FADE IN.

Amarillo has a couple fantastic steakhouses. This is a particularly good one. And I, "The Ego Buster" Dan Ryan, thanks to a number of much much better business decisions than Boogie Smallz is capable of making, have managed to buy it out for the evening. Yes, the entire crew is eating -- on me -- BECAUSE I'M THAT NICE OF A GUY.

Right now, I'm sitting in a private booth -- and talking to myself in my head, apparently.

DAN RYAN:

"Just a goshdarn rootin' tootin' Texas second there, Lance Corporal Smallz! How dare you? I said, HOW DARE YOU?? For YOUR information.... I don't even have a sister. And furthermore, how would BOOGIE SMALLZ know that about Texas anyway??? IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME. Let me guess, you were born in 'Hawaii', right? Birth certificate, son. Let's see it."

"I'd bet two million strands o' tumbleweed that you don't know the first thing about growing up in Texas -- and for the record, neither do I, since I was born here but moved to Japan when I was a little kid. In Japan, it's an everyday thing to have your first sexual encounter with really really raw sushi and chopsticks. It's all in the WOOD, if you know what I'm sayin'."

"I won't go too hardcore on your love of the herb. Really, I feel ya, dawg. If the 'ish layin' around, the 'ish gon' be smoked. I dig. It took you well into adulthood to put it down. Word, bruh. I took me until I realized that I had to be an adult to put it down. You know, growing up and all that."

"But just so you know, as for dealing with a piece of shit like me? You've hardly dealt with me, Smallz, considering the bulk of your career came before I was in the business, and everything after I arrived has paled in comparison. That's not even an opinion or a titty-twisting of the facts. It's just black and white truth."

"You talk about shit that happened ten years ago with the recall of a ninety year old Alzheimer patient, Smallz. You were a moderately big deal in CSWA. You were HALF OF THE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!! My God, you reached heights only reached by such legends as.... well, actually I don't know.... the CSWA archives don't seem to think the Tag Team title legacy is important enough to list. I mean, we all know the exploits of your amazing partner, Inferno Ice, who parlayed his CSWA dominance into a scintillating career as Icy Hot spokesman. Lord knows when I think of a sore pulled groin, I think of INFERNO ICE. That's right, the HIP HOP EXPRESS, not only a popular train ride featuring the Easter Bunny through the New England countryside in late Spring, but also, THE TEAM THAT MADE CSWA A SUCCESS."

"Boogie, I've heard some delusions of grandeur in my day, but hot-dog-on-a-summer-sidewalk-and-other-Texas-catchphrases, your delusions take the cake. Actually, your delusions took the whole bakery, leaving it without so much as a speck of flour to cook with. Your delusions are currently involved in a high speed police chase down the Pacific Coast Highway live on CNN with frosting on the corners of its mouth as we speak, is what I'm saying."

"Meanwhile, my overrated ass has somehow managed to win FIFTEEN WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS since the first day I met you, Boog. You understand?? I've done so much winning that I don't even have TIME to list the tag team titles I've won. My daughter can't even say 'Daddy, you've won THIS MANY!!' because I've won more than she has fingers to count with. And she's not gonna use fingers AND toes. We're an athletic family, but she's not a fuckin' acrobat. That's the difference between me and you. You think you revolutionized a legendary wrestling company with a couple tag team title runs, and I parlayed my ability into being able to call my shot in any corner of the wrestling world. I had it handed to me? I've been WORKING for sixteen years, BRO. Mostly, you've been living in the past, right down to being bitter about a match you lost to me ELEVEN YEARS AGO. Speaking of which, are you sure I hit you with a bottle of champagne? Because so far, all you've done is WHINE."

"I'm not gonna even entertain your blow by blow complaints about how low your career has sunk, because really, you're boring everyone, most importantly, me. Since you can't even handle simple details, like the fact that I bankrolled and owned EPW from the day we opened our doors, why would I bother to attempt to discuss anything with you? You don't even realize that I was booking you at the end of GXW. Never looked at your checks, huh? Or maybe we had them on direct deposit to your dealer. I helped create King of the Cage, Boogie. This stuff isn't really even that difficult."

"The EPW locker room respects me just about as much as I need them to, chief. When A1E tried a hostile takeover, they jumped to my defense. When Stalker tried to pull the same old schtick you're trying right now and I threw him out on his ass, no one batted an eyelash. You're not the first man to be bitter about how I passed you up like you were a tortoise in the Daytona 500. You won't be the last."

"Your life sucks. I get it. It's all my fault. I get that too. But no matter what manner of illusion you've created in your head, Smallz, the bottom line right now is that it comes down to you in a ring across from me, and I'm not the green kid you barely managed to hang with back in 2002. This isn't the old days, and I'm not interested in your nostalgia tour."

"For the first time in a very long time, you're free to go where you choose and take a shot at whatever goal you have in life, and you choose to come after me. Your decision making ability hasn't improved over the years, Boogie. Putting your career on ice wasn't very difficult the first time, and it won't be any more difficult this time. You won't be destroying EPW. You won't be destroying me. Two months from now you'll be bitching to someone else about how bad you've got it. You'll bitch because Dan Ryan isn't very nice and won't let you play with the other kids. You'll never get it, Smallz. Never get it. Too bad..."

"I would've bought you a steak."

FADE OUT.

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