Title: HNB At the Family Reunion (part 1): Whistle While You Twerk.
Featuring: H n B
Date: Some time last week.
Location: Japan, then America.

It’s the beginning of the afternoon, Ty Walker one third of this week’s challengers for the Defiance Trios World Championships is dressed in a black Nike t-shirt, a slightly baggy pair of stone washed denim Girbaud jeans, a black Nike sweatband across his forehead, and a pair of Versace Aviator Shades.  Behind him, is the traditional black poster containing the “Defiance” logo across it.

 

The senior member of HNB addresses the audience.

 

Ty Walker:

For those of y’all out there that like weird shit like car crashes, or violence for violence sake, the world famous HNmuhfuckin’B is fittin’ to give y’all a feast for your eyes.  We gon’ put that gold ‘round our waists that the Philosopher Kings currently have.

 

Walker, with his hands makes the belt motion around his waist.

 

Ty Walker:

I can hear our agent and all them other cats up in Defiance’ offices talkin’ ‘bout, “Damn Ty you just ruined the ending for the match.  Why is anybody gonna tune in and watch now?”  Well, aside from the other matches happenin’ that night, like I done told y’all already; this match is for the people that like watchin’ car crashes and violence and shit.  With those, you already know the endin’ but the fun is in watchin’ it happen.

 

His eyes cast up and to the right as if he were trying to make another connection.   After a smile and a slight nod, he’s back on track.

 

Ty Walker:

There you go.  For all y’all ladies out there, it’s like when you watched Titanic.  I mean err’body knows what gon’ happen when you buy your ticket to see that shit, but y’all sat there for three hours knowin’ that damn boat was gonna sink.  The story is everything that lead up to the inevitable.  And that’s exactly what makes our match interestin’, the lead up to the inevitable.  The pain, the beatin’ the Philosopher Kings is gonna go through before they cough them belts up to us.

 

With a gleam in his eyes, Ty grinds his right hand into the palm of his left hand.

 

Ty Walker:

If y’all at home are keeping score, the HNmuhfuckin’B has made an Olympic sport outta beatin’ the ever lovin’ shit outta the Philosopher Kings.  Look at what I did to Dante, look at how my cousin wild out on their big man, and even though the other Matthews got lucky against my man Ryan, look at how Ryan smacked that fool up, somethin’ fierce.

 

Walker’s right hand began smacking his left palm repeatedly, like a repetitious and violent stroke from a paintbrush.  When he stopped he continued speaking.

 

Ty Walker:

Philosopher so-called Kings, all eyes are gonna be on us at the Grindhouse.  The question ain’t gon’ be can the HNmuhfuckin’B beat y’all; it’s what in the fuck are they gonna do to y’all this time when they step in the ring with y’all?  Philosophically speakin’ when a bone breaks does it still make a sound with a capacity crowd cheerin’ us on?  I mean we got our plans and shit, but you know us, sometimes we like to go and improvise shit, nah’mean?  Like muhfuckas expect us to paint the Mona Lisa, and we leave muhfuckas lookin’ like a fuckin’ Picasso, ya dig?  

 

Cue in Ty Walker’s winning Kool-Aid smile

 

Ty Walker:

And just like a Picasso we gon’ leave y’all lookin’ all unorthodox and difficult to figure out, and just like the Titanic y’all fans are gonna go down with the ship.  While their hearts may go on, our fans are gonna be able to stand up and cheer.  When they see the mess we done made of y’all in that ring, they’ll be able to wipe a tear out their eye and say…

 

Ty wipes away an imaginary tear

 

Ty Walker: (choked up)

...That’s shit’s beautiful right there, man.  That’s art.

 

The Kool-Aid smile returns.

 

Ty Walker:

Hashtag new champs, mah nigga.


 

[_+_]


 

Earlier that morning.

Ty was snoring loudly, his body spent from last night’s grueling workout.  It’s been awhile since he competed at such a high level, and surprise, surprise his stamina is as good as ever.  Recovery is essential; the louder he snores, the better his body feels.

”Rock star lifestyle, might don't make it...Livin life high, everyday clique wasted...Sippin on purple stuff, rollin up stanky...Wake up in the mornin, ten o'clock drankin…”

Gucci Mane interrupts a beautiful slumber.

 

Again.

 

Ty turns over to his right side.  “Kimiko baby, gimme my phone.”  

Dutifully she sits up and feels around for the phone but it’s nowhere near them.

“There’s no phone over here Ty.”  She said getting back under the covers.

”....Party, party, party let’s all get wasted...Shake it for me baby girl, do it butt naked...I’m so wasted, she so wasted…”

Ty turned over to his left side.  “Asuka, get me my phone, please.”

Asuka sat up and has a different result: she finds the phone.  She stopped Gucci Mane’s song, to answer it.  “Hello?”

“Bitch I ain’t tell you to answer the f&#%in’ phone, I said get it for me.”  Ty snapped awake in his bed, he put the phone on speaker.  “Who the f&#% is this?!”

“Watch your tone with me Tyrone Walker Allen!!”

“Mom...mom--I’m sorry I ain’t know it was you.”  Ty facepalmed himself, taking the phone off speaker.  “Naw, naw they just the cleaning ladies, I ain’t sleepin’ with them like that.”

Tyrone got out of his bed to let the two ladies sleep.

“Yeah I’m still goin’ to church, ma.”  The HNB President stepped into the living room of the palatial hotel suite they all shared.  He put the phone back on speaker as he laid it on the counter.  “What’s good?”

“You know we down here in Virginia at the family reunion, right?”  Mrs. Allen began.  “I know you didn’t forget.  So what time can we expect to see y’all.”

“F&#%!!!”  Ty whispered.  “Um...we’ll be there sometime tomorrow.  We still workin’ ma.”

“Look at my boy, all hard at work.”  Her smile permeated through the phone.  “Well hold on, your Aunt Darcell wants to speak to Sam.”

“Hey Ty, where’s my son at?”  Darcell asked.

“Hold on Aunt D.”  Ty brought the phone to Sam’s room, knocking on the door.  “Hey big-head, your mom’s on the phone for you.”

There was no response, so Ty walked in to see Sam’s bed folded nice and neat.  He rolled his eyes before going back into his bedroom to put on a pair of black basketball shorts and a white wifebeater.  He stepped into his flip flops and went to Ryan’s room which was already cracked open after seeing nobody there, either, Tyrone speaks back into the phone.

“Sam nor Ryan is in here Aunt D.”  Ty said.  “They probably downstairs workin’ out.”

“Well go get’em, boy.”  She said.

“Come on now, auntie.  I don’t feel like--”

“Do I really gotta put your mom back on the phone, Ty?”  Darcell threatened.  “Go get my boy.”

Ty rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, aight Auntie.  Just remember this when you goin’ Christmas shoppin’.”

“I will, baby.  Now get ‘em for me.”

 

[_+_]


 

The Next Day--Family Reunion.

 

Virginia.

The fall brings with it, perfect temperatures which the Allen family reasonably takes advantage of.  Having a big family like they do the family reunion takes place in a park by Virginia Beach.  Footing the bill, Sam had arranged for them to arrive loud and proud via a stretch Hummer.  They pulled up to the gathering to enter the festivities.

“Jet laggin’ like a muthaf&#%a”  Ty said reaching for the door handle.

Sam’s hand stopped him.  Jeanie rolled her eyes.

“Come on, now cuz.  We large and in charge, and we reek of money.”  Sam nodded with a grin.  “We can’t just get out.  We have to make an entrance.”

Ryan sucked his teeth, as Sam handed the driver his Samsung Galaxy.  

“S’already there, bruh, just push play.”  

“He initially wanted pyro.”  Jeanie told Ryan.  “I barely talked him out of that.”

The door swung open as Wacka Flocka Flame’s “Hard in the Paint” completed it’s opening chords over the music at the reunion.  Ty stepped out along with Ryan; Sam darted out the Hummer as if he were shot out of a cannon, the jet lag having no serious effects on him.  Charged by his energy the family gathered around Sam, Tyrone, Ryan and Jeanie with Sam dancing in the middle.

“Good to see you, boy.”  Mrs. Allen gave a long hung to Tyrone.  She hugged Sam and Ryan too.  “Is that Elizabeth over there?  Come on over here and give me a hug, girl.”

Elizabeth is Jeanie’s birth name.  Elizabeth Jeannine Riviera.  Sam has called her Jeanie since they were little kids.  It kinda stuck.

“You done got so pretty.”  Mrs. Allen said.  “Y’all go on and see your dad by the grill, now Ty.  And your uncle Jeff’s been drinkin’ that Easy Jeezy of his just to let y’all know.”

After the pleasantries were exchanged, Tyrone, Ryan, Sam and Jeanie all sat down to partake in some of the best barbecue they’ve ever had.  Even better considering that they’ve been in Japan for the past few weeks and have been aching for home cooked food.  Uncle Jeff meanwhile continued his Easy Jeezy induced drunk-dancing with no dance partner.

“I’ma--I’ma show y’all how to ‘dis here.”  Jeff said as he squat down low and placed his hands on knees.  “Dis--dis right here is how you--uhhh--how y’all y-youngins call it...twerkin’?  Dis is how y-you twerk.”

Uncle Jeff--God bless him--commenced “twerkin” while the family let out a collective groan, as this was going to be the start of a long night full of Uncle Jeff’s antics.

“That ain’t nothin’ Uncle Jeff…”  Sam called out.

“Sam don’t encourage him, please.”  Darcell--Mrs. Horry called out.  “Least of all, don’t you go out there twerkin’ I’ve seen that stuff on the Youtubes.”

“Me twerk?  You wildin’, mom.”  Sam dismissed her.  He turned his attention back to Jeff.  “Jeanie got that work for you right here, dawg.”

“Oh, HALE no--*(insert angry sounding spanish words here)*!”  Jeanie called out.  

“Language, Jeanie; my mom’s sittin’ right here.”  Sam looked at Jeanie in her form fitting beige one piece DKNY skirt.  “Besides your twerk is a monster.  Show ‘em how you drop that Thun Thun Thun.”

“I’m gonna kill your cousin, Ty.”  She growled.

“Well, he does have a point, you know.”   Ty shrugged his shoulders.  “You have my permission, Jeanie.  Drop that thun thun thun.”

“I second that.”  Ryan chimed in.  “Thun’s--especially thun’s like yours were made to be dropped.”

With the rest of the family’s encouragement, Jeanie stood up shaking her head with a slight grin.  However, before she could get her twerk going, the distinct sound of a 9mm pistol was heard.  Scared, the members of the Allen family all got down on the ground.

 

Except for Uncle Jeff who continued his drunk twerking.

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen I apologize for the intrusion, I promise I’ll be brief.”  The voice shouted out with a heavy Mexican accent..  “We are not here to hurt you in any way, we’ve merely come to collect on a bounty.”

“Bounty?”  Ty repeated with a whisper.

“If you could just hand us Sam Horry we will be on our way.”  The voice called out again.

“S-Sam?!”  Ty eyes grew wide.  “Nigga, they shootin’ up the family reunion because of you?!”

Sam looked towards Jeanie, “I told you somebody was following us.”

“That nigga’s right over here!”  Ty yelled out with Sam, Sam’s mom and Ty’s parents looking on with their mouths wide open.  “Nah, I’m tired of him always gettin’ us into some shit.  Yo, he over here, mang!  Get this fool!”

Ryan’s face was perplexed.  “You don’t recognize that voice, Sam?

“Nah I couldn’t place it over the immediate feelings of shock, and threat of my impending abduction, Ry.”  Sam rolled his eyes.

Ryan peered over the table to get confirm his suspicious.

“Everybody calm down, nobody’s going anywhere.”  Ryan said with an annoyed shake of his head.  “Just prepare yourselves to throw down.”

Ryan cracked his knuckles.



“We know who they are Sam, and this has been a long time coming.”

 

TBC....



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