"Leave it to Boogie Smallz to continue to be as daft as possible." 

 

[Fade up. Christian Light stands in front of a Defiance banner, dressed in a Pittsburgh Steelers Hines Ward jersey and blue jeans. He rolls his neck as the camera opens on him.]

 

"The Last Nighthawk" Christian Light:

Leave it to Boogie Smallz to have an equation of two plus two laid right out in front of him and come up with marshmallow as the answer.

 

[A disappointing shake of the head from The Last Nighthawk.]

 

Light:

And best of all, leave it to Boogie Smallz to cry conspiracy when someone tells him marshmallow is the wrong answer.

 

[A pause.]

 

Light:

You ever seen Scott Pilgrim vs The World, Boogie? You don't strike me as the movie type, but one never knows. My wife is crazy about movies, and Scott Pilgrim's adventure was one of the ones that passed through our Netflix queue, and...I can't believe I'm saying this, but I find myself harkening back to that movie to draw a parallel. 

 

You see, throughout the movie, everyone thinks they understand what the main character's motivation is. They speak it with such conviction and such fire that even Scott Pilgrim himself manages to convince himself that they're telling the truth. He even takes a fall because of it. By the end of the movie, he figures it out though.

 

He's doing it all for himself. 

 

[Another pause as Light looks downward.]

 

Light:

This match upcoming isn't about Dan Ryan, or any agenda he may have that may align with mine. His only relevance on my side of this affair is that he sanctioned me re-entering an EPW ring for this match. Although when I do pick you up and drop you on your head, I'm sure he'll crack a little bit of a smile after the headaches you seem to have put him through during negotiations. 

 

[Light looks up to the camera, and you can see the fire in his eyes.]

 

Light:

The match isn't about Defiance, although for the record if you wanted to work pay-per-appearance deals to get your head kicked in by a few Defiants on the side I'm sure I can get Eric to get involved in some negotiations. Though when I get done with you I think you'll scream some conspiracy nonsense and forget that someone from Defiance put you out like a light. 

 

This isn't even about you, as much as you've tried to make it about yourself by belittling everything I stand for and hitting Defiance with some splatter fire. This is about me.This is about me climbing back in the saddle after an OK Aggression 68, with The Great Missed Media Appearance Scandal of 2012 as the monkey on my back, and coming back and making a more fitting showing of myself to the Empire faithful. 

 

This is about my performance erasing doubt from everyone's mind about whether I'm worth the top billing Defiance gives me.

 

This is about me running miles on the beach in the wind and rain and remembering every time Boogie Smallz thought my effort was "lazy" and "half-assed" to keep pushing me forward.

 

This is about me pressing another stack of weights on the rack every time Boogie Smallz thinks I can't lift him in the air. Never mind that I've tossed around four hundred and fifty pound sumo wrestlers with no difficulty, Boogie's three hundred-ish pounts is going to somehow prevent me from executing my offense on him. 

 

I hope he's been hitting the Old Country Buffet as part of his training routine, or he'll be in for a big surprise.

 

This is about me putting in more time in the film room every time Boogie Smallz thinks I got my tail handed to me at Aggression 68 even though I had Impulse locked in my submission finisher before Michel got himself into trouble.

 

This is about me doing another lap in the pool every time Boogie Smallz calls Defiance a second-rate promotion and everyone who's walked through Defiance a guy that couldn't cut it in the business where he's from. All this despite the fact that the guy he's negotiating with on his new contract was, in fact, a Defiant himself. 

 

This is about me taking every negative comment Boogie Smallz spews about me and turning it into more motivation.This is about me, in Boogie's last match, sending him out of the Empire the way the business has always handled expired contract wrestlers.

 

Out on their backs.

 

And if you think you can stop me, Boogie...if you think for one second you can just bow down your head and just charge into battle with nothing but your balls and your word to stop this runaway train...then I invite you to try. But you better have either super strength or super intelligence if you think you can do it. 

 

Considering you're too dumb to double-check on your partner in a Lethal Lottery matchup to understand what he can do when both of your opponents are known Empire Pro quantities, then I don't think you're outsmarting anyone.

 

And I don't see an S tattooed on your chest. 

 

Advantage: freight train. 

 

And when we're all said and done at Aggression 70, you can talk about how corrupt Dan Ryan is and how that's all Dan Ryan's fault. But sooner or later, when all the shouting dies down and the conspiracy theories are debunked, you're going to have to look yourself in the mirror and figure out this equation.

 

[And here's the whiny squealy mocking tone of voice Christian has chosen to use for the role of Boogie Smallz.]

 

Light:

"My god, Boogie-mirror! I've talked all this Boogie-ish, and I got beat by Christian Light anyway!"

 

"But if Christian Light is a second-rate Boogie-wrestler, and I lost to him, what does that Boogie-make me?"

 

[And now we end the squealy voice for the normal Christian Light voice.]

 

Light:

Here's a hint: the answer's not marshmallow. 

 

[End.]