“So how come you hate Tom Sawyer so much?” Sam asked.

“How come everyone else likes that little shit so much?” Heidi countered.

Sam shrugged. “He’s enthusiastic.”

“And they like that better than the fifteen fucking years I’ve put into this business.”

Sam looked over at me.

“She ain’t opening up to me, Jamie.”

“Fucks sake Sam, we’re not psychologists. Of course she’s gonna hate us.”

But I think I’m getting ahead of myself here, so let me slow it down for a minute and introduce myself.

My name’s Jamie. Jamie Stanley. You might’ve noticed me among the the ‘DEFsec Brute Squad’, that’s what they call us.  If you did, it was probably because of my hair. Haters say it makes me look like a cartoon character. Sam, for example, but he’s bald and jealous. Others (ok, mostly me) say it’s the best since Elvis.  

How Sam and I ended up playing security, that’s a long story.  By which I mean a boring story. Wrestler tries to make it big, can’t get into the right schools, can’t get the right deals. Wrestler puts on muscle, gets jacked right about the same time another steroid scandal hits and no one wants jacked anymore. Wrestler takes said muscle off, everyone says he’s too tall and skinny to be credible.

Wrestler ends up saying ‘fuck it, I’m 6 foot 4 and I got a purple belt in jujitsu, I might as well just get into security or bodyguarding or something’ and ends up getting contracted.  By a wrestling promotion.  As a security guard.

And I was just another DEFsec brute right up until Mr. Dane told me and Sam we had a special assignment.

“Tom Sawyer’s a monkey, not a wrestler. By all rights he should fall and break his neck, but he never does. The aggro crag is an insult, and I kinda want to hunt down everyone who ever liked an aggro crag match and fucking... kill them, really slowly.”

I remember a time when Heidi didn’t talk like that.

“Have you two ever seen the Aggro Crag? It’s a death trap wrapped in makeup.  It’s fucking John Wayne Gacy: The Wrestling Match.”

Actually, I saw both of ‘em. Honestly, I thought it was pretty cool.  I wasn’t about to tell that to Lady Heidi the Hellacious, though.

“It was pretty over the top.” I said.

“I liked it” Sam’s dumb ass said.

“FUCK YOU!”

Good thing Sam was quick with the tazer, because in a split second she was in mid air, aimed straight at him.  

The tazer hit first though, and Heidi hit the floor, sort of growling as her teeth chattered.

Honestly, I felt bad for her for a second or two.  Chick needed some help.  Eric Dane didn’t care.  I wouldn’t have put it past the guy to keep her in the ring when she was clearly in dire need of some R&R just to spite Jeff Andrews. But it’s pretty hard to feel sympathy for a bully, you know - if Heidi wanted to mess with Eric Dane, why not go after Dan Ryan?

Whether or not she could’ve - and I figure 1) if she beat “Catastrophic” Chris Kline to win the CAL World Title she could beat Dan Ryan, and 2) she beat CCK back in 2004 - the fact remains that Dan Ryan’s a little too big for her to bully.

Sam turned the tazer off.  “Sweetie, we can do this all night long if you want.”

Heidi slowly sat up, and I wondered if this shit - zapping her every time she did anything Dane didn’t want - was ethical, or even legal.  Well, forget the ethical part, you check your ethics at the door when you walk into wrestling training camp.  But legal? That was a problem.  Shooting a 150 pound woman with a current intended for men twice that size.

My walkie-talkie sparked and I answered it.  Slater was on the other end.  “Sawyer’s out of the building, you guys can let ‘er go.”

“Looks like you’re free to leave, Miss Heidi.” Sam said.  “Jamie’s gonna cut your zipties, but if you try to attack us or anyone else, you get to say hi to Mr. Tazer again.”

“I won’t try to attack you while you have the tazer.” Heidi smiled that fake sweet smile, the one she used to mess with Dane’s mind, the one that makes it clear she’s issuing dire threats only you can’t prove it at all, it’s just something in her eyes.  Or her canine teeth.

When she gets that look on her face, I look away.

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