Title: The Package -- The Fixer
Featuring: Tyrone Walker
Date: The Present
Location: Team Danger Land

[WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAHHHHH?!]

[No. Absolutely not going to do that.]

[Well, fuck you too, Personality 49.]

[Yes, well, whatever, Personality 94.]

[Fine.]

[Fine.]

[Hookers and Blow?]

[Indeed. Hookers and Blow.]

[HOOKAAAAAAAAHZ ANNNNNNNN BLLLLOOOOOOOOW!]

[Yes, that.]

[Moving along.]

[So. Where are we?]

[Mentally speaking?]

[Yes.]

[You mean, as in a recap for the viewers in tee vee land?]

[Exactly.]

[What viewers? They can't see us inside Personality 1's head or hear us for that matter.]

[Yes, but they can read our... uh... his mind!]

[Wait. What? How? They're doing it now?]

[Yes. I don't know how they do it, so don't ask.]

[THEN HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THEY ARE INVADING OUR PRIVACY?!]

[Uh... Aren't we supposed to be meandering our way towards a point right now?]

[Fuck that. We need a lawyer to make sure we're not about to be hauled in by the NSA.]

[So this is going absolutely nowhere. Let's just hit this fade button over here.]

[No... NOOOOOO...]

[Fade.]

[Jacksonville.]

[That one in Florida.]

[AKA TeamDangerLand.]

[The Club, aka The Pink Pussy & Crazy Legs Dancer's Saloon. The not so secret superhero lair of those who identify themselves as Team Danger.]

[Team Danger for life, even when they're semi-retired, currently returned, and running with a new crew under an as of yet untitled designation.]

[ANYWHOOZLE.]

[It's early on in the A.M. of this random assed day, sometime shortly before DEF TEE VEE THREE NINE. Tyrone Walker is set down upon a stool at the bar of the previously mentioned saloon. He's clothed in the usual at home attire, black track pants along with a beater and a pair of old bunny rabbit slippers like the ones Val Kilmer wore in Real Genius. He's also wearing a pair of reading glasses.]

[Go ahead, make your cracks.]

[I'll wait.]

[Fuckers.]

[Just don't disrespect the rabbit slippers.]

[On the bar in front of him is a mess of work papers, thus the glasses, behind the bar is long time Team Danger cohort and business manager of the club, Cindy Lewis. The two are discussing business, stuff about orders needing to be filled, stuff about girls who work at the club, stuff about new girls who want to work at the club, stuff about stuff and more stuff about stuff after that.]

[We'll just fast forward right past all of that.]

[Because mundane, but I must set the scene goddamnit, so shaddap!]

[All the way to the point where an unknown figure enters the club. An aging white man in his mid-60's, he's dressed nicely, professionally, like a New York Italian Mobster in a suit and tie with his receding hair slicked back and shiny. He approaches as Ty sees him, waving him over.]

Ty:
Yooooo, Jay Kay, how's'it?

Jay Kay:
I see yous still dressing for shit.

Ty:
Man, c'mon, we can't all be representin' like you, Jay Kay, lookin' like you just stumbled off the set of the Godfather an' shit.

Jay Kay:
Ay! Yous from New Yawk, yeh black bastard, we're a people of class!

Ty: [snickers]
Pssh, maybe from your part of the Apple, you meatball eatin' sumbitch.

Jay Kay: [laughing]
Ah, ya fucker!

[Getting off the stool, Ty greets his guest with a manly handshake. No bro hugs, no bro-anything, just a manly handshake, because Jay Kay would probably shoot a nigga if it got any more personal than a handshake. Something about faggots and not being a cocksucker. Whatever, old people, amirite?]

Ty:
Anyway, I'm glad you're here.

Jay Kay:
Yes, yous got some business for me to attend to?

Ty:
Yessir, I need you to restore a piece for me.

Jay Kay:
Hmph, lets see it.

Ty:
Right on, it's up in the loft.

[Escorting the gentlemen to the elevator, they take the ride up to the upper floor where Casa Del Team Danger resides. Upon arriving, Ty opens the gates to the elevator and allows for the elder gentlemen to disembark first, it's all about being respectful when it comes to an old crank like Jay Kay, so Ty pays the proper deference when it's business time. Leading the way to another part of the loft, this is Greer's walk-in closet that houses the King of Pain's massive, wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling collection of comic books. In the center of this room is a table, upon it's center is a black velvet bag.]

[Jay Kay steps in, looking over his surroundings, he says nothing until seeing the black velvet on the table.]

Jay Kay:
So, what do you have for me?

Ty:
A'ight, look, Jay Kay. This isn't your typical work, I know that, so don't go gettin' all pissed an' thinkin' I'm fuckin' wit' you, a'ight?

[The elder Italian nods, though quizzically arches a brow.]

Ty:
This is a special project that I need doin' an' you're the only man that I'd trust with this particular job.

Jay Kay:
Well, yous gonna show me, or keep running your yappa?

[The two men stand close to the table, Ty on the left of Jay Kay, obviously on the right. We however, cannot see, because MYSTERY!]

Jay Kay:
What in the hell is this? What am I supposed to do with a mangled...

Ty:
Shhhhh... We. are. not. alone.

Jay Kay:
Huh?

Ty:
Cameras, Jay Kay, I'm a wrestler an' shit, remember? They're everywhere an' this is a surprise.

Jay Kay:
What? Yous tryin' to get caught by the NSA? I read about that. You better not be recording me, never know when that Obama will...

Ty: [interjecting, hard]
Hey now, fucker, they're not those kind of cameras. This isn't some bullshit XBOX ONE nonsense that Prez Obeezy will be abusin' an' shit, so calm your ol' guido ass down. Dag!

[Jay Kay does not get the XBOX ONE reference whatsoever.]

Ty:
I just mean that they're everywhere.

[Just then, Jay Kay turns his head to find a cameraman behind them. Startled, he cocks a fist back.]

Jay Kay:
Ay, I'mma break your face you get any closer to me!

Ty: [sighs]
Like I said, everywhere. (turning to the dude with the camera) You prolly should back off a bit, homie, I've seen this man do shit to fools for less.

[Jay Kay stares the camera holding dude back, who wisely opts to back off to a safer distance... like back down to the bar, out the doors of the club, across the street to his car, and speeding away to a safe distance.]

Ty:
Damn, Jay Kay, did you see that kid piss himself?

Jay Kay:
Well, he knows better now than to fuck with me!

Ty:
Yes, yes he does. So, anyway. Can you do it?

Jay Kay:
What, this thing?

Ty:
Yeah.

Jay Kay: [nodding, yes]
Of course, what, do you want it on a chain or something?

Ty:
Nah, man. I just want it restored, absolutely, nothin' else.

Jay Kay:
What's it for?

Ty:
Let's jus' say it could be the one thing, the only thing, that will push the balance of power in favor of someone who's gonna be needin' it soon.

[The End.]

[Until next time, of course.]

[kthxbai1]



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