Title: Ballyhoo Brew TV Commercial #1
Featuring: Brock Newbludd
Date: 1/7/21
Location: The Videoscope

DDK:
This doesn’t look good at all! Could this be the end of The Saturday Night Specials!? This isn’t a tag match, it’s a massacre!

 

Darren Keebler’s iconic voice is followed by the all too familiar sound of flesh being slammed into the canvas, and the scene quickly fades into the Wrestle-Plex, where we find Brock Newbludd lying face down on the mat. Standing over him, with an ear to ear grin spread across his face, is none other than Sgt. Safety.

 

Lance:
Sgt. Safety made sure Brock’s seatbelt was secure before taking him on the ride of his life with that devastating powerbomb!

 

Satisfied with a job well done, OSHA’s favorite son adjusts his tie and looks over his shoulder to see Doug Matton pummeling a helpless ‘Black Out’ Pat Cassidy in the corner.

 

DDK:
Left to the body! Right to the head! Foot stomp! Eye poke! Headbutt! Matton is dismantling Cassidy!

Sgt. Safety rushes over and joins in on the fun with Matton. The two unlikely partners take turns punching Cassidy in the head before yanking him out of the corner and TOSSING him across the ring with a Double Biel Throw! Cassidy flies head over heels and lands hard on the mat next to Brock!

 

Lance:
What power! What technique! What chemistry! How can The Specials hope to survive such an onslaught!?

 

Battered and bruised, The Saturday Night Specials crawl side by side towards the edge of the ring. Behind them, their opponents share a high five and a laugh before climbing up separate turnbuckles in celebration.
 

DDK:
What the!? Someone just crawled out from under the ring!
 

Lance:
It’s Davey LaRue of Ballyhoo Brew!

 

We focus in on the exhausted Saturday Night Specials as they struggle to pull themselves up off the mat. LaRue suddenly pops up in front of them sporting a mile-wide smile, causing both men’s eyes to pop open in surprise.

 

Brock and Pat:
Davey!?

Davey LaRue:
Mes amis! Ya’ll lookin’ like ya need a pick-me-up ta getcha tru anudder hard day at work!
 

Reaching behind his back with both hands, the burly Cajun seemingly produces two large mugs of beer out of thin air. Brock and Pat look at each other in disbelief and Davey clinks the glasses to get their attention.

 

Davey LaRue:
One glass of a hundred percent bonafide Whoop-Cass, brewed exclusively at de one and only Ballyhoo Brew! Here ya go partna!

 

LaRue hands one of the glasses to Cassidy before locking eyes with Newbludd.

 

Davey LaRue:
And dis’ one right here is our newest brew! Time ta’ get high! Time ta’ get Brocky Mountain High!

 

Davey hands Newbludd the other glass and gives his friends a double thumbs up. 

 

Davey LaRue:
Now, go get em’ boys!

 

The Specials’ raise their glasses to Ballyhoo Brew’s bartender before quickly chugging down the beers. Almost instantly, both grappler’s eyes narrow in determination, and the sound of an eagle screeching echoes throughout the arena.

 

Lance:
Where did Davey LaRue come from!? Was that an eagle!?

 

On the other side of the ring, Matton, and Sgt. Safety jump off their respective turnbuckles and turn their attention back to their opponents just in time to see them do a double kip-up! 

 

DDK:
Unbelievable! 

 

“Life got you down for the three count? Has a hard day at work made you want to tap out?”

 

Looking completely rejuvenated, The Specials’ charge towards their shocked opponents at blinding speed!


 

Lance:
Here come the Saturday Night Specials!

 

With the crowd exploding in cheers in the background, Newbludd and Cassidy turn their opponents inside out with a pair of thunderous clotheslines! Scraping Doug Matton off the mat, Cassidy signals to the crowd and proceeds to toss Matton over the top rope. Meanwhile, Newbludd picks up Sgt. Safety and points to the closest set of turnbuckles.

 

“Don’t give in, friend! Come on down to Ballyhoo Brew! After having a glass of one of our special brews, you’ll be opening up cans of Whoop-Cass and feeling Brocky Mountain High in no time!”

 

As Newbludd drags the groggy Sgt. Safety to the middle of the ring, Cassidy steps out onto the ring apron and quickly climbs up to the top rope. Having settled into the launch position, ‘Black Out’ gives ‘The Innovator’ a thumbs up and Brock lifts Sgt. Safety upside down for a piledriver.

 

DDK:
Here come’s THE KEG STAND!

 

With his partner holding Sgt. Safety upside down, Cassidy leaps off the top rope and DRIVES the sarge headfirst into the mat with the signature Spike Piledriver! The crowd erupts in cheers and both members of SNS put a foot on the glassy-eyed sarge’s chest. 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

Suddenly the scene cuts away from the ring to show all four men sitting a table and sharing a laugh at Ballyhoo Brew. Having put their difference behind them, the two teams clink their glasses together as the camera slowly begins to fade out.

 

“No matter how hard life piledrives you, Ballyhoo Brew’s here to pick you up off the mat.”


DISCLAIMER: Sgt. Safety reminds everyone to drink responsibly.



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