[Saddle.]

[Back.]

“Clown.”

“That’s a good one, Mr. Billingston.”

“Heh, I remember my first beer.”

[Yup. That be the COOL one. Ya know, the guy who wears T-shades so dark they’d look like camo paint on Wesley Snipes. The guy who has hair so blond he makes Heidi look like a bonafide genius. The guy who dances atop the sun because it’s the hottest spot around.]

[THAT. COOL. ONE.]

“Now, I won’t deny that I find myself amusing-- more so than any other I would imagine.”

[As per the norm, the collar is popped and the silk is imported.]

“Then again, I don’t think I’d be crashing through any glass ceiling if I said I’m probably one of the most amusing guys on the roster. In fact, Ron, if I may be honest, I’d like to think of myself as a beacon of amusement for Defiance. So much so, one day I wish to have a roller coaster named after me at Great Adventure.”

[There’s goals, and then there’s COOL goals. You’ve just been privy to the latter.]

[There’s also an exasperated sigh from Cancer.]

“I already know what you’re thinking, Ronbon. Way to shoot for the stars, Cancer. Why don’t you try becoming champion in Only Limp Wristed. Do something that no one cares about and then get back to me. Oh wait, OLW is closed for like a century. HA! I WIN.”

[Yes, Cancer is a disappoint. See, he feels like he could have done a better impersonation, and of course because he thinks Ronnie Long is from the Ice Age.]

“In an attempt to sweep your archaic mishigas under the carpet, I guess we’ll just have to leave it at you’re a Moncogoloid who has been bashed over head so many times he doesn’t realize he’s been bashed over the head so many times.”

“And I’m just a guy who doesn’t give a fuck about your shovel.”

[Hard to argue otherwise.]

[About Ronnie Long that is.]

“Other things I could careless about, Ronnie, would include what you think, about how many world champions are in your snorable stable, and anything related to Oh El Double-U.”

[Yes, Cancer went slack-jaw for the OLW shout. He also mimicked falling asleep while saying snorable and held out his middle finger while saying fuck. He also said Ronnie as if he were Fran Dresher.]

“ALSO, I don’t give a fuck about how you and the Untouchables are the top of the line, state of the art, alien science unhackable supercomputer from 3013.”

[The Count smiles. It’s the type of smile that makes most people hate him.]

“How quick you are to forget, Ron.”

“I’m the one who wears the Terminator shades in this relationship.”

[Roasted.]

“I’m the one who is the ultimate-master-authority at throwing monkey wrenches covered in shell and yolk into pretty, gift wrapped Jack in the Boxes like the Untouchables.”

[Take that dojo.]

“Machine. HA! COOL mechanical rhetoric, you fucking nerd. On the real, I miss one show and Brad Jackson is in Defiance? WTF?”

[A haughty, self-satisfying chuckle booms out of the Philly native.]

“I should leave this at that.”

“But I won’t, because I want to see the sun blotted out from the sky.”

[The Stone is a Rolling, can’t get off now.]

“You might think me to be brazen for my train of thought. You might say I’m even more unoriginal because someone from Before Christ said the same thing.”

“That’s fine, Ron.”

[The Count straightens his posture, clears his throat and re-pops his collar. It’s evident his next point is worth making-- in his mind at least.]

“I’m not afraid to enter the lion’s den and settle this in a manner which one of us crawls away from. Shit, I’ll fucking crip walk into it. You, and the rest of Christmas past have literally tried everything to keep me out. If it wasn’t voiding my contract... or burying me alive... or docking points... or overturning wins... “

[The list goes on and on.]

“Yet, here I am. Persisting. Daring to be perturbed. Stronger. Faster. COOLER. Ready to assfuck Vengeance and cum in Revenge’s mouth.”

“I will not stop, until my dicks falls off.”

[cut.]

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