You Ain’t Shit ll

Chance Von Crank’s bus pulls into a Pilot Truck Stop just outside of Sweetwater, TN. The driver, assistants, and Charlene bail out of the bus. Two of his newly hired assistants begin hanging a blue tarp on the back of the bus and setting up cameras for a road side promo. Chance gets ready still on the bus. He sprays his hair with hairspray then he winks at the mirror one last time. He heads off the bus wearing a white t-shirt and jeans with snake skin boots. The Southern Heritage title leather has been covered now with the same snake skin like Chances boots. Outside the bus now and at the back of the bus his small crew continues to set up a place to film facing away from the truck stop.

cVc: Charlene, take my card and go in that store and attempt to get change back. We are at a truck stop no sense in not finding a bump of good dope.

Charlene takes the card and walks off toward the store at the center of the truck stop. Chance’s new assistants tell him everything is go as they finishing linking live to Chance’s you tube channel.

cVc: Tennessee…  I am closing in on New Orleans. I know Defiance pays me to make sure 18,000 people find they’re way to Defiance TV! Lash Graham can you honestly believe that the people come to see an over achiever slash retard play with his stuffed fuck toy? No. What about you Tucker G Who give’s a fuck?

Chance looks down at his new snake skin boots and turns his title belt around flashing the shiny new backing.

cVc: That’s right. I thought it would be fitting to rub the battle royal win in the face of Python just a bit more. Allow him to bask in the greatness of the Trailer Park Prodigy. The glory that eluded him on that epic night and the failure he feels as he watches this promo, jerking off and crying. I know these three assholes are gonna huff and puff and run like a bunch bitches when the time comes. Every single one of these men is fucked up one way or another. Look at Lash Graham being led around by the man who molested him? What the fuck? Then you have Alston and who’s heard jack shit from him? Then you have Sam Turner Jr. who sounds like his mouth is full of dog shit every time he tries to talk. I tried to follow what the fuck you’re saying and finally stopped after all I heard was Chance Von Crank is better.

Chance hunks over in front of the blue tarp, sticking his tongue out too. He begins to do his best Sam Turner Jr. impression.

cVc: Yeah we all get it you’re a dumb redneck but goddamn buddy… Who the fuck acts the way you do? Look at me we are from the same town and all I do is win title belts and counts stacks of money. Why do you talk like you have a dick in your mouth?  Spit that shit out so that we normal motherfuckers can follow.

Chance begins laughing as he is handed a Disneyland poster. He uses a magnet to stick it to the back of his bus and on the blue tarp. Chance has his back to the camera and the picture of Disneyland is just in view. Piss begins hitting the poster dead center as Chance continues.

cVc: No matter what Jerry Sandusky tells you, or whoever that queer that leads around you is.. tells you… Remember Lash, Chance Von Crank is going to do much like now, piss all over your dreams once again. The hero doesn’t win this time, Lash. That’s what you are slowly becoming to all grown men crayon box enthusiasts around the world. Waterhead hero?  Remember how close you were to winning my strap? Well how close you thought in your simple mind you was?

Chance holds two fingers close to the camera, indicating “so close”. He shakes and turns around putting it away.

cVc: You should really think about all these dreams you have Lash. I know you’re “partner” won’t tell you but cVc will. I have watched this dick show you call cutting a promo. Every single time I suck air and let it go it has something to do with the wrestling business. I haven’t been away from this title belt 2 whole hours really since winning it. However long it took them to fit the snake skin is the longest time apart and this is my trade. All the movies and music videos is just shit on the side I do when not doing what I do. What I do is draw people to watch me kick ass. I do it better than most, one of the best of all time before its all said and done.

 Chance holds the belt tight and close to his face while thinking off in space. Finally he realizes what he is doing and stops it. Chance slings the title over his shoulder and looks directly back into the camera.

cVc: Like I said we are on the road side on our way to New Orleans. Eighteen thousand people are going to pack into that building. All but a small handful will be rooting against yours truly. Only a star of my caliber could command such hatred from the masses. The Shock-N-Rolla knows what is at stake. Sam Turner Jr. you are going to lose. Lash Graham just more heart break for you. Tucker G Alston? Who the fuck, are you? Wait before you tell me, I don’t care. All three of you are filler around the real show, you should be so grateful and thanking the front office on your cock sucking knee’s for this shot. That faint sound of one, two, three will haunt your nightmares. My theme music will be the soundtrack of your most recent failure.  None of you motherfuckers have the sack to break my back.

Chance finishes filming as Charlene comes into view of the camera.

Charlene: They said that you didn’t have sufficient funds on this card.

Chance looks at his assistant.

cVc: Lilly go over there and find a trucker headed for New Orleans.

Charlene: Why does she need to do that?

Chance walks up to Charlene and puts his arm around her.

cVc: We have a problem, baby girl. You know I love you right? You know I would never put you in danger right?

Charlene: Yes, Chance. Yes, Yes.

cVc: Alright you see this trucker Lilly is talking to? I need you to ride with him to New Orleans and do some shit on the way for him.

Charlene: Not again, Chance. Please…

Chance waves the Trucker over and begins explaining.

cVc: I am out of gas for the bus. If you want this great and wonderful life together I have to win and to win I have to fucking be there. Just fuck and suck him on the way and he will pay us now and we will meet up in New Orleans. How does that sound to you, dude?

Trucker: Deal. So do I need to use a bag?

cVc: Just if you don’t like her face, She Ain't Shit.

The trucker explains about using condoms and cVc acts as if he doesn’t care either way. Charlene crawls up in the cab of the truck as the trucker pays Chance. She is crying and wiping her tears away as Chance walks away laughing counting the money.

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