“Japan?  Again?”

[The whiny voice came from one Angel Trinidad as the tall youngster sat with crossed arms and legs, looking out a window at the Washington Dulles International Airport.  The hustle and bustle of travel was something that Angel had become a little accustomed when he started his travels with another major organization called All-Star Championship Wrestling competing under the name of The Rookie Monster. It’d been about a month or so since that organization folded and with that, new opportunities were hard to come by.]

Cappy: Well, get the fuck over it. 

[The Rookie Monster’s former rival-turned-sorta-mentor Capital Punishment was busy reading a book which looked pretty weird considering he was a six-foot seven, near three-hundred pound brute hunched over in a tiny chair in the waiting terminal.]

Cappy: You’re the one that made the offer to DEFIANCE, you’re the one who signed us up and told them we’d be coming as a trios team.  We still don’t even have our third guy yet…

Angel: He’ll be here, El Capitan!  I told you.

Cappy: (sighing) Angel, I’ve told you time and time again… stop fucking calling me that.

Angel: Come on, Cappy! I thought you’d like another nickname aside from… well, Cappy.  El Capitan!  Look it up!  Spanish for “Capital.”

Cappy: No, it’s Spanish for “The Captain.”  That’s not my name.

Angel: …oh.

[The awkward silence continued between the two as Angel continued to glance out the window at the plants coming to and from their respective destinations.  Capital Punishment was reading his book when Angel finally spoke up.]

Angel: So did you hear about their last PPV, Cap-Pun? They had some big knock-down drag out fight with Eric Dane and a girl named Heidi?  Then I heard he grabbed the mic and somebody told me he shot up the place! 

[Capital Punishment got his nose out of his book and looked right at Angel like his face had magically transformed into a three-headed demon with all the heads resembling Brad Pitt.]

Cappy: What?

Angel: Yeah!  Grabbed a mic and he shot everybody!  Was yelling about stuff I think we aren’t supposed to talk about as wrestlers?

Cappy: No… that’s called a SHOOT, Angel.  But never use those words again around me… you sound ridiculous. 

Angel: …Oh.  But Japan?  We’re gonna be going back there again!  Hey, Mo-Cap, remember when we first teamed up in ACW? We competed in Japan in their King of Ages show!  It was awesome!  We got along nicely and knew this partnership was going to work.

Cappy: No, we were forced to team up to get on the card.  We did win our match, but you kept telling everybody how you were carrying me.  You said some bad stuff on Twitter, I said the only thing you’d ever trend on is Shitter and how I’d never team up with you again (looking up) … and somehow, we’re right back here…

[The wrestling legend sighed.]

Cappy: How the fuck did this happen again?

Angel: Um… duh.  Cause we’re the shit?

Cappy: (disgusted sigh) Anyway… yeah, do your research sometime.  DEFIANCE got kicked off the air for what happened to that Sawyer kid and now they’re taking the show international to get some tour dates.  Japan’s fine.  They take this wrestling shit pretty seriously and it’s kind of nice.  Don’t get me wrong… American is my home.  But you’re not bombarded by a bunch of drunken yahoos who just boo and cheer when they feel like it. 

[As he turned away from his tag team partner, he was about to go into his book while Angel continued to peer out the window.]

“SAKE!  YEAH, MATE, GIMME SOMMA THAT SHIT!”

[Just when he thought that his current company couldn’t be any more worse… here came the unhelpful hand of irony to deal Capital Punishment a very big bitchslap.  The third man had arrived in grand style…]

[To help you out, “Grand style” meant that he had been hitting the alcohol pretty hard the night before and hadn’t really gone to sleep since 8 am the previous morning.  The third member to complete the cadre of clusterfuckery called Team HOSS.  He was a muscle-bound Brit with a degree of infamy to him.  He’d dabbled in several forays in trashy UK reality TV, got hired by ACW because of his star power only to discover later that he was useless trash.  He worked three years to turn from useless trash to... well, let’s say passable trash in the ring and eventually joined up with our intrepid heroes after nobody else gave him a chance. He only went by the name of Aleczander. If anybody asks, the one-name thing is because ‘it worked for Madonna’ in his exact words.]

Aleczander: Oi, long time, no see guys!  How they hangin’, mates?!

Angel: Pretty good and virile, man, thanks for asking!

[The Big Brit dapped fists with Angel Trinidad who seemed quick to forgive him for previous transgressions… transgressions being that Aleczander had smashed a chair upside both his former partner’s heads on the last aired edition of their previous organization’s show.  When he approached Cappy, he was given no such greeting.  He was not so quick to forgive.]

Cappy: Don’t come near me or I will fuck you up.  You’re only here because we need a third guy.  That’s it.

[Aleczander put up his hand defensively as he looked at his former erstwhile partner.   It’s probably easier just to say “current” instead of “former erstwhile” but I like feeling smarter with bigger words.  So there.]

Aleczander: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy does it, mate!  We’re all mates here now!  We’re goin’ ta this DEFIANCE place and we’re gonna tear down their walls, mess their shite up, get some titles and make Team HOSS ride again!

[Trinidad was happy with Aleczander’s can-do attitude while Capital Punishment’s frustrations only continued, but put them aside. He wanted to make this work, so he offered the first olive branch.]

Cappy: So, we’re all here. 

Angel: Yep!

Aleczander: Fuckin’ A!

Cappy: I suppose we should probably talk strategy when we get here.  Their trios division is pretty deep. I’ve been looking over their roster and they have several groups there.  They’ve got some hungry young guns, their Trios Champions are pretty shady.  They have some weird Mafioso guys, they have a group of women leg by an MMA expert, they…

Aleczander: Really?  Three of us and three of them?  That’s fuckin’ hot!  I call two of them, then you two can ro-sham-bo or rock-paper-scissors or tic-tac-toe who gets the ugly one. Whatever you Yanks do.

[Not happy with his interruption, Capital Punishment spoke up again.

Cappy: Interrupt me again and I’m going to YANK a tie around your throat until you run out of oxygen. 

Aleczander: Sorry, mate, sorry. 

Cappy: Anyway… it’s pretty deep and we need to get with the program here. We need to work on moves, stay on our game, we need…

Angel: ENTRANCES!

Cappy: What?

[The Rookie Monster stood up to his full six-ten height and glanced at his partners with a big grin across his face.]

Angel: We need a big BAD-ASS entrance to really get the crowd on our side and make the opponents crap their pants! I had this really sweet idea of giving us these spiked leather jackets! They got “Team HOSS” on the front and “HOSTILE ORDER OF STRONG SOLDIERS” on the back!  We get some heavy, heavy stuff that is only somewhat identifiable as death metal, then we come out with fire and pyro and explosions and more pyro, then a big explosion as a nice palate cleanser. 

Aleczander: Wait mate; back the trolley up, eh?  …You want us to wear bondage?

Cappy: (sarcastically) Maybe we can paint our faces, march to the ring in unison and stomp out some motherfuckers?   

Angel: …That’s a GREAT IDEA!  I love it!  Why hasn’t anybody done this before?

[Looking up to the heavens, Cappy could only lament as he wondered whether or not that new Supermax prison job that was waiting for him in Washington DC was worth passing up for this.] 

Aleczander: I have a more pressing question, though, before we jump into any more of this bollocks…  music!  We need some of your American gangster rap to show people we’re serious!  We’re hardcore!  We will take no shite, take no prisoners… and I get to come out first cause I’m like the singles guy that’s gonna break out!

Angel: I was thinking something more… I dunno, rocky!  Like Iron Man by Black Sabbath! Nobody uses that!

Cappy: I’ve been in this business for twenty some-odd years, kid.  The list of people who I know that HAVEN’T used that as a song is smaller… and besides, back to my thing.  Strategy!  We need to talk how we’re gonna approach DEFIANCE…

Aleczander: Thinkin’s for wankers, Cap.  We’re huge guys!  We can punch somebody in the face then bed all their women!  That’s me strategy!

PA: FLIGHT TO JAPAN NOW BOARDING… PASSENGERS, PLEASE LINE UP AT GATE SIX!  THANK YOU!

[Cappy, Angel, and Aleczander only continued to shout over one another as people started to line up at the gate ahead of them even though Cappy wanted to get there two hours early just for that reason.

Yup.  Smooth like gravel road, those Team HOSS members.]

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