Title: Intimate War Stories
Featuring: Tyrone Walker
Date: After DEFtv #47
Location: The Skybox

An hour or so after DEFtv #47 goes off the air.


[With the show coming to a close, we find Ty doing what he’s usually doing… No, not Kelly, perverts… In fact, he’s not even in the office, as he’s set around some crates and hanging around with a few of the ring crew guys. They’re shooting the breeze, while Ty does what he does best, regaling his flock with stories of Team Danger past.]

Tyrone Walker:
...and this fool was tryna start some shit wit’ me an’ Stevie at the Spearmint Rhino, but he didn’t know who the fuck he was messin’ wit’. You wouldn’t think the KoP could pull some straight Matrix level kung fu, ‘cuz that nigga so big an’ rocked up that he usually jus’ takes the punch an’ be all like “Yeah, so?”

[He has his children in the palm of his hand, like they were the Dinobots listening to one of Kup’s old ass Autobot war stories.]

Tyrone Walker:
But lemme tell y’all, that night was not such a night, ‘cuz my boy had somethin’ special for his ass. So this nigga threw his punch so gotdamn hard, he looked like he was comin’ out his shoes, an’ if it had landed, Stevie’s ass would have been sent straight to another dimension wit’ no chance of a babyface comeback.

[Ty gets up to demonstrate the punch in question. It’s a wide, looping punch, that he does in slow motion.]

Tyrone Walker:
But Stevie got his ass wit’ some dodge game so deluxe that even I couldn’t believe it happened. He made this nigga look like his punch was buffering.

Ring Crew Guy:
So what happened?

Tyrone Walker:
Wha’chu think happen, nigga? Stevie hit his ass wit’ a gotdamn ULTRA COMBO! When this nigga turnt back aroun’ to locate my boy, Stevie dropped the most FIRE mixtape on his ass wit’ a HELLFIRE LARIAT. It was like a slow motion scene, errybody in the joint stopped to see this nigga lose his life.

[Ty mimics the KoP’s infamous Hellfire Lariat, the strongest bastard of a lariat in the business. Then pulls a David Ortiz styling after a homerun before taking his seat on one of the crates.]

Tyrone Walker:
So the moral of the story. Don’t fuck wit’ Team Danger, it’ll save yo life. If yo woman decides she’s goin’ wit’ us? Bruh, you gotta save yourself, ain’t no pussy worth the asswhoopin’ an’ embarrassment that nigga had to endure.

[Everyone laughs and claps and adds their own two cents amongst each other. Ty looks at his watch, seeing the time he pops himself off the crate.]

Tyrone Walker:
A’ight y’all, I’ll holla.

[It’s all head nods, hand slaps and guesses about where he’s off to, with plenty of references to “executive meetings”. Ty smiles and shrugs, saying “a nigga gotta hol’ it down, you know how I do.”]



[A short time later.]


[Ty barges in like he owns the place, finding Kelly leaned over the front of her desk like a General surveying battle plans, except her uniform is a pair of hip hugging black (with silver) pinstripe slacks, a pair of silver Manolo heels, and a cropped, shiny, black metallic halter top.]

Tyrone Walker:

[Kelly doesn’t look away from what she’s doing.]

Kelly Evans:

Tyrone Walker:
You ready to get the hale outta here?

[He says on his approach, before sliding his hands over her hips, causing her to purr in response to his touch. Turning into him with a smile, she gives him a soft kiss.]

Kelly Evans:
Just a few last minute things, but I can handle them tomorrow.

Tyrone Walker:
Nah, go ‘head an’ handle business first.

Kelly Evans:
You sure?

Tyrone Walker:
Boss first, us after, dig?

[She nods, a little sparkle brightens her eyes with the word “us”. Placing a palm over his heart, she looks up into his eyes.]

Kelly Evans:
So we’re an “us” now?

[Her voice jests with her tone, while teasing with a poke against his chest. Ty almost blushes as he tries to play it off.]

Tyrone Walker:
Yeah well, y’know…

Kelly Evans: [teasing]
Aww, the big, scary, black man loves meee…

[Kelly giggles and hugs Ty tightly. Meanwhile and unbeknownst to them, the door had opened minutes ago, and there stood Angus Skaaland. Standing there speechless after this display, he sports a disgusted look on his face, almost like he just walked in on his grandparents fucking.]

Angus Skaaland:
Aww man, fuck this bullshit, I’m out...

[Finally noticing him, they both turn their heads as he rolls his eyes and walks back out the door. The two of them separate as fits of laughter overcome them.]

[Ah, good times. Old war stories that bring laughter to the masses. Inadvertently traumatizing your homie with intimately sappy moments. Good times, indeed.]


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