Title: We Interupt this Broadcast...
Featuring: Dusty Griffith
Date: The Eve of Executive Decision
Location: Jacksonville, Florida

The following broadcast has been brought to you by DEFIA…

*RECORD SCRATCH!*

TEE DEE ARRRRGH!

*MANIACAL LAUGHTER ENSUES!*

[A Jolly Roger logo wearing a pair of studio headphones, with the crossbones being made up of a pair of microphones materializes on your screen.]

*STATIC!*

[5] *BEEP!

[4] *BEEP!

[3] *BEEP!

[2] *BEEP!

[1] *BEEP!

 *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

[Flatline.]

FEAR… DOES NOT EXIST… IN THIS… DOJOOOO!

PUT ‘EM INNA BODYBAG!

TEE DEE ARGH… SIX SIX SIX… PIRATE RADIO!

[Karate High School’s “Sweep the Leg” plays us in as the return of the infamous Team Danger podcast returns to the pro wrestling medium for the first time in almost a decade.]

[The video fades and we get a shot of Tyrone Walker, Dusty Griffith, and even the Ol’ King of Pain his-damn-self, Stephen Greer is in play here. The three of them are seated around a round table, each wearing a pair of studio headphones with a mic set in front of them. Ty has a tablet in his hands, Greer has a bunch of action figures in front of him. Dusty is leaned back, arms crossed over his chest and chilling, ready for the show.]

[Dusty is in a black tee shirt representing Sriracha HOT Chili Sauce, he’s also got a big bottle of Barq’s Root Beer in front of him. Ty is in a wife beater and actually has a huge bowl of Captain Crunch, because that’s a grown ass man’s goddamn cereal, ya dig. Greer is in a vintage Gordie Howe Red Wings Home Jersey and has a 2-liter bottle of Rock & Rye Faygo.]

[The walls of the studio are plastered with posters representing everything from Marvel characters, the Hatchetman, Taco Bell, random video games, and that’s just the parts of the decor that we can see through the explosion of Christmas themed paraphernalia. including so many of those Elf on a Shelf figures worshipping the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster.]

[#ReverendBenHalkum.]

WALKER:
ZooooooooooooooooMAIgush, nigga, we’s back in teh prorasslin whurled.

GREER:
Well, you are, I’m still protesting Dee’s barbaric catering rules.

WALKER:
Hah, yeah. But ol’ Eduardo Caucasian is runnin’ things, so you might have a shot at gettin’ back in the door.

GREER:
Naaaaah, I’m good watching you fail your way to the middle, while succeeding to nowhere.

THAT’S BRISK BAY-BEE!

WALKER:
Daaaaaaaag, that’s col’ brotha. So anyway, please forgive us an’ shizz, you know how it is. I am Tyrone Walker and this neon white brotha from anotha mutha to my left side is my homiest of homies, Stephen Greer, the big angry hampster formerly of pro wrestling infamy.

GREER:
And for once we’re doing this and James is the one writing all of it instead of Real Me. About time too.

SFX: F-FO-FOU-FOURTH WALL BREEEAAAKER!

*CRRRUUUNNNCCCH!*

WALKER:
Aaah man, remember those times when Real You would write like niney percent of those WWA World Tag Team Title winning roleplays. Good times, mang, goooood times.

GREER:
Yeah, because Real You, and can I just address the fact that Real You is a fat white guy from Wisconsin… At least Real Me had uhm some kind of uh, I was going to say imagination, but…

WALKER:
C’mon, everyone wants to be a big black brotha with the biggest of biggins.

[Dusty Griffith clears his throat, though entirely amused by the hosts of the show, as can be told by the grin on his face.]

GRIFFITH: [chuckling]
Goddamn, you guys…

[Ty and the KoP look to Dusty, the proverbial light bulbs go on over their heads, suddenly remembering the point of this whole, great, big shindizzle.]

[For now.]

WALKER:
Ooooh right, DUSTY GRIFFITH IS HERE!

SFX: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

*SOUNDS OF HORNS AND WHISTLES AND CHEERING CROWDS!*

GREER:
So were here, but why are we here, more specifically why am I here?

WALKER:
‘Cause it’s not TDR without the two of us?

GREER:
Makes sense. Moving along! We got Mister White Bread Rassleman here, taking up all of the serious business in the room so that we don’t have to weighed down by it.

WALKER:
He means you, Dust.

GRIFFITH:
Figured.

GREER:
So really, why are we here?

WALKER:
Because DEFIANCE wanted to do some special interview deal with our boy here, y’know get Lance Warner all preppied up and ask him a whole buncha questions about shit like, HOW DO YOU FEEL! I mean, it’s a valid question, but who wants to hear an answer to that?

GREER:
Not me, I want to know about the real stuff… Like, when Lindsay Troy is in the shower, does her wet nakedness cause rainbows… You know, in the shower?

WALKER:
How in TEH HAAALE would he know that? I don’t even know about all that… But, that is tooooootally a great question… You’re the Champ, Big Dust, you gots ta have the knowledge on that, right?

[Ty and the KoP turn to Dusty for the answer, he leans back in his chair, eyes widening as his face asks the question “uh, seriously?”. The moment gets impregnated, comes to term and births that sucker, Alien chest burster style.]

WALKER & GREER:
Well?

WALKER:
And no, saying “ask Tyler Rayne” is NOT an acceptable answer on…

GREER:
AWKWARD FIRST QUESTION OF THE SHOW!

*JEOPARDY THEME!*

WALKER:
We’re waaaaaitiiiiiiiiiing!

GRIFFITH:
Uuuuuuh… It… does?

[He totally has no idea, but the pressure was on and he had to come up with an answer. Keep in mind, these two once auditioned an agent with a question of: If Optimus Prime and Jesus Christ got into a fight, who would win… Yes, they were completely serious, and his potential employment was at stake based on his answer. For the record, the answer is Optimus Prime and Sonny Juno has been their agent for about ten years.]

GREER:
Whoah, I might have to come back.

WALKER:
I totally knew that it was true.

GREER:
Okay, nevermind, the moment passed, I’m still retired.

[Jimbo the “radio guy,” really the sound tech who makes sure this rolling deathship of an audio, sometime video fiasco goes off without a hitch, throws up the MOVE IT ALONG, DUMMY! sign.]

WALKER:
A’ight, so anyway! Big Dust, uh… How’re you feelin, dude? Y’know, goin’ into a match wit’ my homie Dee an’ all’a that?

GREER:
So after saying you didn’t want to ask lame questions, you start by asking lame questions?

WALKER:
Not so, Friendo Palrissian, you asked about Lindsay Troy makin’ rainbows during sexy time, so I had to follow up with something and…

GREER:
Completely choked? Gotcha. So anyway…

GRIFFITH:
Doing good, guys, how’re you boys doing?

WALKER:
Whoah, whoah, slow down on the boys around here.

GREER:
Well, I mean, you are black…

WALKER:
True nuff, I’m awesome, he sucks, you’re here, so it’s all good.

[Moving along! Ty starts fiddling with a tablet, potentially looking for questions from the many realms of social media.]

GREER:
So anyway, outside of Dane, since you’re going to be working him soon, is there anyone you really want to get in the ring with?

GRIFFITH:
Sure. He’s not currently in DEFIANCE though, but he did promise me a reckoning and I’m still waiting on that to happen.

SFX: BOYO!

WALKER:
That sounded curiously like Bronson Box.

GREER:
Did it? I didn’t even notice, but you’re probably right.

WALKER:
So how about some mothafuckas in DEFIANCE then? I mean, you an’ the Ol’ Egobuster have been pretending to fight for a while, but ain’t shit happened wit’ it yet.

GRIFFITH:
It’s going to happen, I don’t know when, but there’s no stopping it now. I’m guessing White puts that in front of me after this show is over… Assuming I win, that is.

GREER:
Here’s how you beat Dane… Just go for the knees, they’re garbage at this point, easy pickings.

WALKER:
Maaaaaaaaaan, niggas been sayin’ that for years, an’ ain’t one of ‘em ever, ever made that shit work against Dane.

GREER:
Yeah, because I haven’t been around to do it.

WALKER:
Suuuuurrrrrrrrre, you two’ve been talkin’ ‘bout doin’ that big fight an’ ain’t neither’a ya’s done more than pretend to think about that shit.

[Ty scrolls some more, then stops on a question.]

WALKER:
A’ight, whatever man, here you ask him this one, since you’re all’a ‘bout the MMA an’ shit.

[Walker shows his co-host the tablet.]

GREER:
Which one…

WALKER:
This one, right here… I’m pointing right at it.

GREER:
Ooooh, right, right… So this guy, CrunkVanCrunk on our Twitter wants to know why you haven’t taken on any MMA fights here in the States?

WALKER:
Wasn’t he fired? Crank, I mean.

GREER:
How would I know? I don’t even know what or who you’re talking about.

WALKER:
Eeeh, whatever… So the MMA stuff, Dust, most everybody knows you done did some fights over in Japan, so why not make the jump over here in…

SFX: MUURRRRCAAAAH, FUCK YEAH!

SFX: USA! USA! USA!

GRIFFITH:
The short answer is that I love what I’m doing.

GREER:
Damn right, you got the gold, dude. Big money, bigger rats, the whole nine.

GRIFFITH:
Well yeah, there is that. Bottom line, I like MMA, but I love pro wrestling. With or without the belt, I’ll always be a pro wrestling guy first.

GREER: [nodding appreciatively like an “old timer”]
Right, right... Hey, gimme that…

WALKER:
What, fucker, it’s my turn!

[Greer reaches over and snatches the tablet.]

GREER:
Not so, your turn was the MMA question. Just because you tagged me in to win the match for you, doesn’t mean it’s your turn.

WALKER:
Fine!

GREER:
Fine, good… So…

[He scrolls, aimlessly. So many concussions.]

SFX: PRO WRESTLING -- DON’T TRY IT AT HOME!

WALKER:
Jaaaaaaaaaaay-zuss, give it!

GREER:
NO! I got the question… I GOT THE QUESTION! AAAHHHHCCCCKKK!

[They struggle over the tablet, Dusty watches the “battle” play out in front of him, he seriously questions how these two managed to become two of the all-time bests in the sport. He does it with a grin and a chuckle, but he questions them none the less. In any case, Greer wins.]

GREER:
Bad negro, MINE!

WALKER:
Yeeeaaah, whatever, nigga, ask yo’ gotdamn question.

GREER:
That’s right, go pout because the white man shows his superiority once again, WHOOOO!... [ahem] Anyway, so what were we doing again, oh right… Questions, questions, hmmm… Okay, WrestleGirl wants to know that with the lack of females in DEFIANCE currently, if you’ll ever defend the title against Lindsay Troy or Mary Lynn Maywhoever DEFIANCE?

WALKER:
It’s Mayweather and you just want to talk about Lindz again.

GREER:
First, I have no clue who that one is and the other is not entirely inaccurate… So yeah, will you go all Title Nine with it or tell them bitches to get out of the man’s ring?

GRIFFITH:
If they want a crack at taking it from me, all they have to do is ask for a time and place, and I’ll show up with this.

[He says as he puts his hands on the top edges of the faceplate of the championship.]

GREER:
Really?

GRIFFITH:
Sure, why not?

WALKER:
I think he figures because you’d be all against havin’ to smack a bitch, you know how it is.

GRIFFITH:
Hey man, like I said, if they want to get in the ring with me, I’ll do what I have to do. And that goes for anyone who wants to be the king.

WALKER:
Daaaaaaaayumn, Mayberry puttin’ it down like a gotdamn BAWS.

GREER:
That’s right, make ‘em all your bitches. That’s how we did it.

WALKER:
You goddamned right we did.

[A lull emerges.]

WALKER:
So anyway, Eric Dane. This is a huge a fight for you, mang, isn’t he the biggest name you’ve ever had to work, right?

GRIFFITH:
Absolutely. America or Japan, either or, Dane’s the highest profile guy I’ve ever had a match with.

GREER:
Yeah because Diablows is definitely the biggest otherwise, right?

GRIFFITH:
Yep. Definitely the biggest piece of humanity I’ve ever had to try and lug around a ring for fifteen minutes.

WALKER:
Ooooh schnap, son, I think he just called Mandrake a fat, slow, dumpster fire.

GREER:
That’s what I heard and he would be right about that!

[For the record, Victor Mandrake was not terrible, Team Danger are just assholes.]

WALKER:
So back to people who don’t suck.

GREER:
Clearly we’re not talking about Dane then… So let’s talk more about Li…

WALKER:
Enough about your latest crushes that you’ll forget about a day later. Aside from the title, give me a reason why this match is important?

GRIFFITH:
Easy. Whether he says it or not, he doesn’t believe anyone can lead DEFIANCE except him. I want to prove to him that, not only can I do it, that I can make him believe it as fact.

GREER:
Why not let him do it? You can be the Champ, his champion, you know? The two of you rolling together, dominating the enemy with the rest of the DEFIANCE crew.

[Griffith’s eyes squint as looks at Greer, while also sucking his teeth.]

GRIFFITH:
Because he doesn’t think, or maybe he doesn’t trust that I can do it. You know? And really, I didn’t get all the way back to the top, just for the mountain to collapse into a pile of dirt now that I’m here. If I have to brutalize him to prove it, as crazy and barbaric as that is, just to earn his trust, then that’s what I’m going to do. Because I have to.

[Greer and Walker sit back, nodding. They look to each other, each allowing a smile to curl up as a knowing look transmits the message “the kid gets it” between them.]

WALKER:
Well goddamn, Dust, that’s some heavy shit right there, nigga.

GREER:
And I think we can call it a wrap right there.

WALKER:
Fo’sho. Aye, Dust, thanks for doin’ the show, mang…

GRIFFITH:
Absolutely.

WALKER:
Anytime you wanna do it again, hit us up… Anyway, Stevie, you were here, so good job, I think… And I’m your’s truly, MERRY MUDDA FUGGIN CHRISTMAS, Y’AAAAAAALLLL!

TEE DEE ARRRRRRRGH!

[Sweep the Leg plays us out.]

[GOOOOOOOOD NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT NAAAAAAOOOOOOW!]

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