“Jimmy, here’s the thing.”

“The things you say you do have nothing to do with reality.”

“The things you say other people do also have nothing to do with reality.”

“If you didn’t know ahead of time what Ed White was going to do in War Games, you sure got used to the idea pretty fast.  And you know what that means?”

“You ain’t a hero, boy.”

“You ain’t even a sidekick.”

“You ain’t even Aquaman.”

[Cold open.]

[Heidi Christenson.]

[She’s seated with her right side to the camera, her legs crossed and accented nicely by a pair of cutoff jean shorts.]

[Her head is adorned with a pink and yellow Ladies’ John Deere cap, worn at a tilt.]

“Here’s reality, Jimmy.”

“You’re the same selfish rotten bastard who whipped up on Justin Brooks in front of an Alabama crowd.”

“And you ain’t ever been anything else, boy.”

[It’s as though Heidi’s too cool to look into the camera.  Her eyes are fixed on a point above her head, and the side of her mouth works up into a little smirk.]

“Y’know… I don’t like Tom Sawyer, not even a little bit.  But with him, when he starts talking, no matter how completely he misses the point, no matter how hypocritical and naïve he is, at least what he’s saying is what he’s genuinely thinking.”

“You, on the other hand, hop on the Death Row bandwagon once Defiance leaves the regional territory thing behind and Justin Brooks leaves, and you try to play it up as though you’re some kind of blue collar hero… or the last cowboy, or the tough sherrif, or…”

[She crinkles her nose.]

“Something.”

“And yet, for all your talk about fighting the good fight, it wasn’t you making sure Evolution League didn’t take ten years off Claira St. Sure’s career.  It was Sam Turner.  No, as long as it got you a nice easy road into the playoffs, you were just fine letting Elijah Goldman ride your ass.”

“You can dress it up all you’d like, try to call it fighting the good fight, or playing the hand that fate dealt you, or there’s really a whole lot of things you could call it, but don’t pretend it’s noble.  Cos for all your talk about how no one from Heritage ever offered you another road…”

“I did.”

“As soon as you pointed that out, I said, hey, we could work together and put Elijah Goldman in his place.”

[A quick sigh out of the side of her mouth.]

“But you’d rather do the Sports Entertainment thing, say stupid shit about Heritage League being the no-fun league… what, don’t you like pro wrestling, boy?”

“Well, conglaturation, Jimmy, you got what you wanted.”

“You’re in the playoffs, boy, and you done Mistah Goldman proud.”

“Tell you what.  If Evolution somehow manages to win this tournament, and Goldman goes from riding your ass to holding you accountable for hot saucing him in the eyes… come see me, so I can say ‘told you’ to your stupid face.”

“OH AND BY THE WAY I HELD MOAR TITLES THAN YOU AND THEY WERE BETTER TITLES TOO SO HAAAA.”

[Her eyes roll so far back in her head that they almost disappear, and she brushes a couple loose strands of hair back up under the hat.]

“Fucking douchebag.”

[She shakes her head.]

“And speaking of that… oh, Dragon.  Dragon, Dragon, Dragon…”

“At least you admit you don’t have any idea what’s happening in the wrestling promotion you work for at every given time.”

“In the tournament since the preseason and instead of caring that, for the first time in your career you’re actually succeeding, you complain because it’s too much like football?”

“It’s not that I’m overlooking you.  It’s just that… when have you ever argued with anybody?  I mean, aside from that chair.”

[Snicker.]

“It’s just that, well… you’re cute.  You always had this fuzzy, puppy-like optimism to you, Dragon.  A lot of people would’ve liked to see that Dragon Jones actually win a few matches back to back.”

“Now… ok, you’re still cute, but more in an ‘eight year old talked his parents into letting him get a mohawk and now he thinks he’s a badass’ kind of cute.  It’s amusing, but the endgame is inevitable.”

“It’s going to end with a smack across the face and tears.”

[Another smirk.]

“The only time I had a singles match with Bronson Box, it ended with me in the Boston Massacre.  And the Defiance production crew loves working that into every last promotional video they can.  But the part that people forget is that not only did I won that match – ok, by DQ, but that’s still a win – but unlike you, the match concluded with me standing in the ring and Bronson Box backing up the entrance ramp.”

“If you irritate me, Dragon, like Jimmy Kort did, I can put you through every single ounce of agony that Bronson Box did.”

“I don’t really want to do that, though.  You don’t deserve that much, not at all.”

“You know, maybe, if you do beat me in the ring, I can help you.  Make sure that you get past Jimmy Kort.  Maybe in the finale, make sure you get past whoever wins the other side of the bracket.”

“Probably Dentari… you know, my ideal bracket ends with me getting Dentari in the semifinals and losing via excessivo de castigo.”

“That means I beat him up without trying to win the match until I get disqualified, just so you know.”

“But if it comes down to it, I could make sure you go past him.”

“On the other hand…”

[Heidi slowly uncrosses her legs, then stands up.]

“I do kind of want to beat the crap out of Jimmy Kort.”

[She reaches out and turns off the camera.]

[End.]

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