“MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH, MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH... MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH.”

[The time-honored (to anyone who’s ever watched a Charlie Brown cartoon, anyway) classic sound effect of what appears to be a trumpet with its bell blocked off fills the screen.]

[Snap on.]

[There’s no trumpet in play, just a certain green-haired punk dressed in a black T-shirt bearing one of the logos of the band The Protomen and blue jeans, with his left hand cupping his mouth and his right hand making the similarly time-honored dismissive wanking gesture.]

TROY MATTHEWS:
MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH-MWAH.

[And now we know where the trumpet sound was coming from.]

[Oh, yeah, at his side is his main squeeze and behind-the-scenes brains of the Philosopher Kings, Miss Saori Kazama, dressed in a plain red T-shirt and blue jeans.  And judging by the look in her eyes, past the light smirk, she’s less than enthralled by Troy’s masturbatory gesture.]

TROY:
Thaaaaaaaaat’s all I got from Omar and Kaz saying the same recycled bullcrap Omar and Donnie-boy were saying getting ready for the last episode of DEFIANCE, and look where that got those two.  On the losing end.  Eric Dane giving them the evil eye and telling them to shape up or ship out.  The only difference now is I can actually understand what the Christ the other guy’s saying.

[Troy lets out a little nasal growl.]

TROY:

Of course now all that time I spent studying Norwegian on LiveMocha.com is down the shitter...

[Saori rolls her eyes and says, without a trace of any ethnic accent...]

SAORI:

Did I tell you so, or did I tell you so?
 

TROY:

Ach... you told me so, babe.

But it’s all good, and you know why?

[Troy points his thumb towards Saori.]

TROY:

‘Cause Barbara Gordon over here managed to get me a few tapes of Kaz Tanaka, and I took some time to give ‘em a watch.

[And now his eyes roll over to her.]

TROY:
Hey, how DID you get those videos so soon, anyway?

SAORI:
[in a singsong tone] It’s-a-se-cret. [smile]

TROY:

In any case... ol’ Kaz here’s nothing like Grinde and Honon.  Y’see... Kaz actually has a bit of potential.  A LOT of potential, actually.  He talks tough, looks like some SoCal dickhead just washed off to shore and stepped in a wrestling ring, and hits hard too.  You can pretty far with that on the cornbelt circuit, but if you’re gonna show up in the big leagues, you gotta have some oomph; that intangible little element that the two guys who stood with Omar before him didn’t.

But I think I see it in Kaz.

Y’see, Kaz Tanaka reminds me a lot of Troy Matthews about ten years ago.”

[A beat.]

TROY:

Mind you, that’s not exactly a good thing.  It’s actually a pretty bad sign.

[Troy slumps his shoulders and hangs his head, before giving it a good shake.]

TROY:
I was a real piece of shit in 2004.  I was a hungry young fighter like you, Kaz.  The problem is, I knew that fighting wasn’t the only way to get myself noticed.  I resorted to shock value.  And I did A LOT of shit in and out of the ring that I’m not proud of.  And just like you now, I had a partner to keep me in line, and, no offense, Omar, but that partner was, and still is, the scariest motherfucker I’ve ever seen in my life.

[Saori looks towards Troy and silently mouths a word towards him... “Alex.”  Troy nods.]

TROY:
He was a six-foot-even, two-hundred-forty pound gargoyle of a man.  Dude was in his forties at the time, but he had eyes that burned like death itself.  He was a hell of a lot scarier than the big guy on your side, Kaz.  Omar... yeah, he dinged me up a lot last time, and in a true singles match he might have even shelved me for a few weeks.  But the thing is, when Omar gets mad and vents, you can see and hear it.  You know not to rile him up any further if you don’t want your head shoved clean up your own ass.

But Alex didn’t give you fair warning.

[Troy shakes his head again.]

TROY:
He’d be stone silent and act like everything is OK, but once you got back to the locker room in the armory or wherever, that was it.  I was on the receiving end of so many tongue-lashings and smacks to the face that I had enough of it and went straight.

[Troy cracks a grin.]

TROY:
Of course the fact that I’d gotten sweet on a girl who didn’t tolerate the shit I did then didn’t hurt...

[And Saori rolls her eyes and smiles coyly.]

TROY:
Look.  The point is, Kaz, you said something about how you want Omar to hurt you if you don’t cut the muster.  Sure, you talk a big game, thinking you know everything there is to know about how wrestling matches work, like you’re king shit of booksmarts mountain.  But I was the same way, and you’re anything now like I was in 2004?

[Troy smirks and shakes his head.]

TROY:
Careful what you wish, hombre, ‘cause you just might get it.  If not from Omar...

[Troy does the same smirk and headshake, then thrusts his arms out.]

TROY:
...then from me.

And as for you, Omar?

[The camera zooms in on his face, etched in determination.]

TROY:
I might not have pinned you in Santa Barbara, but the Philosopher Kings DID get the best of you.

You can bring one Shadowman to Baltimore.

Or two.

Or three.

Or even a hundred for all I give a good Goddamn.

But the Philosopher Kings, and Troy Matthews will knock them all down like dominoes.

However many times it takes.

[A pregnant pause.]

TROY:
See you in Baltimore, boys.

[Snap off.]

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