Title: Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe
Featuring: Alvaro de Vargas
Date: 9/30/21
Location: DEFIANCE offices

DEFtv 160 Exclusive - Hours After The Show

Walking backstage in what’s pretty much an all-tiger-striped outfit at this point, the scene opens up a very confident, a very arrogant and a very douchy-looking Alvaro de Vargas, tipping what is basically a tiger-striped pimp hat (with an orange feather) to the camera. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Hola, pendejos. Mi nombre es Álvaro de Vargas and along with the snowflake, Malak Garland, we won our main event on DEFtv 160! We beat El irigible pirata Henry Keyes y su mamá Lindsay Troy because we could. 

He beats his fist on his chest. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
El Tigre Cubano! El Sol Dorado! El Nuevo Rey del Karaoke! I can sing way more than “Wonderwall,” pendejos! 

The smiling is sickening at this point. One might end up with diabetes just watching this. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Now… Henry Keyes… tormenting you, beating you, stomping you into the ground, buying your little tigre out from under you… that’s been some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time. You stuck your nose in business with Conor Fuse where it didn’t belong. And because of that, I’ve made it MY business to torture you. And I even pinned you tonight, pendejo. You think we’d be done, eh? Oh, no, no hemos terminado, dirigible pirata! We are done when *I* say we are done! 

He points to the door of DEFIANCE’s matchmakers behind him. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
I wanted to let you know, man to man… Lo siento. I mean man-who-owns-a-tiger to man-who-used-to-own-a-tiger… I want to embarrass you, Keyes! I hate everything about you. Todo! Your stupid little mierda handshakes! Your stupid googles! All of it! So I’ll tell you what, Keyes. Since I beat you already once and I KNOW I can beat you again, pendejo… Senor Morrow is negotiating a match for Acts of DEFIANCE! “El Sol Dorado” Alvaro de Vargas! Henry Keyes! One on one! I’ll even sweeten the pot! If you win… y eso es un gran si, pendejo… I’ll send Helen back and I will even shake your hand. 

He waves again. 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Don’t say I’m not a generous man, Keyes. Your tiger knows how GRRRRRREEEEEEEAAATTTTT I am, too. So you can either take this match and I embarrass you again on pay-per-view and OnDemand! OR you can do the smart thing, meter la cola entre las piernas and leave. Sounds like a difficult choice, pendejo. You know how I figure out things like that, Henry?

He starts to walk off… 

Alvaro de Vargas:
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe…  catch a Helen by her toe...

More Propaganda | View Alvaro de Vargas's Biography



"Ore wa champion ni narimasu… soshite, dare mo tomeru o koto wa dekinai. (trans. -- I will become champion... and no one will be able to stop me.)"

- Mushigihara




1. Gage Blackwood
2. Lindsay Troy
3. Henry Keyes
4. Deacon
5. Dex Joy


1. SNS
2. Los Tres Titanes
3. PCP
4. Lucky Sevens
5. Comments Section


1. Killjoy
2. Les Enfants Terribles
3. Declan Alexander
4. "Wingman" Titus Campbell
5. "One Shot" Jack Halcyon