Title: Best Wishes
Featuring: Cancer Jiles
Date: 8/20/13
Location: The Top of the World

[Mount COOLYMPUS.]

[The throne.]

[More importantly, the man who sits atop of it.]

“Ascension.”

[His hair is perfect.]

[His shades are pristine.]

[His smile is nonexistent.]

[And his name is not Robert Paulson.]

“The ladder.”

[Strapped around his waist, the golden prize at the end of the tunnel.]

[Draped across his shoulders, an elaborate black bear fur from out of the 16th century.]

“Five enter.”

“One leaves.”

[With his posture slouched back and each of his arms resting atop a respective armrest, The Champion does not balk. He does not sugarcoat what is to come.] 

“There are no rules.”

“There will be no existence of comradery.”

“Only enemies once the bell rings.”

“Only threats until someone climbs their way to victory.”

[His tone is collected. There is no levity to the air in which he calmly breathes.]

“Through all of this turmoil. Through all of the pain... and the agony. The bloodied... and the broken -- a Champion will emerge. He will rise from whatever is left of this place we all inhabit, and he will stake his claim at being the best.”

[A pause for lip licking.]

“And at the end of the day, that’s what this is all about.”

[The Champion makes a pointed gesture to the crown strapped around his waist. Then, calmly, he who shall always remain COOL stands from his God like seat and takes a few steps forward.]

Gentlemen.”

“Please, do your very best to comprehend what it means when I say that being the best is what this is all about. It is the only thing that matters when you speak of the Defiance World Heavyweight Championship.”

“The hate will only stunt your growth.”

“The money... ha, will only fill your piggy bank with delusion.”

“The yearning to be this beacon of hope that shines bright amongst these dark times will only get you as far as step six.”

“In other words, they are all crutches inside a place where you need to float.”

“It’s the drive to be the best that will empower you to reach out and grab what only few have been able to attain. It’s the blind willingness to out do the man next to you that will push you forward for that final step.”

... well, that, and maybe a few telephone books for you know who.

[A snicker.]

“That is how you become the Defiance Heavyweight Champion.”

“That is how you walk on water.”

“That is how you become legend.”

“You must become the best.”

“And, to be even more cliche than I’ve already been, in order to become the best you have to want to be the best. It is not handed out... anymore. It is not given, like maybe it once was.”

“No, to become the best.”

“Well, you have to become... me.”

[Shit grin.]

“As it stands, I am the best. I mean, it is my name that’s on the faceplate, ain’t it?”

[A very sarcastic fact check.]

“It is I, who has been able to do what none of you have been able to do, is it not? Some of you have tried, Edward, some are trying for the very first time. Either way you smoke it, none of you have accomplished what it is that I have done. Vis a vis, none of you can say that you are the best.”

“However, I can.”

[Well... duh.]

“I’m battle tested. I’ve proven that when the lights are at their brightest... when all the chips are in the middle of the table... when men become children and the strong wet themselves, I can deliver the goods -- better than anybody else.”

“Afterall, that’s how I became your champion.”

[Reminiscing to himself, The Slayer of Mongoloids lightly drags his fingertips across his precious Championship belt. In a moment, he remembers the last Pay Per View that Defiance had, and how it all came to pass.]

[Well, everything but Dane landing his finisher that is.]

“That’s right, Mongos. I am Cancer Jiles -- The COOLEST fucking cat strolling the block, 2_DAY. I am The Champion of all of you, because I chose to be the best this federation has to offer.”

“I stepped up, where you will all fall.”

[Adamantly, Count COOL thrusts his hand towards the ground for additional punctuation.]

“When the bell rings, and my title is hanging high above the ring -- make no mistakes, my very BEST will be on full display.”

[The slyest of grin cracks across Cancer’s otherwise sincere face.]

“And ask around if you don’t believe me, but trust me when I say it’s gotten the job done before.”

[the end.]
 



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TALKING SMACK

"Boogie, I've heard some delusions of grandeur in my day, but hot-dog-on-a-summer-sidewalk-and-other-Texas-catchphrases, your delusions take the cake. Actually, your delusions took the whole bakery, leaving it without so much as a speck of flour to cook with. Your delusions are currently involved in a high speed police chase down the Pacific Coast Highway live on CNN with frosting on the corners of its mouth as we speak, is what I'm saying."

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