DEFtv 160 Exclusive - Hours After The Show

Walking backstage in what’s pretty much an all-tiger-striped outfit at this point, the scene opens up a very confident, a very arrogant and a very douchy-looking Alvaro de Vargas, tipping what is basically a tiger-striped pimp hat (with an orange feather) to the camera. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Hola, pendejos. Mi nombre es Álvaro de Vargas and along with the snowflake, Malak Garland, we won our main event on DEFtv 160! We beat El irigible pirata Henry Keyes y su mamá Lindsay Troy because we could. 

He beats his fist on his chest. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
El Tigre Cubano! El Sol Dorado! El Nuevo Rey del Karaoke! I can sing way more than “Wonderwall,” pendejos! 

The smiling is sickening at this point. One might end up with diabetes just watching this. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Now… Henry Keyes… tormenting you, beating you, stomping you into the ground, buying your little tigre out from under you… that’s been some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time. You stuck your nose in business with Conor Fuse where it didn’t belong. And because of that, I’ve made it MY business to torture you. And I even pinned you tonight, pendejo. You think we’d be done, eh? Oh, no, no hemos terminado, dirigible pirata! We are done when *I* say we are done! 

He points to the door of DEFIANCE’s matchmakers behind him. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
I wanted to let you know, man to man… Lo siento. I mean man-who-owns-a-tiger to man-who-used-to-own-a-tiger… I want to embarrass you, Keyes! I hate everything about you. Todo! Your stupid little mierda handshakes! Your stupid googles! All of it! So I’ll tell you what, Keyes. Since I beat you already once and I KNOW I can beat you again, pendejo… Senor Morrow is negotiating a match for Acts of DEFIANCE! “El Sol Dorado” Alvaro de Vargas! Henry Keyes! One on one! I’ll even sweeten the pot! If you win… y eso es un gran si, pendejo… I’ll send Helen back and I will even shake your hand. 

He waves again. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Don’t say I’m not a generous man, Keyes. Your tiger knows how GRRRRRREEEEEEEAAATTTTT I am, too. So you can either take this match and I embarrass you again on pay-per-view and OnDemand! OR you can do the smart thing, meter la cola entre las piernas and leave. Sounds like a difficult choice, pendejo. You know how I figure out things like that, Henry?

He starts to walk off… 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe…  catch a Helen by her toe...

More Propaganda | View Alvaro de Vargas's Biography