[...]

"A'ight, lets see if this still works."

[Sound check?]

"Hookers and blow?"

[Fade.]

"Good enough. Lets make like the Autobots and roll this muthafucka out."

[Well how about that, it is in fact Tyrone Walker, the man, the myth, the long lost other half of the legendary Team Danger and he who sports the most epic of all afros in the world.]

[So yeah, in case you were wondering, that whole clusterfuck of an appearance at DEFTV35 wasn't a dream after all. Perhaps it was a bit of a nightmare for those involved, but that's neither here nor there or whatever.]

[Ahem, it's go time.]

TYRONE WALKER (aka Señor Negro Hombre):
"Oh, hai!"

[He waves, eyes squinted, goofy smile, it's like one of those Japanese school girl type things from just about any anime that ever existed... including the tentacle porn ones. Scratch that, ESPECIALLY the tentacle porn ones.]

TY:
"So how 'bout that, I guess I can still pop a crowd and smash people in the face with my greco roman guitar shot to the cranium. Who needs flippity floppity spot monkey fu when you have that and cheese graters?"

[Shrug. He can haz does it.]

TY:
"Ah well, this is where I'm supposed to say a whole bunch of shit about how Boss Man Andy is a cock of life sucking douchebag and his merry band of faggots called the Untouchables can suck deez nuts!"

[Uh, what?]

TY:
"Meh, that’s not me, that’s not how I go about things. My motivations are neither deep, nor shallow, they're neither simple or complicated. They just are. I mean it's been more than five years since I've done any of this, I'm just as likely doing all of this because, hey... why the hell not?"

[His head tilts with slight shrug of his brow.]

TY:
"And BOOOOM!"

[His arms flail out wildly.]

"Here I am. That's about it right there, Andy..."

"Besides, we all know Ye ol' Kay Oh Pee is entirely different than me, he's got his issues with you and yours that I barely even remember the cliff notes on. I figured that fool would dive in there one on four and we all know how this would play out don't we? My boy's a fighter, he's a drug addled, three quarters crazy, axe grindin', legacy obsessed fucktard of destruction, but he's a fighter... and... he's my muthafuckin' boy and I knew well enough that shit was gonna end badly for him going off like he does. So off I went and a bunch of other shit went down and look at me now, somehow I get wrapped up in all of this, I'd quote Godfather 3, but like I said... it could be fun and I do like messing with other people’s toys now and then."

[Exhale.]

TY:
"Now, as for the other elephant in the room."

[The Only other Star left?]

TY:
"Eric Dane. My other bestie. The dude who's won this and that a few times over and is the supposed rightful owner of this here razzlin' promotion. Now I'm sure in some imaginary unwritten rule book of friendos it says that I'm supposed to be all super duper mad and want to mess with your life over what you and your crew did to my boy D."

[His face scrunches as he shakes his head no quickly.]

TY:
"Nah, fuck that. If there is one thing I've learned over the years, karma is a big fat bitch with an attitude and she’s got this nasty ass habit of always throwin’ your shit back at you eventually. Real talk dude, it was his time to get kicked in the dick for all the good deeds he's done.”

“Happens to the best and worst of us.”

[Moving along.]

TY:

"So Andy, that leaves why I'm even bothering beyond the other night."

[His eyes turn left as his head tilts slightly as well. Someone whispers to him from off screen.]

TY:
"What?"

"Andrews?"

"Andrews, Andy, Anderson, whatever, I'm sure they..."

[Points to the screen.]

TY:
"...get I'm sayin' his name wrong. So yeah, like I said, whatever man. Point being. I'm not here for the obvious reasons, I'm probably not here for any single reason at all except for my own amusement and to blow some shit up in hilariously epic ways... Or maybe... Just maybe. Maybe I'm here to be the stray bullet that clips a ten year old during a drive by. The monkey wrench. The anomaly. The enigma. The dude who looks at a fucked up situation and says, that could be fun, lets see what happens."

"That is me in a nutshell."

[His eyes narrow and his tone takes on more serious edge.]

"At least for this situation. Now with all that shit that I just said, don't get me wrong tho..."

[He leans in.]

TY:
"This might not be some sorta gay ass revenge fantasy for me, but YOU did fuck over my boy D and YOU would have gladly maimed my bestie Stevie, so YOU have done some pretty awful things to Team Danger."

"Jeff Andrews."

"Heidi Christenson."

"Ronnie Long."

"and Kai Scott."

"And when I'm monkey stompin' the absolute piss out of each and every one of you, I'll be getting a few good ones in there for Dane and the Kay Oh Pee just to be sure you get the message that you all might be the big swingin' dicks today... but ain't none of you muthafuckas got anything on Team Danger."

"And when our night is said and done."

"You'll know you never did."

"Not once, not ever."

[Out.]

More Propaganda | View Tyrone Walker's Biography