Hey cOnOr,

Go fuck yourself.

You had to get all up in my business, didn’t you?

If someone more vicious was in my position, they would tell you to go die in a ditch but I am definitely not going to commit to saying something like that, nor will I draw any attention to saying something like go die in a ditch, cOnOr. I am a pure spirit and way above telling you to go die in a ditch.

I literally can’t believe you right now.

So hurt.

You go running to the Favored Saints like a snivelling, snotty, stupid scumbag nimrod who had their lunch stolen on the playground!

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!

WOW!

TONS TO UNPACK HERE!

I’m going to bloody cancel you cOnOr. You know why? Because you deserve it and I have the power to. You’ve propped yourself up and put yourself in a position over others you don’t deserve to be in. All for what? My Paper Championship belt? The one I own? Who cares if you claim you made it. It’s mine. It’s in my grasp. It’s in my possession. Therefore, it’s in my universe.

You suck, man.

You whine your way to a match without even earning it. I earned it. I fought for it. I defended it against foes that were qualified wrestlers, not glorified gamers. You think you’re so cheeky with your “REPLY ALL,” well how about I end things by fucking CANCELLING YOU.

When I’m done with you, you’ll be the one in need of ongoing therapeutic support because I won’t be pulling any punches. I am a lethal weapon in the ring. Need I remind you what I did to that lard ass, Sgt. Safety? I pounded his teeth into the next generation... TWICE!

See what I did there?

I made a pop culture quip about Star Trek: The Next Generation because you're the type of basement dwelling pimpled nerd that appreciates being spoken to like that. You’re probably twisting off a batch to the thought of Captain Kirk as we speak.

He’s on that show, right?

Anyways, I don’t actually care to be corrected or not. Star Trek and all that shit is your realm.

You little punk ass, dipshit princess prancer. You’re making me RAGE now! You should wish someone could hold me back once I get going on my soapbox.

Get to training because I assure you, your princess is in another castle.

Use the Contra code because you’ll need the extra lives when you face me.

Tighten that bandana for endless ammo.

Always go for it on fourth down with the trick play glitch you know you can exploit.

ZING!

Oh, did I just crack one video game joke after another? How delectable.

I’m tickled fancy with happiness after hitting all those video game puns.

You talk about my bullshit narrative? Excuse me, potty mouth but we’re going to get your hogwild mother over here to clean out your mouth with a huge bar of snowflake soap.

MY BULLSHIT NARRATIVE IS MY TRUTH. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU CALL IT BULLSHIT. IT IS ROCK SOLID. YOU HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OR ABILITY TO SPEAK TO MY NARRATIVE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I GO THROUGH ON A DAILY BASIS.

You damn skippy I’m triggered.

You trigger me so bad, cOnOr. I can’t wait to disfigure your face permanently.

I guess I’ll see you in the ring, once and for all even if it’s not by my choice. Nothing I can do about it now. What’s done is done and I will just have to make sure you get yours. Pack your lunachables because I’m taking you to school.

You say I cry? Shake? Tremble?

You welcome me to The Legend of Conor: Malak’s Rude Awakening?

Simp, please.

More like welcome to Super Malak World, Galaxy, Odyssey, UNIVERSE, where I’m in control of everything.

I am your Final Fantasy.

Game over.

User wins.

Live in your world, play in mine^TM

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