“Cancer.”

“Was your casket full of eggs everything you’d hoped it would be and more?”

“Did it rob The Untouchables of their dignity?”

“Did you actually gain anything by doing so?”

[Enter Ronnie Long.]

“Dignity’s a funny thing.  You have to have had it in the first place… to notice that you’re lacking it.”

[The brute of The Untouchables is wearing his trademark faded black jeans and trench coat as he paces in front of the camera.]

“And you, Cancer… you’ve always been a clown.”

[Long stops walking, turns his gaze to the camera.]

“Two years of egg related tomfoolery and childish marijuana jokes.  One battle royal won, one short tag champion reign, one hand broken, and constant attempts to annoy Jeff Andrews – most of which ended with him beating you to a pulp.”  

“Or at least, in you fleeing with your proverbial tail between your legs while he chased you.”

[He resumes his slow pace.]

“It’s easy enough to drag someone down to your level, Jiles, but what did it gain you?”

“Well…”

“Jeff hates you.  Heidi hates you.  I don’t think Kai cares about you one way or another so far, you’re probably better off keeping it that way.  And me?”

“I don’t hate you in the way I hated Firestarter… or Neo-Nichiren… or even Eric Dane and Stephen Greer.”

“But I am looking forward for my chance to get a pound of your flesh.”

[Smile.]

“Do you know how I came to be associated with The Untouchables, Cancer?”

“I was their enemy before I joined them.  Hell, Heidi made me tap out to her Beautiful Dreamer hold… only time in my career anything’s hurt badly enough for me to say ‘I Quit’.  But she only did it because I tried to insinuate that Jeff hadn’t been faithful to her.  He was presumed dead at the time.  It was completely low, completely uncalled for… and the worst part is, I was just creating a diversion for some forgettable stablemates.”

“And that’s what you call a low point, and that’s why a few months later I decided it was time to recant, and I helped Jeff reintegrate himself into the human world.”

“You might say Wildwood’s been ruined by Mexican gangsters, but it was darker under the boardwalks before they got there.  That’s all I’ll say.”

“From there, to watching his back in IWA, to watching his back in OLW, and right on up until Anthony Palladino denied him a WfWA contract and signed me instead, and suddenly, where before people had joked that I was the Untouchables bag carrier… I was suddenly a World Champion right along with the rest of them.”

“And that’s that thing about dignity I was saying earlier.”

[Long finally stops pacing, turns to face the camera.]

“I can wait, Cancer.”

“I can wait through the eggs.”

“I can wait through creative reinterpretations of my tastes in music.”

“I can wait because the embarrassing stuff, the annoying stuff, the trite stuff, the Cancer Jiles stuff…”

“Only saves you for so long.”

[Long suddenly stomps his foot down.  A metallic clang, and the handle of his shovel flies into the air where he grabs it.]

“You throw an egg, and I dig your grave another shovel full of dirt deeper.”

“Say ‘mongoloid’.  Another shovel deeper.”

“Smoke weed and make non-sequitirs and tell me I’m not coo.  Another shovel deeper.”

“I don’t hate you like Jeff does, Cancer.”

“But if I’d wanted you to stay buried…”

[He raises the shovel, points the gleaming edge at the camera.]

“You’d stay buried.”

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