Title: Gotta Win 'em All
Featuring: Eugene Dewey
Date: 03/13/1999
Location: Sheridan, Wyoming
“Our next match is a second round three on three battle. No legendaries, no items, players may switch as frequently as they like. On my left, from Buffalo, Eugene Dewey!”
If the fact that the feed was draped in sepia didn’t let you know you were watching some ‘archive’ footage, maybe the sight of a fourteen year old Eugene Dewey stepping forward would. And he looked just as you would expect. Pudgy, spotty, and afro-ey. This was pre shirt and tie days as well so he wore a lovely white polo shirt tucked into his chest high pants which did nothing to play down his bulging gut.
“And on my right, from Sheridan!”
A small cheer erupted from a few members of the crowd, and why wouldn’t it? They were stood in the Sheridan Community Center after all. The kid to the announcer’s right, the one that looked at least a couple of years older than Eugene, smiled and waved to the cheering section.
“Michael Winthrop!”
The guy was never going to get a full time gig announcing, that were for true. But he did the job. Teen ‘Gene and Michael both took a step forward and lifted their respective big grey classic-but-not-for-the-time Gameboys and waited.
“LETS! PLAY POKÉMON!” Shouted the announcer and all of the kids in the crowd. The parents couldn’t have cared less, except for the cheering few that, upon closer inspection, looked remarkably like Eugene’s opponent.
“Vileplume, I choose you!” Shouted Eugene. He looked up at his opponent and grinned as he saw just what Michael had sent out. “A Blastoise?”
But a lump formed in his throat when he saw that Blastoise was level 100.
And his Vileplume was only 67.
The announcer looked over the shoulders of the two competitors and pressed the microphone to his lips, “And Eugene has sent out Vileplume first to face Michael’s Blastoise.” he said with two heaping scoops of faux dramatica. “Vileplume has the type advantage, but can that help him overcome Blastoise's monster level advantage?”
Eugene hammered on the A button as fast as he could and smiled in anticipation. That smile faded slightly as Michael made his move.
“And Blastoise has been recalled to be replaced with another level 100 Pokémon! This time it’s Alakazam!” The announcer announced. “And Vileplume is using Solarbeam!”
“UNGH!” grunted Eugene, he knew full well such a high level Alakazam wouldn’t be taking too much damage from that one, even if it was the most powerful grass type move.
“Alakazam hasn’t taken much damage from that Solarbeam, folks!” shouted the announcer as though this were the most exciting thing he’d ever seen. “What will be these gladiators’ next move?”
...
Eugene tapped a couple of buttons.
“IT’S SCYTHER! Eugene is sending out a Scyther!”
The kids around the center muttered and nodded between themselves as Eugene tried to force a smile. “Come on Scyther!” Eugene said hopefully, knowing that Alakazam was especially weak to bug type moves. He didn’t get any response from his stoic opponent though.
“And Alakazam is using Submission!” Shouted the announcer as he looked over Michael’s screen, “It’s super effective!”
“NO!” Eugene shrieked.
“Scyther has fainted!” Said the announcer as though he were coming up with his own lines. Really he was just reading off of the screens in the players’ hands.
“Eugene has lost the first Pokémon in this battle and it’s a real shocker!” The announcer cried out to the care of nobody. “Will he be able to bounce back with... Charizard!?”
...
“Alakazam is using Psychic!” shouted the announcer so loud it woke up the old man in the front row. “It’s a critical hit! And Charizard is down! This isn’t looking good for Eugene...”
And it wasn’t. All Eugene could do was send his Vileplume back out to take another Psychic from Alakazam and the match was all over.
But how could it be? He had the type advantage. And how had Michael managed to get himself two level 100 Pokémon? Eugene had racked up over 100 hours on the game and only managed to get his main team up to around level 70.
This had to be cleared up, and so Eugene made a beeline for Michael after they’d left the stage.
“HEY!” Called out Eugene as he closed in on the Winthrop family. “How did you do that?”
Michael shrugged, “Do what?” He asked.
“Get your team to such a high level?” Eugene asked in disbelief.
“Ha! You don’t know?” Michael asked with a laugh. “Oh, man. There’s this glitch that lets you get as many rare candies as you want. You just level up your Pokémon that way and you’re golden.”
“What glitch?” Eugene asked, “and isn’t that cheating?”
“Nothing in the rule book.” Michael replied with another shrug. “And I can’t really remember the exact thing you’ve gotta do. Just look it up on Altavista or something. Anyway, I’ve gotta get ready for the next round. Later!”
And with that Michael dove back into his game leaving Eugene to hang his head and head back to his Mom and Brother on the other side of the hall.
-------------------
Yeah I used the glitch.
But I never fed my Pokémon those rare candies.
I leveled them up the old fashioned way. I battled with them for hours and hours and hours until I got all of them to level 100.
Then I went back to the Sheridan Pokemon Link Battle Contest 2000 and fought Michael again.
I won.
I won because leveling your pokemon through battle beats leveling through rare candies time after time after time.
You know what? Seth Stratton is my Gen VI Michael Winthrop.
I lost at TV37.
I lost because Seth Stratton used every shortcut available to him and he exploited every glitch he could find.
I lost because he got in my head.
But just like I did 14 years ago, I went away and I've done everything in my power the make sure that doesn’t happen again.
I’m coming back at TV38.
And I’m gonna win.
I refuse to let Seth Stratton shortcut his way to victory again.