Sunrise was a time that Eugene Dewey saw quite frequently, usually through the lone, dusty window in his mothers basement. And you can rest assured, ten times out of ten, it’s arrival signaled the end of another night well spent, more than likely raiding the bejesus out of Blackwing Descent.

Even those who found gambling positively abhorrent would struggle to resist placing a bet on the Guru of Gaming heading off to the land of nod upon seeing that warm orange ball peek it’s head over the horizon.

Well, refrain from picking up the telephone and calling your bookmaker for now, because this day marked the first time since... well, 1983 probably, that Eugene Dewey had awoke before the crack of dawn all ready for an early morning run.

Yes, you heard me.

Early morning.

I mean run...

Run.

-------

Eugene Dewey eased himself down the frosted over steps just outside his front door and made sure he had a safe place to stand before removing his hands from the railings. Sure he’d spent most of his life in a darkened room with the only light source being that from his monitor, but this was a different kettle of fish altogether.

Apart from the headlights of the neighbour’s car that crept slowly out of their driveway, the closest source of light Eugene could make out was from the streetlight on the corner of the next block.

And so Eugene was forced to make his way slowly down the darkened path to the equally darkened sidewalk, making sure to double check he wasn’t about to go head over heels on a patch of ice every step of the way.

Eugene stretched as best he could, focusing mainly on his arms and neck, as well as doing that thing where you bend your knee and grab your toes, pulling them up to your ass, so that it looks like you’re trying to literally kick your own butt.

As they were pretty much the only stretches he knew, and they were pretty damn boring to boot, he headed off towards the single patch of light he could see at a slow jog.

After about five or six paces Eugene was smiling and seemingly enjoying himself, “This is easy!” He said to himself as he neared the end of his road and looked left and right for any oncoming traffic.

Needless to say there was nobody around, not in this area of Buffalo anyway, most people were half an hour or so away from starting their commutes.

As Eugene passed in and out of the glow from the streetlight above him he began to feel a twinge in his ribs. He pushed a thumb into the general area of the pain and winced. “Ooooh,” He exhaled loudly, as he contorted his torso.

Two more paces was all he could managed before he had to stop and clutch at his ribs. He took in deep breath after deep breath. His head felt lighter than it did seconds before. Holy crap, was he blacking out?

Eugene dropped to one knee and struggled to catch his breath. It was no good, he’d have to head home. He couldn’t bare the thought of someone driving by and spotting the local pro wrestling hero gasping for air not 100 yard from his mailbox.

-------

An out of breath and rosey cheeked Eugene Dewey propped the camera up noisily against something behind it and peeled the knitted cap from his head, allowing his ginger afro to poof out from beneath it. How exactly he’d managed to cram that whole head of hair inside such a small hat was anyone’s guess, but he had.

“That...” Eugene panted, sounding remarkably like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle, “Was humiliating.”

“I’m just glad... there wasn’t... anyone... around to see... it...” He continued, still panting like a dog left in a car on a hot day. “Hang on a second...”

Eugene squinted and rubbed his face, he took his time in catching his breath before returning to the camera.

“This isn’t working.” He said in such a defeatist manner, “I mean, I thought I could turn this around by myself. But I can’t.”

“I’m getting pinned by guys like Dragon Jones because I can’t even jog two blocks before almost dying.” He continued, “Tom, if you’re watching this, dude, I’m ready. Do whatever you have to, just get me to Mechanicville, please!”

“I can’t lose to Dragon Jones again.”

More Propaganda | View Eugene Dewey's Biography