Title: Harlan County Devil
Featuring: Chance Von Crank
Date: 23rd
Location: Harlan

Harlan County is in an uproar. Split sides in Harlan for the upcoming match. There are even people within the town sporting signs that read, “TeemAlston”.  The brief break between shows is why cVc has come home to stir the pot. That and to claim his money for rent on the numerous trailers within the four parks he has opened in his hometown.  Chance is counting money sitting on his bus in the middle of town. Chance is making another small fortune from his rent assisted tenants.  Just off the bus and across from the parking lot a crowd is forming. He looks out the bus window to see kids, adults and even seniors sporting his gear and some have even went as far to dress up like him.  Suddenly two boys comes running from the corner of the parking lot and catches his attention. “Chance! Chance!” one exclaims as the sprint toward the bus. One of them is holding a paint can as they run up and begin knocking on his bus door. He walks down the isle and touches the top of each seat as he slowly makes his way to the door and opens it.

 cVc: So… how did it go?

The boys are nearly out of breath from running.

cVc: Randy I haven’t got time for this now did you and Tyler get the job done?

Randy: Oh yeah… I yelled and when he turned we dashed the whole bucket of purple paint on him. We were really going to put a beating on him and someone shot a gun…

cVc: Sam Sr.

Tyler: Who?

cVc: It is his father or grandfather you know how those cousin fuckers from that holler work. Whole family talks like they have a mouth full of shit at all times. It’s like a goddamn retarded village over there. So you got him and you are sure?

Randy: It was him.

Chance holds up his index finger to indicate he needs a moment. He walks to the back of the bus and retrieves four hundred dollar bills to split between the two.  Crank grabs a folded confederate flag on his way back off the bus.  Walking down the isle and back off the bus he leaves his Southern Heritage Championship on a table. As he stomps down the stairs he drapes the flag over himself. Chance hands the boys the money and takes the paint can and tosses it under his bus and out of sight. The boys retreat back the way they came. Chance walks toward the make shift stage the crowd is all gathered around. A young woman that looks 9 months pregnant approaches him.

Pregnant Lady: Would you sign my baby?

She raises her shirt which is a loose fitting wife beater. She raises it up exposing her huge belly and swollen milky breasts to Chance. He stares at her tits for a shallow extended amount of time before signing her belly he looks at her breasts again.

“Your moms pussy is beat up.

Chance Von Crank”

After signing her belly he gives her his signature grin. She pays no attention to what the autograph says as she drops her shirt star struck by Crank.

cVc: I’d eat your asshole if you didn’t look so gross.

He proceeds past other fans asking for his autograph. Ignoring them cVc walks across the street as on coming cars on both sides of the road nearly wreck to avoid him. Traffic stops for Chance Von Crank he says as he walks to the stage assuring his publicist good to go. He shoots her the thumbs up as he trots on stage.  A stage hand hands cVc a bull horn which he falls in love with immediately.

cVc: The reason you came is now fucking here.

The crowd starts to chant “cVc! cVc!”.

cVc: Shut them cocksuckers and listen. I hate every single one of you.  I figured out quick you people ain’t shit in Harlan after gracing the bright lights of the Main Event. Shock N Rolla… Here to Show Ya… Cocked back and Fucking Loaded, Chance Von Crank! Coal Keeps the Lights on? Fuck you Jimmy.

The crowd boos Chance after he bad mouths the new local America’s Got Talent hero.

cVc: Did I strike a nerve with your new hero? Ha. I know Sam Turner Jr. can hear my voice booming. These men do not deserve another shot. I heard what they had to say and it looks like I’ve already won. These assholes are both bitching down to The Shock N Rolla in this youtube sharing age we all live in? Those IWC virgins will never let you live those bitch downs down. The tone in your voice was that of two broken men.  Beaten and battered.  Them ego’s you once wore on your sleeve has been fucking obliterated.

cVc holds the bull horn to the side to get a look at his audience.  He yells at his publicist to go get his belt.  She takes off back in the direction of the bus.

cVc: I have to tell you all the truth. This match means dick to me. You want me to pretend this match is something it just is not. When you are forced back to wrestling in high schools I want you to tell the last call girls at the bars that once cVc made you matter. I want you all to listen to me about that baby killer up there in the holler.  That’s right he killed his own baby and I’m positive he wants to take your guns. Yet Sam Sr. has been shooting at Chance Von Crank fans at random and is as I speak probably tit feeding that purple idiot. I give the people in Harlan a real reason to wake up every day not some faggot retard with a speech impediment.

He stops speaking through the bull horn and looks toward his bus for his publicist. He peers off the stage for her to be carrying his belt to him. No luck, she is nowhere in his sight.

  cVc: You are both right about this being it. Tucker you are not in my league. I will not leave that ring until you are both a heaping pile of bitch in the middle of my ring. Tucker… What has happened to that fire and spirit you had? You are right, after this there will be no more. I promise you here and now to not go for the win until I put you both down. I’m that good, I can pin you both alone. A vow I will keep. You two are like anchors on each leg pulling me back down the card. I win for a living. So is Penn. Complete waste of my time. DEFIANCE front office needs to send these queers at me who don’t have it maybe I wouldn’t have murdered a whole division? Penn… I pointed at you for one reason…. One Reason… I knew you couldn’t do shit about it then and even more so now.  He’s just as weak as the other two. You three shouldn’t be spoken in the same instance as a Chance Von Crank. I win again at Ascension.

Chance’s publicist rushes on the stage and whispers in his ear.

“Your belt has been stolen, it is gone. Chase, the driver said when he got off the bus it was on the table but its gone now.”

 Crank pushes her out of the way and heads straight for bus. He notices a teal blue shower cap on a elderly woman. She is on a rascal scooter driving away from the bus. All of his security is searching the bus but Chance heads for the older lady driving away. The woman slowly enters the store on the edge of the parking lot. “Cash for Gold!” signs are all over the front of the store as she rolls in on the scooter. Crank creeps up on the woman holding the back of her rascal to stop it completely.

cVc: What do we have here?

Chance spins the chair around and the older woman has his Southern Heritage title draped across her lap. She has stolen it and been caught red handed trying to get cash for Chance’s gold belt.     

cVc: You shot that bath tub dope in you’re the veins in your legs till your crippled huh?

She lowers her head in shame. He squats down in front of her rascal after retrieving his belt. Crank pulls a piece of paper from his back pocket.

cVc: Actually I am glad I caught you before I had to leave town this belongs to you. You haven’t paid your rent on trailer #2 the one next to mine in some time. This paper will explain how you got homeless. You, being here mean’s that you haven’t been informed that the police at this very moment is removing any and all of your property forever from the trailer park. You couldn’t have got on that bus. Did one of Turners few fans he has here actually steal my belt for you?  

The older woman weeps openly with her head looking down and shaking her head yes to his question.

cVc: You are now homeless, Mom. When you pull that newspaper across you make sure to look it over to see if yours truly is making news like usual.  Your pretty old and you can’t live outside in the winter long, it’s almost over. I’ll never have the time to visit your grave, really. I want you to think of me the moment you die and how much I’ll love hearing that news.

Momma Von Crank continues to weep. cVc laughs and drapes his confederate flag over her. Chance walks out of the Cash for Gold with his title belt across his shoulder.



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