You Ain’t Shit

Charlene Crank stands behind the customer service counter at the Harlan Walmart. She pulls her gum out of her mouth and twists it around her finger. A habit she picked up after doing speed with her husband, Chance Von Crank. Separated for the better part of two years she still stays in Harlan working at this Walmart. Along with her bleached blonde hair was a set of the greenest eyes Chance had ever seen. However her beauty got unwanted attention from the males that frequent Walmart. Charlene twists her gum as a customer approaches her counter laying two items down in front of her. A single set of open Defiance Wrestling trading cards, and a Jeff Dunham DVD that has been opened. Charlene opens the DVD and the dvd is not even in the box. Still looking down at the items she begins speaking to the customer.

Charlene: This dvd isn’t even in the box? Do you have a receipt?

cVc: Naw gorgeous I kept the dvd back at the trailer and bought those cards and there were no Shock-N-Rolla collectable card in it, so I added one and brought it back. You’re Welcome.

Charlene just stares at Chance after realizing it is in fact him. He is wearing his wrestling robe along with his Southern Heritage Championship around his waist.

Charlene: Look at you… Are you wrestling near by?

cVc: No.

Charlene: Figures. You think you’re going to just walk in here looking like a rock star and boom my panties will just slide off from the moisture build up in my snatch?

cVc: Yeah.

Charlene: You’re So Fucking full of yourself, Crank.

Charlene turns away from Chance. Before she can completely put her back to him he grabs her arm.

cVc: I told you I would be back for you when I got in the position to do so. That time is now and so I need you to throw your shit on my bus. I have to defend the gold at our next stop so if you would put some bounce in that fine ass, let’s get after it.

Charlene: Chance why should I?

Charlene walks away from Chance, jerking her arm out of his grasp. She walks out the side door out from Customer Service. Chance follows after her as he opens the door she is lighting a cigarette.

cVc: Listen Bitch, I need to know now if your going or not. I don’t have the time nor do I want to to make time for bullshit like this. It’s a real easy question Cunt, and it’s a yes or no answer.

Chance pushes her against the wall and pushing himself close up on her. She pushes him off.

Charlene: I just don’t want to see you fail, Chance. Like last time I went on the road with you?

cVc: What the fuck? I am on top of my game, baby doll. Look at this fucking strap around my waist. Failing? No way in hell that is going to happen. Like our next stop I was just telling you about I face a water head fucking retard in Lash Graham. Then a asshole ex stock broker? Really? Yeah. Then we got Sam Turner Jr.

Charlene: The Same Sam Turner from here?

cVc: Yeah same fucking dude. I don’t know why you are worried about my personal failures anyway because I kept you away from that shit. That’s why I am here to get you whore, I want you to see me actually fucking succeeding. There will be no failure this time, Charlene. There just won’t be. I am becoming a huge star now and I get paid with stacks of money nowadays.  So you gonna let me wreck that pussy or what?

Charlene: Yes.

cVc: Good, I don’t see what the problem is anyway. You know these assholes I face on DEFtv don’t have a chance in hell at taking my strap. Sam Turner Jr. knows there is one true star in the wrestling business from Harlan. He also knows that it’s not pronounced Sam Turner Jr. Sounds more like Chance Von Crank. You know this back holler shit head is not going to defeat the Shock-N-Rolla… Here To Show Ya….

Charlene: Cocked back and Fucking Loaded.

cVc: That makes your pussy wet, don’t it?

Chance steps back from Charlene.

cVc: I mean you can trust me, where no one else could. This next match is going to be over in just a few minutes. I’m going to wipe the ring with these three cockstain’s and be back on the bus ready to fuck. I have a point to get across this week on tv and I want you there to witness it. I am going to crush Tucker G Alston’s dreams of hitting the big time in My Sport. He’s one of those assholes who still brags about being prom king after x amount of years removed from that environment. Well Charlene… This is my fucking environment, between those ropes I’m a God Among Men. Did you watch the battle royal and see what I did to Lash Graham? This retarded faggot gets on tv talking about Disneyland and jerking off on stuffed animals. These motherfuckers just do not have what it takes to take my belt. I’m Major League, They’re Not. You got that bitch?

Charlene: Yeah I got it. I will go with you but do I have to quit my job here at Walmart?

cVc: If you do that won’t they take your food stamps away?

Charlene: Yeah

cVc: Then no just tell them you need time off that is an emergency so they won’t take your welfare away, we will need that on the road.

Charlene: I thought you had stacks of money now?

cVc: That’s a lot of lip from one ungrateful bitch.

Chance looks over Charlene’s shoulder and notices a cop walking toward them. Charlene has her back to the cop as Chance quickly retrieves a small cylinder pill holder from his pocket.

Charlene: I don’t want any. You need to stay straight t..

cVc: Ssshh! Put this in your pussy, right now! There is a pig walking right at us.

Charlene retrieves the pill holder and does as she is told turning slightly so the cop doesn’t notice as he approaches she hides it.

Cop: What are you two doing back here? Is she sucking your dick for some pills?

cVc: You better watch your fucking mouth…

Chance leans in closer to see the cops badge.

cVc: Officer Dewey. This is my bitch and we are having a private conversation so why don’t ya fuck off?

Cop: I know who you are… Chance Von Crank. A living Harlan legend… I think Sam Turner Jr. is better.

cVc: You would, bacon. You think your opinion on what wrestling talent is even for a moment surprises me? Sam Turner Jr. is one of them hog fuckers from deep in the holler, just like I suspect… You Fucking Are.

Chance and the police officer are now nose to nose.

Charlene: He didn’t mean anything by it Chance, lets just go.

cVc: You’re a pussy faggot motherfucker. My old lady just saved your ass from the beating its needed for some time. So thank my whore for saving your fucking life.

Cop: I didn’t thank her last weekend when she was back her sucking my dick for a roxy, why would I thank her for shit now?

Chance steps back up in the Cop’s face.

cVc: I whip ass for a living. It’s what they cut checks to me to do to pay for my shit. I sell mean to earn green. If you honestly think that I won’t drop a cop mall behind walmart you are dog shit crazy. I’m not going to knock the fuck out of you officer, like you deserve oh no. I want you to watch DEFtv just so you see what I do your favorite wrestler. Watch what I do to all three of those wannabe’s, queer. Watch real close because you will see a man destroy three pussies looking to overachieve. You need to watch because by looking at you I would guess being a man is something you know dick about. Just Between Us... You Ain't Shit.

To Be Continued. 

More Propaganda | View Chance Von Crank's Biography