shot of the lonesome highway heading for Michigan. In the distance, as the sun began to slowly rise on the horizon, a single light was shining up the highway.
The mysterious woman's voice spoke once more.
"White and Jiles desire victory above all else."
"The Rider desires to ruin their plans."
The motorcycle could be seen in the distance.
"To spoil the fun of the dark ones, the Rider must go to any lengths. Any heights. And any depths."
In a yellow and black streak, on it came.
"At HERITAGE 08, The Rider will appear. And his mighty hand will bring doom to the wealth and splendor of the sinners."
The cycle came so close to the camera, it nearly killed the cameraman.
"With a whip made of cords, he will cast the moneychangers and the merchants out of the temple, and overturn their carefully laden plans."
And the motorcycle, that Honda VF1000, roared past. On to East Lansing.
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