Title: BREAKING NEWS
Featuring: Mikey Unlikely
Date: 03/15/17
Location: The Newsroom

The scene opens with a countdown on our screens starting with the number 5 (accompanied by a high pitched beeping sound), then 4. You’d be right to assume that the number 3 followed the 4 before being replaced by a 2 and a 1. Sat behind a newsroom type desk we see out Sports Entertaining heroes, Mikey Unlikely and his Hollywood Bruv, Jesse Fredericks Kendrix, both suited and wearing professional business man ties.

Mikey covers his mouth with one hand and makes noises.

(singing) “Beepbeepbeep…beeeeeeeeep….beeeep...BruvTV News Breaking News!”

He stops, clears his throat and shuffles some papers out in front of him. JFK lifts a finger to his earpiece and listens in to what ‘presumably’ the producers are saying to him. A shot cuts to the producer booth where we see Klein trying to fit a pair of headphones over his box.

Mikey Unlikely:
Welcome ladies and gentleman to BruvTV News! I’m anchorman Michael Unlikely and here are just a few of today's top stories!

The scene cuts to JFK who quickly drops a bottle of beer underneath the desk and out of shot, noticing the camera is on him, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, picks up the papers in front of him and taps them down on the desk.

Kendrix:
The whereabouts of that bum Jason Natas have been spotted today in The Lower 9th Ward of New Orleans.

The shot switches to footage of a random hobo (definitely not Jason Natas) lying in a gutter somewhere with Mikey Money being thrown at him before the shot switches back to the “newsroom” and Mikey Unlikely

Mikey Unlikely:
Did Cayle Murray kidnap Lindsay Troy!?

The shot switches to a very unflattering picture of Lindsay Troy stuffing her face with cake at some backstage party with the word “Missing” at the bottom of the screen.

Kendrix (Out of Shot):
Obvs!

Mikey Unlikely:
Is Bronson Box afraid of the Bruvs!?

Shot switches to footage of Kendrix beating Bronson Box in their latest match up several months ago.

Kendrix (Out of Shot):
Totally Obvs!

Mikey Unlikely:
Where did all these tag teams come from!?

Shot switches to a picture of a random thunderstorm and Two weird looking guys with masks on slapping a woman on the butt.

Kendrix: (Out of shot):
Oh….wait… I don’t know!

Mikey Unlikely:
All of that is to come, but first! Our top story of the night!

The shot switches to Kendrix, whose eyes widen as he again misses his que, spitting out beer. This time though he just shrugs his shoulders and continues to unashamedly drink his beer in front of the camera before setting it down hard atop the desk.

Kendrix:
Yes, bruv! Our top BREAKING story! The DEFIANCE Pay Per View, Ascension, was finally saved in the last few moments when that delightful boss lady, you know, the hot one with the legs and the suit who’s got a thing for JFK…?!

The shot switches back to Mikey who nods along in agreement at the camera with a smug smile on his face before the shot returns to Kendrix, focussed intently on the wrong camera.

Mikey Unlikely:
Camera 2 bruv…

Kendrix cooly turns his chair over and looks into the right camera.

Kendrix:
...Granted the Hollywood Bruvs their DESERVED Tag Team Title opportunity against those INGRATES you all know as...the Pop Culture Phenoms!

Mikey Unlikely:
Who!?

Kendrix looks quizzically at his papers before scratching the top of his head, unsure.

Kendrix:
Hang on a minute, JFK thinks he’s mispronounced his words, probably not had enough beer tonight...The Poop Culture Poonams?

Mikey shrugs and squints at the teleprompter across the room.

Mikey Unlikely:
Nope! I think I got it Bruv! It’s the Flop Cunt Fleabags! Nonetheless, the team that will in fact lose to the bruvs is none other than those two ungrateful bastards. The Douche and Ellis Aries.

He stands behind the desk.

Mikey Unlikely:
Yes the same two people who rode the Hollywood Bruvs coattails to the top of the mountain! The same two people who held down the greatest tag team that ever stepped foot in the ring, from achieving tag TITLE success...only because we wanted the underlings to have their own plaything! The very same ingrates who COST ME, my HOLLYWOOD Heritage Championship to that derelict Impulse!

The shot switches over to Kendrix who’s resting his feet up on the desk and leaning back in his chair with that smug smirk etched annoyingly across his face. He chucks his papers behind him onto the floor and holds his arms out wide by his side.

Kendrix:
So there you go bellends. Now you finally all have a reason to go ahead and spend that hard earned cash you slaved over, day after day, hour after hour...etcetera. Eric Dane’s show is saved, because you all get to see the Hollywood Bruvs become the DEFIANCE Tag Team Champions of the World at Ascension.

Kendrix and Mikey participate in a fist bump!

Mikey & Kendrix:
GLUEFIST!

The World’s Greatest Sports Entertainer returns to his seat, fixes his suit jacket, and runs a hand through his hair. He readjusts and looks into another camera just as the shot cuts to it.

Mikey Unlikely:
Up next is our man in the field! He’s our Sportscaster! Weatherman! Producer! And Personal Assistant! Your friend and Mi….well, your friend! KLEIN!

The scene cuts over to Klein who stands in front of a weather map of America. He waves to Mikey across the room, and looks generally excited. He pulls a pointer from his pocket and extends it. He slaps the map once before realizing he’s on camera… he freezes and slowly turns his box only towards the Camera.

Cut back to JFK

Kendrix:
That’s all the time we have today bellends! Catch up next time, which basically is whenever the fuck we feel like it! He’s been Mikey Unlikely,

The shot switches to Mikey who smiles wide, raises two fingers and waves to the camera once. The shot returns to Jesse who holds two fingers up at the camera also.

Kendrix:
I’ve been Jay Eff Kay...and we’ve been the Hollywood Bruvs, the next DEFIANCE Tag Team Champions! Try not to have sex with your cousins!

The two wave at the camera for what seems like an eternity, the fake smiles on their faces fade as the lights dim and all but one camera cut in the newsroom.

Mikey Unlikely:
KLEIN, WHERE THE HELL IS MY OREO FRAPPE??!!!

We catch the shadow of Mikey’s hand to his mouth…

(singing) “Beepbeepbeep…beeeeeeeeep….beeeep...BruvTV News Breaking News!”

Cut.



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