Title: Bangers, Pinky Bars and Spinners
Featuring: Oscar Burns
Date: 08/22/17
Location: Guerilla Position - (moments after Burns/Diggs match)


The camera opens up and catches up with Christie Zane as she walks with a rapid pace towards the guerilla position, microphone in hand.

Christie Zane:
Hi, everybody! I’m Chrstie Zane and we’re about to have a word with the winner of the one-sided DQ match between Oscar Burns and Danny Diggs! Oh! Oscar!

Coming through the curtains looking winded and with a yellow towel draped over his shoulders is the colorful Oscar Burns, fresh off a brutal match with rival Danny Diggs. Burns lets out a relieved sigh as he passes the curtains.

Oscar Burns:
Oh, hello, GC! [huffing] What can.. What can I do for you?

Christie Zane:
You just had a fight with Danny Diggs out there and it got NASTY! What was it like being in a weird match like that?

Burns sighs and lets out a cheeky grin.

Oscar Burns:
Gotta hand it to Danny… he went flat-out tonight! I had to keep my head on a swivel, Christie! I had to follow the rules and Danny… well, rules and him go together like bangers and pinky bars.

Christie Zane:

She is clearly not familiar with the New Zealander slang for sausage or chocolate-covered marshmallows (who is, honestly, outside of that part of the world?) so Oscar moves on.

Oscar Burns:
Nevermind. He was feeling extra stroppy tonight. Came at me with chairs, smackin’ my noggin here and there and all about, tried to drag me out of the ring and win by count-out again. Label him BRAZEN or DEFIANCE, but the bottom line is Danny gave me a run, for sure. I let him get under my skin for too long, Christie. But tonight when it counted... I kept my cool, I didn’t spit the dummy and I won! I’m chuffed, can’t you tell?

Christie Zane:
Oh, yeah!

Zane continues nodding - not entirely sure what he’s saying, but the intention is clear enough for even Christie to pick up on.

Christie Zane:
Well, one question then… what’s next for Oscar Burns?

Oscar Burns:
Yeah nah bro. Right now, I just gotta ice myself down, but after tonight? I’m gonna continue workin’ my way up the ladder, suss out greater competition, then slappin’ an armbar, legbar, kneebar, any kind of bar or lock on it. Hit em’ with a Crackbackamajig, Sweet As Knee Drop then The Graps of Wrath and Bob’s Your Uncle!

Christie Zane:
No, his name’s Chad, not Bob?

Oscar Burns:

Christie Zane:
My uncle. His name is Chad.

Burns shakes his head and pats her on the shoulder.

Oscar Burns:
I’d love to keep talkin’ family with you, love, but I gotta ice my back down. Cheers!

Christie Zane:
Well, uh… thank you for the words, Oscar.

With that sign-off Christie walks off while Oscar shakes his head.

Oscar Burns:
Bit of a spinner, that one.

More Propaganda | View Oscar Burns's Biography



"Look at the size of this freakin' house. That's right. As Joe the Plumber alluded to, I have a bazillion homes, each at least two hundred square miles in area. This is one such home. Remember that part of the book of Revelation in the Bible when John gave the dimensions of the city in heaven and described it in miles of length, the walls in miles of height and so on? It might as well have been a studio apartment compared to this. My home has mile markers. That's what I'm sayin', here. I'm not FROM Texas. Texas is inside my house. It's that big. Right now, I'm sitting on a couch in one of two-hundred fifty living areas in this one house alone. Just outside the window is my swimming pool, the Gulf of Mexico. I pay thirty Mexicans to lift my dick for me when I pee."

- Dan Ryan


1. Mikey Unlikely
2. Crimson Lord
3. Kendrix
4. THE Jay Harvey
5. Dan Ryan



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