Title: A Prius Getaway
Featuring: Comments Section
Date: 10/28/2020
Location: Prius

The car engine worked exorbitantly hard to propel its occupants out of the parking lot and onto the road.

“IS THIS THING EVEN ON?” A spooked Malak Garland shrieked.

The engine was running, of course. It being a Prius just meant that the engine ran whisper quiet, which was suitable for its ASMR-loving owner.

“FASTER! FASTER! FASTER!” Malak barked.

The self-proclaimed Keyboard King slapped the back of the driver’s seat in front of him, in the hopes the car would go faster, as if it were a horse or something. Teresa Ames was in that very seat as she was the pilot of the operation. She didn’t take too kindly to someone mistreating her stuff though.

“That is enough, Malak!” Teresa growled, “This is a Prius. It is a conscientious choice for the environment. I could have said no to using my car for this, but I love you guys and look at what happened already?”

The Keyboard Queen’s eyes leer into the passenger side mirror, which reflected the exterior damage to her car doors. The body imprint of Cyrus Bates was all too evident. The Bellicose Brawler remained in the back seat, next to Malak, as quiet as a mouse.

“We’ll get it fixed,” Malak gaslit, “I knew we should have gone with a Stalker Uber. That guy always gets five stars and is reliable.”

Ames knew Malak couldn’t afford his own car let alone the repairs for one, so she let it go. She was just happy to see her men safe and sound, belts in tow, in the back of her eco friendly vehicle.

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“I don’t know. Just drive,” Malak pouted.

They didn’t get far before Malak’s phone blew up with notifications and phone calls.

“Hello?” Malak answered as he held the brand new eyePhone he somehow managed to afford to his ear.

The car continued to drive in silence. Cyrus looked over at his backseat buddy. Teresa glanced back there on occasion through the interior mirror. The DEFIANCE Unified Tag Team Titles laid strewn about the backseat. It was a cluster to say the least.

“Uh huh, yep, okay,” Malak acknowledged to the phone, “But, but, well, I guess if we have to.”

The tone of Garland’s voice dropped. Panic and anxiety rose inside him.

“Okay, goodbye,” Malak finalized.

It was another few moments before The Source of Envy pulled the phone down from the side of his head. He immediately had to cover his face with his hands. Malak Five Belts began to sob. Cyrus patted him on the back, all the while looking forward. Teresa just had to get in on the gossip.

“Who was that? What was that all about? Was that Jay? Why does he have your number? Why was he calling you?” Ames imparted.

Malak struggled to pull his head from his sob space.

“It wasn’t Jay,” said Malak between sniffles, “It was management. Cyrus, we’re scheduled to defend my titles at ASCENSION... against Lucky Sevens...”

Garland’s voice trailed off as the sniffles picked back up.

“In a steel cage match!” He bellowed.

The announcement damn near stalled the Prius but it didn’t matter because they were far enough away from any threat by this time. Still, the announcement resonated with all three members of The Comments Section. They exchanged scared looks with each other.

“Cyrus, Teresa,” Malak started, “We’re going to be put into a closed comments section come ASCENSION. There’s no way out of this one. Cyrus, you must carry me to victory this time. Otherwise, I don’t think I can do it.”

Ames steered the car off the road and into the parking lot of a Taco Bell. Bates continued to pat his counterpart on the back. With the Prius in park, Ames turned back to Malak.

“We’ve got your back, Malak. Whatever it takes,” She whispered.

“Whatever it takes,” rumbled the voice of Cyrus Bates.

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"Todo está perdido"

- Victor Vacio




1. Mikey Unlikely
2. Scott Douglas
3. Dex Joy
4. Jay Harvey
5. Elise Ares


1. The Comments Section
2. The ToyBox
3. Sky High Titans
4. The Lucky Sevens
5. The Stevens Dynasty


1. Killjoy
2. Les Enfants Terribles
3. Jack Harmen
4. Declan Alexander
5. Nathaniel Eye