There was a time, back in the glory days of the Coalition of Affiliated Leagues, when a guy named Brad Andrews looked like he had a legitimate shot at becoming as big a star as his cousin Jeff.

Brad Andrews, with his cousin Jay (working under the name Miah DeVan) formed a tag team called Alternative 2.0 and dominated two different tag team divisions at the same time.  They even received work offers from the National Wrestling Council – a coup indeed, since the NWC had never made it past looking down on the CAL as its kiddy counterpart.

At that time, the CAL was going through a thing where all the tag teams had a veritable herd of assorted managers, valets, cornerpeople and random dudes who were there for no reason.  Because Alternative 2.0 was just two men, Brad decided to bring in some backup, and he went the only place he could – to family.

Back then, Jonny Booya was just a bodybuilder.  He spent 4-5 hours in the gym per day, he lived on protein powder and rice, his girlfriend was also a bodybuilder (he could curl her max bench for reps, thus rendering himself officially Not Gay), and even back then he looked like Duke Nukem.  People had already started calling him Johnny Bravo after the cartoon character on the Cartoon Network, and so he just started rolling with it, sliding around corners, flexing for no reason and grunting masculinely when he did it, all that stuff.

By the time he was ready to debut, he’d embraced the character totally.  Alternative 2.0 were a pretty off the wall team anyway – Brad was deranged and Miah acted like he was still 13.  So when he joined up with them, he just called himself Jonny Bravo.  Dropped the H from the name so he could pretend he wasn’t completely a ripoff, and said ‘booya’ a lot.

Reactions were divided between thinking he was hilarious and that he should die of SARS.  Because this took place during the SARS epidemic.

Fast forward several years.  Miah suffered a career ending neck injury shortly after OLW opened, and BA never because the superstar he was supposed to.  He abandoned Alt 2.0.

This left Jonny with nothing to do.

The entire reason Jonny started working with Kai Scott was to get past getting typecast as Jonny Bravo.  The reason he changed his last name to Booya in the first place was to help this.

Fast forward another few years to the present day, and Jonny Booya had just lost a match against Dan Ryan, continuing a slump, whereas he’d been counting on a decisive victory over the monster to confirm him as a top of the line player and put him back among the league leaders.

And the slump started, not when he started letting people cheer him, but when he started doing the old Jonny Bravo routine.

Then he called Kai Scott, but Kai was already using his phone, and so Jonny said fuck it and went off somewhere else.


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“Y’know something, Alseeoh Dentary?”

“I know I done pissed you off when I stepped in, put my foot to your face an’ your back to the ringpost in defense of Miss Heidi Christenson.  She didn’t want the backup, yeah.  I don’t blame her for that, and I don’t blame her for leavin’ either.  You think she’dve let E-Turd fire her if she wasn’t ready to go anyway, you crazy, son.  But she’s gone, man, so after this I ain’t gonna talk about her no more, she’ll be back when she’s ready.  But you?”

[Jonny Booya is visible from the waist up.  He is, of course, wearing a black tank top and smoove shades, and he still looks like Duke Nukem and that’s a good thing shut the fuck up.]

“I figure I don’t need to be defendin’ a woman to find a reason to cut you an your mouth an’ your ego down to size.”

“I mean, I know that’ll take some doin’, gettin’ your ego down to the size of the rest of you, but I can handle it.”

“Thing is, an’ I see you’re slowly learnin’ but let me spell it out for ya – E-Turd is an idiot.  That man don’t know wrestling from his ballsack, an’ that’s sayin’ somethin cos I don’t think he’s got a sack. Everything he does is retarded.  An’ you stepped up to the plate.”

“What’s that make you, the King of the Short Bus?”

“Nah, you’re the king of that bus that the short bus trips over, on account of I bet you couldn’t climb into a regular short bus without a grappling hook an’ a jetpack.”

[Jonny stops then.  He frowns.]

“In all seriousness, Alceo, short jokes aside I still don’t see why you think you’re gonna take me out.  A couple cards of bad luck in a row for me, and then I get a match against the league leader?  Boy, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret.”

“Guys like Elijah, they don’t last.  The reason I haven’t jumped to Heritage is cos I know even if Evolution wins, Goldman’s gonna fuck up sooner or later and Defiance will be just fine in the long run.  So I’m playin’ to win.  I’m comin for the headhunter, I’m comin for the streakbreaker, and I’m comin to – you guessed it – cut you down to size.”

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