[Oh boy.]

[What?]

[Cee Vee Cee responded.]

[ORLY?]

[Yuh'huh.]

[Lets do it then.]

[Up.]

[Why hello there, Blackimus Prime.]

[The man himself, clothed in the usual attire, a random jersey that is left to hang open, a pair of baggy jeans being held up by a belt that is for some a couple sizes more than is necessary, and a pair of classic, black and white Adidas upon his feet.]

[With his head down and arms crossed over his chest, he's leaned up against one of the pillars outside of the U.C. Santa Barbara Events Center's main entrance, Jay and Silent Bob style. Random people, students, wrestling fans, pass him by into the venue that will house DEFIANCE TV 38, it's a hot ticket, get yours now before they're all sold out. Some of them however momentarily glance at him, the ones who don't recognize him wonder about this large black man with the wild afro just flowing freely in the summer breeze.]

[Ty looks up, a "concerned" look covering his face.]

Ty:
"Yo, homie. I was gettin' worried there for a second. Thinkin' maybe, somethin' had happened to you, man. Like a tornado finally done, did found the trailer park that you inhabit an' swept your shit up an' tossed it on over to the next life."

[Places his right hand over his heart, showing his... "real" "concern" for the DEFIANCE Southern Heritage Champion, Chance Von Crank.]

Ty:
"But, thank the lawd, your ass survived. 'Cause I'd hate to see my favorite show get canceled because the star of that mothafucka got his shit wrecked in what, you peckerwoods refer to as, natural causes."

[The "genuine" "concern" continues...]

Ty:
"But then you arrived..."

[...But begins to fade, the glory of CVC's arrival bringing about an end to the times of "great sadness".]

Ty:
"...and like the Sweet Baby Jesus opening up the skies to let his eternal glory shine down upon us, you started to speak the gospel and it was glorious."

[Record scratch.]

Ty:
"That is, until you done, loss your damn mind and fucked it up."

[Okay time for some serious business.]

Ty:
"Seriously, nigga. What in the HALE, was all that?"

[Eye brow cocked, his curiosity is genuine.]

Ty:
"You mad, bro? 'Cause I coulda swore I saw you droolin' like Ol' Yeller an' shit under that mask."

[Pause, contemplating.]

Ty:
"Or are you jus' scared?"

[More people eye him as they pass by, most of them wondering what in the hell he's going on about. He pays them no mind.]

Ty:
"Seriously. Is that what that ghetto Halloween mask is for?"

[Seriously?]

Ty:
"I know you rattled off some line about havin' shame or whatever, but that's some bullshit right there. I know it and you, for damn sure, know it, Crank. 'Cause, nigga, you're Chance. VON. Crank, the absolute number one mothafucka of the whole goddamn world. You gots no shame, never had, never will, so I know that ain't why you're wearin' that nonsense."

[A couple walking by hear, Chance Von Crank, they're overcome with a shiver as the man holds tight to his woman and they scurry off quickly. They know not to fuck with the Trailor Park Prodigy.]

Ty:
"For real, are you tryin' to hide now, playa? Is that why you're sportin' some shit that looks like somethin' your mama gave you when you were five years old?"

[He scoffs.]

Ty:
"Pssh, take that shit off, dude, you're embarrassing ALL of us."

[Heh. But seriously.]

Ty:
"That can't be it tho', can it? C'mon now, are you fuckin' scared, Crank? 'Cause I done, seen your act wit' everyone else around this joint an' wit' any other mothafucka you're talkin' a mile a minute, playa, you jus' won't stop, 'cause you can't be stopped. Prolly, 'cause you knew goin' in, ain't none of these other mothafuckas is gonna slow you down. It's been one of the highlights of my time in DEFIANCE. But, here's the thing tho', Crank. Alston, Graham, Turner, all of them niggas you been toyin' wit, you'd be on overdrive, jus' spittin' that evil like nobody else. But then a nigga like me rolls up, an' now you gonna bitch up?"

[Disappointment takes over. Never meet your heroes, boys and girls. It's always a boatload of failure and sadness.]

Ty:
"Sheeeeit, I thought you were s'posed to be better than this, Crank?"

[He shakes his head with more disappointment.]

Ty:
"Maybe I gave you too much credit 'cause you're the one sportin' the gold, but color me unimpressed. Instead of a threat to my return, you gave me Uncle Tom's Cabin. Instead of givin' me doubt, you beat your chest an' call me a queer. I mean, the only thing even remotely interesting about you, is that you were able to carve a mask from a magazine cover. And that's funny, because when I look at that mask, it's like you took the bitch that's inside you an' now you're wearin' that shit on your face. Prolly the cleanest one you had on your mustache in years, ain't it? That can't be the best you got for me, can it? I mean what's next, you gonna go full whitey an' call me a nigger on live tv?"

[He throws his hands out wide, welcoming the incoming storm. Any white people that were in the vicinity have just vanished, fearing that something is about to get started and they don't want to be in the cross fire.]

Ty:
"Go on, dude, an' don't be all white about it, tryin' to pronounce it wit' an A, like you don't really mean it. Nah man, if you gonna do it, you hit that fuckin' R, like you jus' stuck the landin' at the Olympics."

[He nods his head with every word the follows, emphasizing each one.]

Ty:
"Jus' lean into that shit, mothafucka."

["Heh." He leans back against the pillar behind him.]

Ty:
"Hell, while you're at it, go get you some Klan members too, so they can start high fivin' and doin' a wave in celebration while they have one of them crosses burnin' in the background. An' then they all start passin' out readin' material about their militia and how the countries done, gone to HALE since that Muslim from Kenya stole the election, twice."

[The disappointment that crumbled, has left only a pile of absolute and anti-climatic, disdain. Seriously, it's been said, but never meet your heroes, people. It always ends up being a big shattered mess of fail.]

Ty:
"You can go do all of that and some other shit too, an' ain't none of it gonna make a bit of difference, Crank, 'cause none of it's gonna shake me an' it for damn sure, isn't gonna make me to lose focus on what this is all about. I mean what exactly am I s'posed to be scared of? Jus' 'cause you're screamin' any random bullshit that stumbles out of your empty head in a desperate attempt to get me shook up? By what exactly? That you can act a fool an' spit some nonsensical evil at a really loud volume?"

[His head turns, again with disappointment, disdain, disinterest, any other kind of dis you can tack on, it's all there in one back and forth turn of the head.]

Ty:
"I expected more outta you, Crank, but nah, it turns out you're jus' another punk mothafucka who talks mad shit when you got everything under control. When you're against somebody who'll jus' stand around an' take your bullshit wit' a smile while they wait for you to nut on them, like a bitch, so the nightmare can finally be over. Then all that shit changes when you see this darkness approachin', you jus' lose your goddamn mind all a sudden?"

[Exhale, inhale, he huffs.]

Ty:
"An' that's why I'm gonna take that strap from you, homie, 'cause bein' a champion is serious business an' you're too distracted for the role right now. That belt you got layin' over your dick is about the only action you're getting these days, an' that's damn near disrespectful. Heh, it'd be funny if it weren't so sad, but whatever, I'm jus' about done wit' you. So bring your trainwreck of bullshit on, nigga, 'cause y'know where I'mma be. Right here, up in this mothafucka all night long come TV time."

[He leans in a bit.]

Ty:
"An' you bes' believe, that I ain't gonna be hard to find. Hell, I'll even do you a solid, an' keep my eyes open, jus' so you can't say that shit got too dark an' you couldn't find my ass wit' a flashlight an' a dozen cops, wit' a dozen doughnuts."

[Pushing himself off the pillar again, he begins to stride away.]

Ty:
"Look me up, Crank, I'll be the nigga stealin' your shit."

[Peace.]

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