[H… HO… HOO… HOOK… HOOKERS AND BLOOOOOOOOOOW!]

[Awww, YEEEEEEAH!]

[It’s aboot that goddamn time, you know it is.]

[HALE, yeah!]

[Let’s do it to it.]

[Doin’ it to it, yeah.]

[Right on.]

*FLASH*

Saitama, Japan

October 27th, 2013

[In other words. Last week, mothafuckas.]

[Uh, whoops.]

[What?]

[The wayback machine isn’t waybacking us.]

[Goddamnit, keep talking!]

[About what?]

[STALL!! ELABORATE!!]

The Aftermath.

[Cancer Jiles. Cheated and Defeated.]

[The Most Exquisite Shades of All Time. Stolen.]

[The Motormouth of Malcontent. Manhandled.]

*RECORD SCRATCH*

“The fuck?!”

[The Motormouth of Malcontent. Manhandled?]

[Lemme break it down for you out there in computer, laptop, tablet, smart phone screen land.]

[Angus is not just the belligerent co-conspiratorial voice of DEFIANCE.]

[He is a man of Team Danger.]

[Sure, he hasn't won a title or even stepped into the ring for the cause, let alone do battle against the evil doers that would stand in their way, but he is Team Danger's #1 fan. The President of the Fanclub in fact, and damnit, that’s gotta count for something.]

[There is an Eric Dane mascot suit. Don't ask.]

[So when some no neck havin, Christian Light flat top wannabe wearin, steroid abusin, shriveled up balls havin, backne laden, testosterone needin, Kai Scott cock suckin faggot ass mothafucka who puts his GODDAMN hands on ANGUS FUCKING SKAALAND.]

[Prices are gonna be paid.]

[Ahem.]

[You alright, #52?]

[What, yeah, why #25?]

[Oooh, I dunno. You kinda went and jumped the rails off into crazy town. I mean, Angus is Personality #1’s friend and all, but he’s kind of a douche, ya know?]

[YOU DARE BESMIRCH ANGUS SKAALAND!!]

[What? NO! That’s not what this is!]

[I think we should call it your grave!]

[Aaaah, curse your sudden, but inevitable betrayal!]

[AH-HAH, mine is an evil laugh, NOW DIE!]

[Oooh no god! Oooh dear god in heaven!]

*FLASH* *FLASH* *FLASH*

[Okay now the wayback machine works.]

[Following the events of DEFIANCE terrorizing the Asukara Satte.]

[Angus Skaaland is down on the floor in one of the locker rooms. Angus is laid back against a wall, wincing in pain, perhaps a little too much.]

[Tyrone Walker, the incomparable Blackimus Prime, leader of the Negrobots is crouched beside his long time friend and Team Danger compatriot. There is much concern on the Black Hey Zeus's face.]

[Also in the room is Kelly Evans. She’s not showing that much concern, though she tries to fake it a little bit. They don’t really hate each other, they just despise each others very existence. That is completely not the same thing because it’s a different word!]

[Also in the background, completely not impressed by the performance going on in front of them is Ty’s cousin, Sam Horry and Sam’s best friend, Ryan Matthews, collectively you know the three of them as Hookers and Blow… DEFIANCE’s Heroes.]

[Those two remain silent and nonplussed.]

[Angus coughs… and coughs… and coughs some more.]

Angus:
Ah… Ah don’ think I’mma make it Ty!

Ty:
What? Nigga, you hit the ring post.

Angus:
I feel the light closin’ in, Ty, I think I’m dyin’ ovahere.

Ty:
C’mon, Angus, I know Cancer lost and it’s hard to find the strength to continue livin’, but you gotta mang.

[Cough… cough… hack… wheeze… blargh…]

[Some convulsions.]

[Maybe some shaking too.]

[This is goddamn Oscar material!]

Angus:
I… I… don’ wanna die, Ty… but theres a light…

Ty: [sighs]
Don’t go towards the light… Stay with me Angus!

Angus:
Ty… T… Ty…

Ty:
Yeah man…

Angus:
I always loved you man, even when you left and killed Team Danger because you didn’t want to job to the future…

Ty:
Awww man, that’s like the homiest shit any nigga ever done did said to me.

[Ty wipes a tear, giving into the melodramatics. Everyone else in the room rolls their eyes for like 20 seconds, including the cameraman who turns the camera on himself so that we can see him rolling his eyes.]

[Angus turns his attention.]

Angus:
Kel… Kelly…

Kelly: [for whatever reason, decides to play along]
What?

Angus:
I just wanted you to know…

[Cough… cOugh… coUgh… couGh… cougH….]

Angus:
I’ve always…

[Hack… hack…]

[Eyes fluttering.]

Angus:
I’v… I’ve always hated you… Because you got to fuck Eric and Ty…

[Everyone… including Ty double takes as he backs away…]

*FLASH*

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”

[Lights on.]

[Angus.]

[Not dead.]

[But beat up a little bit.]

[Alone in his hotel room.]

[Fully clothed.]

[He huffs and puffs as he looks around his room.]

Angus:
WHAT IN THE FUCK WAS THAT?!

[He looks around again, shrugs and goes back to sleep.]






[SNORE!]




[SNORE!]



[SNORE!]




Angus: [talking in his sleep]
Fuck...Johnny...Bravo...wannabe...die!

[Angus snickers, an evil smile… then back to snoring…]

[And dreaming of stuff that even God doesn’t wanna ever know.]




[Out.]

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