“I had to do something... I had to make a change...”

“So I did.”

Eugene didn’t smile, he didn’t frown, he didn’t do anything really. He simply stated the facts as though they were true... which, of course, most facts are.

“Wayne always told me I could make it to the top as I was. He always said we’d have a plan to overcome anyone, to overcome anything.”

“I don’t think he ever had The Untouchables in mind.”

Shrug.

“How could we ever have trained to take on four of the most sadistic sociopaths in wrestling history with only World of Warcraft and Punch Out to help?”

A shake of the head.

“We couldn’t.”

He pushed a finger into his chest. His rock hard chest.

Ok, not rock hard, but harder than before chest.

“I wanted to do more, Wayne didn’t.”

But he could smile about it now.

“Look at where more has gotten me.”

Eugene was thinner than ever before. No word of a lie, he was probably thinner than the last time out against Jeremy Knyte, but it was difficult to make out just what was under that Captain America T-Shirt.

“And it hasn’t been easy. It’s been grueling, it’s been a struggle, and it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

He sounded humble yet proud at the same time.

“I’ve run heroic raids, I’ve completed Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins, I’ve stood across the ring from Bronson Box on three separate occasions...”

Two pin falls and one close loss, doo dah, doo dah.

“That was easy compared to waking up at 5am for a run in the snow, rain and bitter cold of New York; working out for hours and hours, day after day; having to wait to be disappointed by SimCity...”

And what a disspointment that was. Wait, would that make it satisfying? Jesus, this is a minefield.

“Now that was hard.”

Please save all dick jokes for the end.

I just thought of another one.

“I had a dream one night. I dreamt someone had invented a ‘workout game genie’. Training was easy with unlimited stamina and level skip. And invisibility came in handy... in one particular way.”

Thank god he’d been training with ladies as well as men.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT DICK JOKES!?

“If someone had come to me with that a year ago I’d have bitten their hand off. Now? I’m glad it doesn’t exist.”

Just as I suspe-wait, wha!?

“I’ve saved the world countless times. I’ve saved other worlds even more. I’ve rescued princesses and kill the bad guy too many times to count, but all of the ‘congratulations’ screens combined don’t compare to the feeling of accomplishment I’ve achieved being in Mechanicville.”

Don’t forget making millions upon millions of tetriminos vanish into thin air. Feel proud of doing magic, Gene!

“But you wouldn’t know about that feeling, would you Seth?

Another shake of the head.

“Seth ‘Shortcut’ Stratton... It’s got a ring to it, right?”

I don’t think it’ll catch on.

“You don’t know how good it feels to achieve something and to have actually earned it. You don’t know that feeling right here...”

Eugene placed a balled up fist onto his heart.

“I’ve finished games with cheat codes. I’ve skipped levels. I’ve exploited glitches.”

Sinner!

“NOTHING compares to completing those same games with nothing more than skill on your side.”

AMEN!

“I didn’t fluke it against Jeremy Knyte. I earned that victory and I earned it legitimately. I didn’t fall on him, I didn’t capitalise on a mistake. I outwrestled someone for the first time in my life.”

Oh, my brother, can you feel His power?

“When I heard that hand slap the mat a third time I got that feeling right here again.”

“And I never want it to end.”

OH TESTIFY!

“At TV 37 I’ll show you that no amount of shortcuts can compare to the hard work I’ve put in to improve myself.”

Do a Columbo

“Just one more thing, Seth... You’re lucky you paid a visit to the wrong Dewey abode. If you’d so much as looked at my mother I’d make sure your second stint in Defiance turns out even shorter than your first.”

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