DEFIANCE Wrestling

Title: Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler! Part 5: Sam-and-Jane...sittin' in a tree...Robo-trippin Ballz you see...
Featuring: H n B
Date: The Same Night--I promise, this is the last one.
Location: Same place, though they may not come back for awhile...

15 Brownies later...

Only Jimmy Hendricks could appreciate the purple haze surrounding Sam's senses right now. The door to the car shut smoothly, and he was gliding across the empty parking lot towards the gates where he was to meet his contact. His black shirt was buttoned to the middle of his chest, his stone-washed black jeans were fitting with just the right amount of sag to say 'I like my nuts to breath, but super baggy was so 90's".

"I am sooooooo sexy right now." Sam says for the fifteenth time aloud.

At that point, his contact, Ted walked up to meet him. "Sam, right?"

"Mmmm...yes, brother."

Sam pulled Ted close for a tight hug. Ted was not only uncomfortable, but a little scared. He couldn't break free from the grip of this stranger who while he was hugging him, also took a deep inhale of his collar.

"Ahh, I knew it...you're a--you're a--Tide man." Sam's head nodded with a classic Kool-Aid smile. "I too wash my clothes with Tide."

"Um...okay." Ted replied. "Now look, I work the graveyard shift here at this zoo. I need this cougar back by the time my shift ends."

"I'm just--I'm just gunna take her out for a night on the town." Sam put a hand on Ted's shoulder.

"And you're sure you can handle a cougar?"

"Piece of cake, my man." Sam took an aluminum foil wrapped bunch of brownies from the car. "Let's go meet her."

Ted, who was already starting to think this was a bad idea, opened the gates of the zoo. Sam put $1500 cash into his hands, as he led them to the cougar habitat display.

"Oooh, oooh the one with the--with the..um what color is that?" Sam squinted.

"Pink." Ted sighed.

"The one with the pink bow, that's the one." Sam pointed. "Venga, mami."

"You sure? She's kind of tempermen---"

"Shhhhh....." Sam put his index finger on Ted's lips. He answered with a whisper. "She's the one."

Ted opened the display and the female cougar--Jane--dashed towards Sam and Ted with a ferrocity that had Sam been in his right mind would have sent him running for the hills.

But he's high.

Danger does not compute.

"GRRRRRRRWWWWWLLL...." Jane snarled drooling.

"S'okay baby-girl. I'm here to love you." Sam removed the aluminum foil from the brownies. "Look at that..."

He placed the brownies down as Jane tore into them.

"Yeah, who's a hungry girl, huh?" Sam rubbed a groggy hand on Jane's back.

<_*_>

25 More Brownies Later.

Sam mangaed to convince Ted to swap cars with him for reasons that even with Sam in his high state, he could not explain. Jane sat in the back seat, gourging on the laced baked brownies.

"You're a---you're a good girl Jane, alright." Sam said as he ran a red light. "Don't--don't let anybody every make you feel any different."

"Meow?" Came from the cougar in the backseat.

"I know. Really I do." Sam answered lovingly. "Lookit me, I got--I got a match comin' up this weekend. These guys wanna tear my head off. I---I think they wanna tear Ryan's head off too, but if we could just--could just..."

"...Mmrowl." Jane added.

"Exactly, Jane. Love. If we could just love each other, then--then we don't even need to have a match." Sam rationalized. "The Gorillas, they're my brothers, and the other guys on the--the other team, they probably like cousins 5 times removed."

The combination of a full stomach, and the drugs within the brownies, sent Jane into a peaceful slumber. Sam looked back on the sweetly sleeping Jane and smiled.

"Get your rest sweetheart." He whispered.

Stopping at the red light, Sam's eyes grew big looking at the parking lot.

"Kitties Galore....Jane, I think we're home."

<_*_>

Presently at the Gym.

"Nah, Ty. I think Jeanie's got her phone turned off." Ryan said as he pulled into the parking lot. "Sam's car is here, the lights are on in the gym, and he ain't answering his phone."

"They may be gettin' it in." Ty said from the speaker phone.

"Not this close to match time. It's a ritual of his." Ryan switched to bluetooth. "He probably fell asleep or something. I'll hit you when I get inside."

Walking past Sam's car, Ryan opened the door to the private rental gym. The lights were still on in the office.

"Yo, Sam I just wanted to let you know I wasn't being a dick about telling you not to eat the brownies. I got some at the hotel for you." Ryan began. "The ones in the fridge yo, check it, I had them laced with this Robutussin/LSD mixture. We gonna send one batch to the Gorillas, and one batch to the Moral Majority."

Ryan then made his way into the office.

"They'll be Robo-trippin' ballz up until...bell time."

That's when he saw the empty pans where his trick brownies used to be.

"You gotta be shittin' me." Ryan then whipped his cell out and called Ty. "Ty we got a problem. Your dumbass cousin ate the damn brownies we was gonna send to the Majority and Gorillas."

"You mean Sam is Robo-trippin ballz as we speak?"

"Yeah, dude." Ryan turned the lights off in the office. "Keep trying to get Jeanie, I'm gonna try to find him."

Ryan locked up the training facility, and walked towards Sam's car sitting in the parking lot. He noticed a figure inside but due to the windows being tinted, couldn't quite make out the form.

"Sam?" Ryan shook the car. "Open the door."

The door opened, but it was not Sam inside.

"Who the hell are you, and why are you in Sam's car?" Ryan bellowed.

"He asked me to trade him my car for tonight. My name is Pierre, Pierre Dumass, but for some reason Sam calls me Ted." Pierre introduced himself. "He paid me $1500 to let him take out a cougar from this zoo I work at. Between me and you, he looked kinda high."

"That's cause he was, dumbass!" Ryan placed his hands on his head.

"Actually it's pronounced--Doo-mah--the 's' is silent."

Ryan pulled his phone out to dial Jeanie when Pierre's Pinto came rolling into the parking lot. Sam and Jeanie stepped out the car with Ryan charging towards them.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fuckin' brownies?!"

"Yo, you're mad loud right now, homie." Sam was still reeling from his mixture of LSD, Robutussin, and M.E.M.P.H.I.$. spinning back fist. "What the hell was in those brownies, cuz?"

"They were lit, Robutussin and LSD." Ryan punched Sam's arm. "I was going to have them sent to the Gorillas and Majority tomorrow so it could be them Robo-trippin' ballz instead of you."

"Next time tell me when you got lit brownies in a training facility we have rented out." Sam tried to focus on the Ryan in the middle as opposed to the Ryan on the left and Ryan on the right. "I stripped tonight...ain't make no money though. Got beat up by a pimp, too."

"Then I suggest you make that money next time." Ryan added.

"Speakin' of which." Sam handed Ryan the flashdrive in his pocket.

Ryan chuckled. "Guile's theme...figures you'd strip to that...."

That's when both members of Cheap Heat nodded.

"...goes with everything." They said in unison.

Pierre then interrupted. "I don't mean to break up the reunion, but Sam, where's my cougar?"

With perfect timing, Jeanie walked up to Sam, her cell phone in tow.

"Yeah Ty, sorry it was on silent. Lemme call you back I got Eric Dane on the line." Jeanie clicked over. "Eric, I got you on speaker."

"Sam, care to explain why I just got a call from a Five-Star Fucking Hotel, that said you rented a suite for me with Defiance footing the bill?! And before you answer that, know that we're being charged $180,000 per night for damages incurred by a fucking cougar!!!"

Sam folded his arms. "Well, Eric--er..Boss-- it's kind of a funny story..."

<_*_>

My name is Sam Horry.

Don't know if you heard me before, but I've been a lot of things in my life...and as of tonight, one more nom de guerre has been added to my impressive resume:

Top of my boss' shit list.

The End.