Title: Sam's gunna get'cha
Featuring: Samuel Tiberius Turner the Second
Date: 04/12/2013
Location: Bloody Harlan
I's kindly a lik freaked out by all 'is two match in one night thang, mor'so tha battle royal 'an tha match wiff Tu'ker. I rekon it's bout odd fer me ta worry bout thangs, but gosh darn it tha unknowin is a scary thang ta me.
Tha unknowin will beat ta quicker 'an Lots wife turnin inta a pillar of salt. It's life changin, as a matter of fact it could turn ya inta a head case wond'rin why.
When I was wiff ole Teddy Alex'nder we was so good 'at pe'ple was sayin we needed ta tour sum tha major comp'nies ta show 'em what an accident of a tag team can really do, we kicked butt! We was tha best team since Nascar an tha Earnhardt's. Now ya can't tell me 'at ain't sayin sumthin, now can ya? We's better 'an ma moonsh'nin fam'ly members ole cousin Earl an Timmy John.
Anyway I jus don see how we was good in EPW an now we's gon our sep'rate ways, me in Def'ance an Teddy in...welp I ain't sure where he is. I rekon he's doin good bus'ness tho.
Ya know Teddy was a big part of ma life 'ere fer bout two er three months. We teained tagether, trav'led an talked bout all kinds of diffr'nt thangs. I plan on givin him a call him atter I win tha South'rn Her'tige title. I can't ta tell him I did it. He seems ta have a lot if hope fer me ta xcell.
It'll be nice ta catch up wiff Teddy, 'ats fer sure. Now all I gits ta do is win tha title. I rekon tha only real comp'titin will be Python, Chance von Crank an Tu'ker er maybe 'at doper Jer'my Knyte. I really thank I can win 'is battle royal, but I gits ta buckle it on down an get ta work on liftin weights an workin in ma cardio. I gotta watch 'em fatty foods 'at I been takin in too. We here in Kentucky like 'at ole oil an grease soaked fatty foods, 'at'll be hard ta do too.
Sixty minutes later.
Shew, 'at was a heck of a mile run. It woulda lasted longer if 'em ole durn dogs ain't chase atter me. 'Em ole durn thangs weren't lettin up, they was out fer blood an bout bad it it i weren't wearin ma Spaldins. I swear I felt 'at one bit tha sole of ma shoe, dirty mutt.
I rekon I best be takin a stick er sumthin wiff me next time. I ain’t gunna take it ta hurt ‘em, but ta jus keep ma body safe befer ma big night in Pittsb’rgh, PA. I ain’t gunna have any xcuses atter ‘is match, unless one ‘em no good rott’n cheaters cheat, if ‘at happens I’ll get even wiff ya sooner er later.
~
Tha fermatin of tha Good Fight has perty much come an gon. Now I'm gon tha be relyin on myself from now on. Tha additin of Chance von Crank, tha fella Harlanite wasn't a great additin ta tha rost'r if'n ya ask me. I know pe'ple can change but fer ole Chance, changin ain't in his cards. He'd rath'r be destr'ctive an a jerkhole 'an not a nice fella like me. I'mma hopin 'at I get ta show him nice guys do finish first. When I take 'at Her'tige back ta Harlan County 'an show 'em fermer football teammates of mine 'at I'mma gunna do what I say I'm gunna do.
'Is able ta prove tha naysayers wrong wiff tha EPW tag team titles, but I'd be more proud ta bring home a Def'ance title cause it was ma first real payin fed. So 'ats number one on ma bucket list, winnin a Def'ance title.
I know it won't be easy an I know a bunch of fella's are comin fer it, but I will not let 'em take what I've worked so hard ta ach'eve. 'Ey'll have ta slit ma throat ta take it from me. So I'mma bring ma A game guys. Python, Chance an Tu'ker I may seem like a simpleton, but I rekon I got as much heart as y'all, if not more. Get ready ta strap ya jocks on tight cause it's gunna be a bumpy trip over tha top rope ta tha arena floor.
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